What day, who's face and is sex involved?

Seriously, I slept so soundly that I woke up having NO idea what day it was. I laid there thinking...okay, can I go back to sleep, or do I have to go to work? And if I have to work, exactly what day IS this? Is it Friday yet?

What's with the waking up like you've been in a freaking coma? Is this a product of age, stress, nobody to keep me up at night...what?

And can somebody tell me why *everything* hurts when you get out of bed? My body literally creaks. It's like I've become a wood floor and somebody is walking on me. Hell my days of being able to sneak up on anybody are long gone. You can hear me coming from two rooms away.

And *where* does all the gas come from? You ladies know exactly what I'm talking about so stop laughing. I never used to be like this. My mother was like this though! She'd wake up, and toot all the way down the hall to the bathroom every single morning. And I would laugh, and think "I can't believe she just let's it fly like that!"

Well, I *could* do the same thing. I try not to, because I don't want to wake my son up. But damn, I'm like one big ball of gas when I get out of bed. If I let it all fly it would sound like firecrackers going off or something. What the hell causes that when you get older????

Oh, and seriously...I want my face back.

Whoever took it and replaced it with this blotchy, puffy, jowled, creviced, wrinkly, shopping bag sized bags-under-the-eyes, dark eye circled, weird red marks, doubled chinned lump of flesh with a sheet imprint on one cheek, needs to return it pronto.

I'm never going to get a date with the one you left it's place when you stole my youth real face while I was in the aforementioned blissful sleep.

Trust me, NOBODY wants to see this face looking up at them during sex...or God forbid, looking down. Seriously. Have you ever actually seen what you look like when you're on top, and you think you've got this sexy "Oooh, yeah baby" look on your face as you're bent over your man? Go lay a mirror on your bathroom sink, bend over it and look. You will never be on top again.

On top, you get the saggy face thing. On bottom, you get boobs in your armpits. There is no sexy position at my age. Well, maybe from behind. But you've gotta really be bent over far to stretch out the cellulite in your ass and make it look smooth.

Evidently, if I ever get laid again, it's going to have to be during a black out.

I'm going back to bed now. It's less depressing.

And I wasn't even drinking before I went to bed!

So I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamed that my Dad and I were going on a ski trip to Banff, Canada. We had to make a 6:20am flight, and for some reason I didn't start packing until 5:30, so I was scrambling to get packed and get us to the airport when my Dad realized he didn't have a passport. I asked him why he didn't have a passport and he told me that even though I had gotten him that passport gift certificate for Xmas (??) he forgot to send it in, so he'd go do it real quick and meet me at the airport, and I was like "Dad, it takes weeks to get a passport. We're going to have to reschedule our trip". The airlines was nice enough to refund our money even though it was now 6:20 and the plane was ready to leave. So I called all my friends and said I wasn't leaving town after all....

And after that I woke up.

This is weird for so many reasons...first of all, my Dad died 4 1/2 years ago. I have never been skiing in my life, and to my knowledge my Dad never did either and we certainly never talked about going together. I thought it was funny that the flight time was very specific, and very strange that I gave him a gift card to get a passport!

I can usually figure out where most of my dreams come from...you know how you recognize things in your dreams that maybe you thought of earlier in the day, or it parallels something that's happening in your life? But this one is a stumper.

What's the strangest dream you've had lately, and do you know why you dreamed it?

PS...I'm in high gear (busy) at work right now so I will read all of your blogs and comment on them later tonight!

Not all dreams come true, right??

So last night I had a nightmare dream that I was remarrying my ex.

I can't lie and say I haven't thought about it over the years. Especially in the early times post divorce, when I was still in love with him. Yes, I know that makes me officially crazy to have ever even considered it, but I have to own my issues no matter how big or small they are!

But this past year, he and I have been growing apart, and by that I mean, at least for me, finally falling out of love. I still care about him, I still love him as one does any person they spent 8 years of their life with, but I'm no longer IN love with him. This past month has been really, really monumental, in that I have only seen him one time, and have actually gone several days in a row without talking.

So anyway, last night I have this dream that I am marrying him again. I can't remember all the details right now, but I do know that I was in a room with several of my girlfriends, and they kept telling me I had to get my dress on and get ready, and it was time and he was waiting and all those things, and I kept dragging my feet and thinking to myself "I made this mistake once. Why am I making it again?" At one point I remember saying "What are we doing tonight? Just in case I don't get married...we could all go out or something!" and somebody said "You are thinking about not marrying him again?" and I said "I've been thinking about it for a long time, and now I need to do something about it before it's too late."

