It's nice to hear that even murders get treated well in jail! In fact, John Lennon's crazy killer has been enjoying conjugal visits with his wife for the past 16years.
Nice. Even murderers get laid more than I do.
I've gotta get a life.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice
From Perez Hilton's website...
Nice. Even murderers get laid more than I do.
I've gotta get a life.
Nice. Even murderers get laid more than I do.
I've gotta get a life.
Weekend Report
Well, other than the fiasco of my renter bailing on me, the rest of the weekend was pretty nice.
Saturday afternoon, the Ex picked me up in his new truck and we went to lunch and then to the house of the car salesman who sold him the truck, so that he could look at some wiring the guy needs done. The house was very nice, a little overdone for my design taste (there is such a thing as TOO much faux painting!) but the lady had done some amazing work. This is her copper tile backsplash in the kitchen...except that it's plain boring white tiles that she faux finished to look like copper. The pictures do not do it justice at all.
I forgot to take a picture of the new truck. I'm so glad he bought it. He's a truck kind of guy, you know? Some guys just need a truck, and he's one of them. He's had one since we met, and a few months ago he traded his truck for a Honda, and it just wasn't right!!! Every time he'd pick me up in it, it felt so strange. So Saturday when he pulled up in my driveway in this Crimson metallic truck (which is GORGEOUS, I might add), it felt so normal! LOL...riding in the truck I felt like the world was right again...and things felt the way they should because he was back in a truck. It's weird, I know...because things aren't ever going to be "right" or " normal" with us again. This "friends" thing is as abnormal as it gets. Oh well...at least we have something to pull the boat with again.
Had a family party at my brother-in-law's house on Saturday night to celebrate my niece Maggie's birthday. A lot of wine was consumed. It was nice, I needed it badly. My sister-in-law Phyllis and I have a running joke between us about wine, and I was so pre-occupied in my mind with the condo issue that when she threw it out there in the midst of conversation, it went right over my head and we almost busted ourselves out!!! The rest of the family was like "Huh? What?" and looking at me, who was equally not getting the joke. That almost made it funnier when she had to take me aside and explain what I wasn't getting!!!
Sunday, Ex and I were going to take the boat out but the thingy on the hitch thingy on the trailer thingy that plugs into the outlet thingy on the truck so that the brakes on the trailer work...didn't work. So we ended up going to Costco to get my membership card, went to see "Swingvote" (that's an hour and a half of my life that I'll never get back) and then out to dinner at an Italian place. It was actually a very nice day.
Saturday afternoon, the Ex picked me up in his new truck and we went to lunch and then to the house of the car salesman who sold him the truck, so that he could look at some wiring the guy needs done. The house was very nice, a little overdone for my design taste (there is such a thing as TOO much faux painting!) but the lady had done some amazing work. This is her copper tile backsplash in the kitchen...except that it's plain boring white tiles that she faux finished to look like copper. The pictures do not do it justice at all.
I forgot to take a picture of the new truck. I'm so glad he bought it. He's a truck kind of guy, you know? Some guys just need a truck, and he's one of them. He's had one since we met, and a few months ago he traded his truck for a Honda, and it just wasn't right!!! Every time he'd pick me up in it, it felt so strange. So Saturday when he pulled up in my driveway in this Crimson metallic truck (which is GORGEOUS, I might add), it felt so normal! LOL...riding in the truck I felt like the world was right again...and things felt the way they should because he was back in a truck. It's weird, I know...because things aren't ever going to be "right" or " normal" with us again. This "friends" thing is as abnormal as it gets. Oh well...at least we have something to pull the boat with again.
Had a family party at my brother-in-law's house on Saturday night to celebrate my niece Maggie's birthday. A lot of wine was consumed. It was nice, I needed it badly. My sister-in-law Phyllis and I have a running joke between us about wine, and I was so pre-occupied in my mind with the condo issue that when she threw it out there in the midst of conversation, it went right over my head and we almost busted ourselves out!!! The rest of the family was like "Huh? What?" and looking at me, who was equally not getting the joke. That almost made it funnier when she had to take me aside and explain what I wasn't getting!!!
Sunday, Ex and I were going to take the boat out but the thingy on the hitch thingy on the trailer thingy that plugs into the outlet thingy on the truck so that the brakes on the trailer work...didn't work. So we ended up going to Costco to get my membership card, went to see "Swingvote" (that's an hour and a half of my life that I'll never get back) and then out to dinner at an Italian place. It was actually a very nice day.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck
My renter has informed me he is not buying my condo after all, and will be moving.
This comes as quite a surprise seeing how 3 weeks ago I had to write a letter on his behalf to the mortgage company he was working with to secure the loan, verifying he'd been renting from me for almost a year, etc.
Needless to say, his email this morning fairly surprised me. I was confident before I opened it that it would say he had been approved and closing was days away.
So, I guess it's back to listing the condo, praying it sells fast, and meanwhile preparing to rent it out yet again if necessary, because I don't have an extra $750 a month to cover that mortgage too.
Screw the *'s. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
This comes as quite a surprise seeing how 3 weeks ago I had to write a letter on his behalf to the mortgage company he was working with to secure the loan, verifying he'd been renting from me for almost a year, etc.
Needless to say, his email this morning fairly surprised me. I was confident before I opened it that it would say he had been approved and closing was days away.
So, I guess it's back to listing the condo, praying it sells fast, and meanwhile preparing to rent it out yet again if necessary, because I don't have an extra $750 a month to cover that mortgage too.
Screw the *'s. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Happy Birthday, Dad and Maggie
My niece Maggie was born on my Dad's birthday 27 years ago. Dad used to get the biggest kick out of the fact that from then on, he had the cutest birthday cakes...My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, Barbie...because he'd share one with Maggie. He loved that his pink, girly birthday cakes would say "Happy Birthday, Maggie and Pappy" (my sister always put Pappy since that was what Maggie called him).
Maggie didn't get her own cakes until four years ago, when my Dad died. I'm pretty sure even now, she misses having two names on her cake.
My dad would have been 85 today. I know he and Linda are in heaven, having a drink and a smoke, and enjoying a beautiful day....
While I can't write on this one, it still says "Happy Birthday, Maggie and Pappy" in my heart.
Love you both....
Maggie didn't get her own cakes until four years ago, when my Dad died. I'm pretty sure even now, she misses having two names on her cake.
My dad would have been 85 today. I know he and Linda are in heaven, having a drink and a smoke, and enjoying a beautiful day....
While I can't write on this one, it still says "Happy Birthday, Maggie and Pappy" in my heart.
Love you both....
Fall from grace, at least in my eyes.
I used to like you, John Edwards.
You had the values as a husband and father that I admired, and your unwavering love and support for your wife...as she struggles with a terminal illness...made me respect you even more.
I even felt you had the integrity as a politician that few others seem to possess.
And now, you're nothing to me. Other than a lying, cheating husband.
I do not...and will not...ever understand how a man cheats on his wife. How he risks everything they have together, everything they have built as a couple, their future, their lives as one, how a man can put all of his wife's trust and love on the line...to go stick his dick in another woman.
Don't you know what it does to your wife, to find out that you have given yourself to someone else? That you have shattered the bond that you have together? That you have thrown away the vows you took...you know, the ones that promised to love, honor and cherish til death do you part? Oh, and by the way, you took those vows not once, but twice, when you remarried your wife a few years ago. You should have them memorized by now.
Do you know that your wife now questions everything you have ever told her? That she now wonders how much of her married life has been a lie? That she questions herself and wonders what she did wrong, or what more she could have done, or what is missing in her that made you start a relationship with someone else? Do you know that her self esteem is virtually gone now because of what you've done?
My heart breaks for your wife. She can put on a strong public front about how she loves you even more now, that you made mistakes but that the public should respect how "honest" you've been in coming clean. Honest? You've been lying for a year about your affair. Tell me again how that is honest.
Your wife is dealing with her own mortality. She has children who she is faced with leaving far too soon. She has been married...and faithful...to you for 30 years. And while she is dealing with the idea of losing her life, you find it appropriate to have an affair with a staffer and then say "Ooops, I was feeling very narcisstic. Sorry!"
You disgust me. You do not deserve a woman as gracious as her. She should kick your slimy, rat bastard ass to the curb where it belongs.
Oh, and the bleached blonde whore who you allowed to aide in breaking your wife's heart? Dude, the first rule of cheating is to at the very least, trade up. You, like my husband, evidently didn't get that memo either.
I'm glad you dropped out of the Presidential race. I could not vote for a man who cannot uphold his commitment to one woman, because how on earth could you be trusted to uphold your commitment to an entire nation?
Thus the reason, John "I cheated on my first wife while she was paralyzed with the woman who is now my second wife, and oh I cheated on her with a staffer as well" McCain won't be getting my vote either.
I had little tolerance for infidelity before it happened to me, I have zero tolerance for it now.
You had the values as a husband and father that I admired, and your unwavering love and support for your wife...as she struggles with a terminal illness...made me respect you even more.
I even felt you had the integrity as a politician that few others seem to possess.
And now, you're nothing to me. Other than a lying, cheating husband.
I do not...and will not...ever understand how a man cheats on his wife. How he risks everything they have together, everything they have built as a couple, their future, their lives as one, how a man can put all of his wife's trust and love on the line...to go stick his dick in another woman.
Don't you know what it does to your wife, to find out that you have given yourself to someone else? That you have shattered the bond that you have together? That you have thrown away the vows you took...you know, the ones that promised to love, honor and cherish til death do you part? Oh, and by the way, you took those vows not once, but twice, when you remarried your wife a few years ago. You should have them memorized by now.
Do you know that your wife now questions everything you have ever told her? That she now wonders how much of her married life has been a lie? That she questions herself and wonders what she did wrong, or what more she could have done, or what is missing in her that made you start a relationship with someone else? Do you know that her self esteem is virtually gone now because of what you've done?
My heart breaks for your wife. She can put on a strong public front about how she loves you even more now, that you made mistakes but that the public should respect how "honest" you've been in coming clean. Honest? You've been lying for a year about your affair. Tell me again how that is honest.
Your wife is dealing with her own mortality. She has children who she is faced with leaving far too soon. She has been married...and faithful...to you for 30 years. And while she is dealing with the idea of losing her life, you find it appropriate to have an affair with a staffer and then say "Ooops, I was feeling very narcisstic. Sorry!"
You disgust me. You do not deserve a woman as gracious as her. She should kick your slimy, rat bastard ass to the curb where it belongs.
Oh, and the bleached blonde whore who you allowed to aide in breaking your wife's heart? Dude, the first rule of cheating is to at the very least, trade up. You, like my husband, evidently didn't get that memo either.
I'm glad you dropped out of the Presidential race. I could not vote for a man who cannot uphold his commitment to one woman, because how on earth could you be trusted to uphold your commitment to an entire nation?
Thus the reason, John "I cheated on my first wife while she was paralyzed with the woman who is now my second wife, and oh I cheated on her with a staffer as well" McCain won't be getting my vote either.
I had little tolerance for infidelity before it happened to me, I have zero tolerance for it now.
Friday, August 8, 2008
So last night I was smoking crack with Johnny Depp
In my dreams, of course.
Yeah, I'm not sure if it was crack or exactly what it was but it created some sort of bong water that he made me drink (??), and it was like being realllllllly stoned (not that I'm familiar with that feeling) (at least not in the last two decades) and/or had the same sort of out-of-body experience of being on Ecstasy (same disclaimer previously mentioned).
The weird thing is that I really felt like I was high, and I remember actually thinking in my dream "Wow, this is cool, I know I'm dreaming and yet I can really feel as though I'm FUBB!!!!" (That's "Fucked Up Beyond Belief" for those of you who don't remember the 80's either) I was laughing and giggling and eventually drank more bong water because I figured...hey, it's a dream...even if I freak out nothing bad is going to really happen!
Then suddenly there was some sort of thing where we were flying to New York ~ everyone knows how I hate to fly ~ and I had the ability to lay down in bed while the plane took off, which made that whole thing really easy! (If they could only do that for me on real flights!) Then I remember they were showing pre-flight commercials about plane crashes, and once we took off we were flying really low over golf courses with crashed planes all over the place. One looked like a plane in Lost where it had jungle plants all over it, one had a plane buried under the snow, one was on the bottom of the ocean (and yes, these were all on the golf course, remember! Must be a very interesting place!).
I swear, I had one glass of wine last night and it was two hours before bed. LOL
I always think it is interesting to interpret dreams, and a lot of the time I can pretty easily figure out where certain things come from in mine. This one, however, I'm a little confused by. I'm not a big Johnny Depp fan, and I don't have any overwhelming desire to get stoned. I've always feared plane crashes, that's a given, but I think that had more to do with the fact that I was "flying" from the drugs!!!!
I should start blogging about my dreams every time I can remember them, it would make some entertaining reading for you guys. I can hear it now "Wow, this girl is a freak". LOL
Happy Friday, everyone!
Yeah, I'm not sure if it was crack or exactly what it was but it created some sort of bong water that he made me drink (??), and it was like being realllllllly stoned (not that I'm familiar with that feeling) (at least not in the last two decades) and/or had the same sort of out-of-body experience of being on Ecstasy (same disclaimer previously mentioned).
The weird thing is that I really felt like I was high, and I remember actually thinking in my dream "Wow, this is cool, I know I'm dreaming and yet I can really feel as though I'm FUBB!!!!" (That's "Fucked Up Beyond Belief" for those of you who don't remember the 80's either) I was laughing and giggling and eventually drank more bong water because I figured...hey, it's a dream...even if I freak out nothing bad is going to really happen!
Then suddenly there was some sort of thing where we were flying to New York ~ everyone knows how I hate to fly ~ and I had the ability to lay down in bed while the plane took off, which made that whole thing really easy! (If they could only do that for me on real flights!) Then I remember they were showing pre-flight commercials about plane crashes, and once we took off we were flying really low over golf courses with crashed planes all over the place. One looked like a plane in Lost where it had jungle plants all over it, one had a plane buried under the snow, one was on the bottom of the ocean (and yes, these were all on the golf course, remember! Must be a very interesting place!).
I swear, I had one glass of wine last night and it was two hours before bed. LOL
I always think it is interesting to interpret dreams, and a lot of the time I can pretty easily figure out where certain things come from in mine. This one, however, I'm a little confused by. I'm not a big Johnny Depp fan, and I don't have any overwhelming desire to get stoned. I've always feared plane crashes, that's a given, but I think that had more to do with the fact that I was "flying" from the drugs!!!!
I should start blogging about my dreams every time I can remember them, it would make some entertaining reading for you guys. I can hear it now "Wow, this girl is a freak". LOL
Happy Friday, everyone!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Not tonight, dear...I have a headache.
Been fighting this headache/neck thing since July 30th. Today, massive headache going on. It's got to be a tension headache....feel like my head is in a vice grip, my neck and shoulder muscles are so tight you could bounce a quarter off of them, the base of my skull hurts to touch. I just want to lay down, close my eyes, and not move.
So I have nothing witty to say today. Back tomorrow....
Oh, by the way, had blog visitors from Ireland and Germany last night. Welcome!
So I have nothing witty to say today. Back tomorrow....
Oh, by the way, had blog visitors from Ireland and Germany last night. Welcome!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Best Blog Ever
If you haven't read Matt Logelin's blog, you must add it to your daily read.
matt, liz and madeline
I don't remember how I found him, but I started reading his blog very shortly after his wife died, and I've been watching baby Madeline grow for four months now. I feel so invested in their story that it's like being able to stay in touch with family from afar!!!
He's an amazing man, dealing with a really crappy hand of cards that fate dealt him, but he's doing it with such grace that you can't help but smile or laugh when you read his blog, and see pictures of that precious little girl.
Thanks, Matt. You, Liz and Madeline have touched thousands of lives all over the country, and I feel privileged to share in your story.
Now, if I could just figure out how to do the "line through a word" thing....
matt, liz and madeline
I don't remember how I found him, but I started reading his blog very shortly after his wife died, and I've been watching baby Madeline grow for four months now. I feel so invested in their story that it's like being able to stay in touch with family from afar!!!
He's an amazing man, dealing with a really crappy hand of cards that fate dealt him, but he's doing it with such grace that you can't help but smile or laugh when you read his blog, and see pictures of that precious little girl.
Thanks, Matt. You, Liz and Madeline have touched thousands of lives all over the country, and I feel privileged to share in your story.
Now, if I could just figure out how to do the "line through a word" thing....
69 Blog Posts and a freakish game of Tag
69 times now I've evidently thought people were interested in what I have to say. Haha...
