So it's almost Halloween again!

See, when you get married on Halloween, you get to have an "anniverscary" (see what I did there?) every year.

And this year, we have friends throwing us a party!

 OK maybe that's not exactly the truth...they do have a Halloween party every year...but this year they are billing it a Halloween/Anniverscary party so in a way, it counts!!!

We are going as a zombie bride and groom. Go figure. The good news is that I finally get to "trash the dress".  And by dress, I mean the one I wore at my first wedding.  You know, the event forever known as The Biggest Mistake Of My Life.  (Thank God I learn from my mistakes!!!)

I've held on to the dress for 12 years, always wanting to do something with it but not sure what.  At one point I looked into sending it to one of those amazing women who make baby gowns for infants who have passed away in hospitals, but they were overwhelmed with them at the time and so I continued holding on to it.

It hangs outside in my back yard garage in a white bag, in the corner....looking like a ghost.

Appropriate, I think.  That marriage has been long dead and buried.

So yeah, the dress.  It's getting sliced up and bloodied and dirtied and stained and zombied and I can't wait!  It's going to be so fun to do!  I'll post pictures after the party.

It will be bootiful.


 

2 years and counting....

I think I'm gonna keep him.

Happy Anniversary, Hot Stuff!

Dear Big T:

I'm not good with cards, especially mushy ones (we both know who the romantic one in this relationship is, and it's not this girl).

I contemplated showing you my love through interpretive dance, but then quickly realized that could be your deal breaker, thus making this our first and only anniversary.

So to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of us getting a second chance at Happily Ever After, I decided to do what I do best and write you a blog post.

Here goes:

On August 5, 2010, I came to see you at the Dolphin Lounge and watch you entertain the masses with your amazing humor and wit. And frankly, nothing says happy reunion like a dive bar in Gahanna. But I was quickly reminded why I fell in love with you fourteen years earlier. You make me laugh. And, you're really hot.

Two days later we went on our first real date....and it involved the Titanic. Now, some people might have seen that as a bad sign...but not us. We (and by we, I mean 'me') saw it as a great jumping off point for our new relationship, and we would either sink or swim. (OK I'm stretching it a little bit here, really I didn't give it a lot of thought until two months later when we booked a cruise, and then I got a little worried about starting this relationship out with a sinking ship and hoped it wouldn't end that way!)

The next day, I invited you to dinner with the family. Might as well get it out of the way right off the bat, right?

The next couple of weeks were spent getting to know each other again. And then one night we went to Cincinnati to gamble and have a great dinner....

....., and on the way home you made me an offer I couldn't refuse. For the sake of anyone else reading this, I won't detail that offer.

And that, my love, was when this thing kicked into high gear.

From that point on, we had a blast:

Sent the kid off to college:

But reminded ourselves where we started:

We went to Hocking Hills:

Gatsby's:

Another casino trip:

Making out somewhere during karaoke:

A hotel in Cincinnati where your 6 keeps showing up:

Went back to karaoke (Elizabeth is persuasive!)

Made out again:

Made out with friends this time:

But there's no grey area, it's all black and white with us, baby.

Celebrated my 50th:

And then really celebrated on the high seas:

You got bit by a Foo Dog:

And I got a vagina towel animal. WTF?

The number 6 was everywhere:

Except on my birthday. That was brought to you by the grossly inflated numbers 5 and 0...

We hung out in Costa Maya:

And Belize:

Had lots of fun in Roatan, Honduras:

....and I love you but you know I'm not letting a damn bird near ME:

Then it was on to Cozumel:

And the turtle tattoo idea was born:

One last picture in Cozumel:

And then it was our last night on the boat....

But we woke up in New Orleans on Bourbon Street:

We came home and made it official...and Big T & Little T were born.

We went to Luna Pier:

And Danica's wedding....

Spent July 4th in Granville....

....with our new Turtle Power friend.

Even got our cars into the act...

We lost someone we love, but I take great comfort in knowing she loved you dearly...and was so happy we found each other again.

