Well that didn't quite work out the way I'd planned.

So the Inaugural Comfort Zone Challenge was a bust!

It snowed here Friday and by evening we had somewhere between 8" and 10". Needless to say, I didn't venture out of my house comfort zone all evening.

And then Saturday I got the brilliant idea to shovel my driveway, as the weather forecasters insisted I should because the temp was going to drop into single digits last night and freeze it all.

So I did it.

And within two hours was flat on my back on the couch. There was no comfort zone to be had!

Yeah, people with three herniated disks really should not shovel snow.  Guess I should have waited on Jordan to get home from work.

I know better, I really do. But I'd been feeling all empowered with the whole CZ Challenge idea and my motivation carried over into feeling like Superwoman with a Shovel. 

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

It got substantially worse when I realized my supply of pain meds was empty.

Sigh.

Several frantic phone calls to friends and family later, I got hooked up with some pharmaceuticals, and spent the rest of the day horizontal on my couch.

Today was better, I could at least walk upright, without crying like a girl too much pain.

So here I sit (yes, I can sit up now instead of laying down!) getting ready to watch the Super Bowl (Go Saints!), having an adult beverage (it's all good, I'm Vicodin free) and plotting my CZ Challenge event for the week.

I'll probably attempt the bar thing again Friday night.

I'll keep you posted.

It's Moanday now, but that's temporary!

Here is what life with back problems (aka herniated disks) is like:

Go to bed (alone) feeling fine.

Wake up (alone) stiff, sore, and unable to walk in an upright position.

Can somebody tell me what I did in my sleep last night that left me in this shape this morning? Granted, I was having a pretty wild sex dream about an old boyfriend (who, trust me, was NEVER that good in bed or he would not be an ex!) but I'm pretty sure I wasn't physically acting it out in my sleep.

Sigh.

Then I wake up an hour earlier than necessary (6:30am is NOT my friend), get up to make myself a cup of coffee, and some mystery glass item in my pantry falls onto the cement tile and shatters everywhere. That was fun to clean up when I can barely move.

And THEN I walk into my living room and trip over....nothing. That's right...nothing. I tripped on air evidently. Went flying into the coffee table and banged the crap out of my knee.

Now you see why it's Moan-day for me.

BUT...being the ever optimistic person that I am (LOL...even I couldn't say that with a straight face!), it will get better from here. This will be the worst part of my day, right?

Check this out....a couple of weeks ago I started thinking about one of my childhood friends. Haven't seen her in a good 30 years, but as youngsters we were as tight as you could be. You know how you always wonder what ever happened to someone from your past, and think about how nice it would be to reconnect? I started thinking about LeeAnn and just hoping and wishing her well, having no clue how to find her or even who to ask.

And out of the clear blue last week I get an email from her.

How great is that? She'd gone back to our hometown, ran into someone and started talking about people and I'm not sure if he knew where to find me, or it just started her thinking about me, but she ended up Googling me, found my blog and my email address and wrote to me!

And tonight, we are meeting for drinks after work! I'm so excited to see her!!!!

So let the ibuprofen kick in so my back will stop hurting, because I intend to have a great day at work and a very fun happy hour!!!!!

Neck Update

Paid visits to my chiropractor last night and this afternoon. He adjusted me, did electric stim therapy, and pronounced my neck "fucked up". LOL..he's a cool doctor.

Took x-rays today as my last ones were from 2004, and I have a bone spur that's developed and one disk that is slightly degenerating. You could see my neck clearly leans to the left. It was weird! So, no more talking on the phone and trapping it between my shoulder and ear, no more sitting weird at the computer, no more sleeping on 30 year old pillows (But I LOVE LOVE LOVE my old thin raggedy pillows! They bunch up under my head perfectly!). Time to get one of those therapeutic pillows to sleep on at night.

Sigh.

Getting old sucks. But...it beats the alternative I guess.

Pain hostage...day three.

OK seriously, I'm over this. NOTHING is helping the freaking neck/shoulder bullshit. Looks like a call to my chiropractor is in order today. Especially because I'm back at work, and can't be popping pills and chasing them with vodka. (Which makes me talk in my best Karen Walker voice!)

Went to see "Milk" yesterday. It's a fabulous movie. Ironically, directly in front of me sat a local TV newscaster who I had NO IDEA was gay. However, in light of the fact that he was sitting there holding another guy's hand...leads me to believe it's so.