So, sweet little Sarah Dee (who's skinny little ass I will kick later) "tagged" me and now I have to figure how out to do this damn blogging game.
OK so the rules are:
1. Link to the person who tagged you (i.e. me)
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger (me) know when your entry is posted
So here goes....
1. I have taken college courses in every decade since the 70's. Yes, I'm that old, and still degreeless.
2. I used to emcee a male revue and also ran my friend's Strip-A-Gram business. There are worse things than looking at naked men and getting paid for it.
3. I was a bartender at a place called the Side Door in Lancaster for several years in the 80's. (I think it was the late 80's....most of that decade is still a blur!)
4. I write, eat, and put makeup on with my left hand. Everything else, I do with my right, such as bat, bowl, hold the hair dryer, use a mixer, cut with scissors, etc.
5. I secretly wish I could sing and have always wanted to take voice lessons. However if you have ever heard me, you know there isn't a voice teacher in the world who could make me sound good.
6. I almost broke my back bowling. True story.
And the victims...er...friends...I choose to tag are:
Kathy (http://me-journeybacktome.blogspot.com/) - long time friend who I've never met!
Andrea (http://kandamorgs.blogspot.com/) - my son's sister and happy newlywed!
Sue (http://sunfishroad.wordpress.com/) - the former best cake lady in the business and my pal.
Danica (http://danicalynn.blogspot.com/) - my dear friend who I am stunned hasn't done this to me yet!
Stephanie (http://www.mrsstephanie.blogspot.com/) - just because I can. LOL
and of course...
Trisha (http://jackson5adventures.blogspot.com/) - who has already done this once but I'm making her do it again as punishment for that pre-baby unnaturally flat stomach. Yeah, I'm still bitter!!!!!!
I think that's it! I'm off to annoy these ladies with comments advising them they've been tagged!!
So, sweet little Sarah Dee (who's skinny little ass I will kick later) "tagged" me and now I have to figure how out to do this damn blogging game.
OK so the rules are:
1. Link to the person who tagged you (i.e. me)
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger (me) know when your entry is posted
So here goes....
1. I have taken college courses in every decade since the 70's. Yes, I'm that old, and still degreeless.
2. I used to emcee a male revue and also ran my friend's Strip-A-Gram business. There are worse things than looking at naked men and getting paid for it.
3. I was a bartender at a place called the Side Door in Lancaster for several years in the 80's. (I think it was the late 80's....most of that decade is still a blur!)
4. I write, eat, and put makeup on with my left hand. Everything else, I do with my right, such as bat, bowl, hold the hair dryer, use a mixer, cut with scissors, etc.
5. I secretly wish I could sing and have always wanted to take voice lessons. However if you have ever heard me, you know there isn't a voice teacher in the world who could make me sound good.
6. I almost broke my back bowling. True story.
And the victims...er...friends...I choose to tag are:
Kathy (http://me-journeybacktome.blogspot.com/) - long time friend who I've never met!
Andrea (http://kandamorgs.blogspot.com/) - my son's sister and happy newlywed!
Sue (http://sunfishroad.wordpress.com/) - the former best cake lady in the business and my pal.
Danica (http://danicalynn.blogspot.com/) - my dear friend who I am stunned hasn't done this to me yet!
Stephanie (http://www.mrsstephanie.blogspot.com/) - just because I can. LOL
and of course...
Trisha (http://jackson5adventures.blogspot.com/) - who has already done this once but I'm making her do it again as punishment for that pre-baby unnaturally flat stomach. Yeah, I'm still bitter!!!!!!
I think that's it! I'm off to annoy these ladies with comments advising them they've been tagged!!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Why am I glad it's Monday?
Sometimes my weekends feel like they are the same thing over and over. Get up, attempt a little house cleaning, wonder what I'll do to entertain myself all day, wish I had someone to do things with, watch TV, go to bed. Rinse, lather, repeat.
I don't really feel like posting today. Or rather, I don't feel like alienating everyone with my mood today. I'm in a crappy mood. Verrrrrrrry bad. Those of you who know me well can pretty much guess why I'm in a bad mood...or at the very least, who got me into it.
So I'm going to retreat back into my dark little hole, be pissy all by myself until I'm not pissy anymore, and then I'll be back.
Oh, went to see The Dark Knight on Saturday. Wow, Heath Ledger is fantastic. Truly. It makes me sad that he's not here to receive all of the accolades for his amazing work. But boy, he sure went out on top.
Also, had to go back to the chiropractor *again* today. My neck is a hot mess. He adjusted me yet again, did more electrical stimulation, and actually went as far as to take my blood pressure because I'm complaining so much of a headache. It was 130/87, which is high for me (I'm the girl who was 97/53 when I was 9 months pregnant! But I've been running a normal 120/80 the past few years) but he feels even that is elevated due to pain and stress. The adjustment might have worked a little, I feel less headachy (it feels like a tension headache!) but it's still not going completely.
I'm just a grump, seriously. I think I need laid. LOL
I don't really feel like posting today. Or rather, I don't feel like alienating everyone with my mood today. I'm in a crappy mood. Verrrrrrrry bad. Those of you who know me well can pretty much guess why I'm in a bad mood...or at the very least, who got me into it.
So I'm going to retreat back into my dark little hole, be pissy all by myself until I'm not pissy anymore, and then I'll be back.
Oh, went to see The Dark Knight on Saturday. Wow, Heath Ledger is fantastic. Truly. It makes me sad that he's not here to receive all of the accolades for his amazing work. But boy, he sure went out on top.
Also, had to go back to the chiropractor *again* today. My neck is a hot mess. He adjusted me yet again, did more electrical stimulation, and actually went as far as to take my blood pressure because I'm complaining so much of a headache. It was 130/87, which is high for me (I'm the girl who was 97/53 when I was 9 months pregnant! But I've been running a normal 120/80 the past few years) but he feels even that is elevated due to pain and stress. The adjustment might have worked a little, I feel less headachy (it feels like a tension headache!) but it's still not going completely.
I'm just a grump, seriously. I think I need laid. LOL
Saturday, August 2, 2008
CF Husband Goes Bald!
One of my favorite, daily reading blogs is called CF Husband. I've blogged about it before so all of my readers are aware of Nate, Tricia and Gwyneth's story.
Nate is participating in a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and if he raises his goal amount, he will be shaving his head bald on live Internet. If you've seen Nate's hair...there is a lot of it. It may take a few razors!
Please check out his blog, and donate to this worthy cause. Thanks!
I don't know why I am unable to post links in my blog, but I can't. But the link to CF Husband is on the right side under the blogs that I always read...
Nate is participating in a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and if he raises his goal amount, he will be shaving his head bald on live Internet. If you've seen Nate's hair...there is a lot of it. It may take a few razors!
Please check out his blog, and donate to this worthy cause. Thanks!
I don't know why I am unable to post links in my blog, but I can't. But the link to CF Husband is on the right side under the blogs that I always read...
Friday, August 1, 2008
So I looked up Cougar in the urban dictionary....
And there were quite a few entries!
A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"
Nah. Not so much.
An attractive woman in her 30's or 40's who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with milfs.
Hmmmm...not me either.
Party girl/s who are now angry they are not married and prey on younger men; common traits include leathery skin from frequent tanning sessions, smoking, anti-depressant use, and a large collection of "massagers."
Um, definitely not.
Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single or married, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren't afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures who have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don't have to sneak up and attack...they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won't ask if they'll call them the next day. Being a cougar is a positive thing.
Getting closer....
A distinguished species of older females who seek the company of younger males whilst avoiding the entanglements of a relationship, in favor of a lack of restrictions. The cougar woman has overcome society’s proscribed behavior for women’s sexual behavior. Thus, she embraces her true self and lives her life to the fullest. She know what she wants and isn’t afraid to hunt for it! There are several species of cougars, but an insatiable sexual appetite and a lack of interest in marriage and other conventional romantic institutions are common to all.
Closer....
Cougar refers to an older woman, in their 40's and early 50's who's youthful looks are beginning to fade or are almost faded. Cougars tend to be sexually interested in younger men in their 20's or mid 30's since their libidos are more evenly matched. Cougars, being older and wiser are often financially stable and pursue men more for their boyish charm and stamina and less for their income level, career or ego. Cougars love the attention and passionate thrill of an uncomplicated sexually intense relationship that younger men tend to offer.
Well, IF I were a cougar, these last two definitions have some details that might be accurate. But I'm not one, so there.
Rawrrrrrrrrrrrl.
A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"
Nah. Not so much.
An attractive woman in her 30's or 40's who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with milfs.
Hmmmm...not me either.
Party girl/s who are now angry they are not married and prey on younger men; common traits include leathery skin from frequent tanning sessions, smoking, anti-depressant use, and a large collection of "massagers."
Um, definitely not.
Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single or married, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren't afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures who have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don't have to sneak up and attack...they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won't ask if they'll call them the next day. Being a cougar is a positive thing.
Getting closer....
A distinguished species of older females who seek the company of younger males whilst avoiding the entanglements of a relationship, in favor of a lack of restrictions. The cougar woman has overcome society’s proscribed behavior for women’s sexual behavior. Thus, she embraces her true self and lives her life to the fullest. She know what she wants and isn’t afraid to hunt for it! There are several species of cougars, but an insatiable sexual appetite and a lack of interest in marriage and other conventional romantic institutions are common to all.
Closer....
Cougar refers to an older woman, in their 40's and early 50's who's youthful looks are beginning to fade or are almost faded. Cougars tend to be sexually interested in younger men in their 20's or mid 30's since their libidos are more evenly matched. Cougars, being older and wiser are often financially stable and pursue men more for their boyish charm and stamina and less for their income level, career or ego. Cougars love the attention and passionate thrill of an uncomplicated sexually intense relationship that younger men tend to offer.
Well, IF I were a cougar, these last two definitions have some details that might be accurate. But I'm not one, so there.
Rawrrrrrrrrrrrl.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wow! Someone from Germany is reading my blog!
How cool is that? When I installed my counter, I also got the ability to track who visits and from where. I had somebody from England already, and of course I have Canada, and there have been people from states where I don't even know anybody, so that's really cool. But today, there was a German visitor! So here goes..
Hallo! Willkommen! Ich hoffe Sie genießend, meine Geschichte lesend. Wieder bald zurückgekommen! Auf Wiedersehen!!!
For my non-German speaking friends, I hope that says "Hello! Welcome! I hope you enjoying reading my blog. Come back again soon! Goodbye!!!" However, it's my luck that it says something like "Hello! Welcome! Look, there is a one legged chicken attacking a midget stripper! Goodbye!"
Hallo! Willkommen! Ich hoffe Sie genießend, meine Geschichte lesend. Wieder bald zurückgekommen! Auf Wiedersehen!!!
For my non-German speaking friends, I hope that says "Hello! Welcome! I hope you enjoying reading my blog. Come back again soon! Goodbye!!!" However, it's my luck that it says something like "Hello! Welcome! Look, there is a one legged chicken attacking a midget stripper! Goodbye!"
Hormones on the loose.
What the hell is wrong with me today??? I'm a hot mess!
I went to bed at 9:30 last night after taking a muscle relaxer to try and loosen my neck up and I got a really good nights sleep, but I remember having dreams about my ex and my son getting into it, and me being right back in the middle where I always was. Only this time I didn't wait for him to cheat on me, I just got me and my kid the hell out of there. LOL
Anyway, so by the time I was getting ready for work this morning and was putting my makeup on, I started thinking about my sister, Linda. I miss her as much today as I did the day she died, 4 years ago. It's true that time helps (I can't say it heals, but it helps) and while I think about her every single day, I don't cry about it. But for some reason this morning, all I could think about was when she died, and me doing the eulogy, and remembering how I sang "The sun will come out tomorrow..." because she would always break into that song when someone was having a bad day. And the next thing you know, I'm crying in the mirror and mascara is running everywhere. Geesh.
So I get my act together and drive to work, and right before I get into downtown, the song "Neither One of Us" by Gladys Knight and the Pips comes on. I used to torture myself with that song when my marriage was ending, and here 3 years later as I hear it on the radio, I start crying again! And yet, I couldn't manage to turn it off.
Lord.
I am SO not watching that freaking lion reunion video today, or I'll be a blubbering idiot.
I went to bed at 9:30 last night after taking a muscle relaxer to try and loosen my neck up and I got a really good nights sleep, but I remember having dreams about my ex and my son getting into it, and me being right back in the middle where I always was. Only this time I didn't wait for him to cheat on me, I just got me and my kid the hell out of there. LOL
Anyway, so by the time I was getting ready for work this morning and was putting my makeup on, I started thinking about my sister, Linda. I miss her as much today as I did the day she died, 4 years ago. It's true that time helps (I can't say it heals, but it helps) and while I think about her every single day, I don't cry about it. But for some reason this morning, all I could think about was when she died, and me doing the eulogy, and remembering how I sang "The sun will come out tomorrow..." because she would always break into that song when someone was having a bad day. And the next thing you know, I'm crying in the mirror and mascara is running everywhere. Geesh.
So I get my act together and drive to work, and right before I get into downtown, the song "Neither One of Us" by Gladys Knight and the Pips comes on. I used to torture myself with that song when my marriage was ending, and here 3 years later as I hear it on the radio, I start crying again! And yet, I couldn't manage to turn it off.
Lord.
I am SO not watching that freaking lion reunion video today, or I'll be a blubbering idiot.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Pain in the neck.
Yep, I've got one.
I've either been sleeping weird for several weeks now, or it's just my usual "compensating for my back hurting by walking/standing/sitting funny", but I've got the stiffest, sorest neck in town. I went to the chiropractor today and he could barely get it to adjust. My chiropractor knows me too well...
So have you been doing that "wild sex with hair pulling" thing again??
Um. No. Dammit. Just crack me and stop talking about the good old days. At this point I haven't had sex in so long I forget who gets tied up.
(For the record, he used to treat my ex as well, and it was a running joke when we'd both have to go in to see him that it was a result of bedroom gymnastics!)
I know I sit weird at work. My keyboard is too far away (I type with my arms extended), my eyes look down towards my monitor, and I know I slump in my chair. I need to rearrange things on my desk to make it more ergonomic friendly. And I really need my neck muscles to loosen up. I feel like someone has their hands wrapped around my throat right now. (And no, Dr. Wade, that's not a "wild sex with choking" thing either!)
And then I drive with my right arm resting on the little box storage thing between the seats, and my left hand on top of the wheel, while I'm leaning towards the right. Evidently I think I'm cool. Or pimp. If I had some rap blaring from the radio it would complete my look. (Go ahead, laugh at the visual. I am.)
And of course, I sleep in odd positions these days. It's funny, I slept alone basically for 40 years before I met my ex-husband, (ok well, let's just say I didn't have a lot of long term bed mates...but there were a few spending the night here and there! LOL!) and it took me a little while to get adjusted to having a partner in bed with me every single night. Then after our divorce, it took me a long time to readjust to sleeping alone again after 4 years. (2 married, 2 dating) You would think it would have been pretty easy to fall back into sleeping by myself, but it really wasn't. Sometimes it still isn't. Sometimes I still prop a pillow behind my back when I'm laying on my side because it feels like he's curled up behind me. (Wow, that just sounded really pathetic but I'm leaving in there anyway because it's the truth!) Regardless, a lot of times I have to put a pillow between my knees, or if I happen to be laying on my back (which I don't often do not only because it hurts, but because I snore and keep myself awake!) I put one under my knees, which somehow ends up making my neck hurt.
And I wonder why I can't sit comfortably for a 2 hour movie at the theater anymore? Christ, if anything more starts to hurt, I'm going to end up being held together with duct tape and spackle.
In other news...
Hell, who am I kidding? I haven't got any other news. My life is all glamour, isn't it?
I've either been sleeping weird for several weeks now, or it's just my usual "compensating for my back hurting by walking/standing/sitting funny", but I've got the stiffest, sorest neck in town. I went to the chiropractor today and he could barely get it to adjust. My chiropractor knows me too well...
So have you been doing that "wild sex with hair pulling" thing again??
Um. No. Dammit. Just crack me and stop talking about the good old days. At this point I haven't had sex in so long I forget who gets tied up.
(For the record, he used to treat my ex as well, and it was a running joke when we'd both have to go in to see him that it was a result of bedroom gymnastics!)
I know I sit weird at work. My keyboard is too far away (I type with my arms extended), my eyes look down towards my monitor, and I know I slump in my chair. I need to rearrange things on my desk to make it more ergonomic friendly. And I really need my neck muscles to loosen up. I feel like someone has their hands wrapped around my throat right now. (And no, Dr. Wade, that's not a "wild sex with choking" thing either!)
