Rejection at it's finest

So evidently somebody thought I was funny enough to be nominated to be part of Humor Bloggers. Thanks for whoever did that.


However, I received this email from them yesterday

Thank you for your interest in Humorbloggers.com. Your request for a membership was not accepted at this time.


There are several areas that are reviewed by the private membership panel. They look for an established blog, number of comments per post, consistent humor with the sole intent to be humorous. Consistency in posting is important-not the number of post per week.


Other factors also are looked at in determining whether the panel thinks the blog falls within guidelines of HBDC.


Thank You
humorbloggersdotcom
Membership

Gee, there's one for the rejection books.


Hell, if I'd known my blog was under humor scrutiny, I'd have made my recent posts about being too sick to go to Dallas hilarious. Then I could have avoided the "Sorry lady, you just aren't funny enough for us" slap in the face.


I guess the "panel" isn't made up of mid-40's men looking for a hot divorcee, eh?

You like me, you really like me!

I have received a MAJOR award. No, really...look.



Given to me by one of the funniest women on the planet, The Peach Tart, it is an award that is for anyone who likes to smile and/or laugh, and just generally spreads that along in this blogging world we all travel in.

Boy, do I have HER fooled.

Regardless...I am grateful to be considered funny and/or entertaining in any capacity, so thank you, my peachy friend!

I gladly bestow this award on some of my newest and equally warped funny ladies:

Sunshiemeg
Shoulda been a stripper
Vodkamom
Ma Vie Folle

And of course, it also goes to the usual suspects....you know who you are...my posse of women bloggers friends. Come and get it.

So....the Sexy Blogger Award.

OK so I was given the Sexy Blogger award by my faux lesbian lover blogging buddy Deb, perhaps out of fear of relatiation of what might happen if she didn't bestow it on me, or because my blog happens to be at the top of her reading list only because it starts with a number.

Regardless of why I got it, the fact remains I can officially be known as Julie the SB, which in this case now means Sexy Blogger, not Skanky Bitch.

So, like every damn award, this one has rules. What's with the rules, people? Do you think when you get an Oscar, you have to immediately tell everybody what your ten favorite movies of all time are????? Blog Awards should have no strings attached. It's a gift. It's not herpes, it does not have to keep on giving!

Ooops, sorry...off on a tangent there.

Anyway...the rules for this award are that I have to post Five Sexy Things About Me.

For the love of all that is holy, do you people think if I had 5 sexy things about me, I'd have all this free time to blog???????????????? If I were that hot I'd be livin horizontal with something equally sexy holding me down!

Five things. Crap.

OK, here goes. I'll come up with five things even if I have to make shit up.

#1. My eyes. See picture below. I've been told many times that I have sexy eyes. In fact a reader recently emailed me after my Getting Naked again post and said "For God's sake, don't worry about getting naked again. I haven't seen a full length photo of you but you have such a beautiful face (Oh my God, those gorgeous eyes!) and a kind heart. If I were single, I would be more than happy with that." Dammit, why can't a non-married guy email that sentiment to me??



#2. My cheekbones. See picture above. When I'm not overweight undertall, they look pretty damn good.

#3. My eyelashes. Long and fake looking. Stiletto Mascara by Maybelline (or somebody, I don't really know who and don't feel like taking the time to figure it out right now) really makes them bat worthy.

#4. (OK sitting here staring at the screen and wondering what the hell I can come up with now!) How about my sparkling personality? Now that I'm starting to feel normal again and get back to the fun loving girl I was pre-marriage, I'm much happier, and The Real Julie is beginning to re-emerge. My close friends and family have missed "me" ths past eight years, or so they say. So, I guess this would be something that makes me sexy...I feel good again. I'm enjoying life again. I've got my confidence back and my energy back and have remembered that I really do have a lot to offer. In the immortal words of Karen Walker....Gosh, I don't think that I've ever been stressed out. Why would I be? I've got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze and I've got a KILLER rack. Good morning!

#5. Frankly, I've got nothing for #5 that I can actually put in print. Remember, my family and especially my son read my blog. So let's just say, #5 is a talent that is award winning in itself.

Okay, so there's my five sexy things about me! Now, I'm not sure if I have to give this award away, or if I can just hog it all to myself, but because I'm such a suck up giver, I'm going to pass it on.

Don't anybody get your panties in a wad if you aren't on this list. For the love of God, I can't list everyone!!!!! I only have so much time in a day!

