Isn't this pretty?

I got attacked by a pizza box last night. Pizza Hut can be viscious!






We ordered pizza last night and as I was walking into the house with it, I turned a corner and hit part of the box on the wall, and jammed the sharp corner of the box straight into the inside of my upper arm. It hurt like a mo-fo and immediately started turning purple. I put some ice on it in hopes of it not getting too bad. It's black and blue, literally. And the exact length that a pizza box is high. LOL You can't tell just how ugly from the picture but trust me, it looks like the remnants of a violent crime.

Clearly fast food IS hazardous to your health.

Between that and my horrifically red sunburned face from the pool yesterday, which is ALL my sister's fault because she bullied me into staying out for two hours when I was ready to call it a day after 45 minutes....I am one attractive woman today.

I'm beating the boys off with a stick.

Ewwww....that didn't come out right.

Please join me in saying a prayer

For the people of Louisiana, as Gustav approaches today. Those people have been through too much with Katrina, and they should not have to endure another devastating hurricane.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone in the path of this storm. God bless.

Scenes from a shower.

Yesterday was Elizabeth's drunken bash with sex toys party wedding shower, and I do believe a good time was had by all.

Believe it or not, I remained sober throughout. WTF??

I was the designated Captain of the pontoon boat, seeing how I was the only one who could drive it...so I had to maintain decorum and keep my wits about me. What few I have left...

It was a lot of fun....

Here comes the bride with her first drink in hand:



Everybody needs to suck on something:



The Bachelorette Barge (yeah, we realized the flag was backwards right about the time this picture was taken):



One bride after 4 shots of tequila, with her peeps (what's with Nancy copping a feel there??)



Later in the evening, the neighbor boys came over to toast the bride with shots of Tuaca. No idea what Tuaca is, but it tasted pretty damn good!



Anyone up for a game?



I know she doesn't wear thongs normally, clearly we are going to have to explain the concept of them going *under* her shorts, not over.



Every marriage needs handcuffs and body paint. I'm just sayin.



Happy last single weekend, sweetie. This time next week, you'll be on your way to Aruba and I'll be singing "Another One Bites the Dust". Love you!

Wow, check out the email I got last night

This is a direct quote....and the funny thing is that I have no idea who sent this. They emailed me through my blog.

I have been reading your blog for awhile now, and most of the time I find you to be funny and entertaining. However, your post about John McCain and his "mistress" was completely uncalled for.

You are not a political analyst, or a politician yourself, and you have no business turning your blog into a personal platform to bash Republicans, or to make up lies about Senator McCain having affairs. Shame on you. His personal life has no reflection on his ability to lead our nation.

If you want to be an Obama supporter, do it quietly. The rest of the world could care less about your opinion.

Well...let me just respond in a very public manner.

Dear Reader: (I considered putting the actual email address here, but I wasn't sure if I could get in trouble for that or not!)

Thank you for reading, it makes me happy to know that people find me entertaining and fun. I enjoy writing it, and while I obviously do not know everyone who reads my blog, I am glad that so many do.

The key words in that previous sentence are...MY BLOG. And being my blog, I can write anything I damn well please in it. You, as my reader, have the choice to walk on by. If you see a post with a title that offends you, it is my suggestion that you simply do not read it.

Everyone who knows me in real life, knows that I am quite opinionated and I have no desire to hide it. Everyone has their personal feelings about the upcoming election, and I have chosen to share mine with my readers. You do not have to agree, you do not have to read it. But make no mistake, it is my 1st Amendment right to say it.

And I will.

So I will happily turn my blog into whatever political platform I choose. Deal with it.

And as for Senator McCain, it is well documented that he cheated on his first wife (who was paralyzed fron an accident at the time, no less) with current wife Cindy, and that he has had two affairs with staffers since he's been married to her. I'm not making this stuff up just to show him in a poor light. He has done just fine without my help in that regard. And based on his track record of having relationships with staff members, who's to say that he doesn't have his wandering eye on Mrs. Palin?

I have said before, and I will say again, if a man cannot be trusted to uphold his commitment and promises to one person, how on earth can he be trusted to do so to an entire nation???? So yes, dear Reader, his personal life DOES have bearing on his ability to lead our nation, in my opinion.

So...here's what I can tell you for sure today. As we get closer to this election, my blog will have political viewpoints on it. I welcome comments from everyone who reads it...good or bad...and I will gladly publish viewpoints other than my own. (Such as my friend Penny, who is probably reading these entries about McCain/Palin and screaming at her computer "Julie!!! Have I taught you nothing in 25 years of friendship???", because she supports the Republican platform and I clearly don't).

As for the rest of the world not caring about my opinion...clearly YOU do, or you would not have emailed me in the first place.

Sincerely,

Julie

Sarah "Palin Comparison To Hillary"

The more I thought about this last night, the more scared I got. I'm scared for the women of this country, and pray that they will follow their heads, and not vote for McCain/Palin JUST because one of the candidates has ovaries.

Especially when I read this morning that Mrs. Palin had a child in April who has Down's Syndrome and she's being hailed as brilliant and hardcore for not aborting when she knew the baby would be born with health issues.

Good God, I would not abort my child for that reason either, but that does not qualify me to be the leader of the free world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is so completely unqualified to be President....what on earth was John McCain thinking? His choice to choose someone who is so unprepared is shockingly irresponsible. To me, it calls into question his judgement, and makes his age and health even more central issues in this election!

I read a quote today that summed it up beautifully:

For months, the McCainiacs have said they will run on his judgment and experience. In his first presidential decision, John McCain has shown that he is willing to endanger his country, potentially leaving it in the hands of someone who simply has no business being a heartbeat away from the most powerful, complicated, difficult job in human history.

So I'm addressing my blog post today to all the women who read it, and I implore you to vote with your HEAD, not your uterus.

I want to see a woman President in my lifetime just like you do....but this is not the way to go about it. Sarah Palin is not Hillary Clinton. Not even close. Please, please do not confuse the two.

So McCain picked himself a new mistress... running mate

Ooops, did I say that outloud? Damn this "Infidelity Tourette's" problem I have now!!

I will give him credit....his advisors are leading him in the right direction.

Why not try to pick up the Hillary supporters who wanted a woman president, by getting a female VP and hoping to swing those votes his way? Because she will be a heartbeat away from the Presidency if he happened to get elected...and let's face it, dude isn't getting any younger!

If I was even remotely on the fence about who I would vote for, (and let's be honest, I was democratically feeling 80/20 but I was trying to keep an open mind) my decision has just been made for me. I was almost certain I could not bear another Republican in the White House and at least four more years of Bushstyle politics...now I have no doubt which way I'm leaning.

Funny, all Mr. McCain can do is harp on Mr. Obama's inexperience. Yet he selects a running mate with less than 2 years experience as a Governor, and previous experience as Mayor of a town of 9,000 people. Oh, and she's "just your average soccer mom from Alaska".

With all due respect to Mrs. Palin, as much as I'd love to see a woman President in my life time, she is not who I consider to be a good choice to lead this country. And being a heartbeat away from the Presidency, there's a damn good chance she could at some point. Frankly, I am not willing to take that chance.

Are you?

A relaxing day off....sorta.