And then I drive with my right arm resting on the little box storage thing between the seats, and my left hand on top of the wheel, while I'm leaning towards the right. Evidently I think I'm cool. Or pimp. If I had some rap blaring from the radio it would complete my look. (Go ahead, laugh at the visual. I am.)
And of course, I sleep in odd positions these days. It's funny, I slept alone basically for 40 years before I met my ex-husband, (ok well, let's just say I didn't have a lot of long term bed mates...but there were a few spending the night here and there! LOL!) and it took me a little while to get adjusted to having a partner in bed with me every single night. Then after our divorce, it took me a long time to readjust to sleeping alone again after 4 years. (2 married, 2 dating) You would think it would have been pretty easy to fall back into sleeping by myself, but it really wasn't. Sometimes it still isn't. Sometimes I still prop a pillow behind my back when I'm laying on my side because it feels like he's curled up behind me. (Wow, that just sounded really pathetic but I'm leaving in there anyway because it's the truth!) Regardless, a lot of times I have to put a pillow between my knees, or if I happen to be laying on my back (which I don't often do not only because it hurts, but because I snore and keep myself awake!) I put one under my knees, which somehow ends up making my neck hurt.
And I wonder why I can't sit comfortably for a 2 hour movie at the theater anymore? Christ, if anything more starts to hurt, I'm going to end up being held together with duct tape and spackle.
In other news...
Hell, who am I kidding? I haven't got any other news. My life is all glamour, isn't it?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Duggar's are having Baby #18
So we had this discussion on The Nest about the Duggars, the family who has 17 children and evidently is now pregnant with the 18th one.
If you don't know who they are, here is a little blurb from their website:
Several thoughts came to my mind....
First of all, the husband's name is Jim Bob. Enough said.
Second, when are they going to stop this insanity? When her uterus falls out, or they run out of "J" names?
Third, who are they kidding, those kids are raising each other! Because evidently Mom and Dad are too busy doing the horizontal bop in an effort to add more tax deductions.
I really just pray that woman runs out of eggs soon.
If you don't know who they are, here is a little blurb from their website:
Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar married July 21st, 1984. At that time, they chose to use the birth control pill. They thought, “We don’t want children right now. We can’t afford them. We want children in our timing, when we’re ready.” Four years later they decided to have their first child. Then, Michelle went back on the pill, but she conceived and had a miscarriage. At that point they talked with a Christian medical doctor and read the fine print in the contraceptives package. They found that while taking the pill you can get pregnant and then miscarry. They were grieved! They were Christians! They were pro-life! They realized that their selfish actions had taken the life of their child. They prayed and asked God to forgive them, and to teach them to love children like He loves children. They asked God to bless them with as many children as He saw fit in His timing. Right after that Michelle got pregnant with twins! To date they have been blessed with 17 children, (10 boys and 7 girls) Joshua, Jana & John-David (twins), Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah & Jeremiah (twins), Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer (and #18 due in January 2009!).
Several thoughts came to my mind....
First of all, the husband's name is Jim Bob. Enough said.
Second, when are they going to stop this insanity? When her uterus falls out, or they run out of "J" names?
Third, who are they kidding, those kids are raising each other! Because evidently Mom and Dad are too busy doing the horizontal bop in an effort to add more tax deductions.
I really just pray that woman runs out of eggs soon.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Oh and we got a Wii Fit!
OMG, got the Wii Fit Saturday. LOVE LOVE LOVE it.
I have never laughed so hard as when I put my weight in, and my girl avatar (who looks like me) blew up and got fat!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funniest thing ever.
Oh, and my Wii Fit age is...49. And I'm 47. I'm actually pleased with that, I was fairly sure it would say my fit age was 60 or something.
And then I promptly worked out for an hour! LOVED IT!
I have never laughed so hard as when I put my weight in, and my girl avatar (who looks like me) blew up and got fat!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funniest thing ever.
Oh, and my Wii Fit age is...49. And I'm 47. I'm actually pleased with that, I was fairly sure it would say my fit age was 60 or something.
And then I promptly worked out for an hour! LOVED IT!
Sunday = Nascar Nation
OMG.
Here are the words that come to mind in describing my first Nascar race. And no offense to my friends who love Nascar...aka Cheri and Kathy...as none of the following apply to you, except maybe the part about the driver's shirts.
1. Redneck hell
2. Mullet mania
3. Lots of tattoos
4. Not a lot of teeth
5. Rabid fans. And I mean rabid. Some actually foamed at the mouth.
6. EVERYONE has a shirt with a driver's name or number on it. Everyone but us, that is. I was feeling pressured to draw a #20 on mine just to fit in.
7. Tube tops on women who have entirely too much to tube.
8. The Deliverance music playing in my head
9. Long lines at the beer stand...at 8am.
It was a definite experience! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad...it was just different. I'm used to going to CART/Indy car races and people are not, shall I say, as "supportive" of their favorite drivers. LOL
My ex had gotten free tickets from his Sprint rep, and they were supposed to be the really good ones...suite and pit passes, box seats, etc., so we figured...what the hell. We left Columbus at 5am to drive over to Indy, got to the track at 8:30, and basically had 6 hours til kill until race time! Turns out, we did not get the good tickets, we just had seats in the North Vista which is the middle of turns three and four. Ugh. Probably would not have gone if we'd known that in advance!
There was a pre-race concert with the Charlie Daniels band and Craig Morgan, and that was interesting. Walked a lot, I'd say we logged about 10 miles on our tennis shoes. My legs feel it today, trust me. It was the one weekend day that I wished for clouds (usually I want it nice and sunny for the pool!) but alas...not a freaking cloud in sight, which meant it was VERY HOT all day. At least there was an occasional breeze. But it was a long and hot day and I was never so happy to get home and into a shower and bed.
All in all, I can say that I would never pay to go to another race like this, but if we got free tickets again that that were the good ones we were expecting, I would consider it. But sitting out in the masses, in the hot sun, and trying to find any place shady to cool off...not really my idea of a good time. But, if nothing else, it was great people watching!
****************************************
Oh wait! I forgot the best story of them all! One of my Nesties just reminded me of it when she asked if I saw the girls flashing for beer.
Yes, I saw flashing.
There was this "hot mama" in her Daisy Dukes and teeny tiny tube top (if there is such a thing on a 300 lb woman) who attempted to bend over and kiss the bricks. Well, she bent over from the waist (bless her heart, I think she believed she could actually reach the bricks that way) and the view from the rear was scary enough for those of us who happened to be behind her, and I did not think it could get worse until the moment when her massive chesticles flew out of the tube top and hit the bricks before the rest of her did. Now, THAT was a sight.
Imagine that view....Bahama Mama is bent over, legs spread, Daisy Dukes riding up the crack of her 300 lb ass, and suddenly two massive boobs hit the ground between her legs.
Collectively about 300 people spewed beer all at once.
She, of course, stood upright and swung those bad boys around, since her top had rolled down around her waist anyway! I'm not sure if she was cooling them off from the brick burn or what.
Yeah, I can't make this shit up.
Here are the words that come to mind in describing my first Nascar race. And no offense to my friends who love Nascar...aka Cheri and Kathy...as none of the following apply to you, except maybe the part about the driver's shirts.
1. Redneck hell
2. Mullet mania
3. Lots of tattoos
4. Not a lot of teeth
5. Rabid fans. And I mean rabid. Some actually foamed at the mouth.
6. EVERYONE has a shirt with a driver's name or number on it. Everyone but us, that is. I was feeling pressured to draw a #20 on mine just to fit in.
7. Tube tops on women who have entirely too much to tube.
8. The Deliverance music playing in my head
9. Long lines at the beer stand...at 8am.
It was a definite experience! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad...it was just different. I'm used to going to CART/Indy car races and people are not, shall I say, as "supportive" of their favorite drivers. LOL
My ex had gotten free tickets from his Sprint rep, and they were supposed to be the really good ones...suite and pit passes, box seats, etc., so we figured...what the hell. We left Columbus at 5am to drive over to Indy, got to the track at 8:30, and basically had 6 hours til kill until race time! Turns out, we did not get the good tickets, we just had seats in the North Vista which is the middle of turns three and four. Ugh. Probably would not have gone if we'd known that in advance!
There was a pre-race concert with the Charlie Daniels band and Craig Morgan, and that was interesting. Walked a lot, I'd say we logged about 10 miles on our tennis shoes. My legs feel it today, trust me. It was the one weekend day that I wished for clouds (usually I want it nice and sunny for the pool!) but alas...not a freaking cloud in sight, which meant it was VERY HOT all day. At least there was an occasional breeze. But it was a long and hot day and I was never so happy to get home and into a shower and bed.
All in all, I can say that I would never pay to go to another race like this, but if we got free tickets again that that were the good ones we were expecting, I would consider it. But sitting out in the masses, in the hot sun, and trying to find any place shady to cool off...not really my idea of a good time. But, if nothing else, it was great people watching!
****************************************
Oh wait! I forgot the best story of them all! One of my Nesties just reminded me of it when she asked if I saw the girls flashing for beer.
Yes, I saw flashing.
There was this "hot mama"
Imagine that view....Bahama Mama is bent over, legs spread, Daisy Dukes riding up the crack of her 300 lb ass, and suddenly two massive boobs hit the ground between her legs.
Collectively about 300 people spewed beer all at once.
She, of course, stood upright and swung those bad boys around, since her top had rolled down around her waist anyway! I'm not sure if she was cooling them off from the brick burn or what.
Yeah, I can't make this shit up.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wow, best Friday night ever.
And I never left the house!
But what made it great was that when my son got home from his Friday night out, we inadvertantly ended up having an hour long talk about some things that we had long needed to discuss. And it reaffirmed what I've known for 17 1/2 year now...that I have the greatest kid ever, and am so blessed to be his Mom.
Jordan and I went through a lot of crap in my marriage. He never liked my ex, but he wanted me to be happy, and he knew that his days having to live under the same roof with him were limited...as Jordan said "I knew I had about 5 years til graduation, til I went off to college and started my own life, and I knew I could hang in there until then". So we talked a lot about the situation, about his fear that I will get back with my ex once he's gone off to LA to film school, and I'm here alone...he's afraid Ex will prey on me and get back in when I'm most vulnerable.
We talked about how bad things were during the marriage for both of us, and how I tried to make it okay for him but I was constantly torn between the two people I loved most in the world...my son and my husband. I told him how I had every material thing in the world that a girl could want...beautiful home, nice cars, diamonds, designer everything, money in the bank, investments...I didn't want for anything, and I could spend money and not worry about it (after being a single mom for 12 years and living paycheck to paycheck, to have thousands in the bank and not have to worry about money was a really wonderful feeling!) And yet, it was the most miserable time of my life. Because if you know me, you know that I am not a materialistic person. I didn't need a 3 1/2 carat wedding ring...I'd have been happy with a gold band and a man who honored marriage and commitment the way I did. I needed to be married to someone who loved my child like he was his own, and respected the way I'd raised him for the first 12 years of his life, and supported me in how I raised him until he went out on his own.
I told Jordan that I have a lot of guilt about putting him into a situation that turned out so badly, and that I hope he knows I never, ever meant to allow him to be hurt. It breaks my heart to remember how callously my ex treated him, and no matter how hard I tried to make us a family, and give Jordan a better life, my ex fought equally hard to break my son and I apart. I cried talking about this to Jordan, and he reassured me that I did what I felt was best for us at the time, and I had no way of knowing how it was going to turn out, and that when it got really bad I got him out of the house and ended my marriage. He says he is thankful for what he went through, because it made him who he is today. It made him more mature, it made him want to be a better person, it made him stronger, and it made him love me even more as his Mom, because he saw the hits I took and how it knocked me to the ground but I got back up and went on with my life.
And we both agreed we are happier now, we have a good life and deep inside, I know that while I have made mistakes as a parent, in the big picture I've done a pretty good job, because I have a son who has never given me an ounce of trouble (other than a few grade issues that we've fought over the years!) but he is kind and loving and respectful, and he's funny and smart and driven to succeed. Either because of me, or in spite of me, he's a wonderful young man, and I am so proud to be his mother. I thank God for him every day of my life.
You should all be so lucky!
But what made it great was that when my son got home from his Friday night out, we inadvertantly ended up having an hour long talk about some things that we had long needed to discuss. And it reaffirmed what I've known for 17 1/2 year now...that I have the greatest kid ever, and am so blessed to be his Mom.
Jordan and I went through a lot of crap in my marriage. He never liked my ex, but he wanted me to be happy, and he knew that his days having to live under the same roof with him were limited...as Jordan said "I knew I had about 5 years til graduation, til I went off to college and started my own life, and I knew I could hang in there until then". So we talked a lot about the situation, about his fear that I will get back with my ex once he's gone off to LA to film school, and I'm here alone...he's afraid Ex will prey on me and get back in when I'm most vulnerable.
We talked about how bad things were during the marriage for both of us, and how I tried to make it okay for him but I was constantly torn between the two people I loved most in the world...my son and my husband. I told him how I had every material thing in the world that a girl could want...beautiful home, nice cars, diamonds, designer everything, money in the bank, investments...I didn't want for anything, and I could spend money and not worry about it (after being a single mom for 12 years and living paycheck to paycheck, to have thousands in the bank and not have to worry about money was a really wonderful feeling!) And yet, it was the most miserable time of my life. Because if you know me, you know that I am not a materialistic person. I didn't need a 3 1/2 carat wedding ring...I'd have been happy with a gold band and a man who honored marriage and commitment the way I did. I needed to be married to someone who loved my child like he was his own, and respected the way I'd raised him for the first 12 years of his life, and supported me in how I raised him until he went out on his own.
I told Jordan that I have a lot of guilt about putting him into a situation that turned out so badly, and that I hope he knows I never, ever meant to allow him to be hurt. It breaks my heart to remember how callously my ex treated him, and no matter how hard I tried to make us a family, and give Jordan a better life, my ex fought equally hard to break my son and I apart. I cried talking about this to Jordan, and he reassured me that I did what I felt was best for us at the time, and I had no way of knowing how it was going to turn out, and that when it got really bad I got him out of the house and ended my marriage. He says he is thankful for what he went through, because it made him who he is today. It made him more mature, it made him want to be a better person, it made him stronger, and it made him love me even more as his Mom, because he saw the hits I took and how it knocked me to the ground but I got back up and went on with my life.
And we both agreed we are happier now, we have a good life and deep inside, I know that while I have made mistakes as a parent, in the big picture I've done a pretty good job, because I have a son who has never given me an ounce of trouble (other than a few grade issues that we've fought over the years!) but he is kind and loving and respectful, and he's funny and smart and driven to succeed. Either because of me, or in spite of me, he's a wonderful young man, and I am so proud to be his mother. I thank God for him every day of my life.
You should all be so lucky!
Friday, July 25, 2008
God Bless Randy Pausch
If you don't know who he was, he wrote a book called The Last Lecture, based on his last lecture as a professor who was dying of pancreatic cancer. His story has been so inspirational, and as I read this new article, tears ran down my face. The world has lost an amazing man, but heaven has gained one heck of an angel.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=4614281&page=1
I would make that a clickable link but for some reason, this stupid blog will not allow me to do so now. Arrrrrrrrrrgh.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=4614281&page=1
I would make that a clickable link but for some reason, this stupid blog will not allow me to do so now. Arrrrrrrrrrgh.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
And we're back!
Back to work that is. Yesterday turned out nice. Maggie and I had a good 4 hours in the sun at the pool...
Needless to say, I got a little burnt! But that's okay, it's just on my arms, and a little on my face. Not really anywhere else.
It was just so nice to be off for a day. I haven't really taken any vacation time this year to speak of...one day to go to Vegas in April, and that's been about it. I didn't see any sense in taking a week just to stay home and do nothing, since I didn't have any plans to go anywhere. So I'm just taking a few days here and there. I'm going back to Vegas the first week of November for a few days, and might try to go to our client's condo in Marco Island, Florida for a few days maybe in August.
Somewhere, on a beach, there is a cabana boy waiting for me. LOL
Needless to say, I got a little burnt! But that's okay, it's just on my arms, and a little on my face. Not really anywhere else.
It was just so nice to be off for a day. I haven't really taken any vacation time this year to speak of...one day to go to Vegas in April, and that's been about it. I didn't see any sense in taking a week just to stay home and do nothing, since I didn't have any plans to go anywhere. So I'm just taking a few days here and there. I'm going back to Vegas the first week of November for a few days, and might try to go to our client's condo in Marco Island, Florida for a few days maybe in August.
Somewhere, on a beach, there is a cabana boy waiting for me. LOL
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Ahhh...a day off.
