The Wedding

I swear, I will get back here with pictures soon. I only have a couple right now....(thanks Danica for letting me steal them!).

So, here we go:

The Bride and me (I'm trying to forget that one of the staff asked me if I was the mother of the bride!) (In my own defense, she had not even SEEN the bride at the point, so she had no idea we are only 6 years apart in age!)



The Usual Suspects aka Elizabeth's Posse, plus two of her stepdaughters (Allyson on the left in black and white, and Alex in front in blue). Some of us were drunk in this picture. I'm not saying who. Rest assured it was neither of the teenage girls...



Danica, Julie, Jeffrey and Kathleen. Some of us were really drunk. I'm not saying who.



Kelly and her husband (go ahead, ask them about the Felter Love Mix), Judy, Kathleen and me. Some of us were....eh, you know the rest.



Back with more as I get them....

Oh, and Elizabeth just called me from Aruba. She wanted to let me know that they arrived in one piece, the place is amazing, they just left the room for the first time (LOL...due more to fatigue than anything else!) and she's all excited that she can eat whenever she is hungry!!!!!!!! (God bless those "all inclusive" resorts!)

Oh, my aching feet...and legs...and head....and back....

Well, my dear friend Elizabeth is now Mrs. Baldwin, and the happy couple are on their way to Aruba for a week of fun in the sun.

I, however, am here, and my feet hurt like a mo-fo. Seriously. I was standing yesterday from 9am to midnight. Dancing part of the time as well! Spent the first half of the day decorating, ran home and changed and went back to assume my role as wedding coordinator! It all went great, and I believe a very good time was had by all.

I will post pictures later when I get some from Jeffrey, but for now here's a picture of the wedding cake. It was all part of the beachy theme...



Now, me and my coffee are headed back to the couch. The sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard is way too loud for my head this morning, thanks to one too many shots of Tuaca last night!!!!

Ahahahhahahahahahahaha

I was just looking at my blog stats, and under the "Recent Keyword Analysis" (which basically means someone searches the Internet for certain key words that lead them to me), this is what I found:

1. Cheater Cheater
2. She needs some cockamole on her faceadilla

I love it that when anyone in the world searches those things, they come up with MY blog.

Evidently when you search "hot beautiful single woman", you don't get me, right? WTF? Who do I have to sleep with to make *that* happen?

Not much time to write today

Getting ready to start my busy day with a manicure and pedicure with The Bride (yeah, it sucks to be me!) but wanted to post something I found last night that made me laugh....

Oh, and good morning Jess! Thanks for your email!!!!!! You're my new best friend! haha (Pay attention, Readers....see what telling me you love my blog will do? Gets you a special mention! That's worth like....well nothing....but it's special to me!)

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road:

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Well...I tried.

I gave it a shot.

Just so my confused and mislead Republican friends can't say that I'm too liberal...

I turned on the TV and attempted to listen to McCain's speech.

After five felt like days minutes, I found my eyes glazing over, and my mind drifting to really interesting things, like the idea that there actually is such a thing as belly button lint.

My gosh, that man has the personality of a loaf of bread, doesn't he? I have never heard a speech given in such a monotone! The only time I saw him get excited was when he realized he was at the end of it! "Woohooo, I'm almost done boring myself!!!"

And is it just me, or does his wife look like she's 2 martinis and an Oxy away from rehab?

Yeah, I gotta post this.

I just have to.

Looks like the lipstick wearing pit bull proved herself to be just like the typical politico types she slammed!

She's a liar and exaggerator!

The Associated Press closely watched Governor Sarah Palin, the GOP's VP pick, at last night's RNC convention and has outlined the many ways she exaggerated and lied.

Right or Left, a lie is a lie. It doesn't matter where on the political spectrum you are, right?

These are not 'personal' digs, mind you.

She's lying on the 'professional' stage, y'all.

Check out Pinocchio Palin's claims and the truth:

PALIN: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending … and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress 'thanks but no thanks' for that Bridge to Nowhere."

THE FACTS: As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, that opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

PALIN: "There is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform — not even in the state senate."

THE FACTS: Compared to McCain and his two decades in the Senate, Obama does have a more meager record. But he has worked with Republicans to pass legislation that expanded efforts to intercept illegal shipments of weapons of mass destruction and to help destroy conventional weapons stockpiles. The legislation became law last year. To demean that accomplishment would be to also demean the work of Republican Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana, a respected foreign policy voice in the Senate. In Illinois, he was the leader on two big, contentious measures in Illinois: studying racial profiling by police and requiring recordings of interrogations in potential death penalty cases. He also successfully co-sponsored major ethics reform legislation.

PALIN: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes, raise payroll taxes, raise investment income taxes, raise the death tax, raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars."

THE FACTS: The Tax Policy Center, a think tank run jointly by the Brookings Institution and the Urban Institute, concluded that Obama's plan would increase after-tax income for middle-income taxpayers by about 5 percent by 2012, or nearly $2,200 annually. McCain's plan, which cuts taxes across all income levels, would raise after tax-income for middle-income taxpayers by 3 percent, the center concluded.

