So I whacked all my hair off.

I'm getting used to it, it's been 2 weeks so you'd think I'd have mastered the art of using a flat iron by now!

The burn on my forehead disagrees.

Oh well...

Hoppy Easter!

It's that time again...the Office Xmas Party

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And, don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ....You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody????

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gift exchange is allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money, and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party (the days are so short this time of year), or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet. Pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each gender will have their own table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food thus we suggest for those people with blood pressure problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics since the restaurant is unable to supply "no sugar" desserts.

Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people! Nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up ike Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween, or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey, or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up? Please?????????

Also, the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail, sent to your home.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #*&^@*^Holiday Party

I have no#&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the #&^!@ do I care...? I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and your are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your @ #$^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now !HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

****************************************************
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Terri

A Christmas Wish...Granted

I found this letter I wrote to Santa in 2008, and I am proud to say that he finally granted my wish last year. Santa Rocks!!!!

So write your letters, folks....eventually you'll get what you wish for!

12/2008

Dear Santa,

I know I haven't written for awhile, but I thought this was a good year for us to reconnect. We've had a bit of a tumultuous past, you and I, but as I've grown up and matured, I have come to realize that I shouldn't expect to find happiness with a guy who travels with reindeer and plays with elves.

So, I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I forgive you for that whole Barbie Dream House debacle of 1969. Even though I was very specific about what I was looking for....the beautiful pink 4' tall model, 12 rooms, a master bath jacuzzi big enough for Ken and Barbie, three car garage for the Barbie Dream Car, Ken's Jeep, and a guest spot...I know it was too big to fit under the tree but if you recall I asked that you please put it on the left side of the tree so that as I ran into the room on Christmas morning, it's the last thing I saw.

Santa, you sat right there in the mall, looked me in the eyes and said "Julie, your Christmas will be dreamy...ho ho ho". Dreamy = Dream House in my 8 year old eyes.

Imagine my surprise when, in lieu of a beautiful Barbie Dream House on Christmas morning, I woke to find some horrible Barbie head with hair that you pulled out of her skull so it "grew"! Oh, and then you applied neon blue eye shadow to her eyes and this sticky gross "lipstick" in a God awful shade of pink to her clearly collagened lips. Seriously? This was your idea of my Barbie dream????? For years I refused to wear my hair in a ponytail for fear somebody was going to pull on it and I'd end up with yellow plastic hair down to my ass.

I digress. The reason for this letter is that I'd like us to make amends with each other. Let's call a truce, shall we? Obviously I haven't asked for a lot this past 40 years. But this year, there is something I really, really want, and I think you and I can work together to make it happen.

What I'm looking for this year is a great guy. Let's face it, after my ex, my bar is set pretty low. He is NOT a hard act to follow. I have a list of the specific qualities I'm looking for in a romantic partner which I will forward to you later, however to summarize I'm just really asking for the important things...passion, honesty, integrity, a sense of humor, financial stability, romance, etc. He can be a good solid 5 in the looks department, because frankly I consider myself about a 6 on most days, and you know that women always want to be the pretty one in a relationship.

Please note...I have a 4' tree. Please, please, please...do not attempt to put him under it. I'm not looking to date a midget.

If you can find it in your heart to grant my Christmas wish this year, I promise I will forget all about the Barbie Dream House.

Love,
Julie

P.S. If you could make him well endowed, that would really sweeten the deal. Thanks!

How can Christmas be 18 days away?

Seriously? It's less than 3 weeks til Christmas?

Sigh.

What am I thankful for? I think you can guess....

So many things.

This kid of mine thriving adult who's about to turn 21 in a month:

This man that I am lucky to share my life with:

Note our fantastic new hair styles. You can't tell from the picture but mine is red again, and his is really short, which I've been nagging subtly suggesting he do for months....

I'm thankful that my family and friends, because I am blessed to have some damn good ones. This is our first round of holidays without my Mom here, and I miss her so much, but I'm lucky to have the rest of my circle to help fill the void.

I'm thankful that Michael and I are improving our health every day (even though I'd love to be able to improve it while eating meat and dairy, hahaha). I'm thankful that I have a job that I love (most days), that I have everything I need and anything else that comes along is just icing on my cake of life.

And I'm thankful that there are still a few of you die hards out there that still read my blog. I know I don't post very often, and I appreciate the fact that you still care enough to keep coming back when I do. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll get back to blogging regularly again.