And there's no sun. WTF? Maggie and I are supposed to be hanging out at the pool today! We've got it all to ourselves...so come on, sun!
Installed a cool tracker on my blog yesterday. Not only can I see how many people visit the site, but I can see where they come from as well! It's kind of interesting to monitor! I saw a visit from Cassie in Canada, and Cheri in Logan, and Mary in Virginia!!!
Speaking of Mary....she's my cousin, and my sisters and I are planning a girl's weekend with her in October! I can't wait, it should be loads of fun! Her sister Connie lives close, so the girl cousins will have a good time hanging out. It's funny....my mom had three daughters and her sister (Mary's mom) had three daughters and they are all basically the same ages. Then, of course, I came along 9 years later, so I was always the "kid sister" and too young to hang with the big girls when they all got together. Fortunately, now that we're all older, I get to sit at the adult table. LOL So Sue Ellen, Patty and I are flying down to Mary's the first weekend in October, and perhaps her other sister will be able to fly in from California to join the party. All that would be missing is my sister Linda...and she is very missed. She would have loved attending this get together. I can assure you, we will drink a lot of wine in her honor!
Still no word on the mortgage being approved for my condo buyer. But I have complete faith that the good news will come any day now. I'd love to close on it by the end of this month but I'm guessing it will be early August now. Keep those good thoughts and prayers coming...
Installed a cool tracker on my blog yesterday. Not only can I see how many people visit the site, but I can see where they come from as well! It's kind of interesting to monitor! I saw a visit from Cassie in Canada, and Cheri in Logan, and Mary in Virginia!!!
Speaking of Mary....she's my cousin, and my sisters and I are planning a girl's weekend with her in October! I can't wait, it should be loads of fun! Her sister Connie lives close, so the girl cousins will have a good time hanging out. It's funny....my mom had three daughters and her sister (Mary's mom) had three daughters and they are all basically the same ages. Then, of course, I came along 9 years later, so I was always the "kid sister" and too young to hang with the big girls when they all got together. Fortunately, now that we're all older, I get to sit at the adult table. LOL So Sue Ellen, Patty and I are flying down to Mary's the first weekend in October, and perhaps her other sister will be able to fly in from California to join the party. All that would be missing is my sister Linda...and she is very missed. She would have loved attending this get together. I can assure you, we will drink a lot of wine in her honor!
Still no word on the mortgage being approved for my condo buyer. But I have complete faith that the good news will come any day now. I'd love to close on it by the end of this month but I'm guessing it will be early August now. Keep those good thoughts and prayers coming...
Monday, July 21, 2008
Good Advice
I thought this was important enough for it's own blog!
I Love This Advice !!
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink plenty of water. Eat blueberries, carrots, broccoli, red beans and almonds.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. In stead invest your energy in the positive present moment and what you desire, not what you don’t desire in life.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Remind yourself that minus your opinion, everything is perfect.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in control of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
17. Forgive everyone for everything. That means understanding that you cannot change what happened.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals absolutely everything.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
I Love This Advice !!
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink plenty of water. Eat blueberries, carrots, broccoli, red beans and almonds.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. In stead invest your energy in the positive present moment and what you desire, not what you don’t desire in life.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Remind yourself that minus your opinion, everything is perfect.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in control of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
17. Forgive everyone for everything. That means understanding that you cannot change what happened.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals absolutely everything.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Good news!
1. My mother-in-law is doing well. She may be getting out of the hospital today. The doctor feels they got all of the cancer with the removal of her right breast, lymph nodes and colon mass. She still has the lung and head/neck that she's dealing with, but two down, two to go. She's a tough old broad...LOL
2. My renter is in the mortgage process to buy my condo!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!! He emailed me Monday that he needed a letter from me for underwriting verifying what he pays for rent, etc. So keep good thoughts coming my way that he'll get approved and we can close in the next couple of weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. My renter is in the mortgage process to buy my condo!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!! He emailed me Monday that he needed a letter from me for underwriting verifying what he pays for rent, etc. So keep good thoughts coming my way that he'll get approved and we can close in the next couple of weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Weekend Update
Went to the Good Guys car show this weekend. Saw a car that cracked me up. This is an old BMW that seats one person. The door is the front of the car!
It was wild!!!!!!!!!! It's about as much protection as wearing a coat and roller skates!
Ooooh, good news! Finally heard from my renter, and he is working with a mortgage person to buy my condo! I had to write a letter on his behalf today as his landlord, and evidently it's going to underwriting, so with any luck I'll be closing on it in the next couple of weeks and will be out from underneath that finally! Woohooooooooooooooooo!
It was wild!!!!!!!!!! It's about as much protection as wearing a coat and roller skates!
Ooooh, good news! Finally heard from my renter, and he is working with a mortgage person to buy my condo! I had to write a letter on his behalf today as his landlord, and evidently it's going to underwriting, so with any luck I'll be closing on it in the next couple of weeks and will be out from underneath that finally! Woohooooooooooooooooo!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Good thoughts and prayers please.
My mother-in-law is having cancer surgery today to remove her right breast, and a mass in her colon. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
I'll be back later with another post about something really freaky that happened to me yesterday, but for now I'm off to shower and head to the hospital.
I'll be back later with another post about something really freaky that happened to me yesterday, but for now I'm off to shower and head to the hospital.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Booooooooooooring
Boring, boring weekend. This should be a short post!
It started out great...dinner and a movie with Penny. I miss her way too much, and we don't see each other hardly at all even when she's in town, let alone when she's traveling around the country in her retirement home. LOL. But we had such a good time. Almost blew up the car, which was good only because it was my ex's car, not mine. (Don't ask...just go with it.) Laughed our way through Sex and the City movie...identified way too much with a couple of characters! It just felt good to be with my best friend of 25 years...yes it's been that long since some friends dragged me to see a group of male strippers, and since I was madly in love with a Marine who happened to be in Japan at the time...I fell for the emcee instead. Turns out she was more of my soul mate than the Jarhead was. Our relationship has certainly lasted longer!!
Rest of the weekend was boring as hell. Seriously, didn't do a damn thing that is worth writing about. A little tanning in the pool on Saturday and Sunday pretty much covers my excitement.
I need something to be passionate about. I feel like life is just one big day to day drag. Get up, go to work, come home, watch TV and go to bed. Rinse, lather, repeat. Sad thing is, I have no motivation to do anything else, and I don't know if I'm just really depressed or really lazy. They both feel the same.
It started out great...dinner and a movie with Penny. I miss her way too much, and we don't see each other hardly at all even when she's in town, let alone when she's traveling around the country in her retirement home. LOL. But we had such a good time. Almost blew up the car, which was good only because it was my ex's car, not mine. (Don't ask...just go with it.) Laughed our way through Sex and the City movie...identified way too much with a couple of characters! It just felt good to be with my best friend of 25 years...yes it's been that long since some friends dragged me to see a group of male strippers, and since I was madly in love with a Marine who happened to be in Japan at the time...I fell for the emcee instead. Turns out she was more of my soul mate than the Jarhead was. Our relationship has certainly lasted longer!!
Rest of the weekend was boring as hell. Seriously, didn't do a damn thing that is worth writing about. A little tanning in the pool on Saturday and Sunday pretty much covers my excitement.
I need something to be passionate about. I feel like life is just one big day to day drag. Get up, go to work, come home, watch TV and go to bed. Rinse, lather, repeat. Sad thing is, I have no motivation to do anything else, and I don't know if I'm just really depressed or really lazy. They both feel the same.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I remember now why amusement park rides make me sick.
There is a reason why men are "ex's", and I'm rapidly remembering why "M" is on my short list of guys I don't want to date again.
Didn't talk to him Monday, and yesterday my son's key broke off in his ignition of his car, and "M" had just said over the weekend that if Jordan had any problems with his car to call him as he could more than likely fix it...so I called him. Got his machine, left a message, and said "Oh, by the way, we've narrowed dinner down to Saturday night for sure, but we can talk about that when you call me back". (As of Sunday, I still had not firmed up plans with E&M although we were shooting for a Saturday night date, with the second option being Sunday evening.)
Never heard a word last night. And I'm thinking...hmmmm...clearly you didn't work til midnight (can't really landscape in the dark) so why wouldn't you call me back? Immediate red flag starts flying...it's flaky behavior like that, that made me dump him after three years the first time around.
So this morning I called him on my way to work to wish him a Happy Divorce Day, and he says "Oh, did you get my email?"
No....what email?
"I emailed you Monday night. I'm going to have to cancel dinner on Saturday."
Hmmm....nope, didn't get the memo.
"Oh, well I didn't get a lot of work done Monday because it was too wet from all the rain and so now I have to work the Friday the 4th, and Saturday as well".
Oh. Alrighty then. Have a good day. Click.
What the hell else was I going to say?? Didn't you just tell me over the weekend how you are finally able to work less, relax more, etc? And now you're telling me that you can't landscape until maybe 6pm, go home and take a shower and go to dinner at 7:30? Seriously????? When we are trying to get a relationship off the ground and you can't work your schedule around it, and instead will cancel on me and embarrass me in front of my best friend and her fiance, because I have to tell them now that Mr. Hot & Cold is up to his old tricks again, and is as flaky as ever?? SERIOUSLY???
I'll bet if I hadn't held out on Sunday, he'd go. But since I am not willing to just jump back in to the middle of a relationship, he's not willing to wait around and give it time. So, contrary to what he's said to me, evidently he's not interested in marrying "me", he's just got a position (wife) that has come available that he's looking to fill as quickly as possible. And I'm not moving fast enough, I guess.
No worries though, at this point I'm on warp speed heading out the door, pal.
Didn't talk to him Monday, and yesterday my son's key broke off in his ignition of his car, and "M" had just said over the weekend that if Jordan had any problems with his car to call him as he could more than likely fix it...so I called him. Got his machine, left a message, and said "Oh, by the way, we've narrowed dinner down to Saturday night for sure, but we can talk about that when you call me back". (As of Sunday, I still had not firmed up plans with E&M although we were shooting for a Saturday night date, with the second option being Sunday evening.)
Never heard a word last night. And I'm thinking...hmmmm...clearly you didn't work til midnight (can't really landscape in the dark) so why wouldn't you call me back? Immediate red flag starts flying...it's flaky behavior like that, that made me dump him after three years the first time around.
So this morning I called him on my way to work to wish him a Happy Divorce Day, and he says "Oh, did you get my email?"
No....what email?
"I emailed you Monday night. I'm going to have to cancel dinner on Saturday."
Hmmm....nope, didn't get the memo.
"Oh, well I didn't get a lot of work done Monday because it was too wet from all the rain and so now I have to work the Friday the 4th, and Saturday as well".
Oh. Alrighty then. Have a good day. Click.
What the hell else was I going to say?? Didn't you just tell me over the weekend how you are finally able to work less, relax more, etc? And now you're telling me that you can't landscape until maybe 6pm, go home and take a shower and go to dinner at 7:30? Seriously????? When we are trying to get a relationship off the ground and you can't work your schedule around it, and instead will cancel on me and embarrass me in front of my best friend and her fiance, because I have to tell them now that Mr. Hot & Cold is up to his old tricks again, and is as flaky as ever?? SERIOUSLY???
I'll bet if I hadn't held out on Sunday, he'd go. But since I am not willing to just jump back in to the middle of a relationship, he's not willing to wait around and give it time. So, contrary to what he's said to me, evidently he's not interested in marrying "me", he's just got a position (wife) that has come available that he's looking to fill as quickly as possible. And I'm not moving fast enough, I guess.
No worries though, at this point I'm on warp speed heading out the door, pal.
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Merry Go Round...and the Wii.
OK I did it.
Get your minds out of the gutter...I didn't do *that*. What I meant was I revisited the amusement park and hopped on the merry go round yesterday, just for a thrill.
Wow, that still doesn't sound right. Or maybe I'm just the one with the gutter mind!
Anyway...I went out to M's house yesterday for awhile. Just to hang out and talk. He's got 12 acres out in the country, and this past couple of years finally built a log cabin/house overlooking the pond. It's really beautiful. Although for the record, I don't know if I could ever live there because as I discovered yesterday, the bedrooms have NO CLOSETS. Yes, you read that right! No closets! Who builds a freaking house with no closets?????????? There are dressers...and in the basement by the washer and dryer there are clothes racks where all the hanging clothes go. His theory is that you take stuff out of the dryer, and hang it up right there. Um okay...except that I do laundry once a week...I get clothes out of my closet at least once a day!!!!!!!!!! I also realized there are no doors on the Master Bedroom. If you are in the Great Room, you can look in and see the bed. Which, if nobody else is there, I suppose that's not a problem. But what if the impressionable 9 year old stepson is staying over? I'm thinking you don't want to be flashing him the goods should he decide to walk out the front door for some reason and look to his immediate right! Anyway yeah, so no doors. Also, if you are in the bathroom, there is just a doorway wide open that goes into the bedroom next to the doorway (with a door) that goes out into the hall/kitchen! It's really kind of messed up!!!!
OK back to the subject at hand. The merry go round. Sorry, my ADD kicked in....focus, Julie, focus.
The house has a big wrap around porch that goes around the entire house so we sat outside for awhile, looking at the pond and talking about stuff. Old stuff, new stuff, potential future stuff. The rain had stopped and the sun was coming out and there was a great breeze and stuff. It was really nice. We went in the house so that I could observe the new ceiling fan he put in the day before, which is 20' or so up in the air (vaulted ceiling in the Great Room). I was impressed that he managed to do that all by himself, and I said "How did you carry all those parts up a 16' ladder, hold them and install all at once?" and he pulled the sleeve of his T-shirt up and flashed me a bicep, and I was like "Damn! Welcome to the Gun Show!" Dude has somehow in the last 7 years developed some serious arms! And if you know me at all, you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE good arms on a guy. Give me nice biceps and some great smelling cologne and I am your girl for life. "M" never had arms like that before, trust me I'd have noticed! He's a pretty skinny guy, side by side we look like the number 10. Who knew there were guns under that t-shirt??
Dammit Julie, focus.
OK so anyway, he grabbed us a couple of beers and we sat on the couch and talked some more. Oddly, I was getting really nervous and he was getting closer and closer, and it started making me uncomfortable! (When exactly did I become a prude?) It was almost like a first date and I could not relax! I'm not sure what that was all about...but to make a long story short, I really appreciate the fact that he seems to be able to jump back into what we had so quickly and that his feelings haven't changed in all this time, but for me, after 7 years, I'm basically starting from scratch. Sure, it would have been fun to have spent a lazy day in bed, or just curled up on the couch together or whatever, but I can't just jump back into the middle of a relationship like that.
My same feelings aren't there anymore. I still care about him, but I'm not in love with him now. That isn't to say that I won't ever be again...he's a really great guy...but at this particular moment, it's not there for me. It has to grow, just like it did the first time around. And frankly, I'm a little gun shy now, after what I went through with my marriage and divorce, I'm not in any big hurry to give my heart away again. I'm still trying to piece it back together! So I need to move slowly, and I explained that to him and he understood and was okay with it. At least I think he was okay with it! He said he was. I ended up only staying about 3 hours at his house, even though he wanted me to spend the entire day with him. I just needed to go home. I had a lot of conflicted feelings happening and I can even admit, I had that sort of "run for your life" feeling going on....it happened right after he said "I don't want to waste time...I'd get married again tomorrow if I knew it would work out", and all I could think was that I don't ever want to hurt him but I don't know that I want to even seriously date him again, let alone get married!
Plus, we got a Wii yesterday. And I really just wanted to get home and play it.
That's probably not a good sign is it? That I'm giving up an afternoon of romantic solitude with a great guy to go home and play Wii?
Sigh.
I'm a hot mess.
So the good news is that we did talk last night for about an hour and we are going to go out with Elizabeth and Mike this weekend on a double date....so I guess I'll see if anything sparks a feeling for me...or if this one is just going to have to remain as a fond memory of my past.
Oh, and as for the Wii? Everybody should have one. OMG, funnest thing I've done in ages. My arms hurt like hell today from bowling and tennis! Jordan and I sat in the living room until 10pm last night playing that damn thing. For the record, I suck at Mario Kart.
Get your minds out of the gutter...I didn't do *that*. What I meant was I revisited the amusement park and hopped on the merry go round yesterday, just for a thrill.
Wow, that still doesn't sound right. Or maybe I'm just the one with the gutter mind!
