Nothing like a surprise wedding to shock the masses!

Just wanted to take a moment to congratulate my dear sister separated at birth friend Linda Lou on her surprise wedding last week, to the handsome and always entertaining Mike!

Congratulations on pulling off the surprise of the year! Michael and I wish you a lifetime of love, health and happiness together.

Love you guys!!!!!

Now, throw the fucking bouquet my way, will ya?

I keep thinking....I should post *something*.....

....and yet I never do.

Blogging was so much easier a few years ago when I had nothing else going on in my life! LOL

These days, work keeps me very busy, and my evenings and weekends are spent with Michael and writing blogs is the last thing on my mind.

It was great therapy when I needed therapy...but now, I just never make time to do it.

Things are really pretty status quo with us right now. I waffle back and forth between thinking I want to get married again, versus "Why fix what ain't broken?". We don't live together, we still maintain two different homes, but he's over at my house every night, and all weekend....so in a lot of ways it feels like we're married. But then I also still have time to myself on those nights where he has to work late so he doesn't come over at all...and I gotta be honest, I enjoy those moments too. And if we moved in together, I wouldn't have that time to myself.

And sometimes, a girl just needs to be able to come home, put on some sweats, eat a bowl of cereal and read People magazine and watch bad reality TV. You know?

We've had to make some dietary & lifestyle changes recently due to some health concerns, so we are officially vegans for now. Sigh. (Dr. Penny...read no further...skip this next paragraph please!) Am I happy about it? Yeah, not so much. I miss meat. I miss cheese! LOL And holy shit, I miss caffeine. We've had to give up everything that was bad for us! I haven't had anything but water pass through my lips for three weeks. (Okay I lied, we went to a party last weekend and I had two cocktails. I can't give up EVERYTHING or you might as well just shoot me now!)

We've gotten used to the dietary changes, I guess. I'm learning to embrace beans and rice and salads and veggies and fruit. I'm getting creative and having to plan every meal and cook every night, and frankly between you and me it's a big fucking sacrifice to make for love. I just hope he appreciates it!

But of course the benefits of eating a clean diet help me too, and God knows I haven't taken care of myself in 50 years so ultimately I will be very happy about this, I have no doubt. Right now I'm still just kind of pissed off about it, LOL.

It would help if I'd lose some weight in the process. You'd think not eating meat and dairy would make you lose weight, right? Not me!!!!!!!!!! Michael is losing....not me!!!!!!!!!!!

OK change in thought...I'm feeling pretty negative today and that's no way to be. So better turn it around....

I'm happy! I'm healthy! I love beans and rice and potatoes! I don't miss my old life at all!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Let's see..what else is going on? Eh, I've got nothing. Today is one of those days that my middle finger is answering every question. :)

Maybe I do need to go back to blogging. It's a great place to vent!

I'll leave you with some pictures from the 70's themed party we went to this weekend....here's one of Michael and me:

...and then one of me and Danica :

This is me, Steph, and LW...Danica's husband!

And this is some of the girls....Stacy, me, Steph, Danica and Crystal.

Well hot damn, butter my biscuits, and who'da thunk?!

Look at that little green number three items down on the right side of my blog.

I've had over 100,000 blog hits.

Shut up!!!

That's kind of exciting to me! And I just put that on there a year ago so....sweet!

In other news....

Suzanne's surgery went very well. The doctors got everything they anticipated getting (which was the active tumors) and it's my understanding they are very pleased with how it went and what her prognosis is from here on out.

Thank you all for your collective good thoughts and prayers for her.

Now, whoever keeps coming back here a hundred times a day and driving that little green number up higher....your check's in the mail.

Another shout out for the good thoughts....

You guys might remember this post from last month.

It was about my friend Suzanne and her potentially life saving, at the very least life extending, surgery.

Well, today is the day.

I ask you guys once again to keep her in your collective thoughts and prayers today for a successful surgery. The hope is that the liver resection gets all the cancer, and she will go on to live a long and happy life.

As I told her yesterday, this is her game changer...the miracle we've all prayed for, for the past seven years. And she needs to go kick that surgery's ass today so we can get on with the business of growing old together.

Go get 'em, Suz. I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow. Save some pain killers for me, will ya?

OK seriously....who does this????

