It's never too late to live happily ever after.

Once again, I am still swamped at work and recycling old blogs to amuse and entertain you. This one was from a year ago, and I am very happy to say that I definitely think it's never to late to live happily ever after! As some of you picked up on in my post Monday, I am "quietly dating" someone again. Will fill you in soon....

Meanwhile, enjoy this rewind from August 17, 2009. Cheers!

One of my readers commented last week and asked me what I thought about this:

At our age, is it still possible to have that "happily ever after"?

She said:

I am just 50 and have been in serious/not so serious relationships since my divorce [almost] ten years ago. I am (in my own mind and have also been told) attractive, financially stable, sweet, decent, sexy, etc. A good catch perhaps? Truthfully, I suppose that is true. I am not the helpless "I need a man" whining type. Nor, do I depend on a man to fulfill me or to "make" me happy. I have good relationships with family and friends. I like my life. Perhaps the best way of summing up my relationship potential is to state that the men I have had serious relationships are still good friends.

So ------- I hear this a lot. Do you?

- don't settle
- you deserve a man who treats you like a queen
- someone is out there who is just for you

Truly I am a realist. I am not counting on having a relationship. I am not counting on someone to grow old with. I am not counting on anything. I am merely wondering if it's even possible. I am incredibly curious about this.

At age 50 we have lived life. The men I know have lived their lives. We have scars. We have had experiences; good and bad. We have raised our children. We've lived independently for a while. With all of this:

- is it realistic to think that we can put past experience behind us and choose to love again?
- is it realistic that a man of my age would even have the desire to put me and our relationship as the focus of their life?
- are there even any men like that out there?
- do marriages happen at this age?
- is it realistic to think that good late-in-life relationships occur? work? last?

I wonder if at this time in my life I should just share sex/companionship/conversation with a man and leave it at that? Have no further expectations?

As I said before, I am happy now with life as it is but smart enough to realize that a good relationship would enhance my life. I just want to know the reality of later in life relationships; if they even exist. And if they do, what they are like.

Sincerely, Single in Cali.


Dear Single:

God, I hope it's possible. If not, I'm going to be really disappointed.

Like you, I am (or so I'm told) attractive, sweet, funny, sexy, and while I may not be rolling in the dough, I am paying the bills and able to buy the occasional Coach purse, or travel to visit my blogging buddies in other states. (Watch out, Paula. I'm looking for a passport stamp. You and Germany are next!)

And like you, I do hear the same things from my friends. I shouldn't settle for less than what I want in my next relationship. I deserve to be treated like a queen after being run over by the bus that was my ex-husband. And yes, I always hear "Mr. Right is out there, and he'll come along when you aren't looking."

Well, when do I stop looking?

What is the time limit from my last date til when I officially give up all hope? Is there a countdown clock going on somewhere that every time I go out on yet another prospective partner job interview date, it resets itself and just waits for me to give up all hope on finding that guy that I could care enough about to give 'happily ever after' one more shot?

And when I do finally give up, and accept that I may be alone for the rest of my life...how soon does Dr. Right finally drive up in his Porsche? (I'm being sarcastic...FYI)

Yes, I have baggage. My marriage wasn't always easy, and my divorce broke my heart. And thanks to the way it ended, I will probably have a really, really hard time trusting a man again. But I am willing to try.

I'm ready. And I think it is realistic to believe that there are men out there who are willing to put their own past experiences behind them and fall in love again too.

Now, that being said...I sure haven't found one yet!

But here's the thing, everybody's experiences are different. My bloggy friend CCD had a divorce every bit as horrific as mine (and more so), and she's happily in love and getting married again. But then again, another of my blogging buddies just broke up with her boyfriend who I thought she'd be with forever. I know a lot of my readers are single again and some have gone on and found great guys, and others are in our same position...wondering if there really is someone out there for us.

I don't "need" a man. But I want one really badly. I just miss everything about the concept. I miss having a partner, a best friend, a lover, a companion. I miss being special to another person.

So to answer your question, yes I think later-in-life relationships exist, and they can be very good. I have seen it happen! I try very hard to be positive about it, and in the meantime, while I wait for whoever-he-is to find his way into my life, I am doing things for ME. Taking care of myself, my health, my finances, etc. Learning to be happy with me, so that I don't ever feel like it takes a man to give me that happiness.

But don't take my word for it. My readers have tons of experience in this area. So I am asking them to let us both know their experiences with life after divorce, and relationships at this age....

Readers....do YOU believe it's still possible to have 'happily ever after' once you're past 45?

No Sex in the City

First things first....Jordan, if you are reading this, exit out of it now. Some things Moms and Sons do NOT need to share.



OK kids, I need to be dating. There is something MAJOR missing from my life. I don't think I need to elaborate on what it is. I think the blog title...and picture...are self explanatory.