Anyway...I went out to M's house yesterday for awhile. Just to hang out and talk. He's got 12 acres out in the country, and this past couple of years finally built a log cabin/house overlooking the pond. It's really beautiful. Although for the record, I don't know if I could ever live there because as I discovered yesterday, the bedrooms have NO CLOSETS. Yes, you read that right! No closets! Who builds a freaking house with no closets?????????? There are dressers...and in the basement by the washer and dryer there are clothes racks where all the hanging clothes go. His theory is that you take stuff out of the dryer, and hang it up right there. Um okay...except that I do laundry once a week...I get clothes out of my closet at least once a day!!!!!!!!!! I also realized there are no doors on the Master Bedroom. If you are in the Great Room, you can look in and see the bed. Which, if nobody else is there, I suppose that's not a problem. But what if the impressionable 9 year old stepson is staying over? I'm thinking you don't want to be flashing him the goods should he decide to walk out the front door for some reason and look to his immediate right! Anyway yeah, so no doors. Also, if you are in the bathroom, there is just a doorway wide open that goes into the bedroom next to the doorway (with a door) that goes out into the hall/kitchen! It's really kind of messed up!!!!
OK back to the subject at hand. The merry go round. Sorry, my ADD kicked in....focus, Julie, focus.
The house has a big wrap around porch that goes around the entire house so we sat outside for awhile, looking at the pond and talking about stuff. Old stuff, new stuff, potential future stuff. The rain had stopped and the sun was coming out and there was a great breeze and stuff. It was really nice. We went in the house so that I could observe the new ceiling fan he put in the day before, which is 20' or so up in the air (vaulted ceiling in the Great Room). I was impressed that he managed to do that all by himself, and I said "How did you carry all those parts up a 16' ladder, hold them and install all at once?" and he pulled the sleeve of his T-shirt up and flashed me a bicep, and I was like "Damn! Welcome to the Gun Show!" Dude has somehow in the last 7 years developed some serious arms! And if you know me at all, you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE good arms on a guy. Give me nice biceps and some great smelling cologne and I am your girl for life. "M" never had arms like that before, trust me I'd have noticed! He's a pretty skinny guy, side by side we look like the number 10. Who knew there were guns under that t-shirt??
Dammit Julie, focus.
OK so anyway, he grabbed us a couple of beers and we sat on the couch and talked some more. Oddly, I was getting really nervous and he was getting closer and closer, and it started making me uncomfortable! (When exactly did I become a prude?) It was almost like a first date and I could not relax! I'm not sure what that was all about...but to make a long story short, I really appreciate the fact that he seems to be able to jump back into what we had so quickly and that his feelings haven't changed in all this time, but for me, after 7 years, I'm basically starting from scratch. Sure, it would have been fun to have spent a lazy day in bed, or just curled up on the couch together or whatever, but I can't just jump back into the middle of a relationship like that.
My same feelings aren't there anymore. I still care about him, but I'm not in love with him now. That isn't to say that I won't ever be again...he's a really great guy...but at this particular moment, it's not there for me. It has to grow, just like it did the first time around. And frankly, I'm a little gun shy now, after what I went through with my marriage and divorce, I'm not in any big hurry to give my heart away again. I'm still trying to piece it back together! So I need to move slowly, and I explained that to him and he understood and was okay with it. At least I think he was okay with it! He said he was. I ended up only staying about 3 hours at his house, even though he wanted me to spend the entire day with him. I just needed to go home. I had a lot of conflicted feelings happening and I can even admit, I had that sort of "run for your life" feeling going on....it happened right after he said "I don't want to waste time...I'd get married again tomorrow if I knew it would work out", and all I could think was that I don't ever want to hurt him but I don't know that I want to even seriously date him again, let alone get married!
Plus, we got a Wii yesterday. And I really just wanted to get home and play it.
That's probably not a good sign is it? That I'm giving up an afternoon of romantic solitude with a great guy to go home and play Wii?
Sigh.
I'm a hot mess.
So the good news is that we did talk last night for about an hour and we are going to go out with Elizabeth and Mike this weekend on a double date....so I guess I'll see if anything sparks a feeling for me...or if this one is just going to have to remain as a fond memory of my past.
Oh, and as for the Wii? Everybody should have one. OMG, funnest thing I've done in ages. My arms hurt like hell today from bowling and tennis! Jordan and I sat in the living room until 10pm last night playing that damn thing. For the record, I suck at Mario Kart.
Friday, June 27, 2008
So hypothetically speaking....
If you date someone (let's call him M) for three years, and it never really gets off the ground because he has an ongoing, nasty custody battle over his son, and he works all the time, and while he evidently thinks he's going to marry you some day down the road, you have no idea of this at the time because his actions speak louder than his words, and his actions indicate that he doesn't have room for you in his life...and you see each other so little that by the time you finally give him the "I think we should see other people" speech, you are already living with another man... (true story!)....
And then you marry that other man, and M rebounds with another woman and marries her 4 days after he finds out you are engaged....
And two years later you find out your husband is having an affair and you call M. to see how he is doing and turns out his marriage isn't doing well either....
And you separate from your husband, and he separates from his wife.
And you get divorced....but his divorce takes longer because they fight over property....
And another two years go by, and you still haven't moved on to dating anyone else after your divorce, and he isn't dating anyone during his divorce....
But you start talking more frequently, and even spend a little quality time together watching "It's a Wonderful Life" at Christmas....
And one night he tells you that you broke his heart when you ended things 6 years ago, because he always knew the two of you would get married, and you say you had no idea he felt that way back then because he didn't act as though he wanted to marry you, and he says you didn't act as though you wanted to get married to anyone, including him...and so you both decide right then to put it on the table and say "Yes, I want to get married".
And now his divorce is finally final July 2nd.
And he's ready to pick up where you two left off 7 years ago.
And his son has graduated from high school so there is no more ugly custody battle taking up his time.
And he's not working 7 days a week anymore.
And it seems as though maybe it's true what they say that timing is everything, and maybe the timing is right now....
And the emotional roller coaster might just be a sweet calm merry-go-round now....
Would you say yes to taking another ride?
And then you marry that other man, and M rebounds with another woman and marries her 4 days after he finds out you are engaged....
And two years later you find out your husband is having an affair and you call M. to see how he is doing and turns out his marriage isn't doing well either....
And you separate from your husband, and he separates from his wife.
And you get divorced....but his divorce takes longer because they fight over property....
And another two years go by, and you still haven't moved on to dating anyone else after your divorce, and he isn't dating anyone during his divorce....
But you start talking more frequently, and even spend a little quality time together watching "It's a Wonderful Life" at Christmas....
And one night he tells you that you broke his heart when you ended things 6 years ago, because he always knew the two of you would get married, and you say you had no idea he felt that way back then because he didn't act as though he wanted to marry you, and he says you didn't act as though you wanted to get married to anyone, including him...and so you both decide right then to put it on the table and say "Yes, I want to get married".
And now his divorce is finally final July 2nd.
And he's ready to pick up where you two left off 7 years ago.
And his son has graduated from high school so there is no more ugly custody battle taking up his time.
And he's not working 7 days a week anymore.
And it seems as though maybe it's true what they say that timing is everything, and maybe the timing is right now....
And the emotional roller coaster might just be a sweet calm merry-go-round now....
Would you say yes to taking another ride?
Monday, June 23, 2008
And the Song of the Year goes to....
Joey & Rory from "Can You Duet" for my favorite new song...Cheater Cheater!
Cheater cheater where'd you meet her, down at Ernie's bar?
Did she smile your way, twirl her hair and say how cute your dimples are?
Did she use that line 'your place or mine' while you danced with her real slow?
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho?
Liar liar did you buy her whiskey or rum?
Did you hide your ring inside your jeans or did you just keep it on?
When the deed was done and you had your fun, did you think I wouldn't know?
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho?
Now I'm not one to judge someone that I ain't never met
But to lay your hands on a married man's about as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho
Loser loser hope you love her cause you're stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt and load up all your stuff and get the hell out of my house
But I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that low down uptown, slept with every guy around, pressed on eyelash no good white trash ho!
Yeah, you know who that one's dedicated to...
Cheater cheater where'd you meet her, down at Ernie's bar?
Did she smile your way, twirl her hair and say how cute your dimples are?
Did she use that line 'your place or mine' while you danced with her real slow?
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho?
Liar liar did you buy her whiskey or rum?
Did you hide your ring inside your jeans or did you just keep it on?
When the deed was done and you had your fun, did you think I wouldn't know?
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho?
Now I'm not one to judge someone that I ain't never met
But to lay your hands on a married man's about as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho
Loser loser hope you love her cause you're stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt and load up all your stuff and get the hell out of my house
But I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that low down uptown, slept with every guy around, pressed on eyelash no good white trash ho!
Yeah, you know who that one's dedicated to...
Monday, June 16, 2008
I'm a slacker.
I can admit it. I'm healthy that way!
I can't believe it's been a week since I blogged. I never even mentioned my trip to Cedar Point with the office (or maybe I did and I don't remember, in which case I look like a complete idiot right now!) two weeks ago. I guess I haven't been doing anything newsworthy that required blogging. And I'm way over the whole "deep thinking" thing. Screw it, let life roll.
Jordan finished school...decent grades. I can live with them. At least now our three years of German language hell is finally over!!! He passed the class, barely...but passed regardless! He ended the year with 4 B's, 2 C's and 2 D's. (One D in German, the other in Algebra) He's in summer school right now taking Phys Ed so that he can graduate mid year this year. I just can't believe my baby is going to turn 18 in 6 months, and early grad a month later. Wasn't I just teaching him how to walk a few years ago? I can't believe how fast he's grown up...
Let's see, what else? Oh, I've clearly slacked off on my Daily Plate thing, and this weekend discovered my ex now weighs less than I do. This is unacceptable. He's on this whole "going to the gym and eating better" kick, and he's always weighed more than I do. Well, not now. Needless to say, I'm re-motivated.
Yeah I know, we've heard it all before....
I can't believe it's been a week since I blogged. I never even mentioned my trip to Cedar Point with the office (or maybe I did and I don't remember, in which case I look like a complete idiot right now!) two weeks ago. I guess I haven't been doing anything newsworthy that required blogging. And I'm way over the whole "deep thinking" thing. Screw it, let life roll.
Jordan finished school...decent grades. I can live with them. At least now our three years of German language hell is finally over!!! He passed the class, barely...but passed regardless! He ended the year with 4 B's, 2 C's and 2 D's. (One D in German, the other in Algebra) He's in summer school right now taking Phys Ed so that he can graduate mid year this year. I just can't believe my baby is going to turn 18 in 6 months, and early grad a month later. Wasn't I just teaching him how to walk a few years ago? I can't believe how fast he's grown up...
Let's see, what else? Oh, I've clearly slacked off on my Daily Plate thing, and this weekend discovered my ex now weighs less than I do. This is unacceptable. He's on this whole "going to the gym and eating better" kick, and he's always weighed more than I do. Well, not now. Needless to say, I'm re-motivated.
Yeah I know, we've heard it all before....
Monday, June 9, 2008
The calm before the storm
Ever go through one of those periods where things are too quiet? Maybe I've just been on an emotional rollercoaster for so long with the ex that when I'm not being thrown around and feel like I'm hurtling through space, ready to throw up...it feels weird! Life just seems really quiet right now...don't get me wrong, I don't need it shaken up! At least not in a bad way!!!
Not much exciting this weekend. Went to a wedding Friday night, one of our former employees got married, so my boss and co-worker (David and Amanda) and David's partner Jeffrey and I all went to the wedding. Did I mention it was a DRY wedding? Jen married a guy who's family is uber religious, I guess, and they do not have alcohol at weddings....so while the wedding was dry, my new big black Coach purse wasn't! I had 22 airplane bottles of Smirnoff Vodka and Maker's Mark in it, and between the four of us we polished off all but one bottle! We had the covert operation down pat....before the dinner when we were outside on the patio, I was sitting on a bench and whoever needed a drink would stand in front of me talking (effectively blocking the view of me to all other guests), while holding his/her glass down in front of them while I poured a bottle of booze into it. Once we got inside, I just made the trips up to the beverage center to get soft drinks, and then would beeline into the restroom on my way back to the table to light 'em up. It all worked out fine....
Saturday, did some shopping at Kohl's and later around 5:30 our server went down at work, and I ended up having to meet the ex here to deal with it. That's always fun. Grabbed a bite to eat and went to his house and watched Rambo, and then was home by midnight.
Speaking of my ex house, can I just say that I have a love-hate relationship with it? When we bought that house, it was my dream home. Big, beautiful, roomy, new, it was everything I never imagined I'd own. We closed on it and moved a week after my sister's funeral. The day we closed and got the key, I remember walking around the house crying, because I had shown Linda pictures of it the day before we lost her, and I kept saying how she'd love it and I couldn't wait for her to see it, and I remember her saying "I'll see it, I promise". So there I was, walking around looking up at her and saying "See my big bedroom? See my fireplace?" and just sobbing that she would never be in that house with me.
But we moved in, and I fell in love with it. We had an 11' lighted Xmas tree in the living room those first holidays, we had everyone there for a few days because that was the year of the big ice storm and we were the only ones in the family who had electric! The first summer in the house I had big beautiful hanging baskets on the front porch, and I took so much pride in keeping the house clean and gorgeous, and was starting to get it decorated the way we wanted it to be. I was very proud of my home. I loved that house.
And then hell broke loose, and my marriage fell apart and I had to move out. I wanted to stay...this was my dream home, dammit...but I couldn't really afford it by myself, and Jordan wanted to move back to Gahanna anyway. Plus, there were just too many memories there to have to live with.
Now, when I go back there, and it's no longer my house, I really love/hate it. I love it because it was everything I once wanted, and I hate it because it was taken away from me. I walk in the door and I instantly get very tense because there is the furniture we bought together (I took nothing with me when I left...other than my clothes and the guest bedroom furniture), there are all the things/spaces I decorated, there are memories in every single room of that house...memories from good days, early in our marriage, and memories from bad days when it all ended. When I'm there, it's like a bad movie playing in my head. And what's worse, is that I can't ever forget that he had sex with that whore who helped break up our marriage, in our bed, in our house. That makes me want to puke.
Anyway...my ex house has been up for sale for over 2 years now. There is a part of me that will undoubtedly walk around the empty house the day he moves out and cry just like I did the day we got the keys to it. I will cry now as I did then, for all that I'd lost, and all that would never be in the that house. But at least I will also be happy, because that chapter, as so many others have in the book of my marriage, will finally have closed.
Not much exciting this weekend. Went to a wedding Friday night, one of our former employees got married, so my boss and co-worker (David and Amanda) and David's partner Jeffrey and I all went to the wedding. Did I mention it was a DRY wedding? Jen married a guy who's family is uber religious, I guess, and they do not have alcohol at weddings....so while the wedding was dry, my new big black Coach purse wasn't! I had 22 airplane bottles of Smirnoff Vodka and Maker's Mark in it, and between the four of us we polished off all but one bottle! We had the covert operation down pat....before the dinner when we were outside on the patio, I was sitting on a bench and whoever needed a drink would stand in front of me talking (effectively blocking the view of me to all other guests), while holding his/her glass down in front of them while I poured a bottle of booze into it. Once we got inside, I just made the trips up to the beverage center to get soft drinks, and then would beeline into the restroom on my way back to the table to light 'em up. It all worked out fine....
Saturday, did some shopping at Kohl's and later around 5:30 our server went down at work, and I ended up having to meet the ex here to deal with it. That's always fun. Grabbed a bite to eat and went to his house and watched Rambo, and then was home by midnight.
Speaking of my ex house, can I just say that I have a love-hate relationship with it? When we bought that house, it was my dream home. Big, beautiful, roomy, new, it was everything I never imagined I'd own. We closed on it and moved a week after my sister's funeral. The day we closed and got the key, I remember walking around the house crying, because I had shown Linda pictures of it the day before we lost her, and I kept saying how she'd love it and I couldn't wait for her to see it, and I remember her saying "I'll see it, I promise". So there I was, walking around looking up at her and saying "See my big bedroom? See my fireplace?" and just sobbing that she would never be in that house with me.
But we moved in, and I fell in love with it. We had an 11' lighted Xmas tree in the living room those first holidays, we had everyone there for a few days because that was the year of the big ice storm and we were the only ones in the family who had electric! The first summer in the house I had big beautiful hanging baskets on the front porch, and I took so much pride in keeping the house clean and gorgeous, and was starting to get it decorated the way we wanted it to be. I was very proud of my home. I loved that house.
And then hell broke loose, and my marriage fell apart and I had to move out. I wanted to stay...this was my dream home, dammit...but I couldn't really afford it by myself, and Jordan wanted to move back to Gahanna anyway. Plus, there were just too many memories there to have to live with.
