Answers to the burning questions you asked last week!

So last week I did a rerun of my interview post, and told you I'd answer any questions you had.

Here's what was asked:

Liz wrote:

How do you raise a child to be a respectful, loving, caring adult? You did an awesome job raising Jordan and I'd love to have the kind of relationship the two of you have with my daughter some day!

Hell, Liz...I don't know! (But thank you for saying that!) My son turned out great, either because of me or in spite of me, I'm not sure which! I think a lot of it had to do with me being a single mom for the majority of his life. Other than the few years I was with my ex-husband (who is not Jordan's father, and who I married when Jordan was 12), we were on our own, and I think that certainly cemented the close bond we have. I raised him to be independent (he's been doing his own laundry since he was 10, he had his first job at 14, bought his own car with 100% his money at 15 1/2, and has always paid for his gas and car insurance himself) and while I tried to be the "cool Mom", I also made sure he respected me, and my rules. I didn't make idle threats. He knew "If A, then B" meaning if he did a particular action (A), there was a guaranteed consequence if he got caught (B). I'm not going to say he didn't try more than a few teenage tricks, but he did them with full knowledge that if he broke a rule, he would face serious repercussions. And I never let him down in that aspect! We fought over the usual kid things...homework, grades, length of hair, etc. (back when he had hair, of course! LOL) but for the most part, I was just damn lucky in the kid department. I had a lot of family who helped me, and Jordan also has a great Dad & Stepmom and the three of us were always on the same parenting page. The best advice I could give you is throw away the freaking parenting books that so many new parents can't seem to function without, and just listen to your child. Pay attention...their words and actions will tell you everything you need to know. Be their safe place to fall. Kick them in the ass when they need it, but love them unconditionally. You are a great Mom to Lexi, and to #2 who I plan to knock you up with later this year. (This is an inside joke, folks...but Liz gets it!) Your relationship with your kids will be every bit as amazing as you are, my friend.

Soxy Deb asked:

Where is the most unusual place you've had sex. What? You knew it would be a sex question coming from me. That or alcohol.

Of course you would ask a sex question. I'd have been SHOCKED if you hadn't!!!! Unfortunately, I really don't have any fun or exciting answers for this! I considered just making something totally wild up but then realized my family does read this blog. Sadly, I have not been very blessed with adventurous romantic partners. So I guess I'll just go with some place out of the house, and that would have to be either a swimming pool, or on a pool table in a bar (in my defense, the bar was NOT open at the time!), both of which occurred in my younger and wilder days back in the 80's. Wow, I just bored myself with that answer. I know you must be appalled to think I haven't got anything more exciting than that to answer this question with, but trust me, nobody is more saddened by my unimaginative response than I am! Clearly, I need to redefine my idea of a "creative" man when it comes to dating again, don't I?!

Coffeypot writes:

Question? Next to me, what four guys (or girls), living or dead, you would like to have sex with?

Well, after you, I'm sure I would be too exhausted to consider anyone else! LOL However, the other four objects of my affection would be (in no particular order):

1. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who I think is incredibly sexy and hot. Great body, beautiful smile, entertaining personality. Yum, I could just dip him up on a chip.

2. Tabatha Coffey (and John, if she is related to you, you need to hook a sister up!), star of "Tabatha Takes Over" on Bravo. I'm not into women but if I were, she'd be who I'd go after. It's a well known fact she gives me chick wood.

3. The Marquis de Sade. Enough said.

4. Denis Leary. Specifically if he was playing the role of his Rescue Me alter ego, Tommy Gavin. Yeah it's a stretch to wonder how my attraction to a man can swing from Dwayne Johnson to Denis Leary, but it does.

Annie asked:

My question: I'm a late follower, and curious if you were married to your sons father? Also, about the man you have recently divorced what happened there? I read you refer to him, and I wish I knew the background! :)

Oh, Annie. This response could take hours to write. LOL I'll try to be brief.

No, I was not married to my son's father. However we have always had a good relationship, and I have an equally good one with his wife as well (who he married when Jordan was about 4 or 5). They are great parents to our son and Jordan is lucky because at my house he's an only child, and at his Dad's he's one of four kids (he has a half brother, and a step brother and step sister) so he has the best of both worlds.