Here's wishing you all a fantastic Thanksgiving. Tell me...what are you thankful for this year?

Turtle Power 4th of July Style

....and a great weekend was had by all.

The happiest Mother's Day of all....

I got to spend one more Mother's Day with my Mom.

Mom and three of her daughters. We miss you, Linda...there is always an empty place in every picture where you should be.

(Somebody asked me yesterday if I am Sue Ellen's daughter. (She's my oldest sister, in the pink shirt) Bwwwwwhahahahahahahaha. I'm the baby of the family. AND, for the first time ever, the most tanned. Booyah!)

There was a brunch at the nursing home, so we spent time with her in the morning. Mom isn't really very responsive these days. She's pretty quiet. She has a hard time having any sort of conversation. But she was here, and last year at this time we were in the hospital with her, and 100% sure it was our last Mother's Day together. "How" she is still here, I don't know. But I'm thankful for having her for one more.

I spent the rest of the day with the reason I am celebrated on Mother's Day. Being this kid's Mom is the greatest thing I ever did.

And getting to share a beautiful Sunday with the loves of my life fills me with unimaginable joy.

I hope your Mother's Day was just as nice.

You give me a raging heart on.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby! You color my world with love....

(OMG, seriously....I've become "that girl", who is cheesy and sickening on Valentine's Day? Egads. For those of you hurling on my blog right now, I feel you. I'd do the same if it wasn't me who's all smushy and lovey dovey and crazy mad for this man!)

Ain't love grand?

Julie takes a look back at 2010

~ What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?  Finally changed my way of thinking.  Started believing in myself, and creating the life that I had always wanted to have but somehow never did.

~ Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I resolve to stop making resolutions. I suck at them. They last about 20 minutes into the New Year. This year, I figure if my resolution is to make no more resolutions, I'm good to go.

~ Did anyone close to you give birth? Like, physically close to me? No, I have not actually witnessed childbirth this year. My immediate family has not expanded, but I have nieces and nephews getting to that age where the thought is undoubtedly crossing their minds!

~ Did anyone close to you die?  Amazingly enough, no.  My Mom is still with us, and we never dreamed she would be,  They sent her home from the hospital in June with "two days to two weeks" to live.  It's been six months now and yet it's truly still just a day to day thing at this point.  She's more than ready to go.  I just wish God would listen to her prayers.

~ What countries did you spend time in this year? Um, I'm pretty sure I've been landlocked this year. My passport has nothing on it.  (That will change in March though!) Went to Vegas in May, and that was pretty much my only vacation this year.  Work kicked my ass and kept me too busy to take time off.

~ What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? A booming real estate business so that I can pay off bills, for helping Jordan with college, and adding stamps to my passport.  Continued growth with my "change your thoughts, change your life" as some days I still revert back to negative thinking out of habit.  And my love relationship getting better and better every single day.

~ What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?  Well, I re-met the love of my life in August, and in September my son went off to college.  Those were two pretty big events in my life this year.  Both life changing but in good ways.

~ What was your biggest achievement of the year?  Letting go of my past finally, and making room for true love to come into my life.  I wish it hadn't taken me so long, but everything happens when it's supposed to, and clearly this was the right time.  I walked away from that situation in May, and spent the summer learning to be happy with just me.  And then I started dating Michael August 7th.  And the rest is history!

~ What was your biggest failure?  I don't believe in failure.  Some things may not have worked out the way I planned or hoped, but some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

~ Did you suffer any serious injury or illness?   Nope.  Feeling good!

~ What was the best thing you bought?  An early plane ticket home from Vegas...it was the end of an error.  It was by far the best $400 I have ever spent in my life.

~ Whose behavior merited celebration?  My son, of course.  He's doing great at UC, maintaining his mega weight loss from last year, and just makes me proud every single day to be his Mom.

~ Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed? Who am I to judge?  My ex was always the source of appalling behavior for the past ten years, and earlier this year was no exception.  But in retrospect, I  am grateful that he is who he is, because he did me a favor by acting in ways that were so unacceptable to me that I had no choice but to move on.  And in doing so I fell madly in love with "the one that got away" 13 years ago.  So, for that I thank him.  And I wish him well.  Bwahahahahhahaha.

~ Where did most of your money go? Credit card bills. And Starbucks. I have an addition to iced caramel macchiatos, skinny, upside down. A big chunk went to getting my kid out the door and off to school, and now I pay child support to him.  LOL  It was cheaper to keep him at home!