Took today off to get some drunkfest wedding shower details taken care of. Which means I'm spending a good part of the day looking for sex toys and penis decorations. It sucks to be me. LOL

Getting my hair colored though! I'm excited. Going dark again. I've decided as much as I love being red, it doesn't really love me anymore. I was born with mousy brown hair. No highlights or tones in it, just flat brown. My oldest sister, who was a hairdresser at the time, frosted (yes, frosted! remember what that is?) my hair when I was 14. That pretty much started the coloring trend for me. At the ripe old age of 23, I met the woman who would turn out to be one of my closest friends and soulmates...Penny. She was this vivacious redhead, and I fell in love with her! Wanted to be her! She had this fabulous life, everybody loved her, and you couldn't help but be drawn to her. Thank God she has some sorta soulmatey thing with me too because we've been closerthanthis for a quarter of a century now.

So...because of her, I became a redhead as well. (Yep, I'm that co-dependent!) That was 25 years ago, and I've been some version of red ever since. It suited me. It works with my fair and freckled skin. I remember when I had Jordan, afterwards the nurse made a comment about how "natural redheads tend to bleed more after delivery" and I was like "Dude, you people were down there...you KNOW I'm not a natural redhead!" (Which explains the Ronald McDonald T-shirt that made me laugh so hard in an earlier post!)

Anyway...last winter my hairdresser steered me towards a darker color, almost coffee'ish, and I really liked it. It was that way for a couple of months and then I missed my red, so we went back towards an auburn'ish shade. But frankly, I don't feel it looks as good. I've seen pictures recently that make me go "Ugh". So I'm going dark again. Maybe put some dark red highlights in it....best of both worlds then right?

Thanks everyone for your prayers yesterday for my sister and her dog. Annabelle is in heaven now, and we are all sure she's hanging out with my Dad and my sister Linda, just having a good old time. (And if it's true that one is restored to health and vitality in heaven, then Anna is running in circles and barking alot, and has probably annoyed the crap out of Linda by now! haha)

Oh, and by the way, I thought Obama's speech was fabulous.

This will be a sad day for my sister.

My sister Patty has to put her dog Annabelle down today. Anna is 13, and she's not been in the best of health for a couple of years now (arthritis, hard for her to move, breathes like she's gasping and ready to keel over, etc.). But this week Patty found out Anna has some sort of tumor thing growing in her mouth and throat, and the vet said it was time to take her home, love on her for a few days, and let her go.

So today Patty is taking her back to the vet at 4pm to do that.

It's breaking her heart, Annabelle has pretty much been her 4th child, and she has spoiled that dog rotten. She even calls her from vacation so that Anna can hear her voice! I know how hard this will be for her, and I am asking all my blog friends to say a little prayer for my sister, and give her strength today.

Here is a picture I took of them Tuesday night, so that she'd have one more picture with Anna before she goes...



I'd like to end this with something that I think is really beautiful...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

My favorite new "T-Shirt Hell" shirts..

Some of my new favorites shirts...I never said I was politically correct so keep that in mind!!!







Especially for my good friend, Dr. S...



And for the babies....





Hmmmm...my favoritest baby, Jesse James...is having a birthday soon...coincidence? I think not!!!

Just out of curiosity....

Do .gifs work on here?


Sweet! They do!

Oh, you people are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E now.

Trying to get my act together for this weekend

So next Saturday is Elizabeth's wedding, which means this Saturday is her lingerie sex toy drunken bash girls gone wild party wedding shower, and I do NOT have my shit together.

I haven't ordered a cake yet. I was going to make something phallic and disgusting pretty, but I don't have time.

I haven't shopped for vibrators, cock rings and nipple clamps a nice gift yet.

I haven't gotten any penis shaped suckers decorations yet.

I guess it's a good thing I took Friday off to get these things done, eh? Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Of course I already have half my day booked, with getting my hair colored, my new back tire and front end alignment, and a massage!

It's just all about me, isn't it? I suck as a friend.

******************************

My dear friend, Sue, maker of my own beautiful wedding cake (THE best part of that day! haha) suggested I make this cake for the drunkfest shower:



And I laughed so damn hard I had no choice but to post it here. I simply could not let something that good pass my blog by.

OMG! It gets even better! Check out the website for the rest of this lady's cakes!!!! DISCLAIMER: Be careful opening this link at work!

You like me! You really like me!!!!

Check this out. Commence with being jealous and green with envy. I'll wait.



I have received my first Blog Award!!!! Thanks to that bat-shit-crazy Deb over at Postcards from the Edge, I am now an award winning blogga. A legend in my own mind....

So here's the deal. I get to nominate my own peeps for an award of their own. I'm gonna get so much love for this....

Danica - who is my dear friend and "accidentally single" no more.

Meaghan - who has two of the cutest little guys ever, and I've felt blessed to watch them grow.

Vinnie - new friend who already understands the wrath of Julie is dealt with love!

Trisha - if I had anything to do with her being pregnant, I can assure you, it was my pleasure!

Rita - a long time friend who's blog usually makes me hungry!

Nate - his story, his wife and beautiful baby, have reaffirmed my faith, and shown me that miracles do happen.

and last but not least...

Matt - I read his blog daily, sometimes I check it 10 times a day for updates. I've cried, laughed, and had every emotion in between, and I'm grateful every day that he shares his life with us.

Ok so here are the rules for Hearting another blogger....

1. The winner can put the logo on her/his blog.
2. Link the person you received your award from.
3. Nominate 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of those you’ve nominated

Thanks to all of you for making my work day a little shorter...I read so damn many blogs I get about half a day's work done!!!!!

Love you guys!

Funniest line on TV....

Just watched last night's episode of Weeds. Dude is trying to bang some hot Mexican chick and she wants nothing to do with him.

"I think it's time she got some cockamole all over her faceadilla".



Fucking funny shit.

******************************************************

Funniest line on TV - Part 2

"I'd like to thank...the sisterhood of the travelling pantsuits" ~ Hillary Clinton

This is my son...right?

First he shaved the beard off. Now his hair is even shorter, if that's possible.



My baby isn't a baby anymore, is he?

This should make My Peeps happy.

Will this make everyone drop it feel better now?



PS...If a car runs over him tonight, I swear I am at home in front of my computer and about to go to bed. Alone. (Which could make a girl crazy enough to run some fool's ass over but honestly, it wasn't me, Officer!)

Happy Birthday, Alison!!!

This little bit of sunshine, my great niece Ali, is 6 today. She's our little spitfire, perpetual motion bundle of joy. Here are some of my favorite recent pictures of her, from her dance recital and school:







Now, I think all the August birthdays are over...Maggie and Dad, Mom, Patty and Ali have all turned another year older....and we should be good until Taylor's birthday in October now!

Happy Birthday, Patty!

Today is my sister's 56th birthday. She's thrilled that I'm putting her age on the Internet for the world to see! Had a party for her tonight, margaritas flowed, and interesting questions were posed. I will address one of them tomorrow.

Meanwhile...my son came home from work looking like this:



Um, at least I *think* this is my child. He's had a beard for so long that I'm not sure this babyface really is him?

Evidently he decided to "trim" his beard before work today. Nothing like going all in, is there?

The Ass Bra

Seriously? There is actually a company making this??



According to their website, the purpose is:

A creative solution for those who want the illusion of slim and trim thighs, a tummy-tuck and a butt-lift without the use of padding.

Now, a few things come to mind right off the bat when looking at this...