Let me preface this blog post with a disclaimer....

I love my friends dearly. I'm blessed to have several "best best best closer than sisters" friends who I thank God for every day.

Except this morning at 5:50am when one of them texted me.

TWICE.

I could have cheerfully choked her. "I woke you up?" YES. What else would I be doing at that time of the morning besides sleeping!?!?!?!?!?!?! I don't get up until 7:30am. And this morning was one of those dark, rainy mornings that you just want to stay curled up under the covers, snoozing away.

Also, it should be noted that once I am awake, I rarely am able to go back to sleep. I actually started to drift back off at 7:15, just in time for my alarm to go off fifteen minutes later. Sigh.

Seriously, do you text people at ridiculous hours? Because I don't. Unless something is on fire or someone died, you won't hear from me until a reasonable time. Let's say 8am during the week, and 9am on weekends.

One of my other friends used to send me joke texts at 7am when she'd get up on Saturday morning and let her dog out. She's one of those people that can crawl back into bed and go right back to sleep.

I'm not. And my phone sits right on my nightstand so I hear the little text message sound and it wakes me right up. So I put a stop to her early morning texts right away.

People, I am very grumpy when my beauty sleep is interrupted unnecessarily. Thus today's blog post!

So this is my Public Service Announcement.

Before you text...think. Just because you're awake doesn't mean everyone else is.

You're welcome.

PS. I love ya Cher, but if you text me at that time again, I'm going to drive down there and smash your phone.

So far, so good. 49 is a winner!

My birthday was really great yesterday. Thank you for all of your good wishes and thoughts. And your many "fuck beige" comments. LOL

I had a cazillion birthday comments on Facebook, that was fun. Who knew I had so many friends? Some of which I don't even know?

And my son, who we all know is The Best Kid Ever, sent me these:

Then, if that wasn't enough, he organized a surprise party for me at one of my favorite restaurants with my sisters and some very dear friends. AND he bought my dinner AND made me drink two glasses of wine in the process. LOL

This whole thing with him being an adult and having his own income is working out really well for me now! Thanks, buddy, for taking care of your momma and giving her a wonderful birthday. I did something right in raising you!

And then the topper to my birthday though, was to get the news from my dear friend Sue (you might remember her story in this post) that she is able to have the surgery she needs to keep the liver cancer at bay and give her some very precious time with her family. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your prayers and collective good thoughts for her. It worked!!!!!

So far, 49 is starting out really well. Wouldn't it be great if that was the worst day I'll have this year? That's something to hope for, isn't it?

I need your collective good thoughts.

You guys know I'm not often "serious" on my blog.

But today, I'm going to ask you for your collective good thoughts and prayers.

It's not for me, but for one of my closest and oldest friends, Sue. We've been thisclose for 30 years now, and have been through it ALL together.

And believe me when I say "all", I mean all! Oh, the stories I could tell....the blackmail we have on each other.

Anyway....

Seven years ago, she was diagnosed with liver cancer. And for those seven years now, it's been "inactive", I guess that's the best way to describe it. No tumor growths, nothing to be too overwhelmed about. She's always known it was there, but as long as tumor markers and tests came back okay, she went on with her life like nothing was wrong.

Now it's become active.

Without putting too much of her personal information on here, the bottom line is that she *may* be approved for a surgery that could keep this at bay for another five years. The hope is that it buys her more time for our amazing cancer researchers to find a cure. She's had all the testing, and she finds out Monday if she is a surgery candidate or not.

So I am asking all 411 of my followers to say a collective prayer for her this weekend. Put those good thoughts out in the Universe that she is able to have this surgery, and buy herself and her family some very precious time.

We vowed many years ago to grow old together, and be hitting on old men in the nursing home after we've outlived our husbands.

I fully intend to hold her to this.

I'm not uber religious but I do believe in the power of prayer. And that our thoughts become actions and deeds. So please keep her in your thoughts this weekend, and let's make this surgery happen.

Thanks, you guys. I have the best followers ever.

The one where Julie pays homage.

I stole this from somebody's blog. But I forgot who's. 

I'm sorry.

If you remind me, I'll gladly give you credit!!!!!!!!!!

In a related story....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELIZABETH!!!!

It's my bestie's birthday!