Thing is...I miss all aspects of a relationship, but this one in particular. I've always been very...um...active in that department. And this unintentional celibacy is killing me. I'm too young to have cobwebs south of my waist!

We all know I continued dating my ex for three years after our divorce, and frankly this was one of the reasons why. The devil you know is better than no devil at all...at least it was at the time. Now that devil is no longer an option....I just can't go there no matter how bad being alone feels. Some things never change, and he's one of them.

So what is a girl to do?

I'm not a booty call kind of gal. Don't get me wrong, there are more than a few ex's that I wasn't insane enough to marry who would gladly oblige me. But at this age, I'm not looking for just a good time. I'm looking for someone to share good times with.

It's just so hard to meet men. I'm on a free dating website...mostly for blog fodder....and frankly there hasn't been anyone on there recently that I've talked to on there who interests me enough to actually get all glammed up and meet. And after the last two that I did meet...yeah, one might say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but are there any real men?

This weekend I considered Match.com or eHarmony, but I've tried that before right after my divorce, and frankly I wasn't impressed there either.

Sigh.

Give me some ideas here. All my friends are married, so all of their friends are married. I don't meet many single straight guys at work, and the last time I did I married him and we all know how successful *that* was. I don't go to church, so I'm not going to meet a nice single guy there. I'm not into the bar scene, and clearly Fed Ex may guarantee delivery by 10:30am but they aren't bringing what I need.

So, single bloggers...where do you go to meet people to date? C'mon, help a sister out here. Know any single guys 40 to early 50's in or around Columbus, Ohio? Got an uncle you forgot to mention to me?? A cute and single brother-in-law? Tians.sis, can you please send Johnny my way? He's soooooooooooo damn cute! I'll take good care of him, I promise. Really, really good care. Mindblowing care. LOL I'll send that boy back home cryin for his mama.

And no, in case you are wondering, I don't need new batteries. I have rechargeable ones. LOL

As my BFF Elizabeth says...I need to break the seal! HELP!!!!

Is it possible to still have that "happily ever after"?

One of my readers commented last week and asked me what I thought about this:

At our age, is it still possible to have that "happily ever after"?

She said:

I am just 50 and have been in serious/not so serious relationships since my divorce [almost] ten years ago. I am (in my own mind and have also been told) attractive, financially stable, sweet, decent, sexy, etc. A good catch perhaps? Truthfully, I suppose that is true. I am not the helpless "I need a man" whining type. Nor, do I depend on a man to fulfill me or to "make" me happy. I have good relationships with family and friends. I like my life. Perhaps the best way of summing up my relationship potential is to state that the men I have had serious relationships are still good friends.

So ------- I hear this a lot. Do you?

- don't settle
- you deserve a man who treats you like a queen
- someone is out there who is just for you

Truly I am a realist. I am not counting on having a relationship. I am not counting on someone to grow old with. I am not counting on anything. I am merely wondering if it's even possible. I am incredibly curious about this.

At age 50 we have lived life. The men I know have lived their lives. We have scars. We have had experiences; good and bad. We have raised our children. We've lived independently for a while. With all of this:

- is it realistic to think that we can put past experience behind us and choose to love again?
- is it realistic that a man of my age would even have the desire to put me and our relationship as the focus of their life?
- are there even any men like that out there?
- do marriages happen at this age?
- is it realistic to think that good late-in-life relationships occur? work? last?

I wonder if at this time in my life I should just share sex/companionship/conversation with a man and leave it at that? Have no further expectations?

As I said before, I am happy now with life as it is but smart enough to realize that a good relationship would enhance my life. I just want to know the reality of later in life relationships; if they even exist. And if they do, what they are like.

Sincerely, Single in Cali.

Dear Single:

God, I hope it's possible. If not, I'm going to be really disappointed.

Like you, I am (or so I'm told) attractive, sweet, funny, sexy, and while I may not be rolling in the dough, I am paying the bills and able to buy the occasional Coach purse, or travel to visit my blogging buddies in other states. (Watch out, Paula. I'm looking for a passport stamp. You and Germany are next!)

And like you, I do hear the same things from my friends. I shouldn't settle for less than what I want in my next relationship. I deserve to be treated like a queen after being run over by the bus that was my ex-husband. And yes, I always hear "Mr. Right is out there, and he'll come along when you aren't looking."

Well, when do I stop looking?

What is the time limit from my last date til when I officially give up all hope? Is there a countdown clock going on somewhere that every time I go out on yet another prospective partner job interview date, it resets itself and just waits for me to give up all hope on finding that guy that I could care enough about to give 'happily ever after' one more shot?

And when I do finally give up, and accept that I may be alone for the rest of my life...how soon does Dr. Right finally drive up in his Porsche? (I'm being sarcastic...FYI)

Yes, I have baggage. My marriage wasn't always easy, and my divorce broke my heart. And thanks to the way it ended, I will probably have a really, really hard time trusting a man again. But I am willing to try.