First of all, if your ass looks this good, you don't need a bra for it. If my ass looked like this, I would not be covering it up. I'd be bare assed naked running down the frozen food aisle of Giant Eagle. Hell, mine didn't look like that back in the days when it looked good!

Second, if your ass looks anything like mine (and I hope for your sake, it doesn't), then the effect is basically going to be equivalent of seeing a huge amount of oatmeal cookie dough squeezed through a couple of straws.

Third, there is no amount of "high compression latex" that is going to smooth the tummies and thighs of us big girls in a way that doesn't look like we're enclosed in sausage casing.

Honestly...imagine how pretty this is going to look on. When you were a kid and played with water balloons, did you ever squeeze one in the middle and then you had two separate balloons of jiggly water? That's what I see going on when you wear this (except the balloons are lumpy and pasty white).

And the big old circles left on your ass cheeks when you take it off? Bulls Eyes. Lovely. Like I need to draw attention to that area of my body.

No thanks, I think I'll stick with what I have. It may not be pretty, but at least it's not getting into the room 5 minutes after the rest of me.

Working on my Blog layout

I'm working on updating/changing/decorating my blog. (Thanks, Georgie! Now I've got something to do this weekend!) (Maybe I can work on reading your sign....does it come in braille? Clearly I'm good with my hands....)

Bear with me while Blogga goes through the ugly teenager gawky-with-braces stage. By Monday, She will be fabulous.

Meanwhile I'll leave you with my favorite new sign:



Happy Friday!!!!

I have a girl crush.

I swear to you I am not a closet lesbian, but if I were a dude, I'd be all over this woman.

My current crush is Tabatha. She was on Shear Genius last season, and I love, love, love her. And now, she has her own show on Bravo...Tabatha's Salon Takeover! Woohoo! I, as usual, DVR'd it last night and then stayed up til midnight watching. LOVES IT!!!!! (as screeched in my best gay man voice)


I don't know, there's just something about a royal bitch who wears nothing but black, speaks with an Australian accent that makes even her meanest comments acceptable, bossing people around and basically just taking zero shit from anyone or anything in the world...that I find attractive!

I'm surprised she doesn't have a whip.

Actually, I really do don't want to know if she does. I might like her too much then!

Scenes from a party

Here's some pictures from Mom's birthday. She was very surprised to see us all.

The birthday girl:



Mom and Me:



My sisters Patty and Sue Ellen, me and Mom:



Sue Ellen's husband Chuck, son Jason, his wife and kids and Mom:



Brother-in-law Jan (he was married to my sister Linda when she was alive) and his new wife Jan (yes, they are The Jan's) and Mom:



Gosh, I look at these pictures and realize how frail my Mom is getting. Of course, 4 years ago after we lost Linda and Dad seven months apart, I didn't expect Mom to live this long. I thought the grief would kill her. I'm thankful every day that she's still here, and hanging in there.

I love you Mom, I hope it was a great birthday....

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!!!!

My little mama is 84 years young today. Bless her heart. Her body is frail but her mind is sharp as a tack.

We're going to surprise her with a cake and party tonight, so I'll post pictures tomorrow.

But here she was last year at the "Hawaiian Luau" at the nursing home.




And here she is last summer riding on the 4 wheeler with my sister!



I love you, Mommy! Happy, happy birthday!!!!

Something old...nothing new....

I've got nothing newsworthy to report.

Because that's how exciting my life is. It's all glamour. Commence to being jealous. I'll wait....

Don't get me wrong! I'm grateful for "no drama", I have had more than my fair share with you-know-who the past three years. It's nice that things in that particular area are calm. I think one of us is medicated. LOL

But I'd like a little excitement of some sort! Because when I get bored...I usually get in trouble. I do stupid crap like cut my hair all off, or color it some strange shade that is not found in nature, you know...that instant gratification type of things that one does for a cheap thrill.

(Which, if you've ever been to my hairdresser, you know it's not cheap!!!)

Part of my problem is that I have spent 47 years waiting for life to happen. Just kind of sitting back, with a very lazy "come what may" outlook. What I need to do is grab life by the balls and take control of the situation! Get out there and make my own fun! Make my own excitement! Find something to be passionate about, and throw myself into it!

Damn that sounds good, doesn't it?

I wonder at what point I will start taking my own advice? Maya Angelou says "When you know better, you do better". Well, I've known better for years! When does the "do better" start?

Boating at the lake

Went boating at Buckeye Lake on Saturday. The Ex finally got a new truck as I mentioned before, so we had something to haul the boat with for the first time this summer.

I really love the boat. But damn, it makes me hurt! We were out for about 4 hours, and my body felt every second of it the next day, from the boat bouncing off the water and across waves...and me bouncing right along with it! It's not really a good thing for a person with 3 herniated disks to do, but screw it. It's one of the few pleasures I have these days!

Here are a couple of pictures....

This is the view from about halfway back in the boat:



This is the Yacht Club where Elizabeth is getting married in less than 3 weeks!





And this is just a fun house I like, on it's own little island in the lake:




That's it, your tour is over. Thanks for cruising with us and watch your step as you depart!

Could I be any more of a dork??

Who sits around crying over their kids baby pictures on a sunny and beautiful Sunday afternoon???

Hi, I'm Julie, and I'm a loser. LOL

Seriously! I went on a cleaning rampage earlier today (yes, me! I know, I'm shocked too!) and found a box of pictures in my bedroom closet and started looking through them.

Big mistake.

Next thing you know, I'm sitting on the bed, tearing up at Jordan's baby pictures! Jordan at King's Island, Jordan at Christmas, Jordan's first birthday, Jordan's first day of school, Jordan at the Power Rangers show, Jordan in the swimming pool, Jordan _________ (fill in the blank with one of the thousands of things parents take pictures of to cry over later).

I looked at those pictures and I can't believe my baby...that little blonde haired ball of fire...is going to be 18 in 4 months, and is going to graduate from high school a month later.

Where did the time go?

More on the condo....

I just went over to put a For Sale sign in the yard, and a lockbox/key on the door, and went inside to look around. It looks really good, and I'm really happy about that! After my last tenant trashed the place and abandoned it, I went $15,000 in debt in repairs and paying the mortgage myself for a year while I tried to sell it, so I am VERY HAPPY (Thank You!) that I will have little to do other than probably clean the carpets.

As I mentioned yesterday, I do have a showing at 4pm today, so everybody put your collective good thoughts together that I get an offer on it!!!!!

Thank you.

Thank You for just letting my A/C issue be a bad capacitator, and only costing me $185. I really appreciate it.

And thank You for getting me a showing on the condo tomorrow. I really appreciate that as well.

And thank You for letting my renter be interested in Elizabeth's condo. If I can work that deal, it would be a huge help if I have to support a second mortgage for awhile (which, I won't...because I have faith that my showing tomorrow is going to go great and I will sell the condo!)

Now...if You would please not let Jordan's car have that "won't start" issue anymore, at least until he can afford a new one, I'd really, really, really appreciate that.

Thank You.

Really, God?

Really?

I go home last night to find it 86 degrees in my house, and my A/C blowing hot air out of the vents.

Really?

I don't have enough to worry about with my condo and potentially having to pay that mortgage, so You think I should deal with this too?

Really?

Ok. You're the boss. Everyone keeps telling me You have a plan. You know what You are doing. You take care of us all.