She has indeed brought sexy back.  LOL

And one other thing....
Please keep Danica in your thoughts and prayers today. 
She's having surgery and will be away from blogging for awhile. 
This is a hard day for her in a lot of ways
So I ask you all to send her your prayers for a speedy recovery. 
Thanks!!!

Live....from Las Vegas!!!!!

My dear friend Vegas Linda Lou is my guest blogger today....please welcome her to the 47 Stage with a fantastic round of applause, standing ovation, and cheers from the crowd!!!! Take it away, Linda!!!!

Hey, everybody!

Man, do I have something to get off my chest, but it’s one of those things that I probably shouldn’t post on my own blog, so I asked Julie if I could rant on her site Like a good BFF/twin separated at birth, she was happy to oblige.

Here’s the story. As you may have read right here, last Saturday was my birthday. On Tuesday our office admin came over to my cubicle with a birthday card for me. (I know,Tuesday, right?) Anyway, the card was signed by a bunch of my co-workers who share my area of the cube farm and their sentiments were lovely. ”You’re so much fun to work with.” “You’re the coolest.” That kind of stuff. (All true, I might add.)

So I’m reading the card, getting a kick out of what everyone said, and then I see what our company’s CEO wrote:

H.B.

E.P.


“E.P.” are his initials, so I take it the “H.B.” must stand for “Happy Birthday.”

H.B.? Does anything say, “I could not give one shit about the people who work for me” more than that? Why not just mark it with a bloody “X"?

WTF, E.P.? R U so GD busy U can’t F-in’ write out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”??? Jesus H, take the extra three seconds, big guy!

I M so not LOL.

Aaaah, thanks Julie! I feel better now.

XOXO

L.L.

You are welcome, darlin, any time. Please leave my girl lots of comment love, and don't forget to tip your blog host waitress on your way out. Someone's gotta pay for my rehab.

A non-Hallmark moment and I'm feeling all sentimental.

So yesterday I come home, feeling all kinds of crappy (again! was feeling better but now not so much) and I had this beautiful card in the mail:

It's from my dear friend Dana at Life is Good. She makes these amazing cards, and I have been lucky enough to receive more than one. In fact I have them displayed on my shelf in the living room. There isn't a damn thing for sale at Hallmark that comes close to how pretty her cards are.

The last one she sent me was so cute, on the front it said "Friends are the flowers in the garden of life", and inside it said..."You're standing on my flowers, bitch".

God, I love that woman. She gets me, and I get her.

Dana and I got to know each other last year because I was her Secret Santa in the exchange we did among bloggers. We have become good friends, and when she and Joe finally stop lollygagging around in Florida and move back to Indiana, I'll be paying them a weekend visit. I can't wait.

So this, my friends, is why you should click on the Secret Santa link to the right and get involved in our exchange! You might make a lifelong friend....and if you're lucky she'll be a really talented artist too!

Thank you for the beautiful card, Dana. Tell Joe I said to give you a little something extra special tonight, ok? (And I don't mean a ride to the casino!)

It's a big day in blog world!

It's my dear friend Vegas Linda Lou's birthday!!!!!  Please take a minute to go to her blog and wish her a happy birthday today, will you?  

She's the best.  When I went to Vegas back in May to meet her, we had such a good time.  We really are sisters separated at birth by a couple of years and different parents!    Here's a picture of Darlene (Travel Girl), Linda and me from that trip.

In other news, I'm feeling a little more human today.  Head finally starting to clear up.  I can actually breathe out of one side of my nose now.  Yay!  

Sex isn't supposed to be this funny.

The following is a true story as told to me by "she who shall remain anonymous" (to avoid complete embarrassment from my family and friends!), so for the purpose of this blog, their names have been changed to protect the sexually dysfunctional innocent.

So my good friend "Angelina" and her husband "Brad" were home alone last weekend. They have four children so they don't often have the house to themselves, and when they do, they take full advantage. Meaning...they strip off the clothes and don't come up for air til one of the offspring return.

From this point the story is going to have to get kind of graphic so bear with me, I'll try to be as delicate as I can!

OK so Angie and Brad are having a good old time, and Brad has "taken a trip to Florida", which is our code word for going south....you get my drift, and Angie is completely enjoying Brad's tour of the land!! Naturally, that particular part of their evening progresses to the main event, and afterwards, Brad falls asleep on top of Angie. Typical, right?

