Holy shit...what's that feeling? Wait...am I "happy"??

Hold on. I'm trying to identify an emotion.

Yep, I think I've pinned it down...

I'm either happy, or somebody slipped something into my coffee this morning and this is simply a chemical reaction.

Weird. I haven't felt this way for a long time. Years. Many, many years. Oh, I suppose there were times when I was married that I was happy. I actually remember feeling quite happy on my honeymoon. But it went downhill from there.

The past three years have sucked a big one. I thought "happy" was just a fond memory.

Yet today, I woke up without that constant feeling of dread that has been hanging over me for what seems like forever.

I was actually singing in the shower. Okay, technically it was more like the sound of a pig being attacked by a mountain lion, however it was high pitched ugly to the tune of Destiny's Child "Survivor".

I have found myself thinking "up". Looking "up". Feeling "up". (Which is not the same as being felt up, however I have hope that too will come back into my life soon!)

Dare I say..I'm happy?

Hell yes I say it! I'm in a good place, for the first time in so freaking long I can't even tell you. I'm looking forward to my future, and not mourning my past. I'm excited about dating again at some point (even though the prospects I've seen so far aren't exactly appealing to me at this juncture). I'm feeling ALIVE again. I'm laughing, I'm spending time with family and friends (and enjoying it!), and best of all, I am finding myself okay with being alone.

Because..I'm not lonely.

Part of what kept me with my ex for the past three years was the feeling that "something" is better than "nothing".

It's not. Not when the something is just flat out insane. Batshit crazy. Psychotic.

"Nothing" is much quieter. Much less stressful. Much more peaceful.

And happy feels damn good. Welcome back, stranger.