Obama would provide $80 billion in tax breaks, mainly for poor workers and the elderly, including tripling the Earned Income Tax Credit for minimum-wage workers and higher credits for larger families.

He also would raise income taxes, capital gains and dividend taxes on the wealthiest. He would raise payroll taxes on taxpayers with incomes above $250,000, and he would raise corporate taxes. Small businesses that make more than $250,000 a year would see taxes rise.

The AP report also showed how Palin's champions have exaggerated the Alaskan governor's 'acheivements':

MCCAIN: "She's been governor of our largest state, in charge of 20 percent of America's energy supply … She's responsible for 20 percent of the nation's energy supply. I'm entertained by the comparison and I hope we can keep making that comparison that running a political campaign is somehow comparable to being the executive of the largest state in America," he said in an interview with ABC News' Charles Gibson.

THE FACTS: McCain's phrasing exaggerates both claims. Palin is governor of a state that ranks second nationally in crude oil production, but she's no more "responsible" for that resource than President Bush was when he was governor of Texas, another oil-producing state. In fact, her primary power is the ability to tax oil, which she did in concert with the Alaska Legislature. And where Alaska is the largest state in America, McCain could as easily have called it the 47th largest state — by population.

MCCAIN: "She's the commander of the Alaska National Guard. … She has been in charge, and she has had national security as one of her primary responsibilities," he said on ABC.

THE FACTS: While governors are in charge of their state guard units, that authority ends whenever those units are called to actual military service. When guard units are deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, for example, they assume those duties under "federal status," which means they report to the Defense Department, not their governors. Alaska's national guard units have a total of about 4,200 personnel, among the smallest of state guard organizations.

FORMER ARKANSAS GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE: Palin "got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States."

THE FACTS: A whopper. Palin got 616 votes in the 1996 mayor's election, and got 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1,525. Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but he still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia where he was on the ballot during the 2008 presidential primaries.

FORMER MASSACHUSETTS GOV. MITT ROMNEY: "We need change, all right — change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington — throw out the big-government liberals, and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin."

THE FACTS: A Back-to-the-Future moment. George W. Bush, a conservative Republican, has been president for nearly eight years. And until last year, Republicans controlled Congress. Only since January 2007 have Democrats have been in charge of the House and Senate.

We say if the 'means' are shady then it must mean the 'end' is shady.

No more shade!

Bruise Watch - Day 3

Yeah, this one isn't going to be gone by Saturday. Hello, coverstick.



I'm probably going to be out of pocket for a few days. I've got a full day preparing for the wedding tomorrow, and then of course Saturday I'll be busy all day. So I may not be updating the blog until Sunday.

I know all 112 readers are sad. LOL....

I'll leave you with some sheet music to read. Look closely...

Bruise watch

Since so many of you asked...here is today's colors!



I can't get a good picture of it because my iPhone lightens it too much. It's really black and blue and deep purple but today there's some pretty yellow as well! Hopefully by Saturday it will fade enough that I can put some make up on it and it won't show in pictures taken at the wedding.

Funny, my parking lot guy didn't see me yesterday, so this morning he says "What the hell happened to your arm??? Did your ex do this? Do I have to go kick some motherfucking ass???? Because you know I will!"

No dude calm down. It's a pizza injury.

I've heard this song 4 times in three days

Why? It's a freaking song from what, the late 80's? Early 90's? What the hell is up with Sirius playing it every five minutes??

I guess maybe the Universe read my thread about September and decided to remind me that I'm in a better place now than I was 3 years ago...

For the first time, in such a long time
I've been feeling there's some reason
To hold on through the night
And for the first time
Since you broke this heart of mine
I find myself believing
It's really gonna be alright

Now you're asking me to let
You walk back into my life
Something I can't bring myself to do

'Cause it's been hard enough getting over you
You kept me holding on till the end
Oh, it's been hard enough getting over you
I don't think that I could say goodbye again

I could trust you, but it's out of my hands
I once believed your promises
Believed in every word you said
I still love you, but my heart won't take the chance
That all the pain I've left behind me
Might be waiting for me up ahead

Just remember it was you
Who walked right out of my life
No, you don't know what I've been through

'Cause it's been hard enough getting over you
You kept me holding on till the end
Oh, it's been hard enough getting over you
I don't think that I could say goodbye again

I made a promise to myself
And this one I'm not gonna break
I've made it without you
And I'm not about to
Turn around and make the same mistake

'Cause it's been hard enough getting over you
You kept me holding on till the end
Oh, it's been hard enough getting over you
I don't think that I could say goodbye
I don't think I could say goodbye
I know that I can't say goodbye again

I'd rather hear that than that fucking Rascal Flatts song. (Most of you don't know what this means, but my sisters and niece do, as they got to hear/see my wrath when it played the other day while we were in the pool.)

Clearly, I have song issues. LOL

Wake me up when September ends.

Once upon a time, 5 years ago, September was a damn good month for me. I got married then. I really liked September 20, 2003...it was a happy time.

Now...September sucks.