I have only been married once, and that was in September of 2003 when I was 42. I was divorced two years and 8 days later. I don't really say much about my ex here anymore....while starting over via divorce was my reason for writing this blog in the first place, I've tried very hard to not let my life be defined by how my marriage ended. This blog is about me and my journey now. I loved being married, and the way it ended sucked and it was awful and all I will say is that I hope someday to get another chance at Happily Ever After. Except next time should Prince Charming decide to stray, I will take his balls with me when I leave.

Homesick Cajun asked:

My question is this, what is your "get it girl" song? You know...the song you love to turn the radio up and just sing and/or dance to?

Ooooh, I have lots of those! If my car, I will crank things like Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Meatloaf), or I Hate Myself For Loving You (Joan Jett), or various other 80's songs that remind me of days gone by like It's Raining Men (The Weather Girls). I love anything by the Eagles, and of course there are the standard fuck you, you sorry asshole break up songs such as Survivor (Destiny's Child) or You Oughta Know (Alanis Morrissette, and my divorce theme song! LOL) but lately, I've become a big Lady Gaga fan, and Bad Romance is my current favorite crank it up and sing song!

Gayle asked me:

Honestly what age is to old to wear Uggs? My daughters say I shouldn't get a pair but they look so comfortable..I would probably only wear them around the house anyway.

Well, I'm going to be 49 in March, and I just got my first pair of Uggs for Christmas, and I wear them proudly! They are incredibly comfortable and I plan on wearing them for many, many, MANY years to come! Go get yourself a pair, sister!

Sooooo, there you have it. I love questions, they are so fun! Feel free to keep 'em coming...it gives me something to blog about!

Provocative start to the week...

An interesting question was posed in a movie last night, and it got me thinking.

And therefore, I'm going to get you thinking today.

Here's the question....and for the record, I will post my answer in the comments section later today.

Ready?

If you were to be asked the most difficult thing you can imagine by your best friend, what would it be?

Think about that for a minute.

And then tell me what your friend would ask you that would be so difficult for you to answer....is it something he or she wants you to do like 'Will you raise my children if I die tragically tomorrow?', or are they asking you to confirm something you may have already done such as 'Did you ever sleep with my ex-boyfriend when we were dating?'

What would be the hardest question for you to answer?

Questions that I need answers to.

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

Why is a boxing ring square?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

Why do we sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" when we are already there?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Can an ambidextrous person make an off-handed remark?

Could it be that boulders are statues of big rocks?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why do "tugboats" push?

Do bleached blondes pretend to have more fun?

If a man speaks, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?

How can "quite a lot" and "quite a few" mean the same thing?

If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

How is it that we put men on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?

Why do we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?

Why do thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?

Sooner or later, doesn't everyone stop smoking?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?

How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another?

And last but not least....

If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

"Dammit why is Julie making me think so hard on Friday?"

This question was posed to me last night, and so now I am going to ask you the same thing.

If you had to choose the single biggest mistake you've made so far in life, what would it be?

My knee jerk reaction was...you guessed it...my marriage.

But honestly, that's not it.

My marriage had it's good moments. Granted, they mostly occurred within the first 24 hours after exchanging vows...but regardless, it wasn't all bad! And the truth is I probably wouldn't take it back even if I could. I'm glad I married him. It was, if nothing, a learning experience. So it's not my biggest mistake.

My biggest mistake was in not putting a cap in his ass in the end.

Oh wait, did I just say that out loud? My bad. I kid! I kid! I would have never done that.

(I'd have left it up to the other woman's husband! LOL)

Anyway...where was I?

When giving myself more time to think about this, I guess I'd have to say that my biggest mistake is probably not really pursuing what I wanted to do with my life, which was be a makeup artist in Hollywood. Yes, that was my dream. But I didn't have the balls to leave Ohio and head out west to pursue them. My parents made me enroll in college here, I partied for 2 quarters and flunked out. Went to work full time at 19 and here I am today...making a decent living doing something that bores the crap out of me. I never wanted to be in accounting. For heaven's sake, I don't balance my own checkbook and never have! I just got pushed into this from one job to the next, and suddenly I was making a living at it.

So that's my biggest mistake...not at least *trying* to do what I know would have made me happier in life, all those years ago.

And no, I don't want to be a Mary Kay lady now to make up for it. It's not the same thing. (Not meaning to offend any of you MKL's out there so don't start a comment war on me!)

