Finding Our New Normal

Thanks everyone, for your kind words of sympathy in the loss of my Mom.

You know, I can't be sad. Mom had a long and lovely, happy life, and she is with Dad and Linda (my sister) and that makes me happy, if one can feel that emotion at a time like this.

I have a little story to share with you though....

Mom's favorite song was "At Last", by Etta James, she said it always reminded her of Dad. So about 10 minutes before she passed, I played it for her, because I knew wherever she was, she was on her way to dance with Dad again. The last line of the song "....and here we are, in heaven....for you are mine at last" was especially poignant to me.

So, Friday night after the memorial we had a family gathering out at my sister's house, and later that night when I was leaving, as I got in my car and started it, immediately "At Last" came on the radio (not something you hear a lot on XM!), followed by "Haven't Got Time for the Pain" by Carly Simon, who was my sister Linda's all time favorite artist! She was all Carly, all the time.

I just laughed, and took it as them telling me Mom made it okay, they were there together, and it's okay for me to go on and not hurt over it.

Funny how those things happen when you need them the most.

This one's for you, Mom. I hope you and Dad are still dancing.

She's dancing in heaven with Daddy now.

I lost my beautiful Mom yesterday.

She is finally with my Dad again, and my sister, and her parents and sister and friends who went before her, and I cannot be sad for that.

But not ever seeing her sweet little smile, or hearing her call me her baby....well that makes my heart hurt.

I love you Mom. You were an amazing mother to me, and I learned all I know about being a mom from you. Thank you for loving me like you did.

I will miss you every day of my life.

Letting Go

As some of you know, Mom has been steadily declining the past couple of days. We have been with her and will continue to be until the end, whether that is today, or tomorrow, or whenever God is ready for her. My family hasn't posted anything on FB about her yet, so not everyone was aware of this.

A dear friend sent me a beautiful email earlier today that I wanted to share with you. Please keep my Mom in your thoughts and prayers for a peaceful passing. We love her dearly, but we know Dad and Linda are anxiously waiting for her.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”

“Gone Where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!”

And that is dying.

The happiest Mother's Day of all....

I got to spend one more Mother's Day with my Mom.

Mom and three of her daughters. We miss you, Linda...there is always an empty place in every picture where you should be.

(Somebody asked me yesterday if I am Sue Ellen's daughter. (She's my oldest sister, in the pink shirt) Bwwwwwhahahahahahahaha. I'm the baby of the family. AND, for the first time ever, the most tanned. Booyah!)

There was a brunch at the nursing home, so we spent time with her in the morning. Mom isn't really very responsive these days. She's pretty quiet. She has a hard time having any sort of conversation. But she was here, and last year at this time we were in the hospital with her, and 100% sure it was our last Mother's Day together. "How" she is still here, I don't know. But I'm thankful for having her for one more.

I spent the rest of the day with the reason I am celebrated on Mother's Day. Being this kid's Mom is the greatest thing I ever did.

And getting to share a beautiful Sunday with the loves of my life fills me with unimaginable joy.

I hope your Mother's Day was just as nice.

I love this song.

I love this song, for obvious reasons. My Mom is crazy about my guy. To quote her..."I really like this guy. You'd better hold onto him!"

Consider it done, Mom.