~ What did you get really, really, really excited about?  I was very excited for Jordan to go off to school, only because I knew how excited he was about it.  I was afraid the empty nest might kill me, but turns out that it wasn't empty after all with my new man here all the time!

~ What do you wish you'd done more of?  Live in the moment.  I'm a worrier, always have been, but it was even worse this past ten years with my ex because I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and my life to explode around me again at his diabolical hands .  Once he was out of the picture, it took me a long time to just...relax.  Especially being in a new relationship.  Rather than constantly looking for land mines, I wish I'd just been able to trust right off the bat that he wasn't going to do the things my ex did.  It took me several months before I could exhale.  And now I trust again, I believe in love again, and I will get married again.  Six months ago I don't think I could have said anything of those things honestly.

~ What do you wish you'd done less of?  Working.  I mean, I need the paycheck, but I discovered this year that a lot of my "on call" status at work was simply due to me not having a life!  I made work my 24 hour a day job, and this fall when Jordan left for school and Michael and I were cementing our relationship, I lost all motivation to make my job anything but a 9-5 deal.  No more staying late, no more responding to emails on nights and weekends.  I've even stopped some of my textual relationships.  LOL  I have better things to do with my time now!

~ Did you fall in love in 2010?  Oh.  Yes.  I.  Did.  Madly, truly, deeply!  And I am thankful every day for it.  He's an amazing man, he makes me laugh and treats me like a queen.  He's everything I ever imagined my partner to be (which is why he was always my "one that got away" for the last 13 years) and I'm so grateful to have a second chance at happily ever after.  Long Live Turtle Power.  (It's a private joke.)

~ How many one-night stands? Duh, just one.  It's on the right side of my bed.  Oh wait, not that kind of night stand?  Then the answer is a proud "NONE".

~ Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?  I don't hate. That level of internal poison causes wrinkles that I can't afford to have! There are a couple of people that I am not overly fond of but karma will take care of them. Meanwhile, for me, living well is the best revenge!.

~ What was the best book you read? 'Infinite Possibilities:  The Art of Living Your Dreams' by Mike Dooley.  It's all about changing your thoughts and creating a new life for yourself.  I am living proof that it works.

~ What did you want and not get? Botox. And Restylane. Hey, I'm being honest. My face has fallen further than Obama in the polls.

~ What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Well I was 49 on my birthday in March, and I have no idea what I did!  But I can tell you where I'll be on March 22, 2011.  I'll be turning 50 on a cruise ship in the Caribbean!  Woohoooooooooooooooooo!

~ What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I'd lost the rest of the weight I started losing in 2009.  I fell off the wagon, and haven't been able to get back on.

~ What political issue stirred you the most? Don't get me started. We are all entitled to our opinions, but I don't force mine down your throat and I'd really appreciate you not forcing yours down mine. Thank God for the delete button in emails.  For the record, I am a registered Democrat. I voted for Obama.  If you have a problem with him, discuss it with the rest of your Republican friends, and keep your conspiracy theories to yourself.  I didn't forward a bunch of shit about George Bush to everyone back in the day, so give me the same courtesy please.  Thanks.  In a related note, if God forbid Sarah Palin gets elected President, I will be relocating to another country.  But no worries, I won't email you about it.  You'll be getting enough from your friends wondering what kind of mess you've gotten yourselves into and how to get out of it!

~ Who did you miss?  I miss my sister all the time. So many things I want to share with her. I want her to see Jordan and be as proud as I am. Life is just not the same without her.  I also miss seeing my son every day!  We talk on Face Time (it's a Skype like thing on our iPhones) a couple of times a week when he's away at school, but when you've seen somebody every day for 19 years, going a few weeks without seeing them is tough.  Especially on a mom who's life has revolved around her kid for so long.  But I survived it, and even learned not to text him every night to make sure he was safely in his dorm room so that I could go to bed and actually sleep.  LOL

~ Who was the best new person you met?  OK he's not a "new" person, but after 13 years apart, and each of us being in long term...."unsuccessful" relationships (that's a nice way to put it!),  Michael and I are not the same people we were back when we dated before.  So meeting up again was in a way like meeting a new person, who just happened to be very familiar.  It was great not having to go through the awkward "getting to know you" phase of dating, though!

~ Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Anger and bitterness ages you faster than anything. This year I have really let go of my past, forgiven those who wronged me, and started looking forward with excitement and anticipation.  My life has done a 180 this year, and while there have been a lot of changes in it, I can honestly say I have never been as happy as I am right now.