Really, God?

I sure hope so.

I need suggestions....

My best bud Elizabeth (see picture at side entitled "The Future Mr & Mrs Baldwin") is getting married September 6th, so we're in the downhill swing of planning things.

We're having a "Stock The Closet" (with lingerie and sex toys!) shower for her in two weeks, which is really just an excuse to get the girls together out at Kathleen's Buckeye Lake house, drink alot, laugh, and ride wave runners!

I need some good ideas for A) a theme for the shower, or B) something good to get her besides the usual crotchless undies and flavored nipple creams.

Any ideas?

Mom's new digs.

As you know, my Mom has been in a nursing home for about three years now, full time. She lived there in assisted living while my Dad was in the Alzheimer's unit, and after he died she came back out and lived with me until my divorce, and then went back.

So the place she was at, Yorkland, sucked. It really did. I would walk in Mom's room and my flip flops would stick to the floor. They wouldn't change her pants (she wears Depends things) for days, and she would smell. (I know that's awful to say, but it's the truth) We'd have to make her change them when we'd go over. The care had steadily gone downhill for several years now, but Mom didn't want to leave because she knew everybody there. Every patient, every employee. I can understand that she had a comfort level there...it was her "home". But recently, her roommate died, and I truly believe my mother watched the "slow response" Maxine got while having a massive heart attack, after my mother had turned the nursing light on to alert the staff. A few weeks later, her new roommate had to go to the bathroom in the evening, and it took 2 1/2 hours...yes, 2 1/2 hours...for someone to respond to the light. I believe that's when my mother realized that she would die in that place and those people would just let her.

We moved her out to Pataskala, which is a five minute drive for both of my other sisters. The new place is wonderful. It's clean, it smells good, the nursing staff all have longevity there, the aides are people who enjoy working with the elderly and are not just there to collect a paycheck. You don't see lazy ass employees standing around passing time talking while people's lights are on. My mom is getting HOT food, HOT coffee, and gets served breakfast in bed whatever time she feels like getting up and eating! They help her to the bathroom, clean her up every single time, and change her pants if they need to be. She eats her meals at a table with three other women, all who have the same sharp mind my Mom does, even though one of the ladies is 95! Mom's starting to participate in activities (she went to Bingo yesterday) and she really seems to be quickly recognizing the vast difference in care that she's getting.

We are three days in, and she only has one complaint. She thinks the sugar is not as sweet here as it was at the other place. LOL

That's my mom!

I'm so thankful she wanted to move. As a child, you feel such a measure of guilt associated with having a parent in this situation. You feel as though you should be able to take care of her. But my sisters and I can't do it. We could...and did...at one point. Mom has lived with all of us at some time during the past 7 years. But she now needs full time care, and we can't provide that when we work all day. So in lieu of being able to do it yourself, you want your parent to be in a place that they are well taken care of.

Finally, I think we've found it.

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice

From Perez Hilton's website...

It's nice to hear that even murders get treated well in jail! In fact, John Lennon's crazy killer has been enjoying conjugal visits with his wife for the past 16years.

Nice. Even murderers get laid more than I do.

I've gotta get a life.

Weekend Report

Well, other than the fiasco of my renter bailing on me, the rest of the weekend was pretty nice.

Saturday afternoon, the Ex picked me up in his new truck and we went to lunch and then to the house of the car salesman who sold him the truck, so that he could look at some wiring the guy needs done. The house was very nice, a little overdone for my design taste (there is such a thing as TOO much faux painting!) but the lady had done some amazing work. This is her copper tile backsplash in the kitchen...except that it's plain boring white tiles that she faux finished to look like copper. The pictures do not do it justice at all.





I forgot to take a picture of the new truck. I'm so glad he bought it. He's a truck kind of guy, you know? Some guys just need a truck, and he's one of them. He's had one since we met, and a few months ago he traded his truck for a Honda, and it just wasn't right!!! Every time he'd pick me up in it, it felt so strange. So Saturday when he pulled up in my driveway in this Crimson metallic truck (which is GORGEOUS, I might add), it felt so normal! LOL...riding in the truck I felt like the world was right again...and things felt the way they should because he was back in a truck. It's weird, I know...because things aren't ever going to be "right" or " normal" with us again. This "friends" thing is as abnormal as it gets. Oh well...at least we have something to pull the boat with again.

Had a family party at my brother-in-law's house on Saturday night to celebrate my niece Maggie's birthday. A lot of wine was consumed. It was nice, I needed it badly. My sister-in-law Phyllis and I have a running joke between us about wine, and I was so pre-occupied in my mind with the condo issue that when she threw it out there in the midst of conversation, it went right over my head and we almost busted ourselves out!!! The rest of the family was like "Huh? What?" and looking at me, who was equally not getting the joke. That almost made it funnier when she had to take me aside and explain what I wasn't getting!!!

Sunday, Ex and I were going to take the boat out but the thingy on the hitch thingy on the trailer thingy that plugs into the outlet thingy on the truck so that the brakes on the trailer work...didn't work. So we ended up going to Costco to get my membership card, went to see "Swingvote" (that's an hour and a half of my life that I'll never get back) and then out to dinner at an Italian place. It was actually a very nice day.

F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck

My renter has informed me he is not buying my condo after all, and will be moving.

This comes as quite a surprise seeing how 3 weeks ago I had to write a letter on his behalf to the mortgage company he was working with to secure the loan, verifying he'd been renting from me for almost a year, etc.

Needless to say, his email this morning fairly surprised me. I was confident before I opened it that it would say he had been approved and closing was days away.

So, I guess it's back to listing the condo, praying it sells fast, and meanwhile preparing to rent it out yet again if necessary, because I don't have an extra $750 a month to cover that mortgage too.

Screw the *'s. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Happy Birthday, Dad and Maggie

My niece Maggie was born on my Dad's birthday 27 years ago. Dad used to get the biggest kick out of the fact that from then on, he had the cutest birthday cakes...My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, Barbie...because he'd share one with Maggie. He loved that his pink, girly birthday cakes would say "Happy Birthday, Maggie and Pappy" (my sister always put Pappy since that was what Maggie called him).

Maggie didn't get her own cakes until four years ago, when my Dad died. I'm pretty sure even now, she misses having two names on her cake.

My dad would have been 85 today. I know he and Linda are in heaven, having a drink and a smoke, and enjoying a beautiful day....

While I can't write on this one, it still says "Happy Birthday, Maggie and Pappy" in my heart.



Love you both....

Fall from grace, at least in my eyes.

I used to like you, John Edwards.

You had the values as a husband and father that I admired, and your unwavering love and support for your wife...as she struggles with a terminal illness...made me respect you even more.

I even felt you had the integrity as a politician that few others seem to possess.

And now, you're nothing to me. Other than a lying, cheating husband.

I do not...and will not...ever understand how a man cheats on his wife. How he risks everything they have together, everything they have built as a couple, their future, their lives as one, how a man can put all of his wife's trust and love on the line...to go stick his dick in another woman.

Don't you know what it does to your wife, to find out that you have given yourself to someone else? That you have shattered the bond that you have together? That you have thrown away the vows you took...you know, the ones that promised to love, honor and cherish til death do you part? Oh, and by the way, you took those vows not once, but twice, when you remarried your wife a few years ago. You should have them memorized by now.