So tell me, what's your biggest mistake?

Enquiring minds want to know...and I'm here to answer! **UPDATED**

Check out Jordan's Blog. How cute are they?

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OK so I've had a lot of comment "questions" recently, so I decided to answer them all in one big blog post....

Here you go.

Regarding the "Hi my name is" blog:

@ Butler & Bagman: I hope whoever I start to date doesn't follow my blog! Of course, since I posted yesterday about the guy I was interested in, he hasn't responded to my last email from Monday night...so maybe he found the blog and is already running the other way!

@ Danica: You *are* invited to Vegas. Memorial Day weekend. Tentatively I am flying out Friday night and back on Tuesday, just burning one vacation day that way. Staying with my separated at birth sister buddy Vegas Linda Lou, and hopefully Travel Girl and Chocolate Covered Day Dreams will be meeting us as well...

@ Keeper of All Things: Fun Dip is a drink that tastes just like that stuff we used to eat as kids, that came in the package and tasted like powdered sweet tarts? It's 1 1/2 shots of Grape Vodka, 1 shot Blue Curacao, about two shots of Sweet & Sour Mix, and a splash of 7-up. Drink over ice. Get drunk. One side effect other than a fast buzz is that you get a blue tongue. When you laugh you look like you've just blown a Smurf.

@ Everyone who asked: You are all welcome to use any blog of mine on yours. Just link back to me! (Except you, Mr. Bike Smut. Leave my exercise bike alone!)

Regarding "Bachelor #2 and I might actually like this one!" blog:

First, thank you all for the compliments that I am beautiful and deserving of a great guy...I appreciate every single one of them! I truly do. If any of you had penises, I'd date you. (Or for those of you that do actually possess that item, you know where to find me!) (No, Jenny...I mean one that's actually attached to a body, not that you bought yourself!)

@ Butler & Bagman: Baggy need not be jealous. He'll always be the one that got away. LOL

@ Liz: Who wouldn't be able to hit it off with me? Hell if I know! I think I'm pretty easy to get along with!!!! (I am, right?)

@ Won: Yes you can live vicariously through me. I live vicariously through several of my friends, so hopefully nothing gets lost in translation!

@ Wonder Mom: I *hope* they aren't all freaks! We all know I certainly attract a select group but perhaps the tide is turning...

@ Jill...Yes you can be my flower girl. Or my Maid of (Dis)Honor. Your choice.

@ Just a Chic: I take your word for it, as you would know a hot babe when you see one. LOL... I'm not worthy!

@ Lisa L: Yeah, that "we" can work on the weight thing was a little unsettling. But I think it's nice that he thinks it's something to be supportive about...or it's just a nice way of making sure "we" lose the weight!

@ Dana: Oh shit, if this is your Joe...I swear I never laid a hand on him. Put the gun down before you hurt somebody with that damn thing!

@ Jenny: Impeccable grammar is always a plus with me. You know that. I'm following your lead and setting the bar higher. After all it's working out quite nicely for you!

Regarding "I think this is pretty self explanatory":

@ Megryansmom: No he's not one of my bachelors. He's an ex-boyfriend. (I wish...) If he was a bachelor, I'd be devoting all my time to touching his biceps, not blogging. If he were an ex-boyfriend he wouldn't be an EX-boyfriend. I'd have him tied to a chair so he couldn't escape!

@ Dr. Penny: He scares *you*? Now what does that say about me???? LOL

@ Fragrant Liar: You can get one of those at www.photofunia.com.

@ Mindy: Same place. You may have to wrestle Fragrant Liar for him, though.

@ Butler & Bagman: If Baggy looks like this, I'm headed your way. Now.

@ Airmanmom: If I have a bachelor who looks like that in a wife beater, he can have Angelina Jolie on it for all I care. It isn't gonna be on him long anyway!

Regarding Days One and Two of my Management Lessons:

No, I don't make these up myself. I wish I was that funny. I steal them from everybody else. Thankfully my friends send me a lot of emails that I turn into blog fodder!!

Regarding Jordan's Car Update:

So we got it back last week, and within an hour the "Check Engine" light came on again! I called them back and not so politely requested that they replace the damn sensor...not just attempt to fix it. So, as we took it in today.