~ What sums up this year? (a word, a quote...?)  Joy.  Bliss.  Happiness.  At Last.

Happy New Year, readers! My wish for you all is that 2011 brings you the life you've dreamed of, and that you have a healthy and prosperous New Year!!! Thank you for the light you shine into my life and I hope that I bring something to yours as well.

Holiday Eating Tips

Pay attention, peeps. I'm only saying this once.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. In fact, add some rum to it if you can. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season....eat, drink and be merry!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time for the office Christmas party!

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And, don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ....You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody????

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gift exchange is allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money, and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party (the days are so short this time of year), or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet. Pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each gender will have their own table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food thus we suggest for those people with blood pressure problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics since the restaurant is unable to supply "no sugar" desserts.

Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people! Nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up ike Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween, or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey, or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up? Please?????????

Also, the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail, sent to your home.

Patty

****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #*&^@*^Holiday Party

I have no#&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the #&^!@ do I care...? I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and your are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your @ #$^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now !HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

****************************************************
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Terri

Oh, no kidding! He's met you people.

Keep away from my chimney, Santa.

Ever wonder what Santa looks like in the summer months?

I do not want that man coming once a year anywhere near me.

Ho Ho Hell No.

(Yes, I am recycling old blogs. Sorry for the shortage of new material. Or, I'm just lazy. LOL)

Wait, is that the Christmas spirit moving me?

The tree is up and presents are starting to appear

We bought our First Christmas ornament together. It's a turtle, and there is personal meaning behind it that goes back to when we first dated 13 years ago. Let's call it Turtle Power and leave it at that...LOL

We were out with friends Friday night....

And I can't keep my hands off the guy. Aw, aren't we cute?

I think this was the same night...by the time Michael and Elizabeth were doing karaoke, I had been overserved and needed my glasses on. LOL

A couple of weekends ago we went to Cincinnati so Michael could do a stand-up gig, and at the hotel we stayed in, they put us on the sixth floor. Since 6 is his lucky number (it's really bizarre how often it shows up in his life!), we had to snap a photo...

This one was in October when we went to the Grand Victoria casino for the weekend..

You can't tell I like this fella, can you? LOL

Get a room, people. :)

It's going to be a really great Christmas. I can feel it....

Really? December already????????

I am NOT ready for the holidays. Wasn't I just wearing flip flops??????

OK well truth is, my tree is up....and I have started a little shopping.  "Little", being the operative word there.  I hate shopping, you people know this about me!  I always wait til the last minute, or shop online.  Can't. Stand. Crazy. Christmas. Shoppers.

Jordan is easy to shop for this year.  He wants an Apple gift card for the new version of iPad when it comes out in the spring.

My challenge is buying for Michael.  You know the feeling....in love and wanting to buy everything you see?  I have to seriously edit myself.

But really, let's face it....he's got ME.  What more could he really need?

I can't say Butterball with a straight face.

I expect you all to say at least one of these things during Thanksgiving dinner:

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

"Talk about a huge breast!"

"It's Cool Whip time!"

"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"Are you going to come again next time?"

"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

"Don't play with your meat."

"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"How many are coming?"

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."

"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

Thinking of you all at Thanksgiving and wishing you the Happiest Day!

I feel very blessed this year.  2010 has been wonderful to me in so many ways.  I have created an amazing life for myself, and am so lucky to have family and friends who surround me with love.

I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and as you count your blessings today please say a prayer for all of our servicemen and women who aren't with their families today, but are standing guard protecting ours.

Love to all...

I hope you have a raging heart on today

To those of you 

coupled up and in loooooooooooooove....

Happy Valentine's Day.

I'm taking the day off from blogging but it's not like I have special plans so check out Rachel's blog over at Single Mom Seeking. 

She was nice enough to ask me for a contribution quote for her annual Valentine's Day post, 

and she's got such a great blog that you really should be reading it 

every day of the year, not just today.

(I hope next year I have a Valentine to share this day with.)

Well, it's back to work after 10 days off....

I have to say, I've enjoyed my vacation. I was already taking the week between Christmas and New Year's off anyway because I had time from the year that I hadn't used up, but then my boss decided to close down the office and let us all have the time off.

I almost got used to sleeping in. I'm the kind of girl who is up at 7am even when I don't have to be. So I've gotten used to waking up, looking at the clock and thinking "I don't have to get up!" and falling back asleep! I slept in til 10am today, which is usually unheard of for me.