Now, when I go back there, and it's no longer my house, I really love/hate it. I love it because it was everything I once wanted, and I hate it because it was taken away from me. I walk in the door and I instantly get very tense because there is the furniture we bought together (I took nothing with me when I left...other than my clothes and the guest bedroom furniture), there are all the things/spaces I decorated, there are memories in every single room of that house...memories from good days, early in our marriage, and memories from bad days when it all ended. When I'm there, it's like a bad movie playing in my head. And what's worse, is that I can't ever forget that he had sex with that whore who helped break up our marriage, in our bed, in our house. That makes me want to puke.
Anyway...my ex house has been up for sale for over 2 years now. There is a part of me that will undoubtedly walk around the empty house the day he moves out and cry just like I did the day we got the keys to it. I will cry now as I did then, for all that I'd lost, and all that would never be in the that house. But at least I will also be happy, because that chapter, as so many others have in the book of my marriage, will finally have closed.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Happy Birthday, Molly!
Hard to believe it's been 28 years since that bouncing baby with a head full of wild black hair made her appearance in our world. I'm very proud of who you have grown up to be (you give new meaning to the phrase "Lawyered Up"! LOL) and I wish for you a day as beautiful as you are.
Love you, honey!
Love you, honey!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Another pregnant pause
So remember I told you that on The Nest, we have a running joke about how every time I leave town, someone gets pregnant. At this point women offer me trips just so they can have babies!
Well, when I went to Vegas the end of April, two weeks later my friend Melissa finds out she's having a wee one. My record remained intact!
So two weeks ago, we had a Nestie get together, and one of the gals, Trisha, kept joking that she wanted to sit by me because she was hoping the close proximity might throw a little of the "knocking girls up" thing I have going her way! (I won't elaborate on her situation other than to say it's been a long hard road for them to have a baby) So just for added luck, I rubbed all over her flat little tummy (bitch! LOL) to make sure it worked.
And then Monday, I went out of town, to Cedar Point. Because we all know what happens when I go out of town.
Guess who's pregnant? Yep. Trisha. I'm so freaking happy for her! It brought tears to my eyes to know that her dreams have been answered. I pray for her and her hubby and this little one they have finally been blessed with.
It's a good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, when I went to Vegas the end of April, two weeks later my friend Melissa finds out she's having a wee one. My record remained intact!
So two weeks ago, we had a Nestie get together, and one of the gals, Trisha, kept joking that she wanted to sit by me because she was hoping the close proximity might throw a little of the "knocking girls up" thing I have going her way! (I won't elaborate on her situation other than to say it's been a long hard road for them to have a baby) So just for added luck, I rubbed all over her flat little tummy (bitch! LOL) to make sure it worked.
And then Monday, I went out of town, to Cedar Point. Because we all know what happens when I go out of town.
Guess who's pregnant? Yep. Trisha. I'm so freaking happy for her! It brought tears to my eyes to know that her dreams have been answered. I pray for her and her hubby and this little one they have finally been blessed with.
It's a good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Oh, and remember my clean kitchen from May 18th?
Well, guess what...
IT'S STILL CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohooooooooooooo!
The dining room table *still* only has fresh flowers in a vase on it, and nothing else! Woohoooooooooooooo!
I love it!!
I swear, I'm going to take a picture tonight and post it here for proof!
I've also been purging my bedroom too, which is nice. And I'm looking at new carpet for the living room, and figuring how what color I want to paint everything.
I'm so in control, I scare me!!!!!!!!!
IT'S STILL CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohooooooooooooo!
The dining room table *still* only has fresh flowers in a vase on it, and nothing else! Woohoooooooooooooo!
I love it!!
I swear, I'm going to take a picture tonight and post it here for proof!
I've also been purging my bedroom too, which is nice. And I'm looking at new carpet for the living room, and figuring how what color I want to paint everything.
I'm so in control, I scare me!!!!!!!!!
OK so I haven't blogged in 5 days
And I'm only doing so now so that there is something new to read!
I just don't have much going on that's worth blogging about. No hot dates, no weight loss, no loan approval/house closings. I'm pretty boring right now!
Did enjoy a nice long weekend though. Friday night I went to COSI to see the new CSI: The Experience exhibit. Hey, I won free VIP passes to the event on the Readers Rewards thingy at the Dispatch! I wouldn't have gone otherwise, but it was free and it got me out of the house on a Friday night. Went with one of my friends so at least I didn't sit home whining about being dateless.
Saturday night, I went with my friend Danica to her friend Bev's 50th birthday party. It was a lot of fun. The best part was the 80's karaoke music coming from the "disco" in the garage. Of course, that wasn't the only part of the evening that reminded me of the 80's (enuf said)....and then I woke up on Sunday feeling like I was 80....so it was a good night!
Also spent some time hanging out with my sisters, which is kind of odd for me. We don't spend a lot of time together outside of family functions, and I'm not sure if it's a product of them being so much older than me (9 and 13 years older) (they would both love me announcing to the world via the internet that they are 60 and 55!!!!) or if we just don't have all that much in common. But the truth is, we do have things in common. My sister Patty and I went shopping for a couple of hours on Sunday and I really had a good time! (She divorced a cheating husband years ago like I did, you'd think we'd have a lot to talk about! LOL) And after that I went to my other sister's for dinner, and hung out with her and my Mom. All in all it was a very good day, even though I kind of felt like dog shit from the night before. Clearly, I don't party as well as I used to! It takes too damn long to recover!!
Monday was just a day spent mostly at the office working on our server. Not how I wanted to spend a holiday, but it was an emergency and I didn't have a choice.
See, told you I didn't have anything exciting to blog about!!!!
I just don't have much going on that's worth blogging about. No hot dates, no weight loss, no loan approval/house closings. I'm pretty boring right now!
Did enjoy a nice long weekend though. Friday night I went to COSI to see the new CSI: The Experience exhibit. Hey, I won free VIP passes to the event on the Readers Rewards thingy at the Dispatch! I wouldn't have gone otherwise, but it was free and it got me out of the house on a Friday night. Went with one of my friends so at least I didn't sit home whining about being dateless.
Saturday night, I went with my friend Danica to her friend Bev's 50th birthday party. It was a lot of fun. The best part was the 80's karaoke music coming from the "disco" in the garage. Of course, that wasn't the only part of the evening that reminded me of the 80's (enuf said)....and then I woke up on Sunday feeling like I was 80....so it was a good night!
Also spent some time hanging out with my sisters, which is kind of odd for me. We don't spend a lot of time together outside of family functions, and I'm not sure if it's a product of them being so much older than me (9 and 13 years older) (they would both love me announcing to the world via the internet that they are 60 and 55!!!!) or if we just don't have all that much in common. But the truth is, we do have things in common. My sister Patty and I went shopping for a couple of hours on Sunday and I really had a good time! (She divorced a cheating husband years ago like I did, you'd think we'd have a lot to talk about! LOL) And after that I went to my other sister's for dinner, and hung out with her and my Mom. All in all it was a very good day, even though I kind of felt like dog shit from the night before. Clearly, I don't party as well as I used to! It takes too damn long to recover!!
Monday was just a day spent mostly at the office working on our server. Not how I wanted to spend a holiday, but it was an emergency and I didn't have a choice.
See, told you I didn't have anything exciting to blog about!!!!
Friday, May 23, 2008
OK clearly we have a listening problem.
So perhaps I need to be a bit clearer. And louder.
Dear Universe:
You have until 5pm EST to approve the f*cking loan.
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
You do not want to cause M&S to lose this house. It will not be pretty. We have all been patient but you are really, really trying us now.
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Thank you.
Love, Julie
Dear Universe:
You have until 5pm EST to approve the f*cking loan.
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
You do not want to cause M&S to lose this house. It will not be pretty. We have all been patient but you are really, really trying us now.
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
APPROVE THE LOAN! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Thank you.
Love, Julie
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Dear Universe
Thank you for letting M & S get their loan approval tomorrow and letting them close before the end of the month.
Love, Julie
Love, Julie
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
MRI Results
The doctor's office just called me with my MRI results.
"You have 3 herniated disks!" Um, yes, I knew that last year.
"The doctor wants to know how are you feeling today?" Fine today...I have good days and bad and this happens to be a good one.
"Great! Well is there anything else we need to do?" Well you are referring me to a neurosurgeon from what I understand...
"Oh, has that been done?" I don't know, has it? You're referring me, not vice versa.
So I asked if there was any difference in last year's MRI and this one and she of course had no clue, so I asked that the Dr call me to discuss the two, and what I can expect from the neurosurgeon visit. I also explained that I have a personal referral for a doctor (thanks, Greg!) and she will note that on my chart and see if they can refer me to him.
To be continued....
"You have 3 herniated disks!" Um, yes, I knew that last year.
"The doctor wants to know how are you feeling today?" Fine today...I have good days and bad and this happens to be a good one.
"Great! Well is there anything else we need to do?" Well you are referring me to a neurosurgeon from what I understand...
"Oh, has that been done?" I don't know, has it? You're referring me, not vice versa.
So I asked if there was any difference in last year's MRI and this one and she of course had no clue, so I asked that the Dr call me to discuss the two, and what I can expect from the neurosurgeon visit. I also explained that I have a personal referral for a doctor (thanks, Greg!) and she will note that on my chart and see if they can refer me to him.
To be continued....
And my work here continues....
Last night I made a list of all the things I want to do to my house, as part of this "decluttering" stage I'm in. The list was pretty lengthy too! Some easy things, some hard things, and all of which require work.
Work is good for me. It keeps me from getting myself into trouble in other areas, such as doing stupid shit like letting the past interfere with my present. Thing is, and this may sound weird to those who don't know me well, but I've spent 7 years of my life totally focused on my ex. It was all about him...making sure he was happy, doing whatever he needed done, being whoever he expected me to be, and then after our divorce I was just plain out of my mind. Three years ago at this time, I was just finding out that he was having an affair and my marriage was over. THREE YEARS! So why in the hell am I just putting this behind me now???????
Because I'm a wing nut. Come on, show of hands...who's surprised by this?
Anyway...life for me right now is all about refocusing. Refocusing my time and my energy and my thoughts and my feelings towards other things. It's funny because it's like your brain has these ruts that develop over time, and for me my thoughts just go down the road of those ruts as they have for 7 years now. So my challenge is to create new ruts to travel on!
And you know what my biggest challenge is? PUTTING MYSELF FIRST. Thinking about what I want, and what I need. It makes me feel selfish, and it's a hard thing to get used to. I haven't put me first in years. Not since I had a child. And certainly not since I met my ex. I guess I will eventually find that balance between doing the things I want to do for me, and not feeling guilty about it.
It's kind of sad to think it's taken me 47 years to become an active participant in my own life. But hey, better late than never, right?
******************************************
OMG...LOL. I just read my horoscope for today!
Well, that's it then. Decision made. Process complete. Vital, life-changing conclusions reached. New financial, emotional and spiritual regime begun. You are not aware that such momentous forces have been called into play? It may be because, so far, the changes have been private, personal and psychological, rather than physical. There may even have been no discussion, let alone demonstration. But that's coming along soon enough. What matters is the intention, and that, now, is clear.
Well then! I guess that's that!
Work is good for me. It keeps me from getting myself into trouble in other areas, such as doing stupid shit like letting the past interfere with my present. Thing is, and this may sound weird to those who don't know me well, but I've spent 7 years of my life totally focused on my ex. It was all about him...making sure he was happy, doing whatever he needed done, being whoever he expected me to be, and then after our divorce I was just plain out of my mind. Three years ago at this time, I was just finding out that he was having an affair and my marriage was over. THREE YEARS! So why in the hell am I just putting this behind me now???????
Because I'm a wing nut. Come on, show of hands...who's surprised by this?
Anyway...life for me right now is all about refocusing. Refocusing my time and my energy and my thoughts and my feelings towards other things. It's funny because it's like your brain has these ruts that develop over time, and for me my thoughts just go down the road of those ruts as they have for 7 years now. So my challenge is to create new ruts to travel on!
And you know what my biggest challenge is? PUTTING MYSELF FIRST. Thinking about what I want, and what I need. It makes me feel selfish, and it's a hard thing to get used to. I haven't put me first in years. Not since I had a child. And certainly not since I met my ex. I guess I will eventually find that balance between doing the things I want to do for me, and not feeling guilty about it.
It's kind of sad to think it's taken me 47 years to become an active participant in my own life. But hey, better late than never, right?
******************************************
OMG...LOL. I just read my horoscope for today!
Well, that's it then. Decision made. Process complete. Vital, life-changing conclusions reached. New financial, emotional and spiritual regime begun. You are not aware that such momentous forces have been called into play? It may be because, so far, the changes have been private, personal and psychological, rather than physical. There may even have been no discussion, let alone demonstration. But that's coming along soon enough. What matters is the intention, and that, now, is clear.
Well then! I guess that's that!
Monday, May 19, 2008
A whole life makeover.
I have started clearing the clutter in my life.
It has come to my attention recently that there are a lot of things holding me back from living the life that I want to live...and I'm the biggest offender. I asked on here a week or two ago "Can you get to a future if your past is present?" and I had to finally take some action on that.
My past is no longer present. My past is in my past where he belongs. My past won't be coming back to haunt me either because I won't allow it.
The other thing that has been really affecting me recently is the state my house has been in. I have many friends who's houses are pristine. Everything has a place. There is no clutter. The dining room table is for dining, not for piling crap on! I used to have a pristine house, when I was married. I lived in my dream home, it was big and beautiful and I was proud of it.
I haven't been proud of much recently. In fact, I've been more embarrassed and ashamed than anything. Embarrassed at my own behavior, when it came to my house, and the mess I allowed it to be. I wrote it off to having a teenager, but the truth is that for the past three years, I have just checked out of life. I may have been physically here...breathing...functioning....but mentally and emotionally, I've felt like the walking dead.
My divorce was hard on me, but I made it worse by staying involved in a relationship with my ex-husband. I can't tell you why I did it, I mean what woman in her right mind would continue to stay with someone who cheated on her, lied to her at every turn, even went as far as to destroy my belongings as I was moving out of the house? I have no defense for my actions. Elizabeth's assessment is that I have spent the past three years trying to prove to him that he fucked up in getting involved with another woman, that he had the best thing in the world right there at home and he couldn't see it. Maybe there is some truth in that. And maybe I just didn't want to let go of my marriage. I didn't want to be out in the world again as a single woman, having to date and get to know someone all over again. I didn't want to go back to going to family fucntions alone, to not having anyone to do things with on the weekends, to be solo at the office Christmas party.
But here I am. 47 and single. And I have to get to the point that I'm okay with that. I have to be happy with the cards that life has dealt me, and make the best damn poker hand that I can. And for the first time since my divorce, I'm really, really trying.
I threw out the Joker. (LOL!)
I am now Queen of my own life.
Somewhere there is a King looking for a hot babe like me.
And my Ace in the hole is that no matter what happens from here on out, I have friends who love me, family who stands by me no matter what, an amazing child that makes me laugh and smile every single day, and I am thankful for every bump in the road, every heartbreak, every tear I've had to cry to get to where I am today, because it's made me stronger than I ever knew I was.
So yeah, I'm cleaning house. Literally as well as figuratively! Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen and dining area from top to bottom. There is no longer anything on the counters that doesn't belong there! Everything is clean...appliances, cabinets, floors! The dining table as a centerpiece and nothing else! If feels SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! Jordan got home from work and walked in and said "Whoa! What happened here today??" Then he decided that it feels like we just moved in and it was freaking him out. LOL
This morning, I stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen to turn the alarm off and let the dogs out, and was pleasantly suprised at how clean it was! It really started my day off right!!!!! Tonight, I'm working on my bedroom or the bathroom, one of the two. And assigning tasks to my son regarding the computer room!! I'm having that pristine house again...I'm tired of the chaos that my outer world reflects, I've been chaotic enough on the inside!
I'm getting everything in my life in order. I got off track with the Daily Plate this past couple of weeks but I'm back on it today. I read something the other day that really hit home with me:
"The body you are given will be yours for the duration of your time here. Love it or hate it, accept it or reject it, it is the only one you will receive in this lifetime. It will be with you from the minute you draw your first breath to the last beat of your heart. Since there is a no-refund, no-exchange policy on this body of yours, it is essential that you learn to transform your body from a mere vessel into a beloved partner and lifelong ally, as the relationship between you and your body is the most fundamental and important relationship of your lifetime. It is the blueprint from which all your other relationships will be built."
That's pretty profound, isn't it?
I love lightbulb moments!