And on the way, I got a speeding ticket for going 38 in a 25! Arrrgh. Nothing like my son pulling over too, and pointing and laughing at me as I'm batting my eyes at Mr. Policeman. Didn't work, he still gave me a $107 ticket. Of all days NOT to wear a low cut shirt...

He also informed me that my license plates were expired.

Excuse me? It's not my birthday yet, how can they be expired? They expire this month...?

Nope. Evidently the leasing company doesn't go by the birthday renewal thing They do it whenever they fricking feel like it, which in my case is on February 20th every year.

I think it's hilarious that for the past two years I've evidently driven on expired plates between February 20th and my birthday on March 22nd!

So...once again, my son is driving the expensive car and I'm driving...a Chevy Aveo!

OK...I think that just about sums up Q&A period for today. If I missed anything, or there's some burning question you need to know, just ask!!!!

It's time for sex.

Okay, let me clarify. "Sex" questions. Also known as...I have nothing else to blog about so here, answer these for me. What can I say...those who can, do. Those who can't...ask. LOL

1. If you could have one servant come to your house every day for an hour, what would you have them do?

2. If there was one thing relating to your love life that you could be blackmailed for, what would it be?

3. If you had to name the one thing that should turn you on but just never does, what would it be?

4. If you had to pick the worst sexual experience of your life, what would it be?

5. If you had to guess which person, among all your BLOGGER friends, is the most kinkiest in private, who would it be?

All of the usual Jules Rules apply. I know who you are, I know you read these, and if you don't leave a comment I'm going to come to your blog and tell all your readers that you're too shy to talk about sex with perfect strangers on the Internet. I have Analytics, and I'm not afraid to use them.

As for my answers, here you go:

1. That's a toss up between a massage, and hair & makeup. I think I'd go for the latter, because if I looked that damn good every day, finding someone to give me a massage wouldn't be that hard.

2. First of all, Cheri and Penny...be very careful how you respond. Remember, I have material on both of you. OK, well let me think. Christ, the 80's were dangerous, there is SO much that could be used against me. Let's just say there were several times in that decade that I woke up with a fuzzy memory of the night before, and preferred to keep it that way.

3. Anyone doing anything near, on or in my ear. Ugh, I shuddered just typing that. I don't like having my ears bitten, sucked on, licked, kissed, and the absolute worst, having someone stick their damn tongue in it. OMG, that grosses me out. Stay the hell away from my ears.

4. Back in 1987, I dated some guy for about a month before doing the deed, and the night I finally did I was "overserved" at the local bar, so I wasn't exactly clear headed by the time we got home. We got undressed and got into bed, and I remember reaching down...and thinking "Did I just grab his thumb?" It wasn't until he moaned "Oh baby, yes..." that I realized "OMG, that's not his...OMG it is!" Yep,at full attention it was that small. Needless to say, I immediately stopped fighting the buzz and said "Screw this, I'm so going to sleep. That is NOT worth staying awake for". We never dated again.

5. You know, this is kind of hard to answer! Since Penny is my real life BFF, and I already KNOW this about her, I'll have to go with the wild cards. I'm torn between Deb (seriously, who did not see that coming?), Jen (just a hunch I have about her), Linda Lou, of course (she's my separated at birth sister), and I'm pretty sure Jaded has her moments as well. And then there's Jill and Darlene and Georgie, who act all sweet and stuff but I have no doubt there is leather and handcuffs in their closests, and I have to put Dana on the list just because if I don't, she will put a cap in my ass. The rest of you, I just didn't out you, but don't think I don't think it's true!

Questions for the games of life and love....

Since I'm so short on blogging time these days, I'm going to take some extreme short cuts and do blogs based on questions that I find interesting.

So you'd better leave me comments with responses, or I will track you down. You know I can do it. No, I really can...don't tempt me.

Here we go...I want answers, peeps.

1. If you could have chosen your own first name, other than your current one, what would it be?

2. If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one would you give up?

3. If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?

4. If you could have avoided living one year from your past, what year would it be and why?

5. If you could "unknow" one thing you know, what would it be?

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Here's my answers:

1. Actually I don't mind my first name however, if I had to change it I'd probably be Jillian. Or Julia. Or Julianne. Something that makes me sound cute. LOL

2. Geesh. I guess smell. Taste would be my 2nd choice.

3. Ooh, I'd want to be invisible!

4. Hands down....2005. The entire year sucked from the first day to the last. My marriage blew up and took every one of my hopes and dreams for the future with it. 2004 was really bad because I lost my sister and my dad, but at least there were some good times in between. 2005 was just fucked up all year long.

