:::shudder::::
It wasn't pretty.
Here I am, in all my orange glory. Spotty, blotchy orange glory, mind you.
I was two sequins away from being ready for Dancing with the Stars.
(PS. I look really fat in this top, it's one from before I lost weight so there's lots of leftover fabric. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Oh, and note to self, green and orange only go together if you're the Irish flag)
(PSS. Seriously, dude. The blonde hair has to go. I suspected it wasn't a good look for me, but seeing this picture confirmed it. I have no Blonde Ambition. I do not belong in the Blondtourage. With this white hair and orange skin, I look like a freaking Creamsicle)
I don't get it. The dancers always look fantastic on DWTS! And think about it, all the celebrities on the red carpet....fantastic tans.
Kelly Ripa looks damn amazing every freaking morning on Regis and Kelly with her spray tan. (Of course, next to Reege, I'd look pretty damn good myself. Can. Not. Stand. That. Guy. He is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.)
So why not me?
Is it true that hormones can have an affect on the end result? I did everything I was supposed to do...exfoliated the hell out of myself before I went, showered so there was no perfumes, lotions, deodorant, or make up on me that could interfere with the darkening process. Didn't shower for 8 hours afterwards.
(Note to anyone spray tanning....don't sleep on white sheets until after you shower. My bed looked like a crime scene the next morning.)
I'm like a human Cheeto.
Spray tanning is clearly not the answer to my Bronzed Goddess plans.
But wait...it gets better. You should see it NOW. It's come off in blotches. It's like watching a bad paint job peel. Half a foot is tan, the other half isn't. Half an ankle looks dirty. My calf is brown but there are drip marks going down the side of my leg.
I look like a melting Creamsicle.
Myrtle Booth, here I come.
