His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'
'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
'A female horth.'
So he shows him a prized filly.
'Nith lookin horth.. Can I thee her eyeth?'
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?'
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point,but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing, and says:
'Perhapth I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'
***********************************
Ah yeah, funny stuff.
So, I feel like crap. Got the whole runny nose, stuffed sinuses (which how does that work exactly, if it's all running out, what's in there to be stuffy?), headache, ears hurt, you name it. Been taking Umcka and while it's certainly cut down the symptoms, I'm still feeling crappy. Ugh, hating this.
Still working on getting a new blog layout. My problem is that I don't like any colors I'm finding to do it with! I'm not a bright and cheery kind of gal. Give me neutral or warm colors anyday. I'd play with it myself but I just don't have time. So I'm going to pay someone to do it for me.
Penny is officially drawing my tattoo! Woohoo! She's such an amazing artist, and I've always wanted one of her paintings, but evidently I have to wait until she dies and steal it from her estate....(and as healthy as she is, God knows she'll probably outlive me by 30 years or so!)...so I decided to commission her to "draw" my new tat instead! That way, I get my own original artwork, and she'll always have her artwork on display! I can't wait to see what it looks like. We're going to the tattoo place in June when she gets home.
I think that's it for now....
19 comments:
Boo to feeling bad, but YEAH on the tat. I am getting ready to get a second one. Really looking forward to having it done on my spring break.
Thank you for giving me one to take to work and share...selectively...I spend a lot of time lecturing staff on sexual harassment so even with my friends, I usually ask before I tell a trot joke.
HA too funny!
I hope you feel better soon!
*gasp*!! I thought WE were getting tatts?!?
*slinks off to corner*
Hope you're feeling better soon, Julie!
~AM
Sorry you are feeling so horrible. Get some good nutrients in you to help fight the icky bug. Try a green smoothie (spinach, blueberries, banana, water--whatever--just remember the banana it takes the taste of spinach away) or if you are not into green smoothies, go get some veggie soup!!!
Feel Better
Sorry to hear you are sick!
Fuck you are beating me with the tattoo progress. I know we both talked about getting another one done with our tax return money and here you are getting one drawn out while I'm still not settled on my design. *le sigh*
I'm jealous!
Let's be miserably sick together, where do you get that umcka stuff? Does it help. I'm taking claritin, it's dried up EVERYTHING but my runny nose. It's stuffed and running wtf???
So sorry you are sick. And please save room on your body for our gang tat we are getting.
sorry you are sick I often wonder how one can be stuffy and runny at the same time too....but then the meds sometimes say they are for both stuffy and runny noses so go figure.......and woohoo for the tat!!!! hope we get to see it!!! oph and the little story ....priceless
"I'd play with it myself but I just don't have time."
Do you know if I read this sentence quickly, and omit one word (it)....it takes on a whole different meaning and makes me blush??
Hope you feel better soon....
Try a hot toddy.......Mmmmmm....Clear ya right up!
I'm sure we were connected in another life. i am not a bright color girl either. Neutrals all the way.
feel better Jules! vegas is rapidly approaching:)
Hysterwical.
Get well soon so you can twat back here and tell mo' jokes.
Ughhh...I wish you lived close by and we could be sick together..."Jules, please pass the kleenex...achoo!!!" I'm with you on the running yet stuffy nose. I've got asthma so my chest is also cursing at me. Plus, Aunt Flo is visiting. If she can't make me feel better then she's gots to go!!!
Yay for the tat! Will we be able to see a sneak preview? Are you having it done in Vegas?
I have felt bad this week too, same stuff...now I feel bad for dumb mistakes I have made....things are rough around here.... :/
Hope you are feeling better. A tat - sounds great and having Penny do it will be exciting. Least you will be taking that masterpiece with you when you die...can't wait to see what it looks like.
That joke was great!
Oh hell no, Lilly, she ain't takin' it with her when she goes --I'll have to have it peeled off, mounted and added to the art collection for my estate!! LOLOLOLOL -- sounds kinda Silence of the Lambish, huh?
Post a Comment