Do you know that your wife now questions everything you have ever told her? That she now wonders how much of her married life has been a lie? That she questions herself and wonders what she did wrong, or what more she could have done, or what is missing in her that made you start a relationship with someone else? Do you know that her self esteem is virtually gone now because of what you've done?

My heart breaks for your wife. She can put on a strong public front about how she loves you even more now, that you made mistakes but that the public should respect how "honest" you've been in coming clean. Honest? You've been lying for a year about your affair. Tell me again how that is honest.

Your wife is dealing with her own mortality. She has children who she is faced with leaving far too soon. She has been married...and faithful...to you for 30 years. And while she is dealing with the idea of losing her life, you find it appropriate to have an affair with a staffer and then say "Ooops, I was feeling very narcisstic. Sorry!"

You disgust me. You do not deserve a woman as gracious as her. She should kick your slimy, rat bastard ass to the curb where it belongs.

Oh, and the bleached blonde whore who you allowed to aide in breaking your wife's heart? Dude, the first rule of cheating is to at the very least, trade up. You, like my husband, evidently didn't get that memo either.

I'm glad you dropped out of the Presidential race. I could not vote for a man who cannot uphold his commitment to one woman, because how on earth could you be trusted to uphold your commitment to an entire nation?

Thus the reason, John "I cheated on my first wife while she was paralyzed with the woman who is now my second wife, and oh I cheated on her with a staffer as well" McCain won't be getting my vote either.

I had little tolerance for infidelity before it happened to me, I have zero tolerance for it now.

So last night I was smoking crack with Johnny Depp

In my dreams, of course.

Yeah, I'm not sure if it was crack or exactly what it was but it created some sort of bong water that he made me drink (??), and it was like being realllllllly stoned (not that I'm familiar with that feeling) (at least not in the last two decades) and/or had the same sort of out-of-body experience of being on Ecstasy (same disclaimer previously mentioned).

The weird thing is that I really felt like I was high, and I remember actually thinking in my dream "Wow, this is cool, I know I'm dreaming and yet I can really feel as though I'm FUBB!!!!" (That's "Fucked Up Beyond Belief" for those of you who don't remember the 80's either) I was laughing and giggling and eventually drank more bong water because I figured...hey, it's a dream...even if I freak out nothing bad is going to really happen!

Then suddenly there was some sort of thing where we were flying to New York ~ everyone knows how I hate to fly ~ and I had the ability to lay down in bed while the plane took off, which made that whole thing really easy! (If they could only do that for me on real flights!) Then I remember they were showing pre-flight commercials about plane crashes, and once we took off we were flying really low over golf courses with crashed planes all over the place. One looked like a plane in Lost where it had jungle plants all over it, one had a plane buried under the snow, one was on the bottom of the ocean (and yes, these were all on the golf course, remember! Must be a very interesting place!).

I swear, I had one glass of wine last night and it was two hours before bed. LOL

I always think it is interesting to interpret dreams, and a lot of the time I can pretty easily figure out where certain things come from in mine. This one, however, I'm a little confused by. I'm not a big Johnny Depp fan, and I don't have any overwhelming desire to get stoned. I've always feared plane crashes, that's a given, but I think that had more to do with the fact that I was "flying" from the drugs!!!!

I should start blogging about my dreams every time I can remember them, it would make some entertaining reading for you guys. I can hear it now "Wow, this girl is a freak". LOL

Happy Friday, everyone!

Not tonight, dear...I have a headache.

Been fighting this headache/neck thing since July 30th. Today, massive headache going on. It's got to be a tension headache....feel like my head is in a vice grip, my neck and shoulder muscles are so tight you could bounce a quarter off of them, the base of my skull hurts to touch. I just want to lay down, close my eyes, and not move.

So I have nothing witty to say today. Back tomorrow....

Oh, by the way, had blog visitors from Ireland and Germany last night. Welcome!

The Best Blog Ever

If you haven't read Matt Logelin's blog, you must add it to your daily read.

matt, liz and madeline

I don't remember how I found him, but I started reading his blog very shortly after his wife died, and I've been watching baby Madeline grow for four months now. I feel so invested in their story that it's like being able to stay in touch with family from afar!!!

He's an amazing man, dealing with a really crappy hand of cards that fate dealt him, but he's doing it with such grace that you can't help but smile or laugh when you read his blog, and see pictures of that precious little girl.

Thanks, Matt. You, Liz and Madeline have touched thousands of lives all over the country, and I feel privileged to share in your story.

Now, if I could just figure out how to do the "line through a word" thing....

69 Blog Posts and a freakish game of Tag

69 times now I've evidently thought people were interested in what I have to say. Haha...

So, sweet little Sarah Dee (who's skinny little ass I will kick later) "tagged" me and now I have to figure how out to do this damn blogging game.

OK so the rules are:

1. Link to the person who tagged you (i.e. me)
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger (me) know when your entry is posted

So here goes....

1. I have taken college courses in every decade since the 70's. Yes, I'm that old, and still degreeless.

2. I used to emcee a male revue and also ran my friend's Strip-A-Gram business. There are worse things than looking at naked men and getting paid for it.

3. I was a bartender at a place called the Side Door in Lancaster for several years in the 80's. (I think it was the late 80's....most of that decade is still a blur!)

4. I write, eat, and put makeup on with my left hand. Everything else, I do with my right, such as bat, bowl, hold the hair dryer, use a mixer, cut with scissors, etc.

5. I secretly wish I could sing and have always wanted to take voice lessons. However if you have ever heard me, you know there isn't a voice teacher in the world who could make me sound good.

6. I almost broke my back bowling. True story.


And the victims...er...friends...I choose to tag are:

Kathy (http://me-journeybacktome.blogspot.com/) - long time friend who I've never met!

Andrea (http://kandamorgs.blogspot.com/) - my son's sister and happy newlywed!

Sue (http://sunfishroad.wordpress.com/) - the former best cake lady in the business and my pal.

Danica (http://danicalynn.blogspot.com/) - my dear friend who I am stunned hasn't done this to me yet!

Stephanie (http://www.mrsstephanie.blogspot.com/) - just because I can. LOL

and of course...

Trisha (http://jackson5adventures.blogspot.com/) - who has already done this once but I'm making her do it again as punishment for that pre-baby unnaturally flat stomach. Yeah, I'm still bitter!!!!!!

I think that's it! I'm off to annoy these ladies with comments advising them they've been tagged!!

Why am I glad it's Monday?

Sometimes my weekends feel like they are the same thing over and over. Get up, attempt a little house cleaning, wonder what I'll do to entertain myself all day, wish I had someone to do things with, watch TV, go to bed. Rinse, lather, repeat.

I don't really feel like posting today. Or rather, I don't feel like alienating everyone with my mood today. I'm in a crappy mood. Verrrrrrrry bad. Those of you who know me well can pretty much guess why I'm in a bad mood...or at the very least, who got me into it.

So I'm going to retreat back into my dark little hole, be pissy all by myself until I'm not pissy anymore, and then I'll be back.

Oh, went to see The Dark Knight on Saturday. Wow, Heath Ledger is fantastic. Truly. It makes me sad that he's not here to receive all of the accolades for his amazing work. But boy, he sure went out on top.