I'm ready. And I think it is realistic to believe that there are men out there who are willing to put their own past experiences behind them and fall in love again too.

Now, that being said...I sure haven't found one yet!

But here's the thing, everybody's experiences are different. My bloggy friend CCD had a divorce every bit as horrific as mine (and more so), and she's happily in love and getting married again. But then again, another of my blogging buddies just broke up with her boyfriend who I thought she'd be with forever. I know a lot of my readers are single again and some have gone on and found great guys, and others are in our same position...wondering if there really is someone out there for us.

I don't "need" a man. But I want one really badly. I just miss everything about the concept. I miss having a partner, a best friend, a lover, a companion. I miss being special to another person.

So to answer your question, yes I think later-in-life relationships exist, and they can be very good. I have seen it happen! I try very hard to be positive about it, and in the meantime, while I wait for whoever-he-is to find his way into my life, I am doing things for ME. Taking care of myself, my health, my finances, etc. Learning to be happy with me, so that I don't ever feel like it takes a man to give me that happiness.

But don't take my word for it. My readers have tons of experience in this area. So I am asking them to let us both know their experiences with life after divorce, and relationships at this age....

Readers....do YOU believe it's still possible to have 'happily ever after' once you're past 45?

Getting Naked Again

A couple of months ago, I was approached by a publishing house with an offer to review a new book called 'Getting Naked Again', Dating, Romance, Sex and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped or Distracted, by Judith Sills, PhD.

The book has, frankly, been sitting by my computer for awhile now. It's not that I'm uninterested in the topic, but more that I haven't had any reason to wonder about the procedure!

Things have changed.

Now that I've taken that dive back into the dating pool, and actually gone out on a date (with the possibility of more to come), I realize that at some point, I'm going to get naked again.

So now might be a good time to read the How To manual!

One of the first paragraphs I read said:

All of us who are single - whether widowed or divorced, dumped or thankfully detached, or just newly resurfaced after the distractions of motherhood, career, or both - stand at the same anxious precipice. Must I, will I get back into the game of courtship? Would I want to? Can I bear its rigors? Is it worth it? Am I still a contender? Can I do it any better this time? Or at all? And since it definitely requires two to play, where do I go to find someone with whom to get up a game?

This is really a scary place to be at 48 years old. Dating was hard in my 20's. I was madly in love with a Marine from Iowa who I fully intended to spend the rest of my life with (Hey Dean, are you still reading my blog? See, you said I never mention you, so I did!) but that didn't work out the way it was supposed to. I dated after that, but nobody came along that really rocked my world.

My 30's were spent mostly concentrating on raising my son, and I didn't date a lot. I had a man in my life and he kept me busy with T-ball, soccer, the Power Rangers, and a whole host of pre-teen boy activities. Being a single mom, I knew that it was going to take somebody really special to integrate into our lives, and I wasn't sure if that person would ever come along.

When my son was 12, I did get married, thinking I had found that person, and it was going to be a good thing for both of us. In theory I was right. In practice...not so much.

When he was 15, I requested a do over via divorce court.

Now he's 18, and is building a life of his own. And I'm finally starting to rebuild mine.

So yeah, getting naked again. The thought scares the living shit out of me.

I haven't been with somebody new in that manner in eight years, since I started dating my ex. Good heavens, it's hard enough to just go out on a date, and start that whole "getting to know you" process. I can't imagine the sheer terror involved in exposing myself (literally) to a new man! I'm already thinking of what needs to happen before then....

~ I need to go tanning. A lot. If you can't hide chubby puffy cellulite, at least turn it brown and hope it fades in the dark.

~ I need to lose 50 lbs. In the next month or so. I mean, let's face it...I'm not in any hurry to jump in the sack but I'm not gonna wait months either! Life is short! Weight Watchers and the gym...here I come.

~ I have to go back to shaving my legs regularly, and not just weed whack them as the seasons change. Sigh. You married women know exactly what I'm talking about. Add razors to the shopping list.

~ Botox. Something has to stop this face from either puddling behind me when I'm laying on my back, or falling forward from the top position. In lieu of injecting crap into my face, a really tight ponytail will work I guess.

~ Lingerie. Does Lane Giant make this stuff? Are thongs still in? Are those cute little numbers with the garters still popular? Does anybody have a French Maid costume in a size 18?

Look at that list. And you wonder why I haven't dated since my divorce. It's too damn expensive and time consuming, and it makes women crazy! I know I should be more accepting of my body and stop worrying about what a new man will think. Chances are he's probably not going to look like Dwayne Johnson either right? (Dammit, you all know I love me some Rock!)

OK I'm off to read this book. I need to find out exactly how to get naked again without turning some poor guy to stone.