And I know she's looking down on us, and smiling because we are together.

So this is my love letter to you.

Thank you for the best year of my life (so far). We've had a few bumps in the road, because let's face it, neither of us are perfect. But we are perfect for each other, and I've never been happier.

I can't promise you will ever get that hot Asian girl fantasy fulfilled, but I promise to give you my best in this relationship every single day.

Here's to this being the first of many amazing and wonderful years ahead of us.

I love you, baby.

Little T

Better late than never

That's right, I missed my own Blogoversary.

Geesh.

I started this blog April 3, 2008....hard to believe I've been writing it for two years already.

Time flies when you're spewing ridiculous facts about your life to the world!

In two years, I've written 717 posts.

I have 413 followers.

I've had 98,780 hits on my site.

Last year I averaged 7,418 hits a month.

I even have paid advertisers now. Yay!

And I've had visitors from countries I've never even heard of. It's kind of bizarre to think about how far reaching our little blogs can be.

So thanks to all of you for coming along on this ride with me! When I started my blog, it was meant to be my own accountability for losing weight. Thankfully, two years and 35 lbs later, I feel I have partially accomplished that goal! Now I'm back on the Weight Watchers Wagon and attempting to lose the other 40 lbs, so I guess that assures me that I need to continue blogging!!!

Besides, who else am I gonna bitch about turning 50 to next year, besides you guys?

(PS...Taking Jordan to Cincinnati today to visit UC, and see where my kid is planning to live in the fall!)

Thanks for indulging my inner Attention Whore.

Thank you all for your comments yesterday on my blogiversary! I made it over 100! Wooohooo! I have officially *arrived* in BlogWorld now!

I picked up about 10 new followers, which is great...except now I have to spend the next year convincing *them* I really am funny and entertaining and worth the stalking effort! Oh well, somehow I've gotten the rest of you to believe it so far! It can't be that hard to do, right?

Regardless, I will be around to visit each and everyone of you to stalk you mercilessly repay your kind words and thoughts....

Many thanks to Missy for volunteering to send me her handcuffs. Her husband is still trying to figure *this* out.

And for the other 80 of you who batted your eyes all innocently and said "Why, I don't have any handcuffs, Julie....", all I have to say is:

Bitch, please. LOL

You've either had them at one time, currently have them, or are out buying some right this minute. I know who you are, you are not fooling me in the least! But I'll keep your little Pollyanna secrets. For now.

Meanwhile, let me just say thanks again for all the comment love slipping you a big one...



You're welcome.

Anniversaries and handcuffs. Today is my day for both.

One Whole Year. 415 Blog Posts. Look what the hell I've started!

I'll get to the handcuffs issue here in a minute...

A year ago I began writing a blog. No idea why! Just sat down and started typing. Here's what I wrote on Day One...

Wow.

Why is it that I feel 37 mentally and 57 physically? Gee, maybe because I'm overweight, out of shape, still smoking on occasion, and refusing to set foot anywhere near a gym? Let's face it, if I'm going to be sweating and breathing hard, there better be nudity involved. I'm just sayin.

So I decided to start blogging. Jump on the wagon, so to speak. (Hey, that would qualify as exercise, right?) I was told today that I should start recording everything I eat..."if you bite it, write it". That way you are more cognizant of your food behaviors.

Food behaviors? I eat anything that doesn't move. How's that for a food behavior?

OK so back to the purpose of this blog. I just turned 47 a few weeks ago. Clearly, I'm not getting any younger. So if I plan on taking one last run at being "all that" (ok so I've never actually been "all that", but I'd like to, at least once before I die, hear someone say "You're too skinny!" without any sort of medical intervention being involved!)...anyway, I need to get that last run started.

The thing is, I *know* better. My best friend is a naturopathic doctor, for heaven's sake! She has tried for years to get me on the right track (not to mention, to save my life) and I've fought her every step of the way. Whining at the top of my lungs..."It's too "hard" to eat healthy and organic and natural. I don't "like" to exercise. Yes, I "know" I have no business eating meat or any other animal products with my history of colitis, and family history of colon cancer." I can lecture other people until the cows come home about the bad effects of dairy on your body! (pun intended) So it's not like I'm stupid, or clueless, and have gotten to this point in life by accident. My body is what it is because of my own negligence. Period. I got nobody to blame but me.