5. I wish I didn't know how much being cheated on hurts. I will never, ever do that to anyone. I'd never done it before, and was pretty sure I never would, but now I know for sure. I will never hurt another human being that way, either by cheating on someone I love, or putting myself into someone else's relationship and hurting an innocent person.

Sunday Rewind and a Question of the Day

From April 2008, with a few additives from today...

My taste buds, they are a changin'

Funny how when you stop eating a whole lotta junk...you stop craving a whole lotta junk. And when you stop smoking, you really don't crave cigarettes all that much. And, you smell better.

And funny how good simple things taste. Mandarin oranges, for example. Mmmmm. That was like a little party in my mouth a few minutes ago.

I can't wait to hit my first 10 lb. mark. I'm thinking about buying myself something for every 10 I lose, but I don't know what that would be, because that would turn into a collection of sorts and I don't collect anything but damaged men evidently. LOL! Or maybe I should just do something nice for myself. Maybe a pedicure every time. Or a massage. Any ideas?

Day 6 - No cigs. Thought the weekend might be tough but it hasn't been bad. Friday night I'd have sacrificed a limb at one point for one, but I white knuckled through it. The rest of the weekend has been okay. It really is more breaking a habit than anything else...

Now, for my question of the day....

If you were to select a moment when you were convinced an angel was watching over you, when would it have been?

Pain hostage...day three.

OK seriously, I'm over this. NOTHING is helping the freaking neck/shoulder bullshit. Looks like a call to my chiropractor is in order today. Especially because I'm back at work, and can't be popping pills and chasing them with vodka. (Which makes me talk in my best Karen Walker voice!)

Went to see "Milk" yesterday. It's a fabulous movie. Ironically, directly in front of me sat a local TV newscaster who I had NO IDEA was gay. However, in light of the fact that he was sitting there holding another guy's hand...leads me to believe it's so.

Got my Xmas shopping done for my SSS partner, and will get that in the mail tomorrow, Georgie!!!

Let's see...what else. How about my question of the day? It's a follow up to the last one a few weeks ago...

If you could spend one year in perfect happiness but afterward remember nothing of the experience, would you do so? If not, then why not?

Wednesday Question of the Day

But first....



My dogs, keeping warm in front of the space heater. This is how they sit all the time, you'd think their fur would singe sometimes, they are so close!

Went to the hospital last night to see my MIL. That was fun. She was sleeping, and my ex was sitting in the room by himself. I tried to make conversation, and all I got was the one-word answers....

Hi

Hey

How's she doing?

OK

Has she been sleeping long?

No

Is she in a lot of pain?

Yes

How was Vegas?

Good

Are you just going to be an immature, nasty, bitter asshole forever?

(Oh wait, I think I just *thought* that last question. I am pretty sure I didn't say it out loud!!!)

So then, he sat there in the ONLY chair in the room, while I stood in high heels, waiting for his mother to wake up. Never offered me his chair, never asked if he could get me a chair, nothing. What a dickhead.

She finally woke up and I visited with her for just a few minutes before it was time to go (she's in the SICU and visiting hours were over at 8). He said goodbye to her, and stepped away from the bed, so I got up close and kissed her and said I'd be back tomorrow...and turned around and the ex was gone. I walk out into the hall and he's hauling ass as fast as he can to the elevators! OMG, it was hysterical. I have never seen him move that fast except when he was running from his mistress's husband!!!!!!!!!!! He was almost in a full sprint, to get to the elevator and on it before I had the chance to catch up and heaven forbid ride the same car down a floor with him. It honestly made me laugh out loud. What a tool.

Oh, but then, he sat in the parking lot in his truck and watched me drive away. Maybe he was just trying to catch his breath from running.

Too funny.

OK, on to the topic of today's post....it's my question of the day.

Would you accept 20 years of extraordinary happiness and fulfillment if it meant you would die at the end of the period?

Think about that for a minute. I'll let you know my answer later....