But tomorrow it's back to being up at 7:30. Sigh. Oh well.

I'm just thankful to have a job to go to!!!!

My holidays were good, pretty quiet but I like it that way. Did all the family stuff over Christmas, then celebrated Jordan's birthday two days later (and bought myself this), and didn't do a damn thing for New Year's Eve other than watch The Hangover (finally...am I the last person in America to see it? Thought it was "okay", expected to be laughing my ass off throughout the movie and instead just chuckled a few times). New Year's Day brought my beloved Buckeyes a Rose Bowl victory, and today my excitement was waking up to frozen cold water pipes, and spending the day insulating them in an effort to prevent that from happening again!

It's been a good holiday season, but I'm glad it's over and a new year has begun. 2009 was pretty good for me, and I have every confidence that 2010 is going to be even better. I'm recommitted to my diet as of tomorrow morning (I let myself slack off during the holidays....not going crazy but not actually counting points either) and my first goal for this year is to lose the remaining 40 lbs that I didn't lose last year. I'm also looking in to ways to market my real estate business so I can close a lot more deals this year and pay off my bills. I'm ready to do some travelling! And I can't do that until the debt from my condo fiasco of three years ago gets paid off.

What are your goals for 2010? Share some of them with me....

Everything's coming up roses....

Happy New Year!!!!! Yay for 2010! I know it will be even better than last year was, and for me 2009 was a pretty good year.

It's going to start out with my beloved Buckeyes beating Oregon in the Rose Bowl!!!

(I love this old school program from 1958! How fun is that?)

GO BUCKS! BEAT THE DUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I get an O-H?

Julie takes a look back at 2009....

~ What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before? Stuck to my diet! I successfully lost 35 lbs. I have regained three of it over the holidays and starting January 1 I'll be back on Weight Watchers to lose this last 40 lbs.  (Oh, make that 43 lbs)  Stay tuned!

~ Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?   I resolve to stop making resolutions. I suck at them. They last about 20 minutes into the New Year. This year, I figure if my resolution is to make no more resolutions, I'm good to go.

~ Did anyone close to you give birth? Like, physically close to me? No, I have not actually witnessed childbirth this year. But some of the young girls I know on the Nest have had babies this year. (Yeah so they are all in their 20's and 30's...it's not like they are teens...but to me they are young girls! You know who you are...stop laughing as you read this.) I also managed to knock several of them up this year...Steph, Trisha, Rhiannon to name a few. I've got my eye on several other Nesties this coming year....watch out ladies!!! For those of you who don't understand this, it's a running joke on the Nestie board that when I go out of town, or when I see these girls at social events, people end up pregnant. I have girls offering to pay for my vacations at this point. However, it also happens that when I walk into a party with them, the crowd parts and I'm only allowed on one side of the room with women who want babies. LOL

~ Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no. My Mom is still with us, and to be honest we didn't think she would be, but she's a tough old bird and she's hanging in there.  However I have had a friend for over 12 years now, Ginny Croasdale, who I met on a message board when Jordan was just a little boy.  I never had the chance to meet her in person (she lived in Reno, NV) but we have always been in contact with each other, and she would send Jordan Christmas ornaments and things over the years.  She passed away the day after Christmas this year from brain cancer that was diagnosed back in June.  She was a fun and interesting lady, and I will miss her baudy sense of  humor the most.  Rest in peace, Gin.  My life is better for having known you, my friend.

~ What countries did you spend time in this year? Um, I'm pretty sure I've been landlocked this year. My passport has nothing on it. I can, however, travel anywhere you would like to send me. (Nestie girls, take note.)  I went to Vegas twice this year, and Chicago once, and other than that I didn't do a lot of long distance travelling.

~ What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? A booming real estate business so that I can pay off bills, prepare for helping Jordan with college, and add stamps to my passport. Oh, and I totally logged way too few miles doing the horizontal bop (ok, make that zero miles), so I'd be quite happy to have a dancing partner. (Hey, just being honest!)

~ What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Jordan's graduation day, of course. That was a big event for us this year.

~ What was your biggest achievement of the year? Again, losing the weight. I have never had the self control to stop bitching about being fat and actually *do* something about it. Now I know I can do it, and if I don't lose the rest of the weight it's due to laziness and nothing else.

~ What was your biggest failure? I don't really feel like I had one. So maybe my biggest failure was to have a biggest failure! Yay! I hope every year going forward is like that! Oh wait, probably my biggest failure was missing my Dallas trip to hang with Deb and Jill. That really disappointed me. I should have gotten on that plane even if they had to wheel me on it with an oxygen mask and a stretcher.

