Wow, best Friday night ever.

And I never left the house!

But what made it great was that when my son got home from his Friday night out, we inadvertantly ended up having an hour long talk about some things that we had long needed to discuss. And it reaffirmed what I've known for 17 1/2 year now...that I have the greatest kid ever, and am so blessed to be his Mom.

Jordan and I went through a lot of crap in my marriage. He never liked my ex, but he wanted me to be happy, and he knew that his days having to live under the same roof with him were limited...as Jordan said "I knew I had about 5 years til graduation, til I went off to college and started my own life, and I knew I could hang in there until then". So we talked a lot about the situation, about his fear that I will get back with my ex once he's gone off to LA to film school, and I'm here alone...he's afraid Ex will prey on me and get back in when I'm most vulnerable.

We talked about how bad things were during the marriage for both of us, and how I tried to make it okay for him but I was constantly torn between the two people I loved most in the world...my son and my husband. I told him how I had every material thing in the world that a girl could want...beautiful home, nice cars, diamonds, designer everything, money in the bank, investments...I didn't want for anything, and I could spend money and not worry about it (after being a single mom for 12 years and living paycheck to paycheck, to have thousands in the bank and not have to worry about money was a really wonderful feeling!) And yet, it was the most miserable time of my life. Because if you know me, you know that I am not a materialistic person. I didn't need a 3 1/2 carat wedding ring...I'd have been happy with a gold band and a man who honored marriage and commitment the way I did. I needed to be married to someone who loved my child like he was his own, and respected the way I'd raised him for the first 12 years of his life, and supported me in how I raised him until he went out on his own.

I told Jordan that I have a lot of guilt about putting him into a situation that turned out so badly, and that I hope he knows I never, ever meant to allow him to be hurt. It breaks my heart to remember how callously my ex treated him, and no matter how hard I tried to make us a family, and give Jordan a better life, my ex fought equally hard to break my son and I apart. I cried talking about this to Jordan, and he reassured me that I did what I felt was best for us at the time, and I had no way of knowing how it was going to turn out, and that when it got really bad I got him out of the house and ended my marriage. He says he is thankful for what he went through, because it made him who he is today. It made him more mature, it made him want to be a better person, it made him stronger, and it made him love me even more as his Mom, because he saw the hits I took and how it knocked me to the ground but I got back up and went on with my life.

And we both agreed we are happier now, we have a good life and deep inside, I know that while I have made mistakes as a parent, in the big picture I've done a pretty good job, because I have a son who has never given me an ounce of trouble (other than a few grade issues that we've fought over the years!) but he is kind and loving and respectful, and he's funny and smart and driven to succeed. Either because of me, or in spite of me, he's a wonderful young man, and I am so proud to be his mother. I thank God for him every day of my life.

You should all be so lucky!