So being the good wife that she is, she lets him lay there sleeping until she can no longer breathe (she's maybe 125 lbs and he probably comes in at 220) but in the meantime, she starts noticing this burning like pain coming from Florida the lowest part of The Promised Land. She tries wiggling around under him to pinpoint the location of the burn/pain and all she can determine is that it is external and down very low, but not internal. This has her stumped.

Eventually it really starts bothering her, so she wakes Brad up, and as he gets off of her, he raises up and sits back on his knees, right? They both happen to look down...and there is this string of white stuff leading from his johnson to her va-jay-jay! As she described it to me, it wasn't just like a filmy white stuff, it was a solid white string of something!

She's looking at him, he's looking at her, and they are both wondering just what exactly the other one has and is there a medication for it? She's like "Dude, it's coming out of you!" and he says "No, it's coming out of YOU!".

So he proceeds to pull on the string of white stuff.

And pull.

And pull.

Now picture him, sitting on his knees, pulling this string of some unknown but kind of frightening thing that is connecting his private parts to his wife's, and he's pulling it in a hand over hand method like he's reeling in a boat or something!

And he keeps pulling.

And suddenly they both realize...

....wait for it....

it's his gum.

Yes, you read that right.

Evidently when he was down there pleasuring his wife, he forgot he had gum in his mouth, and at some point that he doesn't recall, it fell out...and then as they were going at it, he was basically grinding it into her skin/hair in that area waaaay down below!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So to make this story even funnier, once they stopped laughing (and believe me, Angie says they were crying from laughter), the poor girl realizes she's got gum stuck in those tiny little hairs at the base of her va-jay-jay and that's what was burning/hurting...every time she moved it pulled at them and it was like getting a bikini wax or something.

Cut to the next scene, and Angie and Brad are now on the bed putting ice on the gum, trying to harden it to pull it off of her and not rip her skin off! That didn't work, so they tried peanut butter, and every other remedy you've heard of to remove gum, and he's like "Just shave it off" and she said "It's skin! The gum is stuck in invisible little hairs, there is nothing to shave!!!!"

OMG, I laugh just thinking about it.

Eventually, they got it removed but could not go to sleep because they kept giggling about how this could have happened, and the looks on their faces when they both thought the other one had some God awful disease!

As she relayed this story to me, and after I picked myself up off the floor and was able to contain myself enough to ask questions, I was like "Did he get down there and realize he had gum in his mouth, and park it on your inner thigh for later, or what??"

She said what's worse is that he said as he finished up down there, and before he climbed on top of her, he noticed some unusual white stuff in the area, but didn't have his glasses on and thought he'd just done such a good job she was frothing! OMG...LOL...I just burst out laughing as I typed that!!!!! Frothing???? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

And of course, the obvious joke that she now is Dentyne fresh in that area. As I told her, Brad's new claim to fame is that he can go down on his wife and come up with the freshest breath in town.

Ah yeah, good times.

She may never top me with the dysfunctional husband stories, but I think she is now head of the hilarious sex department.

Spilling the beans

I have a date tonight.

Just thought I'd let you know.

"Met" him 6 months ago, wasn't in the right frame of mind and backed away from him. Finally this week I put it out there (via my blog etc.) that I'm ready to move on...and feel free to send me a guy!

Next morning, I had an email from him. "Hey, I'm back...are you ready to go out with me yet?"

I figure he's been put directly in front of me twice now, and maybe Somebody knows something about him that I don't and that's why He keeps trying to hook us up.

So I said okay.

Meeting at Martini Park for drinks. I'll let you know how it goes.

In other news...

Had dinner with my two besties last night, Elizabeth and Dr. Penny. It was the first time Penny got to see her artwork on my back, and she loved it. After dinner, she came back to my house and spent the night, and we stayed up til 2am laughing til our faces hurt.

No big plans for the 4th. How about you?

So I got this card in the mail.

It is a beautiful, touching, handmade card.

And it came from Florida.

So here is the front:



And I'm thinking to myself...wow, how pretty is this??? What a dear friend I have who will make me a card so beautiful and send it to me.