So I figured accountability is a good place to start. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, so I'm not sure who I'm being accountable to or what I'm really even accounting for. Am I going to post what I eat every day? Maybe. That should be good for a laugh. Am I going to post how lazy I am and how much time I log being hortizontal rather than vertical? Possibly.

I'm just starting slowly at the exercise thing. If I type enough, I should have really skinny fingers, right?

So, check it out. Nothing here has changed in the past year! Clearly I suck at the accountability thing.

But what I've gained this last 365 days is a newfound love for writing, a way to entertain myself while indulging in my favorite past time, (which is talking about myself, evidently!) and most importantly, I've made lifelong friendships.

Those are things I had no idea I would get when I set out on this journey.

So I thank all of you who have brought your stories into my life, and allowed me to share mine with you. Your kindnesses have been as important as your kicks in my ass when I needed them. Your high fives and words of encouragement have brought me to laughter and tears.

Some of you have sent alcohol. That too has been very much appreciated. LOL

I hope each of you reading this right now has at some point, taken something away from this blog that affects you as well. If I have ever helped anyone through experiences or stories from my own life, then I consider my blog a success. You have no idea how many of you have changed my life with yours.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me. I'll try not to drive us off into the ditch, I promise!!

NOW...on to the handcuffs.

I need a pair. You know, the real thing. A good pair of steel handcuffs, or whatever cops use. Preferably not brand new, more a pair that's been used a few times.

I'll give 'em back, I swear. I just need to borrow them for three weeks.

I work for an interior designer, and we do something called Decorator's Showhouse every other year, it's a fundraising type event here. This year, our room is The Vault...it's a wine cellar in the basement. And my boss always puts something unexpected in his rooms.

This year he wants handcuffs.

And I *know* one of you kinkmeisters out there has a pair you'll loan me. I'll pay for postage if you have to ship them to me but I need them by April 17th.

C'mon...confess. Who's got 'em, and who's gonna let me borrow them? (Fine, email me in private if you're too embarrassed to admit it publicly!)

Anyway...thanks for the 100+ comments you guys are leaving me today. I have total confidence in my readers!!!!

I need a HUGE favor from all of you!

First things first...what do you think of the new blog layout? I'm still playing around with what I want, but this will do for now...give me your feedback, ok? After all, you guys are the ones foolish enough voluntarily reading this every day!

Second, mosey over to Dana's blog today. She wrote an entire post about me! LOVE her!!! (And I've totally got her fooled into thinking I'm nice and sweet and helpful and all that. She doesn't realize I just need a place to vacation in Florida for free!)

So, onto the real reason for this post!

Tomorrow is my one year blog anniversary!

How exciting, right? It's been an entire year that I've been boring the shit out of you while deluding myself that I'm interesting entertaining you with my charming personality!

Now, I have a lot of readers every day, but I get an average of 25 comments at any given time.

I want you guys to break the bank for me.

My biggest record for comments in one day was around 80 back in January when we had the Vinnie Fiasco unfortunate discussion about relationships, so I want to kick that comment day's ass.

Are you with me?

So tomorrow, Friday, April 3rd, will all of you faithful readers leave me comments, and ask YOUR blog readers to do so as well?

Come on. I don't ask for much. I just want a 100 comment day.

Fine, I'll promise sexual favors if I have to. Whatever it takes.

Tomorrow is the Big Day. Don't forget me. It's my anniversary, for God's sake. I've never had a good anniversary...my first wedding anniversary my Dad died, and my second was eight days before the divorce was final. I deserve a good anniversary, dammit. (I am sooooo not above going for sympathy comments here!)

Put it on your To Do list. "Friday, April 3rd...leave Julie a comment to shut her up".

There, that was easy.

Thanks!!!