Got my Xmas shopping done for my SSS partner, and will get that in the mail tomorrow, Georgie!!!

Let's see...what else. How about my question of the day? It's a follow up to the last one a few weeks ago...

If you could spend one year in perfect happiness but afterward remember nothing of the experience, would you do so? If not, then why not?

I woke up with a pain in the neck, and I don't mean my ex!

Yesterday I woke up with a pain in the neck, literally. Right side, into my shoulder, you know that pulled muscle feeling that you must have slept with your head at a 90 degree very odd angle all night?? It freaking hurt all day long, and made me VERY cranky yesterday. Just ask the people who's heads I bit off for little to no reason!

So last night I iced it down, hit the bottle of muscle relaxers, did all the things one should do to fix this problem (including the optional Sweet Tea drink!) and went to bed early.

Fucker hurts worse today. Now I can barely turn my head and the entire upper right side of my back/shoulder hurts! Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

It sucks getting old. I don't understand how I can injure myself sleeping. Seriously! I go to bed fine and wake up with shit that hurts for no possible reason. Other than to make me feel like a hypochondriac.

The fear of this never getting better *almost* makes me want to start exercising and dieting. LOL Whadda ya think, Deb? Should we do a challenge together??

Pain in the neck.

Yep, I've got one.

I've either been sleeping weird for several weeks now, or it's just my usual "compensating for my back hurting by walking/standing/sitting funny", but I've got the stiffest, sorest neck in town. I went to the chiropractor today and he could barely get it to adjust. My chiropractor knows me too well...

So have you been doing that "wild sex with hair pulling" thing again??

Um. No. Dammit. Just crack me and stop talking about the good old days. At this point I haven't had sex in so long I forget who gets tied up.

(For the record, he used to treat my ex as well, and it was a running joke when we'd both have to go in to see him that it was a result of bedroom gymnastics!)

I know I sit weird at work. My keyboard is too far away (I type with my arms extended), my eyes look down towards my monitor, and I know I slump in my chair. I need to rearrange things on my desk to make it more ergonomic friendly. And I really need my neck muscles to loosen up. I feel like someone has their hands wrapped around my throat right now. (And no, Dr. Wade, that's not a "wild sex with choking" thing either!)

And then I drive with my right arm resting on the little box storage thing between the seats, and my left hand on top of the wheel, while I'm leaning towards the right. Evidently I think I'm cool. Or pimp. If I had some rap blaring from the radio it would complete my look. (Go ahead, laugh at the visual. I am.)

And of course, I sleep in odd positions these days. It's funny, I slept alone basically for 40 years before I met my ex-husband, (ok well, let's just say I didn't have a lot of long term bed mates...but there were a few spending the night here and there! LOL!) and it took me a little while to get adjusted to having a partner in bed with me every single night. Then after our divorce, it took me a long time to readjust to sleeping alone again after 4 years. (2 married, 2 dating) You would think it would have been pretty easy to fall back into sleeping by myself, but it really wasn't. Sometimes it still isn't. Sometimes I still prop a pillow behind my back when I'm laying on my side because it feels like he's curled up behind me. (Wow, that just sounded really pathetic but I'm leaving in there anyway because it's the truth!) Regardless, a lot of times I have to put a pillow between my knees, or if I happen to be laying on my back (which I don't often do not only because it hurts, but because I snore and keep myself awake!) I put one under my knees, which somehow ends up making my neck hurt.

And I wonder why I can't sit comfortably for a 2 hour movie at the theater anymore? Christ, if anything more starts to hurt, I'm going to end up being held together with duct tape and spackle.

In other news...

Hell, who am I kidding? I haven't got any other news. My life is all glamour, isn't it?

MRI Results

The doctor's office just called me with my MRI results.

"You have 3 herniated disks!" Um, yes, I knew that last year.

"The doctor wants to know how are you feeling today?" Fine today...I have good days and bad and this happens to be a good one.

"Great! Well is there anything else we need to do?" Well you are referring me to a neurosurgeon from what I understand...

"Oh, has that been done?" I don't know, has it? You're referring me, not vice versa.

So I asked if there was any difference in last year's MRI and this one and she of course had no clue, so I asked that the Dr call me to discuss the two, and what I can expect from the neurosurgeon visit. I also explained that I have a personal referral for a doctor (thanks, Greg!) and she will note that on my chart and see if they can refer me to him.