Then I saw the inside:



Now, make sure you read the sentiment closely:



Bitch? BITCH? Who are you calling a bitch, lady?!?!?!?!?!

I laughed out loud so hard I spit Diet Pepsi out of my nose.

That's my Dana. My pseudo aunt, my funny friend, my blogging buddy, my sarcastic sister.

Isn't it funny how you "meet" people online and you just feel like you've known them forever? And more importantly, you "get" each other. I have been very blessed at this point to have met Linda and Darlene in person, and I know they will be my forever friends. I will finally get to meet Deb and Jill and Georgie and a few others in October, and again, I have no doubt that lifelong friendships will be cemented.

I have not met Dana yet, but when she gets her sorry ass back to her real life in Indiana and stops playing "fake retired couple" in Florida, I plan on a weekend at her house, getting shooting lessons among other things.

She gets me. I get her. She's the same age as my sister Linda who I lost, and in ways I feel like she's been sent to me to fill in the empty space in my heart. They have such similar personalities, and Linda always laughed at my absurdness and loved me no matter what mistakes I made.

She can send me cards like this knowing I will not take it wrong or read far more into it than she ever meant.

Frankly, it's clear that she recognizes a bitch when she sees one.

So look closely, "Aunt" Dana. This one is just for you....

New old friends.

I had such a great time last night meeting up with my old (and I mean that in longevity of friendship, not age!) childhood friend LeeAnn.

Here we are on the patio at Bar Louie, drinking cocktails and chatting about old times.



We had lots of talking to do! She remembers that it's been 28 years since we saw each other last, I on the other hand didn't even remember that I was at her first wedding way back in 1981! (Is that the right year, Pip?) In my defense, most of the 80's were a blur to me, so cut a sister some slack here!

It was so great to get caught up on each other's lives. Turns out we've tried to find each other before and somehow never did. But we've also vowed not to lose touch again, and I am really looking forward to having her back in my life. We were inseparable up until she moved away her sophomore year of high school, so we have lots of time to make up for. Because, you know we've been out of high school like a hundred or so ten years now. I mean, I'm 28...she's 29. We just happen to have mature facial expressions.

And you know what one of the best things of the night was? Finding out that she can go toe to toe with me in the dysfunctional marriage stories! We had NO shortage of material, trust me!

Frankly, I am not sure I can compete with her ex and the Anthrax. I'm just sayin. Someone finally may have trumped me in the "Marriage and Misery both begin with M" arena....

It's Moanday now, but that's temporary!

Here is what life with back problems (aka herniated disks) is like:

Go to bed (alone) feeling fine.

Wake up (alone) stiff, sore, and unable to walk in an upright position.

Can somebody tell me what I did in my sleep last night that left me in this shape this morning? Granted, I was having a pretty wild sex dream about an old boyfriend (who, trust me, was NEVER that good in bed or he would not be an ex!) but I'm pretty sure I wasn't physically acting it out in my sleep.

Sigh.

Then I wake up an hour earlier than necessary (6:30am is NOT my friend), get up to make myself a cup of coffee, and some mystery glass item in my pantry falls onto the cement tile and shatters everywhere. That was fun to clean up when I can barely move.

And THEN I walk into my living room and trip over....nothing. That's right...nothing. I tripped on air evidently. Went flying into the coffee table and banged the crap out of my knee.

Now you see why it's Moan-day for me.

BUT...being the ever optimistic person that I am (LOL...even I couldn't say that with a straight face!), it will get better from here. This will be the worst part of my day, right?

Check this out....a couple of weeks ago I started thinking about one of my childhood friends. Haven't seen her in a good 30 years, but as youngsters we were as tight as you could be. You know how you always wonder what ever happened to someone from your past, and think about how nice it would be to reconnect? I started thinking about LeeAnn and just hoping and wishing her well, having no clue how to find her or even who to ask.

And out of the clear blue last week I get an email from her.

How great is that? She'd gone back to our hometown, ran into someone and started talking about people and I'm not sure if he knew where to find me, or it just started her thinking about me, but she ended up Googling me, found my blog and my email address and wrote to me!

And tonight, we are meeting for drinks after work! I'm so excited to see her!!!!

So let the ibuprofen kick in so my back will stop hurting, because I intend to have a great day at work and a very fun happy hour!!!!!