OK so I'm off work clean up some of the chaos in my office now. I'm telling you, I am decluttering every area of my life. Ain't nothing safe from Hurricane Julie right now!!!!!!!!!
It has come to my attention recently that there are a lot of things holding me back from living the life that I want to live...and I'm the biggest offender. I asked on here a week or two ago "Can you get to a future if your past is present?" and I had to finally take some action on that.
My past is no longer present. My past is in my past where he belongs. My past won't be coming back to haunt me either because I won't allow it.
The other thing that has been really affecting me recently is the state my house has been in. I have many friends who's houses are pristine. Everything has a place. There is no clutter. The dining room table is for dining, not for piling crap on! I used to have a pristine house, when I was married. I lived in my dream home, it was big and beautiful and I was proud of it.
I haven't been proud of much recently. In fact, I've been more embarrassed and ashamed than anything. Embarrassed at my own behavior, when it came to my house, and the mess I allowed it to be. I wrote it off to having a teenager, but the truth is that for the past three years, I have just checked out of life. I may have been physically here...breathing...functioning....but mentally and emotionally, I've felt like the walking dead.
My divorce was hard on me, but I made it worse by staying involved in a relationship with my ex-husband. I can't tell you why I did it, I mean what woman in her right mind would continue to stay with someone who cheated on her, lied to her at every turn, even went as far as to destroy my belongings as I was moving out of the house? I have no defense for my actions. Elizabeth's assessment is that I have spent the past three years trying to prove to him that he fucked up in getting involved with another woman, that he had the best thing in the world right there at home and he couldn't see it. Maybe there is some truth in that. And maybe I just didn't want to let go of my marriage. I didn't want to be out in the world again as a single woman, having to date and get to know someone all over again. I didn't want to go back to going to family fucntions alone, to not having anyone to do things with on the weekends, to be solo at the office Christmas party.
But here I am. 47 and single. And I have to get to the point that I'm okay with that. I have to be happy with the cards that life has dealt me, and make the best damn poker hand that I can. And for the first time since my divorce, I'm really, really trying.
I threw out the Joker. (LOL!)
I am now Queen of my own life.
Somewhere there is a King looking for a hot babe like me.
And my Ace in the hole is that no matter what happens from here on out, I have friends who love me, family who stands by me no matter what, an amazing child that makes me laugh and smile every single day, and I am thankful for every bump in the road, every heartbreak, every tear I've had to cry to get to where I am today, because it's made me stronger than I ever knew I was.
So yeah, I'm cleaning house. Literally as well as figuratively! Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen and dining area from top to bottom. There is no longer anything on the counters that doesn't belong there! Everything is clean...appliances, cabinets, floors! The dining table as a centerpiece and nothing else! If feels SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! Jordan got home from work and walked in and said "Whoa! What happened here today??" Then he decided that it feels like we just moved in and it was freaking him out. LOL
This morning, I stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen to turn the alarm off and let the dogs out, and was pleasantly suprised at how clean it was! It really started my day off right!!!!! Tonight, I'm working on my bedroom or the bathroom, one of the two. And assigning tasks to my son regarding the computer room!! I'm having that pristine house again...I'm tired of the chaos that my outer world reflects, I've been chaotic enough on the inside!
I'm getting everything in my life in order. I got off track with the Daily Plate this past couple of weeks but I'm back on it today. I read something the other day that really hit home with me:
"The body you are given will be yours for the duration of your time here. Love it or hate it, accept it or reject it, it is the only one you will receive in this lifetime. It will be with you from the minute you draw your first breath to the last beat of your heart. Since there is a no-refund, no-exchange policy on this body of yours, it is essential that you learn to transform your body from a mere vessel into a beloved partner and lifelong ally, as the relationship between you and your body is the most fundamental and important relationship of your lifetime. It is the blueprint from which all your other relationships will be built."
That's pretty profound, isn't it?
I love lightbulb moments!
OK so I'm off work clean up some of the chaos in my office now. I'm telling you, I am decluttering every area of my life. Ain't nothing safe from Hurricane Julie right now!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
So, my renter has defaulted on his rent...
And I'm going to have to start eviction proceedings. I have chased this guy down every freaking month to get his rent, and he's been living in my condo since September and STILL has not put the gas bill in his name. I end up having to pay it because it's in mine, and while he does reimburse me, it still pisses me off that he refuses to put it in his name.
So being unfamiliar with how the eviction process works, I have to spend the day figuring it out. I believe I have to give him a Notice of Default and allow him 15 days (per the lease) to remedy the situation. If he doesn't, then I post a 3 Day Eviction notice on his door, and after that if he doesn't move then I have to file eviction papers in the court.
THIS SUCKS. As some of you know, when my last renter ditched me and left me with $6,000 in damages, I ended up also paying the mortgage for a year while it was on the market before I finally gave in and re-rented it again, so I incurred $17,000 of debt thanks to my last renter. Now, just as I got a big raise at work and am finally able to throw extra money at that debt....this asshole decides not to pay his rent.
I'm so pissed I can't even see straight.
*************************************************
OK so to follow this up, I finally got a hold of him this morning. He said he just dropped off the rent check and the late fee and the utility payment to my house, along with a letter apologizing for not calling me and paying late etc. He still wants to buy the condo and asked me for the name and number of the mortgage person I work with. So I'm going to hook them up, and get him to buy the damn thing so that I don't have to be a landlord anymore. This has not been my idea of a good time.
And let it be known that on the day of closing, when I no longer own the condo after 14 years....I will get drunk and dance down the street.
So being unfamiliar with how the eviction process works, I have to spend the day figuring it out. I believe I have to give him a Notice of Default and allow him 15 days (per the lease) to remedy the situation. If he doesn't, then I post a 3 Day Eviction notice on his door, and after that if he doesn't move then I have to file eviction papers in the court.
THIS SUCKS. As some of you know, when my last renter ditched me and left me with $6,000 in damages, I ended up also paying the mortgage for a year while it was on the market before I finally gave in and re-rented it again, so I incurred $17,000 of debt thanks to my last renter. Now, just as I got a big raise at work and am finally able to throw extra money at that debt....this asshole decides not to pay his rent.
I'm so pissed I can't even see straight.
*************************************************
OK so to follow this up, I finally got a hold of him this morning. He said he just dropped off the rent check and the late fee and the utility payment to my house, along with a letter apologizing for not calling me and paying late etc. He still wants to buy the condo and asked me for the name and number of the mortgage person I work with. So I'm going to hook them up, and get him to buy the damn thing so that I don't have to be a landlord anymore. This has not been my idea of a good time.
And let it be known that on the day of closing, when I no longer own the condo after 14 years....I will get drunk and dance down the street.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I love good news!
According to my blog comments from yesterday, which of course I didn't read until today....my friend Melissa has Baby #2 on Board!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea!!!!!! She has this amazing little boy named Austin who is still getting to know me (he's not quite sure he likes me, but I'll win him over with my charming personality, you just wait and see!), and I'm going on record right now as saying this next little bundle of joy is a girl. Just a feeling I have....
We have a running joke on The Nest that every time I go out of town, women get pregnant. It's happened every time I've gone somewhere, and at this point I have women offering me vacations just to get me out of Columbus so they can get pregnant.
So I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago, and Melissa is the third woman THIS WEEK to tell me there's a new little one on the way....
I rest my case.
We have a running joke on The Nest that every time I go out of town, women get pregnant. It's happened every time I've gone somewhere, and at this point I have women offering me vacations just to get me out of Columbus so they can get pregnant.
So I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago, and Melissa is the third woman THIS WEEK to tell me there's a new little one on the way....
I rest my case.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
And the pendulum swings back the other direction now....
Mood swings. Gotta love 'em. Menopause at it's finest!
So today, I'm in a better mood. Even though my renter has not paid his rent yet, and is avoiding my phone calls. Arrrrgh. And even though my buyer hasn't been able to close yet, and it makes me upset for her because I know how much she loves this house, and the freaking mortgage companies are jacking her around.
But I laughed out loud this morning at my horoscope. It says:
The past is not yet the past. It is the force that has shaped the present and, if you are not careful, it will turn out to be the force that defines your future. You keep referring to some experience which made a big impression on you long ago. You are subtly allowing this to colour your judgement, prejudice your opinion and stunt your imagination. You stand poised to achieve great things. Before you can move forward successfully, though, you must first face (and beat) an old fear.
So I email it to Elizabeth and say, "Gee, wonder what *that's* about? LOL Think it's trying to tell me something???" and she responds in her typical fashion:
Uh, yeah! In a nutshell, you're allowing one negative event to define your entire life at this point. And to put it in perspective, you're allowing the fact that a man who has NEVER been faithful to ANYONE make you feel like a failure because he wasn't faithful to YOU. Thing about all this is, VP (note: this is our nickname for my ex) was just being VP. You happened to choose a fellow who just plain is who he is, and won't ever change, and you made it your mission in life to make him into someone else. And when it didn't work, you turned it on yourself, like you had fallen short somewhere. It would be like me buying a dog, and then spending the next 7+ years trying to get it to act like a cat, and then feeling awful about myself and mistrusting every other dog on the planet because I couldn't turn this one into something that purrs instead of barks.
Metaphor Mary strikes again! lol
So let that dog be the dog he was born to be and go find yourself another pet. Out of all the millions of men in this world, many of which who are very GOOD men.... stop letting this one insignificant petty little person define your entire being. There's a whole world out there full of really great things, and you'll never find them if you stay sitting on the couch wishing your dog were a cat. Accept that he's a dog and let him go piss in someone else's yard.
OMG, it makes me laugh all over again when I read it. God love her. She can come up with some good ones!
So today, I'm in a better mood. Even though my renter has not paid his rent yet, and is avoiding my phone calls. Arrrrgh. And even though my buyer hasn't been able to close yet, and it makes me upset for her because I know how much she loves this house, and the freaking mortgage companies are jacking her around.
But I laughed out loud this morning at my horoscope. It says:
The past is not yet the past. It is the force that has shaped the present and, if you are not careful, it will turn out to be the force that defines your future. You keep referring to some experience which made a big impression on you long ago. You are subtly allowing this to colour your judgement, prejudice your opinion and stunt your imagination. You stand poised to achieve great things. Before you can move forward successfully, though, you must first face (and beat) an old fear.
So I email it to Elizabeth and say, "Gee, wonder what *that's* about? LOL Think it's trying to tell me something???" and she responds in her typical fashion:
Uh, yeah! In a nutshell, you're allowing one negative event to define your entire life at this point. And to put it in perspective, you're allowing the fact that a man who has NEVER been faithful to ANYONE make you feel like a failure because he wasn't faithful to YOU. Thing about all this is, VP (note: this is our nickname for my ex) was just being VP. You happened to choose a fellow who just plain is who he is, and won't ever change, and you made it your mission in life to make him into someone else. And when it didn't work, you turned it on yourself, like you had fallen short somewhere. It would be like me buying a dog, and then spending the next 7+ years trying to get it to act like a cat, and then feeling awful about myself and mistrusting every other dog on the planet because I couldn't turn this one into something that purrs instead of barks.
Metaphor Mary strikes again! lol
So let that dog be the dog he was born to be and go find yourself another pet. Out of all the millions of men in this world, many of which who are very GOOD men.... stop letting this one insignificant petty little person define your entire being. There's a whole world out there full of really great things, and you'll never find them if you stay sitting on the couch wishing your dog were a cat. Accept that he's a dog and let him go piss in someone else's yard.
OMG, it makes me laugh all over again when I read it. God love her. She can come up with some good ones!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Probably shouldn't blog today.
Had a crappy weekend (alone of course, as they all are), and feeling very bitchy today. Neither are conducive to an entertaining blog. So I'm going to crawl back into my black hole and rock back and forth, babbling incoherently to myself because clearly, I'm a freaking wing nut for reasons I choose not to publicly disclose. Just trust me on this one.
People with penises piss me off and need to stay out of my way. Correction....specific people. You know who you are.
Just call me Pissy McBitcherson today. Not to my face though unless you want wounded. :)
People with penises piss me off and need to stay out of my way. Correction....specific people. You know who you are.
Just call me Pissy McBitcherson today. Not to my face though unless you want wounded. :)
Friday, May 9, 2008
Can you get to a future if your past is present?
I watched the episode of Sex and The City (3 weeks from today, the movie comes out. Yay!!) last night where this was Carrie's topic for her column. The show had to do with her trying to move on with one man when she was still involved (albeit emotionally) with Big.
I can identify...and my answer to this burning question is...NO. Until you move on from the past you cannot create the kind of future you want. I'm somewhat stuck in relationship purgatory right now, in that I'm not really involved with my ex but I'm not really out of his life either. There are a couple of things that still bind us together, that will eventually be resolved either with time or distance, but for now I am somewhat stuck in my past.
And it's not as though we are in a "romantic" relationship! We're friends who don't happen to be dating anyone else. But that's what makes it weird, and sometimes hard, is that I've been with this man for seven years, he's the single longest relationship of my life....and so it's just habit to hold hands, kiss, call him "honey" or whatever. However, NOT doing those things feels foreign, and feels detached and makes me feel sad. It's a weird situation to be in. The feelings are more than friends, but not romantic anymore. I don't know how to describe it, but it just makes me miss being coupled up all that much more.
So I'm ready to date, I really am. I miss having that companionship. I miss the weight of a man's body on top of mine! I don't honestly know how I feel about getting married again....I think I would like to do it again some day because I loved being married. I was a damn good wife! But at this point, I'd be happy just to have someone actively IN my life. Someone to travel with, and just enjoy hanging out together.
Enough whining about what I don't have. Let's talk about what I *do* have!
A bad back! haha
As most everybody knows, I have 3 herniated disks in my low back. Last May/June I got the epidural shots which helped for a short time. But around October or November, the effects of the shots wore off which was right about the time that I started working 60 hours a week, so the strain on my spine from sitting all those hours in front of a computer has been really intense.
I do all the back exercises that the therapists taught me. I try to walk as much as possible, or at least as much as my back will allow. On the really bad days, I take a lot of Vicodin and stay horizontal with the heating pad until I can move. But I can't keep going like this. It's back at the point where it hurts 24/7, and I don't sleep well because I'm waking up every time I move in my sleep because shifting positions hurts. And now I've got something going on in my right hip, which is undoubtedly connected to all of this. I can't cross my legs when sitting, at least not my right over left, because it feels like someone is trying to tear my leg off.
It sucks getting old! haha....if only that were the problem.
So my doctor is sending me to a neurosurgeon for evaluation. I have to have another MRI done since my last one is a year old (and evidently they require a recent one?). I really don't care to have back surgery, but I'm told it's not a case of "if", it's "when". So I will meet with a surgeon and find out what options I have, if any, and how long I can put this off. I don't have time to be off work for six weeks! Hell, I can barely be gone a day that I'm not getting phone called and emailed to death. David would pass out if I said I had to be off for a month or so! But who knows, maybe the surgery wouldn't be that invasive? Maybe I'd only be down a week or two? Or maybe there are other things they can do besides surgery, to at least buy me some time that is relatively pain free?
If I'm gonna be flat on my back, there better be a cabana boy feeding me grapes. I'm just sayin.
I can identify...and my answer to this burning question is...NO. Until you move on from the past you cannot create the kind of future you want. I'm somewhat stuck in relationship purgatory right now, in that I'm not really involved with my ex but I'm not really out of his life either. There are a couple of things that still bind us together, that will eventually be resolved either with time or distance, but for now I am somewhat stuck in my past.
And it's not as though we are in a "romantic" relationship! We're friends who don't happen to be dating anyone else. But that's what makes it weird, and sometimes hard, is that I've been with this man for seven years, he's the single longest relationship of my life....and so it's just habit to hold hands, kiss, call him "honey" or whatever. However, NOT doing those things feels foreign, and feels detached and makes me feel sad. It's a weird situation to be in. The feelings are more than friends, but not romantic anymore. I don't know how to describe it, but it just makes me miss being coupled up all that much more.
So I'm ready to date, I really am. I miss having that companionship. I miss the weight of a man's body on top of mine! I don't honestly know how I feel about getting married again....I think I would like to do it again some day because I loved being married. I was a damn good wife! But at this point, I'd be happy just to have someone actively IN my life. Someone to travel with, and just enjoy hanging out together.
Enough whining about what I don't have. Let's talk about what I *do* have!
A bad back! haha
As most everybody knows, I have 3 herniated disks in my low back. Last May/June I got the epidural shots which helped for a short time. But around October or November, the effects of the shots wore off which was right about the time that I started working 60 hours a week, so the strain on my spine from sitting all those hours in front of a computer has been really intense.