Also, had to go back to the chiropractor *again* today. My neck is a hot mess. He adjusted me yet again, did more electrical stimulation, and actually went as far as to take my blood pressure because I'm complaining so much of a headache. It was 130/87, which is high for me (I'm the girl who was 97/53 when I was 9 months pregnant! But I've been running a normal 120/80 the past few years) but he feels even that is elevated due to pain and stress. The adjustment might have worked a little, I feel less headachy (it feels like a tension headache!) but it's still not going completely.

I'm just a grump, seriously. I think I need laid. LOL

CF Husband Goes Bald!

One of my favorite, daily reading blogs is called CF Husband. I've blogged about it before so all of my readers are aware of Nate, Tricia and Gwyneth's story.

Nate is participating in a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and if he raises his goal amount, he will be shaving his head bald on live Internet. If you've seen Nate's hair...there is a lot of it. It may take a few razors!

Please check out his blog, and donate to this worthy cause. Thanks!

I don't know why I am unable to post links in my blog, but I can't. But the link to CF Husband is on the right side under the blogs that I always read...

So I looked up Cougar in the urban dictionary....

And there were quite a few entries!

A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"

Nah. Not so much.

An attractive woman in her 30's or 40's who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with milfs.

Hmmmm...not me either.

Party girl/s who are now angry they are not married and prey on younger men; common traits include leathery skin from frequent tanning sessions, smoking, anti-depressant use, and a large collection of "massagers."

Um, definitely not.


Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single or married, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren't afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures who have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don't have to sneak up and attack...they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won't ask if they'll call them the next day. Being a cougar is a positive thing.

Getting closer....

A distinguished species of older females who seek the company of younger males whilst avoiding the entanglements of a relationship, in favor of a lack of restrictions. The cougar woman has overcome society’s proscribed behavior for women’s sexual behavior. Thus, she embraces her true self and lives her life to the fullest. She know what she wants and isn’t afraid to hunt for it! There are several species of cougars, but an insatiable sexual appetite and a lack of interest in marriage and other conventional romantic institutions are common to all.

Closer....

Cougar refers to an older woman, in their 40's and early 50's who's youthful looks are beginning to fade or are almost faded. Cougars tend to be sexually interested in younger men in their 20's or mid 30's since their libidos are more evenly matched. Cougars, being older and wiser are often financially stable and pursue men more for their boyish charm and stamina and less for their income level, career or ego. Cougars love the attention and passionate thrill of an uncomplicated sexually intense relationship that younger men tend to offer.

Well, IF I were a cougar, these last two definitions have some details that might be accurate. But I'm not one, so there.

Rawrrrrrrrrrrrl.

Wow! Someone from Germany is reading my blog!

How cool is that? When I installed my counter, I also got the ability to track who visits and from where. I had somebody from England already, and of course I have Canada, and there have been people from states where I don't even know anybody, so that's really cool. But today, there was a German visitor! So here goes..

Hallo! Willkommen! Ich hoffe Sie genießend, meine Geschichte lesend. Wieder bald zurückgekommen! Auf Wiedersehen!!!

For my non-German speaking friends, I hope that says "Hello! Welcome! I hope you enjoying reading my blog. Come back again soon! Goodbye!!!" However, it's my luck that it says something like "Hello! Welcome! Look, there is a one legged chicken attacking a midget stripper! Goodbye!"

Hormones on the loose.

What the hell is wrong with me today??? I'm a hot mess!

I went to bed at 9:30 last night after taking a muscle relaxer to try and loosen my neck up and I got a really good nights sleep, but I remember having dreams about my ex and my son getting into it, and me being right back in the middle where I always was. Only this time I didn't wait for him to cheat on me, I just got me and my kid the hell out of there. LOL

Anyway, so by the time I was getting ready for work this morning and was putting my makeup on, I started thinking about my sister, Linda. I miss her as much today as I did the day she died, 4 years ago. It's true that time helps (I can't say it heals, but it helps) and while I think about her every single day, I don't cry about it. But for some reason this morning, all I could think about was when she died, and me doing the eulogy, and remembering how I sang "The sun will come out tomorrow..." because she would always break into that song when someone was having a bad day. And the next thing you know, I'm crying in the mirror and mascara is running everywhere. Geesh.

So I get my act together and drive to work, and right before I get into downtown, the song "Neither One of Us" by Gladys Knight and the Pips comes on. I used to torture myself with that song when my marriage was ending, and here 3 years later as I hear it on the radio, I start crying again! And yet, I couldn't manage to turn it off.

Lord.

I am SO not watching that freaking lion reunion video today, or I'll be a blubbering idiot.

Pain in the neck.

Yep, I've got one.

I've either been sleeping weird for several weeks now, or it's just my usual "compensating for my back hurting by walking/standing/sitting funny", but I've got the stiffest, sorest neck in town. I went to the chiropractor today and he could barely get it to adjust. My chiropractor knows me too well...

So have you been doing that "wild sex with hair pulling" thing again??

Um. No. Dammit. Just crack me and stop talking about the good old days. At this point I haven't had sex in so long I forget who gets tied up.

(For the record, he used to treat my ex as well, and it was a running joke when we'd both have to go in to see him that it was a result of bedroom gymnastics!)

I know I sit weird at work. My keyboard is too far away (I type with my arms extended), my eyes look down towards my monitor, and I know I slump in my chair. I need to rearrange things on my desk to make it more ergonomic friendly. And I really need my neck muscles to loosen up. I feel like someone has their hands wrapped around my throat right now. (And no, Dr. Wade, that's not a "wild sex with choking" thing either!)

And then I drive with my right arm resting on the little box storage thing between the seats, and my left hand on top of the wheel, while I'm leaning towards the right. Evidently I think I'm cool. Or pimp. If I had some rap blaring from the radio it would complete my look. (Go ahead, laugh at the visual. I am.)

And of course, I sleep in odd positions these days. It's funny, I slept alone basically for 40 years before I met my ex-husband, (ok well, let's just say I didn't have a lot of long term bed mates...but there were a few spending the night here and there! LOL!) and it took me a little while to get adjusted to having a partner in bed with me every single night. Then after our divorce, it took me a long time to readjust to sleeping alone again after 4 years. (2 married, 2 dating) You would think it would have been pretty easy to fall back into sleeping by myself, but it really wasn't. Sometimes it still isn't. Sometimes I still prop a pillow behind my back when I'm laying on my side because it feels like he's curled up behind me. (Wow, that just sounded really pathetic but I'm leaving in there anyway because it's the truth!) Regardless, a lot of times I have to put a pillow between my knees, or if I happen to be laying on my back (which I don't often do not only because it hurts, but because I snore and keep myself awake!) I put one under my knees, which somehow ends up making my neck hurt.

And I wonder why I can't sit comfortably for a 2 hour movie at the theater anymore? Christ, if anything more starts to hurt, I'm going to end up being held together with duct tape and spackle.

In other news...

Hell, who am I kidding? I haven't got any other news. My life is all glamour, isn't it?

The Duggar's are having Baby #18

So we had this discussion on The Nest about the Duggars, the family who has 17 children and evidently is now pregnant with the 18th one.