To be continued....

Can you get to a future if your past is present?

I watched the episode of Sex and The City (3 weeks from today, the movie comes out. Yay!!) last night where this was Carrie's topic for her column. The show had to do with her trying to move on with one man when she was still involved (albeit emotionally) with Big.

I can identify...and my answer to this burning question is...NO. Until you move on from the past you cannot create the kind of future you want. I'm somewhat stuck in relationship purgatory right now, in that I'm not really involved with my ex but I'm not really out of his life either. There are a couple of things that still bind us together, that will eventually be resolved either with time or distance, but for now I am somewhat stuck in my past.

And it's not as though we are in a "romantic" relationship! We're friends who don't happen to be dating anyone else. But that's what makes it weird, and sometimes hard, is that I've been with this man for seven years, he's the single longest relationship of my life....and so it's just habit to hold hands, kiss, call him "honey" or whatever. However, NOT doing those things feels foreign, and feels detached and makes me feel sad. It's a weird situation to be in. The feelings are more than friends, but not romantic anymore. I don't know how to describe it, but it just makes me miss being coupled up all that much more.

So I'm ready to date, I really am. I miss having that companionship. I miss the weight of a man's body on top of mine! I don't honestly know how I feel about getting married again....I think I would like to do it again some day because I loved being married. I was a damn good wife! But at this point, I'd be happy just to have someone actively IN my life. Someone to travel with, and just enjoy hanging out together.

Enough whining about what I don't have. Let's talk about what I *do* have!

A bad back! haha

As most everybody knows, I have 3 herniated disks in my low back. Last May/June I got the epidural shots which helped for a short time. But around October or November, the effects of the shots wore off which was right about the time that I started working 60 hours a week, so the strain on my spine from sitting all those hours in front of a computer has been really intense.

I do all the back exercises that the therapists taught me. I try to walk as much as possible, or at least as much as my back will allow. On the really bad days, I take a lot of Vicodin and stay horizontal with the heating pad until I can move. But I can't keep going like this. It's back at the point where it hurts 24/7, and I don't sleep well because I'm waking up every time I move in my sleep because shifting positions hurts. And now I've got something going on in my right hip, which is undoubtedly connected to all of this. I can't cross my legs when sitting, at least not my right over left, because it feels like someone is trying to tear my leg off.

It sucks getting old! haha....if only that were the problem.

So my doctor is sending me to a neurosurgeon for evaluation. I have to have another MRI done since my last one is a year old (and evidently they require a recent one?). I really don't care to have back surgery, but I'm told it's not a case of "if", it's "when". So I will meet with a surgeon and find out what options I have, if any, and how long I can put this off. I don't have time to be off work for six weeks! Hell, I can barely be gone a day that I'm not getting phone called and emailed to death. David would pass out if I said I had to be off for a month or so! But who knows, maybe the surgery wouldn't be that invasive? Maybe I'd only be down a week or two? Or maybe there are other things they can do besides surgery, to at least buy me some time that is relatively pain free?

If I'm gonna be flat on my back, there better be a cabana boy feeding me grapes. I'm just sayin.

Monday already?

Wow, the weekend flew by. I had a lot to do so I guess that's why.

Actually Friday night I was home alone. Pretty typical for me. I really want to be dating again, I miss having someone to do things with on the weekends.

Saturday, went to my niece's First Communion, and then home to prepare Jordan for Prom! He and Stephanie looked great, as you can see.



Then on Sunday, I went to my friend Penny's 60th birthday party. It was really good to see her again. It's been almost a year since we last saw each other, she and her husband semi-retired and hit the road! They travel around in an RV and the last trip back in at Thanksgiving, I didn't get to see her. So here we are, two old friends who've been close as sisters for about 25 years now.



Neither of us have changed a bit. LOL

Other than that, I fought the nonstop, painful back all weekend. Last summer I had the epidural shots into my spine to try and alleviate some of the herniation of the disks. All was good until the shots wore off, which was right about the time I started working 60 hours a week. Sitting down in a chair all that time is not good for my back. So it's been feeling worse and worse for months, to the point that I'm waking up early in the morning unable to find a comfortable sleeping spot. I guess I'm going to have to resort to going back to the doctor and either deciding to try the shots again, or talk seriously about the surgery option.

Ugh.