I do all the back exercises that the therapists taught me. I try to walk as much as possible, or at least as much as my back will allow. On the really bad days, I take a lot of Vicodin and stay horizontal with the heating pad until I can move. But I can't keep going like this. It's back at the point where it hurts 24/7, and I don't sleep well because I'm waking up every time I move in my sleep because shifting positions hurts. And now I've got something going on in my right hip, which is undoubtedly connected to all of this. I can't cross my legs when sitting, at least not my right over left, because it feels like someone is trying to tear my leg off.
It sucks getting old! haha....if only that were the problem.
So my doctor is sending me to a neurosurgeon for evaluation. I have to have another MRI done since my last one is a year old (and evidently they require a recent one?). I really don't care to have back surgery, but I'm told it's not a case of "if", it's "when". So I will meet with a surgeon and find out what options I have, if any, and how long I can put this off. I don't have time to be off work for six weeks! Hell, I can barely be gone a day that I'm not getting phone called and emailed to death. David would pass out if I said I had to be off for a month or so! But who knows, maybe the surgery wouldn't be that invasive? Maybe I'd only be down a week or two? Or maybe there are other things they can do besides surgery, to at least buy me some time that is relatively pain free?
If I'm gonna be flat on my back, there better be a cabana boy feeding me grapes. I'm just sayin.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Awareness is an odd thing
I'm becoming more aware of who I am.
Funny thing to discover at age 47, isn't it? Or maybe it's not.
I'm not sure what has lead to this self discovery, or why. But I've noticed that I am far more cognizant of my own behaviors than I ever have been in the past. Maybe it's because most people annoy the shit out of me these days. Not just total strangers, but people I love too! I find myself avoiding phone calls so that I don't have to talk...or having textual relations only. I write that off to peri-menopause and the complete change of hormones in my body, but the truth is, I'm just a short fused, easily ired, moody, annoyed, bored, uninterested bitch these days. (When I'm not my usual fun loving, wise cracking, sarcastic, amusing self, that is!)
But at least it's not 24 hours a day. Noooo, au contraire. It comes at random moments. Which on one hand is good, and on another....not so good for the idiot driving down the freeway in the fast lane at 55mph when the speed limit is clearly 65mph. And, the people in the right lane have me boxed in behind this guy, and I'm ready to make a sharp right and take out about three cars if SOMEBODY doesn't get their shit together and move their fucking car out of my way!
I feel better now that I got that out of my system.
But seriously, I can wake up pissed off. What the hell is there to wake up pissed off about? Bad dream? Nope. Early alarm? Same time as usual. No sex the night before and no prospect for any upon waking? Well, sure...that irritates me, but I'm learning to live with it! I can have a great night's sleep (which for me means I don't get woken up at some point with my back hurting so bad that I can't get comfortable enough to sleep) and yet by the time I get out of the shower, I'm pissed off about something.
Moody bitch.
Anyway....what I was starting to say before my ADD kicked in, was that I'm at least paying more attention to self. I'm a big proponent of speak your mind. Call a spade a spade. Don't sugarcoat anything....tell people the truth. And this particular characteristic of mine has people either loving or hating me. There's not a lot of in between! This was the part of me that my ex-hasbeen hated (aw hell, this was one of many things he hated about me. If I'd have been blind, deaf and unable to speak, we'd still be married.)
So I am learning to shut up. Bite my tongue. Walk on by. And it ain't easy for me to do!!!!! Because I always want to save someone, I always want to right the wrong, or prevent people I love from making mistakes that I've made in the past. I always try to mitigate risk wherever possible (although not to the extent Elizabeth does, LOL). But at this point, I've finally realized....sometimes it's better to just keep your opinions to yourself because even though people ask you for them, what they really want is for you to tell them what they want to hear. I've never been good at doing that, and I'm finally learning that what my mother used to tell me really is true...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything!
So when you talk to me, and you see me biting my lip or clenching my teeth or having this ridiculous smile on my face that makes me look somewhat psychotic, just know that I really, really want to say something at that moment, but I am choosing to keep my mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!
When it comes to my ex though, I may need a muzzle. I'm just sayin.
Funny thing to discover at age 47, isn't it? Or maybe it's not.
I'm not sure what has lead to this self discovery, or why. But I've noticed that I am far more cognizant of my own behaviors than I ever have been in the past. Maybe it's because most people annoy the shit out of me these days. Not just total strangers, but people I love too! I find myself avoiding phone calls so that I don't have to talk...or having textual relations only. I write that off to peri-menopause and the complete change of hormones in my body, but the truth is, I'm just a short fused, easily ired, moody, annoyed, bored, uninterested bitch these days. (When I'm not my usual fun loving, wise cracking, sarcastic, amusing self, that is!)
But at least it's not 24 hours a day. Noooo, au contraire. It comes at random moments. Which on one hand is good, and on another....not so good for the idiot driving down the freeway in the fast lane at 55mph when the speed limit is clearly 65mph. And, the people in the right lane have me boxed in behind this guy, and I'm ready to make a sharp right and take out about three cars if SOMEBODY doesn't get their shit together and move their fucking car out of my way!
I feel better now that I got that out of my system.
But seriously, I can wake up pissed off. What the hell is there to wake up pissed off about? Bad dream? Nope. Early alarm? Same time as usual. No sex the night before and no prospect for any upon waking? Well, sure...that irritates me, but I'm learning to live with it! I can have a great night's sleep (which for me means I don't get woken up at some point with my back hurting so bad that I can't get comfortable enough to sleep) and yet by the time I get out of the shower, I'm pissed off about something.
Moody bitch.
Anyway....what I was starting to say before my ADD kicked in, was that I'm at least paying more attention to self. I'm a big proponent of speak your mind. Call a spade a spade. Don't sugarcoat anything....tell people the truth. And this particular characteristic of mine has people either loving or hating me. There's not a lot of in between! This was the part of me that my ex-hasbeen hated (aw hell, this was one of many things he hated about me. If I'd have been blind, deaf and unable to speak, we'd still be married.)
So I am learning to shut up. Bite my tongue. Walk on by. And it ain't easy for me to do!!!!! Because I always want to save someone, I always want to right the wrong, or prevent people I love from making mistakes that I've made in the past. I always try to mitigate risk wherever possible (although not to the extent Elizabeth does, LOL). But at this point, I've finally realized....sometimes it's better to just keep your opinions to yourself because even though people ask you for them, what they really want is for you to tell them what they want to hear. I've never been good at doing that, and I'm finally learning that what my mother used to tell me really is true...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything!
So when you talk to me, and you see me biting my lip or clenching my teeth or having this ridiculous smile on my face that makes me look somewhat psychotic, just know that I really, really want to say something at that moment, but I am choosing to keep my mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!
When it comes to my ex though, I may need a muzzle. I'm just sayin.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Liars, cheaters and whores...oh my.
Marc Dann needs to be fired.
NOT just resign. They need to fire his ass on the spot. He should have been thrown out with the other trash in his office.
For those of you reading who don't know who Dann is, he's our Attorney General for the State of Ohio. I voted for him...and up until a month ago I thought he was doing a great job in office. He ran on a platform of cleaning up government and getting rid of corruption in office.
I guess he didn't consider sexual harrassment in the office, an unhealthy work environment, lying under oath, cheating on his wife with an employee, using the taxpayers money to fund his affair and his three best friend's affairs, and repairing damages to State vehicles incurred by his drunken friend...to be corruption in government.
As you can imagine, I didn't have much tolerance for cheating husbands before mine cheated on me. Now I have less than zero tolerance. And this man reminds me of my ex in the fact that he blames "going through a rough time with his wife" as the reason he was fucking his assistant. In other words...Oops, I tripped over my midlife crisis and landed on a pair of boobs that weren't my wife's. What a dick.
Dann says he wasn't aware of what his top 3 administrators (his long term best friends, mind you) were doing yet I can tell you with 100% certainty that if one of my best friends was having an affair, I'd know it. Unless of course, I was busy screwing my scheduler. Whatever.
Regardless...he needs to go. He lied under sworn testimony and then tried to backtrack by saying "Wait, I didn't get to fully answer a question you asked me". Yes you did...you answered with A LIE. You lied to protect your own sorry ass and you lied to protect your friends who were sexually harrassing women in your office. You have proven that you have no integrity, and that you do not belong in an elected official's position.
The person I feel for the most is his wife. I've been there, I know what it's like to find out your husband is screwing someone else. I know what it's like to realize that the vows you took meant absolutely nothing to him. That he's willing to risk everything you have, your future, your life together, your finances, your dreams...everything...just to stick his dick in someone else because he's having a "rough time" at home. I know what it's like to be humiliated in front of family and friends when you find out that everyone knows about his affair but you. I know what it's like to find out that HIS friends went to lunches and dinners and things with him and his whore and then looked you in the eye like nothing was wrong. I know what it's like to read text messages...or hear voice mails...that hurt you so much, you never ever forget them. I have been there. I just thank God it wasn't on a public stage like what she's going through is.
I pray for her, and I pray that 5 minutes after they either force him to resign or impeach him, that she files for divorce and runs for her life. I wish I'd walked away after mine, instead of staying around and trying to prove to him how wrong he was to blow our marriage into bits. There is no fixing this...once it happens, it can never be taken back. You are never the same people as you were before...and I hope and pray for Mrs. Dann and her children, that they will someday be able to put this behind them.
Of course, people ask me how long it took for me to get over and it and I always say....any day now!
NOT just resign. They need to fire his ass on the spot. He should have been thrown out with the other trash in his office.
For those of you reading who don't know who Dann is, he's our Attorney General for the State of Ohio. I voted for him...and up until a month ago I thought he was doing a great job in office. He ran on a platform of cleaning up government and getting rid of corruption in office.
I guess he didn't consider sexual harrassment in the office, an unhealthy work environment, lying under oath, cheating on his wife with an employee, using the taxpayers money to fund his affair and his three best friend's affairs, and repairing damages to State vehicles incurred by his drunken friend...to be corruption in government.
As you can imagine, I didn't have much tolerance for cheating husbands before mine cheated on me. Now I have less than zero tolerance. And this man reminds me of my ex in the fact that he blames "going through a rough time with his wife" as the reason he was fucking his assistant. In other words...Oops, I tripped over my midlife crisis and landed on a pair of boobs that weren't my wife's. What a dick.
Dann says he wasn't aware of what his top 3 administrators (his long term best friends, mind you) were doing yet I can tell you with 100% certainty that if one of my best friends was having an affair, I'd know it. Unless of course, I was busy screwing my scheduler. Whatever.
Regardless...he needs to go. He lied under sworn testimony and then tried to backtrack by saying "Wait, I didn't get to fully answer a question you asked me". Yes you did...you answered with A LIE. You lied to protect your own sorry ass and you lied to protect your friends who were sexually harrassing women in your office. You have proven that you have no integrity, and that you do not belong in an elected official's position.
The person I feel for the most is his wife. I've been there, I know what it's like to find out your husband is screwing someone else. I know what it's like to realize that the vows you took meant absolutely nothing to him. That he's willing to risk everything you have, your future, your life together, your finances, your dreams...everything...just to stick his dick in someone else because he's having a "rough time" at home. I know what it's like to be humiliated in front of family and friends when you find out that everyone knows about his affair but you. I know what it's like to find out that HIS friends went to lunches and dinners and things with him and his whore and then looked you in the eye like nothing was wrong. I know what it's like to read text messages...or hear voice mails...that hurt you so much, you never ever forget them. I have been there. I just thank God it wasn't on a public stage like what she's going through is.
I pray for her, and I pray that 5 minutes after they either force him to resign or impeach him, that she files for divorce and runs for her life. I wish I'd walked away after mine, instead of staying around and trying to prove to him how wrong he was to blow our marriage into bits. There is no fixing this...once it happens, it can never be taken back. You are never the same people as you were before...and I hope and pray for Mrs. Dann and her children, that they will someday be able to put this behind them.
Of course, people ask me how long it took for me to get over and it and I always say....any day now!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Monday already?
Wow, the weekend flew by. I had a lot to do so I guess that's why.
Actually Friday night I was home alone. Pretty typical for me. I really want to be dating again, I miss having someone to do things with on the weekends.
Saturday, went to my niece's First Communion, and then home to prepare Jordan for Prom! He and Stephanie looked great, as you can see.
Then on Sunday, I went to my friend Penny's 60th birthday party. It was really good to see her again. It's been almost a year since we last saw each other, she and her husband semi-retired and hit the road! They travel around in an RV and the last trip back in at Thanksgiving, I didn't get to see her. So here we are, two old friends who've been close as sisters for about 25 years now.
Neither of us have changed a bit. LOL
Other than that, I fought the nonstop, painful back all weekend. Last summer I had the epidural shots into my spine to try and alleviate some of the herniation of the disks. All was good until the shots wore off, which was right about the time I started working 60 hours a week. Sitting down in a chair all that time is not good for my back. So it's been feeling worse and worse for months, to the point that I'm waking up early in the morning unable to find a comfortable sleeping spot. I guess I'm going to have to resort to going back to the doctor and either deciding to try the shots again, or talk seriously about the surgery option.
Ugh.
Actually Friday night I was home alone. Pretty typical for me. I really want to be dating again, I miss having someone to do things with on the weekends.
Saturday, went to my niece's First Communion, and then home to prepare Jordan for Prom! He and Stephanie looked great, as you can see.
Then on Sunday, I went to my friend Penny's 60th birthday party. It was really good to see her again. It's been almost a year since we last saw each other, she and her husband semi-retired and hit the road! They travel around in an RV and the last trip back in at Thanksgiving, I didn't get to see her. So here we are, two old friends who've been close as sisters for about 25 years now.
Neither of us have changed a bit. LOL
Other than that, I fought the nonstop, painful back all weekend. Last summer I had the epidural shots into my spine to try and alleviate some of the herniation of the disks. All was good until the shots wore off, which was right about the time I started working 60 hours a week. Sitting down in a chair all that time is not good for my back. So it's been feeling worse and worse for months, to the point that I'm waking up early in the morning unable to find a comfortable sleeping spot. I guess I'm going to have to resort to going back to the doctor and either deciding to try the shots again, or talk seriously about the surgery option.
Ugh.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Mood swings...
What's with the mood swings? I've noticed these days that my mood will change at the drop of a hat. It's been pointed out to me by my ex, even....(and God knows I've been moody with him for 3 years now!)...that one second I'll be chatty Cathy and the next I'm not speaking and clearly pouting about something.
Now, in my own defense, when it comes to him, he can breathe too loud and it pisses me off. So he's not a good example of why my mood is like a pendulum!
But with everyone else, I'm not mad at anyone...and yet everyone can piss me off in a moment's notice! It's like I have zero tolerance for anything at this point.
Elizabeth and I were talking wedding cakes earlier today and she's a bit more nonchalant about her wedding cake than I would be, or was about mine. And that's fine...it's her wedding! But I found myself getting pissed off because she wants to have plain vanilla and chocolate cake to please the majority of her guests, when I'm thinking...it's your wedding, get what YOU like and let everyone else either eat it or not!!!!!!!!!! I actually went off on a tangent about it to her, lecturing about how she needs to stop trying to please everyone and do what she wants to do, etc.
Like it's any of my business whatsoever!
Who am I to tell someone else how their wedding should be? Just because I'm self centered and selfish and want things MY way, doesn't mean everyone else thinks like me! Thank God Elizabeth has been one of my best friends for about 15 years now, otherwise she'd probably break up with me!!!!!!!
I'm guessing this is just menopausal kind of symptoms, and that I'm not just a total bitch?
Now, in my own defense, when it comes to him, he can breathe too loud and it pisses me off. So he's not a good example of why my mood is like a pendulum!
But with everyone else, I'm not mad at anyone...and yet everyone can piss me off in a moment's notice! It's like I have zero tolerance for anything at this point.
Elizabeth and I were talking wedding cakes earlier today and she's a bit more nonchalant about her wedding cake than I would be, or was about mine. And that's fine...it's her wedding! But I found myself getting pissed off because she wants to have plain vanilla and chocolate cake to please the majority of her guests, when I'm thinking...it's your wedding, get what YOU like and let everyone else either eat it or not!!!!!!!!!! I actually went off on a tangent about it to her, lecturing about how she needs to stop trying to please everyone and do what she wants to do, etc.
Like it's any of my business whatsoever!
Who am I to tell someone else how their wedding should be? Just because I'm self centered and selfish and want things MY way, doesn't mean everyone else thinks like me! Thank God Elizabeth has been one of my best friends for about 15 years now, otherwise she'd probably break up with me!!!!!!!
I'm guessing this is just menopausal kind of symptoms, and that I'm not just a total bitch?
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