If you don't know who they are, here is a little blurb from their website:

Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar married July 21st, 1984. At that time, they chose to use the birth control pill. They thought, “We don’t want children right now. We can’t afford them. We want children in our timing, when we’re ready.” Four years later they decided to have their first child. Then, Michelle went back on the pill, but she conceived and had a miscarriage. At that point they talked with a Christian medical doctor and read the fine print in the contraceptives package. They found that while taking the pill you can get pregnant and then miscarry. They were grieved! They were Christians! They were pro-life! They realized that their selfish actions had taken the life of their child. They prayed and asked God to forgive them, and to teach them to love children like He loves children. They asked God to bless them with as many children as He saw fit in His timing. Right after that Michelle got pregnant with twins! To date they have been blessed with 17 children, (10 boys and 7 girls) Joshua, Jana & John-David (twins), Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah & Jeremiah (twins), Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer (and #18 due in January 2009!).

Several thoughts came to my mind....

First of all, the husband's name is Jim Bob. Enough said.

Second, when are they going to stop this insanity? When her uterus falls out, or they run out of "J" names?

Third, who are they kidding, those kids are raising each other! Because evidently Mom and Dad are too busy doing the horizontal bop in an effort to add more tax deductions.

I really just pray that woman runs out of eggs soon.

Oh and we got a Wii Fit!

OMG, got the Wii Fit Saturday. LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

I have never laughed so hard as when I put my weight in, and my girl avatar (who looks like me) blew up and got fat!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funniest thing ever.

Oh, and my Wii Fit age is...49. And I'm 47. I'm actually pleased with that, I was fairly sure it would say my fit age was 60 or something.

And then I promptly worked out for an hour! LOVED IT!

Sunday = Nascar Nation

OMG.

Here are the words that come to mind in describing my first Nascar race. And no offense to my friends who love Nascar...aka Cheri and Kathy...as none of the following apply to you, except maybe the part about the driver's shirts.

1. Redneck hell
2. Mullet mania
3. Lots of tattoos
4. Not a lot of teeth
5. Rabid fans. And I mean rabid. Some actually foamed at the mouth.
6. EVERYONE has a shirt with a driver's name or number on it. Everyone but us, that is. I was feeling pressured to draw a #20 on mine just to fit in.
7. Tube tops on women who have entirely too much to tube.
8. The Deliverance music playing in my head
9. Long lines at the beer stand...at 8am.

It was a definite experience! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad...it was just different. I'm used to going to CART/Indy car races and people are not, shall I say, as "supportive" of their favorite drivers. LOL

My ex had gotten free tickets from his Sprint rep, and they were supposed to be the really good ones...suite and pit passes, box seats, etc., so we figured...what the hell. We left Columbus at 5am to drive over to Indy, got to the track at 8:30, and basically had 6 hours til kill until race time! Turns out, we did not get the good tickets, we just had seats in the North Vista which is the middle of turns three and four. Ugh. Probably would not have gone if we'd known that in advance!

There was a pre-race concert with the Charlie Daniels band and Craig Morgan, and that was interesting. Walked a lot, I'd say we logged about 10 miles on our tennis shoes. My legs feel it today, trust me. It was the one weekend day that I wished for clouds (usually I want it nice and sunny for the pool!) but alas...not a freaking cloud in sight, which meant it was VERY HOT all day. At least there was an occasional breeze. But it was a long and hot day and I was never so happy to get home and into a shower and bed.

All in all, I can say that I would never pay to go to another race like this, but if we got free tickets again that that were the good ones we were expecting, I would consider it. But sitting out in the masses, in the hot sun, and trying to find any place shady to cool off...not really my idea of a good time. But, if nothing else, it was great people watching!



****************************************

Oh wait! I forgot the best story of them all! One of my Nesties just reminded me of it when she asked if I saw the girls flashing for beer.

Yes, I saw flashing.

There was this "hot mama" in her Daisy Dukes and teeny tiny tube top (if there is such a thing on a 300 lb woman) who attempted to bend over and kiss the bricks. Well, she bent over from the waist (bless her heart, I think she believed she could actually reach the bricks that way) and the view from the rear was scary enough for those of us who happened to be behind her, and I did not think it could get worse until the moment when her massive chesticles flew out of the tube top and hit the bricks before the rest of her did. Now, THAT was a sight.

Imagine that view....Bahama Mama is bent over, legs spread, Daisy Dukes riding up the crack of her 300 lb ass, and suddenly two massive boobs hit the ground between her legs.

Collectively about 300 people spewed beer all at once.

She, of course, stood upright and swung those bad boys around, since her top had rolled down around her waist anyway! I'm not sure if she was cooling them off from the brick burn or what.

Yeah, I can't make this shit up.

Wow, best Friday night ever.

And I never left the house!

But what made it great was that when my son got home from his Friday night out, we inadvertantly ended up having an hour long talk about some things that we had long needed to discuss. And it reaffirmed what I've known for 17 1/2 year now...that I have the greatest kid ever, and am so blessed to be his Mom.

Jordan and I went through a lot of crap in my marriage. He never liked my ex, but he wanted me to be happy, and he knew that his days having to live under the same roof with him were limited...as Jordan said "I knew I had about 5 years til graduation, til I went off to college and started my own life, and I knew I could hang in there until then". So we talked a lot about the situation, about his fear that I will get back with my ex once he's gone off to LA to film school, and I'm here alone...he's afraid Ex will prey on me and get back in when I'm most vulnerable.

We talked about how bad things were during the marriage for both of us, and how I tried to make it okay for him but I was constantly torn between the two people I loved most in the world...my son and my husband. I told him how I had every material thing in the world that a girl could want...beautiful home, nice cars, diamonds, designer everything, money in the bank, investments...I didn't want for anything, and I could spend money and not worry about it (after being a single mom for 12 years and living paycheck to paycheck, to have thousands in the bank and not have to worry about money was a really wonderful feeling!) And yet, it was the most miserable time of my life. Because if you know me, you know that I am not a materialistic person. I didn't need a 3 1/2 carat wedding ring...I'd have been happy with a gold band and a man who honored marriage and commitment the way I did. I needed to be married to someone who loved my child like he was his own, and respected the way I'd raised him for the first 12 years of his life, and supported me in how I raised him until he went out on his own.

I told Jordan that I have a lot of guilt about putting him into a situation that turned out so badly, and that I hope he knows I never, ever meant to allow him to be hurt. It breaks my heart to remember how callously my ex treated him, and no matter how hard I tried to make us a family, and give Jordan a better life, my ex fought equally hard to break my son and I apart. I cried talking about this to Jordan, and he reassured me that I did what I felt was best for us at the time, and I had no way of knowing how it was going to turn out, and that when it got really bad I got him out of the house and ended my marriage. He says he is thankful for what he went through, because it made him who he is today. It made him more mature, it made him want to be a better person, it made him stronger, and it made him love me even more as his Mom, because he saw the hits I took and how it knocked me to the ground but I got back up and went on with my life.

And we both agreed we are happier now, we have a good life and deep inside, I know that while I have made mistakes as a parent, in the big picture I've done a pretty good job, because I have a son who has never given me an ounce of trouble (other than a few grade issues that we've fought over the years!) but he is kind and loving and respectful, and he's funny and smart and driven to succeed. Either because of me, or in spite of me, he's a wonderful young man, and I am so proud to be his mother. I thank God for him every day of my life.

You should all be so lucky!