~ Did you suffer any serious injury or illness? My ego has been bruised a few times. Other than that I'm pretty healthy.  My three herniated back disks are the same as they have been....no worse, which is good.  Losing some weight has definitely helped.

~ What was the best thing you bought?  My new car this week!

~ Whose behavior merited celebration? My son. He graduated in June, lost 85 lbs this year, pulled a 3.4 in his first quarter of college, and he makes me proud every day to be his mom.

~ Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?  Nobody I know personally.  But for God's sake...Jon Gosselin?  He just needs somebody to smack the shit out of him. It's pretty bad when he started out being the henpecked husband of a controlling bitch and by the end of the year he was the world's biggest douchebag and public sympathy was with Kate for ever being married to that Ed Hardy wearing asshat in the first place!

~ Where did most of your money go? Credit card bills. And Starbucks. I have an addition to iced caramel macchiatos, skinny, upside down. Two points, baby.

~ What did you get really, really, really excited about? Watching Jordan conquer this weight problem this year. I always knew he'd get there one day, and as I watched the pounds melt away I got more and more excited for him, and what his future holds.

~ What do you wish you'd done more of?   Really?  Do you need to ask??  I wish I'd done more of that thing I haven't done ANY of.  Sigh.  Maybe next year..  Takers?  Anyone?  Bueller?

~ What do you wish you'd done less of?  Worrying.  And sitting on my ass on the couch when I should be breaking a sweat.  I could have lost all the weight I wanted instead of just half of it.

~ Did you fall in love in 2009? No, but it's only Dec 31st. I have plenty of time. You know I'm a last minute  kind of gal.

~ How many one-night stands? Dammit this question was a zero last year too! I so wish I had a number to plug in here. Unfortunately, I'm not a one-nighter kind of gal.  I'm starting to think however, that in 2010 I should become one!

~ Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate. That level of internal poison causes wrinkles that I can't afford to have!  I strongly dislike the whore woman who helped break up my marriage, but I finally realized that karma will be a far bigger bitch to her than I could ever be.  Some day, one way or another, she'll pay the price for her part in it.  So I've let that one go, and left it up to destiny to even the score.  Meanwhile, for me, living well is the best revenge!. 

~ What was the best book you read? Oh this one is easy. Bastard Husband: A Love Story. (Click on that link to go to Amazon and buy your own copy!) Even if I didn't know Linda Lou personally, I would have loved this book. It reminds me in so many ways of my own BH. But knowing the author makes the book that much better to me. Seriously, you need to read it. Click the damn link right now and go buy one. And then buy some for your friends too.

~ What did you want and not get? Botox. And Restylane. Hey, I'm being honest. My face has fallen further than Obama in the polls.

~ What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Well I was 48 on my birthday in March, and I have no idea what I did! I think it was a Sunday and I vaguely recall having lunch with my sisters, and I believe Jordan and his then-girlfriend made me dinner.

~ What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? As much as I bitch about being dateless, I do have a very satisfying life. Would I like to have someone to share good times with? You bet. But I have figured out that I have to make myself happy first, and then share that happiness with another when he comes along. Maybe this year he'll buy himself a faster car and get here quicker. LOL

~ What political issue stirred you the most? Don't get me started. We are all entitled to our opinions, but I don't force mine down your throat and I'd really appreciate you not forcing yours down mine. Thank God for the delete button in emails.

~ Who did you miss? I miss my sister all the time. So many things I want to share with her. I want her to see Jordan and be as proud as I am. Life is just not the same without her.

~ Who was the best new person you met? I was so lucky to spend time in May with blogging buddies Linda Lou and Darlene!!!!! They are no longer blog friends, they are lifelong girlfriends. We had the best time in Vegas and I fully intend to see both again this year. I really hate that I missed the Dallas trip with Deb and Jill but I plan to meet them both this year. Party at Myrtle Beach, right ladies?

~ Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Anger and bitterness ages you faster than anything. This year I have really let go of my past, forgiven those who wronged me, and started looking forward with excitement and anticipation.

~ What sums up this year? (a word, a quote...?) Meets, but does not exceed expectations!

Happy New Year, readers! My wish for you all is that 2010 brings you more joy and happiness than any other year, and that you have a healthy and prosperous New Year!!! Thank you for the light you shine into my life and I hope that I bring something to yours as well.