This is how my best friend rolls....UPDATED

Quick, can you identify this?



Now, remember what you think it is so you can comment and tell me your original thought.

Yesterday, I was chatting with my BFF Elizabeth about our weekends, and asked what she did. She explained to me that she was out in her pool for awhile on Sunday and ended up getting burned like crazy even on such an overcast day.

Then she went on and explained this:

Yeah, I had very little if any base. Funny thing was, last weekend I accidentally burnt just above my knees and my knees (wearing bermudas at a soccer game). So in an effort to get rid of the VERY noticeable burn, then tan line, I put sunscreen on the burnt/tan part, with the plan to be let the other area get some sun for like an hour or so, so that they'll match up, and then put sunscreen on the rest so it is uniformly sunning from there on out.

I must have misjudged and got the first round of knee sunblock up too high, because there was a small strip that stayed WHITE while the rest of it burnt to a crisp. So now I have a white stripe around each thigh, few inches above the knee, in between the tanned knee area from last weekend and the fried to a crisp thigh area from Sunday.

Sigh. You would die laughing.

I insisted on a picture.

She complied.

And I laughed and almost fell on the floor.

Funniest thing I've ever seen. Can you imagine what she looks like in shorts right now with a white circle around each leg like this? OMG, the visual.

I was still holding it together until she said:

Now you know Phase 3 will be, I'll be tan up top, tan down below, and the next time I'm in the sun, the stripe will burn bright red.

I cannot take anymore. I'm typing from the floor, rolled into a fetal position, weeping from laughter.

Someone stop her before she tans again.

*********I can't believe I forgot to add this***********

This is the icing on the sunburned cupcake.



The Albino Eye belly button.

The girl is trying to kill me.

The Horth Whithperer and other important news

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth.. Can I thee her eyeth?'

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?'

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point,but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing, and says:

'Perhapth I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'

***********************************

Ah yeah, funny stuff.

So, I feel like crap. Got the whole runny nose, stuffed sinuses (which how does that work exactly, if it's all running out, what's in there to be stuffy?), headache, ears hurt, you name it. Been taking Umcka and while it's certainly cut down the symptoms, I'm still feeling crappy. Ugh, hating this.

Still working on getting a new blog layout. My problem is that I don't like any colors I'm finding to do it with! I'm not a bright and cheery kind of gal. Give me neutral or warm colors anyday. I'd play with it myself but I just don't have time. So I'm going to pay someone to do it for me.

Penny is officially drawing my tattoo! Woohoo! She's such an amazing artist, and I've always wanted one of her paintings, but evidently I have to wait until she dies and steal it from her estate....(and as healthy as she is, God knows she'll probably outlive me by 30 years or so!)...so I decided to commission her to "draw" my new tat instead! That way, I get my own original artwork, and she'll always have her artwork on display! I can't wait to see what it looks like. We're going to the tattoo place in June when she gets home.

I think that's it for now....

Look what I got today....

This one may be a pre-keeper. :)

Thanks, babe.

Important PSA

I have an important Public Service Announcement.

Some of you may have noticed in my recent post regarding the new season of TV starting...that my friend Cher(i) finally left me a comment. It is the first one since my blog started back in April, and it took three emails of step-by-step instruction, but now that she's figured out how to comment, all hell will break loose.

So, to all my new blog friends...do not attempt to bribe contact her. Her secrets are NOT for sale. She may have known me since we were 16 years old, and yes she may have a shitload few secrets that she'd damn well better take to her grave...but she is not going to tell you anything. No attempting to ply her with booze either. It makes her easy but it doesn't make her talk. (She wasn't known as Champagne Cheri in high school for nothing!)

She is not gonna give up the stuff that could get me arrested goods on me, and the reason is because for every secret she has of mine...I have two on her.

And more importantly, I have a tape recording she does not want brought to light, specifically on the World Wide Internet for the entire planet to hear.

I'm just sayin...she knows better than to throw me under the bus, as I will drag her ass down with me and play "Take Me Home, Country Roads" on this blog, along with posting some verrrrrrrrrrry embarrassing pictures currently in my possession.

Thank you. You may return to you regularly scheduled stalking blog reading now.

Oh, and Cher? Love you baby!!!! :::smooch::::