I have not been looking forward to this day. It's the first time that it's fallen on a Saturday since we got married. Most years since our divorce, I can go to work and keep myself busy and not think about it.
Today, I woke up at 6am, after having a dream that my ex was back with the woman he let break up our marriage. Funny, five years ago when I woke up alone on this Saturday morning, I was filled with so much hope and anticipation and excitement, and today I woke up by myself, sad and angry and lonely.
As I sat down to write this, the emotion overtook me, and I found myself with my hands covering my face, sobbing in that way that demonstrates grief at it's quietest and loudest. I lost so much when my marriage ended. I lost not only the material things like my house and my car, I lost my job, I lost my financial security, I lost the dreams I had for my future, I lost the life we'd planned out, and most importantly, I lost my faith in love, in marriage, and in commitment. So yes, I am still grieving. It's been three years and it hurts just as much today as it did the day I found out about my husband's affair. The day my forever fell apart.
I had so many things I wanted to write today, I knew if I sat down here at the computer and started typing, this would turn into a rambling post that would probably bore the shit out of most of you.
But ironically, just now, an email popped up in the corner of my computer screen from The Secret. And I have decided that maybe it was sent to me this morning for a reason.
What is the answer to every difficult circumstance in life?
Take the positive path.
Choosing the positive path can be easy at some times in our life and more difficult at other times. When everything is going along well, when we are on a roll, choosing the positive path just flows through us as an easy, natural choice. When something negative comes along it can be far more challenging for us to choose the positive path. But choose it we must! No matter how challenging the negativity may be, there is simply no other way to bring our lives back into positivity.
If negative situations appear, you must use your will and refuse to lower yourself to negative thoughts, words, actions, and emotions. Use your will and decide that not only will you focus on the positive, but you will ramp up the positive in every thought, word, and action of your day.
It takes determination, strength, faith, and the power of your will to focus on the positive when intense negativity descends, but remember that the Universe and the law of attraction are with you. As you focus on the positive, focus more on the positive, think of the positive, speak of the positive, and take positive and good actions, the law of attraction will give your life wings. Suddenly you will look around you and you will find that the negativity has gone, and that your life has been filled with goodness and joy.
So, in light of this, I've decided to start this post over today....and here goes.
Hi everyone, I got married 5 years ago today. It was a really nice day.
13 comments:
It was a nice day, and you looked beautiful! I'm thinking of you today.
I wish I was closer. We could do something wild and crazy to give you some new memories for this day.
But since I'm not, I'll just send you good thoughts. {{HUGS}}
Julie you know me--I am not wild or crazy but if I were closer I would be the designated driver for you and Deb. LOL I would also be the official photographer and um...blackmailer--LOL
Be kind to yourself today and take that positive route--I am going to try to take it myself.
Hugs Julie-forgive my lil comment takeover below
when I went through my Divorce-it was one of the most difficult and painful times in my life and my Ex wasnt all to blame-I played my lil role in the break-up of our marriage some might even say I was the cause and for the longest time I blamed myself and wouldnt allow myself to heal or love wholely-I kept everyone at an arms length
12 years later I now realize that everything good and bad that happened has made me the person I am now...I am stronger,healed and I now can love without boundaries...
pours everyone in the comment section a shot and TOASTS 'Our pasts do not define us-they just make us stronger'
Love ya Jules
Dittos on the wishing I was there or you were here and the feelings of regrets and disappointments that go along with divorce. I suggest you do something-ANYTHING- today that you never would have done with him. make this your time for new memories, so next year when this day rolls around, you will think "That's the day I did this" memory and not of the marriage memory.
Drive somewhere you have never been. Go to a place just to say you've been there. Fly to Dallas and I'll pick you up at the airport. Just get out and go somewhere. Love ys girl! Call me and let me know when you're flight arrives! heh
I stumbled across your blog and have to say "I can relate". It's been 7.5 years for me and I've finally dealt with it. In and out of the dating pool for many years...then I just went cold turkey and enjoyed myself without the dating crap. I mourned wedding days, divorce days and men who cheat. I'm no longer angry and thankful that he has no control over me anymore--his antics with his new wife are comical at best.
It took me a long time to move on..not from him but from the life I had and wanted. Not so long ago I met someone who I knew when I was in my post divorce stages. So was he. Years passed, we crossed paths in August and it's the BEST relationship I've EVER had...on all levels. I was patient. I am so glad.
Hugs to you!
Thanks, girls. It's great to have friends like you. Love you all.
Julie, hugs to you because I know what you're feeling. Unlike the others, you could will away the emotions that you're feeling. You have to allow yourself to grieve them. To try to replace them with something new becomes almost like a game of make believe because somewhere in the midst of you trying to forget about it all, a song comes on that reminds you of you and him or you smell something that reminds you of when you were together. You want to scream, cry, curse, kill (yes, I admit that really hurting him crossed my mind) and even pity him.
Right now, my divorce is almost two years old and very fresh. Why? Because we have daughters who looked at our marriage as something beautiful. Instead, he had an affair with a girl a year older than my oldest. My oldest is 21...this girl won't be 22 until next year. She is a child who was illegally here, not speaking any English, only spanish and saw my ex as Mr. Wonderful. He left his me and his girls because I was "too fat" and supposedly, he wasn't attracted to me because I wore a size 12. The girl and him got married a few months ago and they now live in the house that our daughters were raised in and where all of my memories are. She is due to have his child any day now. I hate him for what he did to me and to our family...yet, I can't bring myself to hate him completely...because the memories of what we once had still exist when I look at our daughters.
I'm sorry...this wasn't supposed to be about me but about you. I want you to know that I do understand. Cry all the tears because those tears are like water to the soul. It may not help but it will ease the pain somewhat.
I'm sorry to write a novel. Take care of you!
Hugs to you. Your post made me cry. I had those same hopes and dreams and then my marriage failed. This year, like your anniversary, mine will also fall on a Sat. I don't know how I will react, but I know in someway it will hurt. My thoughts are always with you.
It's sounds like you are starting over - a new beginning with a new way of looking at life! (And a cute new man in the picture!)
and it fucking sucks when they are dead too
two dead husbands have taught me that
charlene in ar
Sigh... Same thing happens to me on Lisa and Stacy's birthdays, Chritmas, whatever... I could write volumes that no one could comprehend. Do you have my number? Don't ever hesitate to call me, got it?
Two dead wives here Charlene, I know...
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