I keep thinking....I should post *something*.....

....and yet I never do.

Blogging was so much easier a few years ago when I had nothing else going on in my life! LOL

These days, work keeps me very busy, and my evenings and weekends are spent with Michael and writing blogs is the last thing on my mind.

It was great therapy when I needed therapy...but now, I just never make time to do it.

Things are really pretty status quo with us right now. I waffle back and forth between thinking I want to get married again, versus "Why fix what ain't broken?". We don't live together, we still maintain two different homes, but he's over at my house every night, and all weekend....so in a lot of ways it feels like we're married. But then I also still have time to myself on those nights where he has to work late so he doesn't come over at all...and I gotta be honest, I enjoy those moments too. And if we moved in together, I wouldn't have that time to myself.

And sometimes, a girl just needs to be able to come home, put on some sweats, eat a bowl of cereal and read People magazine and watch bad reality TV. You know?

We've had to make some dietary & lifestyle changes recently due to some health concerns, so we are officially vegans for now. Sigh. (Dr. Penny...read no further...skip this next paragraph please!) Am I happy about it? Yeah, not so much. I miss meat. I miss cheese! LOL And holy shit, I miss caffeine. We've had to give up everything that was bad for us! I haven't had anything but water pass through my lips for three weeks. (Okay I lied, we went to a party last weekend and I had two cocktails. I can't give up EVERYTHING or you might as well just shoot me now!)

We've gotten used to the dietary changes, I guess. I'm learning to embrace beans and rice and salads and veggies and fruit. I'm getting creative and having to plan every meal and cook every night, and frankly between you and me it's a big fucking sacrifice to make for love. I just hope he appreciates it!

But of course the benefits of eating a clean diet help me too, and God knows I haven't taken care of myself in 50 years so ultimately I will be very happy about this, I have no doubt. Right now I'm still just kind of pissed off about it, LOL.

It would help if I'd lose some weight in the process. You'd think not eating meat and dairy would make you lose weight, right? Not me!!!!!!!!!! Michael is losing....not me!!!!!!!!!!!

OK change in thought...I'm feeling pretty negative today and that's no way to be. So better turn it around....

I'm happy! I'm healthy! I love beans and rice and potatoes! I don't miss my old life at all!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Let's see..what else is going on? Eh, I've got nothing. Today is one of those days that my middle finger is answering every question. :)

Maybe I do need to go back to blogging. It's a great place to vent!

I'll leave you with some pictures from the 70's themed party we went to this weekend....here's one of Michael and me:

...and then one of me and Danica :

This is me, Steph, and LW...Danica's husband!

And this is some of the girls....Stacy, me, Steph, Danica and Crystal.

OK kids, I need your help. I mean it this time. No, really.

I'm gonna need you to keep me from going postal.

That's right...because I'm quitting smoking. and working on my health.

I figured if I put this out there for the whole freaking world to see, I'm less likely to fall back into the old habit because too many of you will catch me. I have family and friends who read this blog every day, and they'll be ratting my smoky ass out if they smell it on me, or see me sucking on a Camel Menthol Light. (sob...I'll miss you, old friend).

Thing is, I don't smoke that much. Hell, I don't smoke 2 packs a week. Do the math, that's about 5 cigarettes a day. During the week, I never have one until around 11am when Amanda and I go outside at work and have one, and then we usually do it again sometime after lunch, say 2'ish. Then I'll have one before I head home, say 6pm or so, and then maybe one or two in the evening. On weekends, it's virtually the same thing. The only time I smoke more is if I'm drinking. You know the two go hand in hand.

But 5 cigarettes a day is doing just as much damage as a pack a day.

Dammit, I watched my sister die, a painful, slow, horrible death brought on by a massive stroke. She was overweight (me too...check), smoked (check), drank (check, although I don't drink nearly to the extreme that she did), didn't exercise (check), had elevated cholesterol (check), and the only difference between us is that she had high blood pressure and I don't. Although mine is higher than it used to be, but "high" for me is 120/80 which is most people's norm. Hell, I was 9 months pregnant and had gained 70 lbs and my BP was still only 98/52. I've always had low BP.

Anyway...

I have a goal. Just one. And it's very simple.

I want to be alive, and healthy, for a very long time to come.

I want to see my son become a successful director. I want to love his wife and spoil my grandkids. I want to still be active and strong when I'm 80, not bedridden and in a nursing home.

My immediate family tree has people dying of cancer, heart disease, heart attacks, strokes, Alzheimer's, colon cancer, etc. With my lifestyle, I'm a prime candidate for every single one of these things.

And I don't wanna die like they have. I want to live.

So here's the deal. I won't bore you with this every day, I promise, but I ask that if you notice I'm not mentioning anything about how I'm doing with not smoking, eating better and exercising...CALL ME OUT ON IT.

Because trust me, I have the ability to dodge and evade down to a science! You would be amazed at what kinds of bad behaviors I can hide. I'm a regular Criss Angel with my sleight of hand techniques. (I suck at levitating though.)

It's actually kind of sad...I just read over this and thought to myself...do I really want to put this out there, and let all of my readers and blogging buddies watch me fail? Isn't that sad to think that I just automatically tell myself I won't be successful??? Boy, this girl needs work not only on her health, but her mental health as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, I've come up with my first plan to combat cigarette cravings! When I'm at home, and I find myself dying (literally) for a cigarette, I'm going to jump on the exercise bike and pedal until the craving goes away. I figure that's a win win situation...I'm NOT smoking, and I'm exercising all at once! Good idea, right? And to take that a step further, at work when I crave one, I'm going to take the stairs to the basement and back up here to the 2nd floor. Again...getting exercise instead of lung cancer.

I can do this. I know I can. And at the end of this year, when I have lost an Olsen a nice chunk of weight, and am exercising regularly and feeling pretty damn full of myself for looking hot at 48 years old...

I will pull a Kirstie Alley and post a picture of me in a bathing suit on here.

I'm not shitting you.

In fact, I'll go as far as saying I will post it REGARDLESS, so either we are all going to be high fiving me for how fucking fabulous I look at the end of the year...or we'll all be mortified and laughing hysterically at my bovine body in a bathing suit.

Only I would have the balls required to make a threat promise like this.

It's too late, I have gone insane. Especially since I just hit "Publish Post". I can't take this shit back now. Oy vey!