Here we go...my nominations for Sexy Blogger are:

Fragrant Liar - She kills me with her humor (which is one of the sexiest traits in anyone). Every single day. I am never going to be over the Exercise Ball thing.

The Butler and Bagman Chronicles - It's a well known fact that I am in love with Bagman. Unfortunately, his alter ego Mark is happily married, otherwise I'd be hauling my ass south and turning into Paula Deen.

Diaries of a Jaded Heart - my buddy Jaded has been through some rough times this past couple of years, but aside from that, she's one of the hottest, sexiest mamas out there. When she dresses up for a night on the town...watch out.

Accidental Single Girl - Danica knows where I live. If I don't give her this award she will pout, stomp her foot, and whine. And then come after me. I'm afraid of her 5'2", 100 lb self. She's a spitfire! But I love her like a sister...

Travel Girl - My boo. LOL We're gonna have so much fun in Vegas.

Vegas Linda Lou - Seriously, we have a separated-at-birth thing going on. I love her with a passion usually reserved for all things chocolate.

Cuz I Said So, That's Why - Missy stepped right up and offered to send me handcuffs. The fact that she had them so readily available turned me on. Imagine what it did to my male readers!

Life Is Good - Seriously, have you seen Dana with her sex toys?

OK I have to stop listing people now. I could go on and on, and now I feel bad that I'm not listing everyone.

So if you are reading this blog, take the damn award. No, really. It's yours. You're all sexy in your own way, and I just can't list everyone. So please, post it on your blog, leave me a comment about it, and let's see what the Five Sexiest Things about my 160 readers are.

(Shit! When did I get 160 readers????)

I'm bringin sexy back....

Coming tomorrow....The Sexy Blogger Award

That's right. Look what I got....find out from whom, and who gets it next...tomorrow.

It's important for me to thank the little people.

And no, I don't mean Verne and his sex tape.

I received my 2nd Blog Award today from my new best friend, Jilljillbobill aka Jilldo. It looks like this:



So evidently, this is Portuguese for "This blog invests and believes in the proximity". Which I assume means something about bringing people closer together! After all, it certainly has brought me new friends I would have never met if I hadn't started stalking reading other blogs.

I get to pass this on to a few peeps of my own, and therefore I am bestowing this mostly gratuitous award to the following:

Vinnie at Single Dad Seeking

Charlene at Charlene_in_AK

Jaded at The View From This Place

CCDD at Chocolate Covered Day Dreams

These are just a few of my new friends that I'd love to someday get the chance to hang out with, have a few bottles glasses of wine, and just talk.

Of course, I want to do the same with JJBB, Georgie, Deb, Amelia Bedelia, Amy and all the rest of my kindred spirits aka whackjobs delightful new friends but they've already gotten this blog award, so I left them off the list!

Thank you to the Academy, my parents for having me, my son for loving me unconditionally, my boss for not firing me for blogging on company time (oh wait, he doesn't know I blog, and if Amanda tells him I will kick her scrawny ass), and of course, my fans...because without you I'm nothing.

(One might argue that even with you I'm not much!)

You like me! You really like me!!!!

Check this out. Commence with being jealous and green with envy. I'll wait.



I have received my first Blog Award!!!! Thanks to that bat-shit-crazy Deb over at Postcards from the Edge, I am now an award winning blogga. A legend in my own mind....

So here's the deal. I get to nominate my own peeps for an award of their own. I'm gonna get so much love for this....

Danica - who is my dear friend and "accidentally single" no more.

Meaghan - who has two of the cutest little guys ever, and I've felt blessed to watch them grow.

Vinnie - new friend who already understands the wrath of Julie is dealt with love!

Trisha - if I had anything to do with her being pregnant, I can assure you, it was my pleasure!

Rita - a long time friend who's blog usually makes me hungry!

Nate - his story, his wife and beautiful baby, have reaffirmed my faith, and shown me that miracles do happen.

and last but not least...

Matt - I read his blog daily, sometimes I check it 10 times a day for updates. I've cried, laughed, and had every emotion in between, and I'm grateful every day that he shares his life with us.

Ok so here are the rules for Hearting another blogger....

1. The winner can put the logo on her/his blog.
2. Link the person you received your award from.
3. Nominate 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of those you’ve nominated

Thanks to all of you for making my work day a little shorter...I read so damn many blogs I get about half a day's work done!!!!!

Love you guys!