The funny thing is that I had very similar feelings the first time I married him. For three months before our wedding I had a website called "There Goes the Bride" on my favorites list. It was about women who cancelled their weddings. That should have been my first clue, right? And the day of my wedding, as the doors opened and my son and I stood there about to walk down the aisle, I remember feeling frozen and thinking "OK this is your last chance to get out of this!", and Jordan kind of tugged at my arm and said "C'mon Mom!"....and off I went. Yet another red flag I chose to ignore.

...back to reality....

Anyway, the most significant thing about this dream is that I could actually feel the emotion of "I do not want to marry him anymore". That is huge for me! You have no idea.

Somewhere in my subconcious, I have finally given myself permission to feel that personal truth, and I cannot tell you how freeing it is. I've suspected it for awhile now, but wouldn't let myself actually go there because somehow it made me (yet again!) feel like a failure...because if marrying him the first time turned out to be the biggest hurt of my life, then admitting I wouldn't marry him again somehow pointed the finger at me for ever making the mistake in the first place. I know that sounds warped but it's how I feel. As a very wise woman told me recently...

Oh, the damage we do to ourselves after everyone else is finished!

For the first time in three LONG years, I feel like I have made peace with my divorce. And I cannot tell you how amazingly wonderful that feels. It's been a very long time coming, and I am really, truly, finally ready to put my marriage and divorce behind me, and move on with my life. And I'm happy about that.

So tell me, have you ever had a dream that really turned things around for you, or made something much clearer?

So last night I was smoking crack with Johnny Depp

In my dreams, of course.

Yeah, I'm not sure if it was crack or exactly what it was but it created some sort of bong water that he made me drink (??), and it was like being realllllllly stoned (not that I'm familiar with that feeling) (at least not in the last two decades) and/or had the same sort of out-of-body experience of being on Ecstasy (same disclaimer previously mentioned).

The weird thing is that I really felt like I was high, and I remember actually thinking in my dream "Wow, this is cool, I know I'm dreaming and yet I can really feel as though I'm FUBB!!!!" (That's "Fucked Up Beyond Belief" for those of you who don't remember the 80's either) I was laughing and giggling and eventually drank more bong water because I figured...hey, it's a dream...even if I freak out nothing bad is going to really happen!

Then suddenly there was some sort of thing where we were flying to New York ~ everyone knows how I hate to fly ~ and I had the ability to lay down in bed while the plane took off, which made that whole thing really easy! (If they could only do that for me on real flights!) Then I remember they were showing pre-flight commercials about plane crashes, and once we took off we were flying really low over golf courses with crashed planes all over the place. One looked like a plane in Lost where it had jungle plants all over it, one had a plane buried under the snow, one was on the bottom of the ocean (and yes, these were all on the golf course, remember! Must be a very interesting place!).

I swear, I had one glass of wine last night and it was two hours before bed. LOL

I always think it is interesting to interpret dreams, and a lot of the time I can pretty easily figure out where certain things come from in mine. This one, however, I'm a little confused by. I'm not a big Johnny Depp fan, and I don't have any overwhelming desire to get stoned. I've always feared plane crashes, that's a given, but I think that had more to do with the fact that I was "flying" from the drugs!!!!

I should start blogging about my dreams every time I can remember them, it would make some entertaining reading for you guys. I can hear it now "Wow, this girl is a freak". LOL

Happy Friday, everyone!

Oh, and....

I have a lot of weird dreams, and most of the time I remember them and can analyze them to the point of knowing why I would dream a particular thing.

However, last night I dreamed I was married to Danny Bonaduce.

No clue why I would dream that. I didn't see him on TV or anything last night before I went to bed. I don't have any deep seeded attraction to red haired, steriod fueled raging men with anger management issues and bad skin. And I was far more into David Cassidy during the Partridge Family years.

Yet, there was I was, Mrs. B last night. Fortunately I woke up before we consummated the marriage. LOL

Weird.

By the way, my boss just signed us all up for the Race for the Cure. I won't be racing, but I'll be walking my way towards the finish line! It's on May 17th and I'll be walking in my mother-in-law Jennie's honor. As some of you know she's dealing with four different types of cancer right now, one of them being breast.

It's a 3 mile walk. I just hope my back holds out!