God Bless Randy Pausch

If you don't know who he was, he wrote a book called The Last Lecture, based on his last lecture as a professor who was dying of pancreatic cancer. His story has been so inspirational, and as I read this new article, tears ran down my face. The world has lost an amazing man, but heaven has gained one heck of an angel.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=4614281&page=1

I would make that a clickable link but for some reason, this stupid blog will not allow me to do so now. Arrrrrrrrrrgh.

And we're back!

Back to work that is. Yesterday turned out nice. Maggie and I had a good 4 hours in the sun at the pool...





Needless to say, I got a little burnt! But that's okay, it's just on my arms, and a little on my face. Not really anywhere else.

It was just so nice to be off for a day. I haven't really taken any vacation time this year to speak of...one day to go to Vegas in April, and that's been about it. I didn't see any sense in taking a week just to stay home and do nothing, since I didn't have any plans to go anywhere. So I'm just taking a few days here and there. I'm going back to Vegas the first week of November for a few days, and might try to go to our client's condo in Marco Island, Florida for a few days maybe in August.

Somewhere, on a beach, there is a cabana boy waiting for me. LOL

Ahhh...a day off.

And there's no sun. WTF? Maggie and I are supposed to be hanging out at the pool today! We've got it all to ourselves...so come on, sun!

Installed a cool tracker on my blog yesterday. Not only can I see how many people visit the site, but I can see where they come from as well! It's kind of interesting to monitor! I saw a visit from Cassie in Canada, and Cheri in Logan, and Mary in Virginia!!!

Speaking of Mary....she's my cousin, and my sisters and I are planning a girl's weekend with her in October! I can't wait, it should be loads of fun! Her sister Connie lives close, so the girl cousins will have a good time hanging out. It's funny....my mom had three daughters and her sister (Mary's mom) had three daughters and they are all basically the same ages. Then, of course, I came along 9 years later, so I was always the "kid sister" and too young to hang with the big girls when they all got together. Fortunately, now that we're all older, I get to sit at the adult table. LOL So Sue Ellen, Patty and I are flying down to Mary's the first weekend in October, and perhaps her other sister will be able to fly in from California to join the party. All that would be missing is my sister Linda...and she is very missed. She would have loved attending this get together. I can assure you, we will drink a lot of wine in her honor!

Still no word on the mortgage being approved for my condo buyer. But I have complete faith that the good news will come any day now. I'd love to close on it by the end of this month but I'm guessing it will be early August now. Keep those good thoughts and prayers coming...

Good Advice

I thought this was important enough for it's own blog!

I Love This Advice !!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink plenty of water. Eat blueberries, carrots, broccoli, red beans and almonds.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. In stead invest your energy in the positive present moment and what you desire, not what you don’t desire in life.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Remind yourself that minus your opinion, everything is perfect.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in control of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything. That means understanding that you cannot change what happened.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals absolutely everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

Good news!

1. My mother-in-law is doing well. She may be getting out of the hospital today. The doctor feels they got all of the cancer with the removal of her right breast, lymph nodes and colon mass. She still has the lung and head/neck that she's dealing with, but two down, two to go. She's a tough old broad...LOL

2. My renter is in the mortgage process to buy my condo!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!! He emailed me Monday that he needed a letter from me for underwriting verifying what he pays for rent, etc. So keep good thoughts coming my way that he'll get approved and we can close in the next couple of weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend Update

Went to the Good Guys car show this weekend. Saw a car that cracked me up. This is an old BMW that seats one person. The door is the front of the car!





It was wild!!!!!!!!!! It's about as much protection as wearing a coat and roller skates!

Ooooh, good news! Finally heard from my renter, and he is working with a mortgage person to buy my condo! I had to write a letter on his behalf today as his landlord, and evidently it's going to underwriting, so with any luck I'll be closing on it in the next couple of weeks and will be out from underneath that finally! Woohooooooooooooooooo!

Good thoughts and prayers please.

My mother-in-law is having cancer surgery today to remove her right breast, and a mass in her colon. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

I'll be back later with another post about something really freaky that happened to me yesterday, but for now I'm off to shower and head to the hospital.

Booooooooooooring

Boring, boring weekend. This should be a short post!

It started out great...dinner and a movie with Penny. I miss her way too much, and we don't see each other hardly at all even when she's in town, let alone when she's traveling around the country in her retirement home. LOL. But we had such a good time. Almost blew up the car, which was good only because it was my ex's car, not mine. (Don't ask...just go with it.) Laughed our way through Sex and the City movie...identified way too much with a couple of characters! It just felt good to be with my best friend of 25 years...yes it's been that long since some friends dragged me to see a group of male strippers, and since I was madly in love with a Marine who happened to be in Japan at the time...I fell for the emcee instead. Turns out she was more of my soul mate than the Jarhead was. Our relationship has certainly lasted longer!!

Rest of the weekend was boring as hell. Seriously, didn't do a damn thing that is worth writing about. A little tanning in the pool on Saturday and Sunday pretty much covers my excitement.

I need something to be passionate about. I feel like life is just one big day to day drag. Get up, go to work, come home, watch TV and go to bed. Rinse, lather, repeat. Sad thing is, I have no motivation to do anything else, and I don't know if I'm just really depressed or really lazy. They both feel the same.

I remember now why amusement park rides make me sick.

There is a reason why men are "ex's", and I'm rapidly remembering why "M" is on my short list of guys I don't want to date again.

Didn't talk to him Monday, and yesterday my son's key broke off in his ignition of his car, and "M" had just said over the weekend that if Jordan had any problems with his car to call him as he could more than likely fix it...so I called him. Got his machine, left a message, and said "Oh, by the way, we've narrowed dinner down to Saturday night for sure, but we can talk about that when you call me back". (As of Sunday, I still had not firmed up plans with E&M although we were shooting for a Saturday night date, with the second option being Sunday evening.)

Never heard a word last night. And I'm thinking...hmmmm...clearly you didn't work til midnight (can't really landscape in the dark) so why wouldn't you call me back? Immediate red flag starts flying...it's flaky behavior like that, that made me dump him after three years the first time around.

So this morning I called him on my way to work to wish him a Happy Divorce Day, and he says "Oh, did you get my email?"

No....what email?

"I emailed you Monday night. I'm going to have to cancel dinner on Saturday."

Hmmm....nope, didn't get the memo.

"Oh, well I didn't get a lot of work done Monday because it was too wet from all the rain and so now I have to work the Friday the 4th, and Saturday as well".

Oh. Alrighty then. Have a good day. Click.

What the hell else was I going to say?? Didn't you just tell me over the weekend how you are finally able to work less, relax more, etc? And now you're telling me that you can't landscape until maybe 6pm, go home and take a shower and go to dinner at 7:30? Seriously????? When we are trying to get a relationship off the ground and you can't work your schedule around it, and instead will cancel on me and embarrass me in front of my best friend and her fiance, because I have to tell them now that Mr. Hot & Cold is up to his old tricks again, and is as flaky as ever?? SERIOUSLY???

I'll bet if I hadn't held out on Sunday, he'd go. But since I am not willing to just jump back in to the middle of a relationship, he's not willing to wait around and give it time. So, contrary to what he's said to me, evidently he's not interested in marrying "me", he's just got a position (wife) that has come available that he's looking to fill as quickly as possible. And I'm not moving fast enough, I guess.

No worries though, at this point I'm on warp speed heading out the door, pal.