My father died September 18, 2004, two days before my first wedding anniversary. In retrospect it probably didn't bode well for my marriage that I celebrated that anniversary in a funeral home.

The next year, on my second anniversary, September 20, 2005, I was separated from my husband and in the worst pain of my life.

And 8 days later, on September 28th, my divorce was final.

That year, Green Day came out with "Wake Me Up When September Ends". Needless to say, I identified completely.

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends

Isn't this pretty?

I got attacked by a pizza box last night. Pizza Hut can be viscious!






We ordered pizza last night and as I was walking into the house with it, I turned a corner and hit part of the box on the wall, and jammed the sharp corner of the box straight into the inside of my upper arm. It hurt like a mo-fo and immediately started turning purple. I put some ice on it in hopes of it not getting too bad. It's black and blue, literally. And the exact length that a pizza box is high. LOL You can't tell just how ugly from the picture but trust me, it looks like the remnants of a violent crime.

Clearly fast food IS hazardous to your health.

Between that and my horrifically red sunburned face from the pool yesterday, which is ALL my sister's fault because she bullied me into staying out for two hours when I was ready to call it a day after 45 minutes....I am one attractive woman today.

I'm beating the boys off with a stick.

Ewwww....that didn't come out right.

Please join me in saying a prayer

For the people of Louisiana, as Gustav approaches today. Those people have been through too much with Katrina, and they should not have to endure another devastating hurricane.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone in the path of this storm. God bless.

Scenes from a shower.

Yesterday was Elizabeth's drunken bash with sex toys party wedding shower, and I do believe a good time was had by all.

Believe it or not, I remained sober throughout. WTF??

I was the designated Captain of the pontoon boat, seeing how I was the only one who could drive it...so I had to maintain decorum and keep my wits about me. What few I have left...

It was a lot of fun....

Here comes the bride with her first drink in hand:



Everybody needs to suck on something:



The Bachelorette Barge (yeah, we realized the flag was backwards right about the time this picture was taken):



One bride after 4 shots of tequila, with her peeps (what's with Nancy copping a feel there??)



Later in the evening, the neighbor boys came over to toast the bride with shots of Tuaca. No idea what Tuaca is, but it tasted pretty damn good!



Anyone up for a game?



I know she doesn't wear thongs normally, clearly we are going to have to explain the concept of them going *under* her shorts, not over.



Every marriage needs handcuffs and body paint. I'm just sayin.



Happy last single weekend, sweetie. This time next week, you'll be on your way to Aruba and I'll be singing "Another One Bites the Dust". Love you!

Wow, check out the email I got last night

This is a direct quote....and the funny thing is that I have no idea who sent this. They emailed me through my blog.

I have been reading your blog for awhile now, and most of the time I find you to be funny and entertaining. However, your post about John McCain and his "mistress" was completely uncalled for.

You are not a political analyst, or a politician yourself, and you have no business turning your blog into a personal platform to bash Republicans, or to make up lies about Senator McCain having affairs. Shame on you. His personal life has no reflection on his ability to lead our nation.

If you want to be an Obama supporter, do it quietly. The rest of the world could care less about your opinion.

Well...let me just respond in a very public manner.

Dear Reader: (I considered putting the actual email address here, but I wasn't sure if I could get in trouble for that or not!)

Thank you for reading, it makes me happy to know that people find me entertaining and fun. I enjoy writing it, and while I obviously do not know everyone who reads my blog, I am glad that so many do.

The key words in that previous sentence are...MY BLOG. And being my blog, I can write anything I damn well please in it. You, as my reader, have the choice to walk on by. If you see a post with a title that offends you, it is my suggestion that you simply do not read it.

Everyone who knows me in real life, knows that I am quite opinionated and I have no desire to hide it. Everyone has their personal feelings about the upcoming election, and I have chosen to share mine with my readers. You do not have to agree, you do not have to read it. But make no mistake, it is my 1st Amendment right to say it.

And I will.

So I will happily turn my blog into whatever political platform I choose. Deal with it.

And as for Senator McCain, it is well documented that he cheated on his first wife (who was paralyzed fron an accident at the time, no less) with current wife Cindy, and that he has had two affairs with staffers since he's been married to her. I'm not making this stuff up just to show him in a poor light. He has done just fine without my help in that regard. And based on his track record of having relationships with staff members, who's to say that he doesn't have his wandering eye on Mrs. Palin?

I have said before, and I will say again, if a man cannot be trusted to uphold his commitment and promises to one person, how on earth can he be trusted to do so to an entire nation???? So yes, dear Reader, his personal life DOES have bearing on his ability to lead our nation, in my opinion.

So...here's what I can tell you for sure today. As we get closer to this election, my blog will have political viewpoints on it. I welcome comments from everyone who reads it...good or bad...and I will gladly publish viewpoints other than my own. (Such as my friend Penny, who is probably reading these entries about McCain/Palin and screaming at her computer "Julie!!! Have I taught you nothing in 25 years of friendship???", because she supports the Republican platform and I clearly don't).

As for the rest of the world not caring about my opinion...clearly YOU do, or you would not have emailed me in the first place.

Sincerely,

Julie

Sarah "Palin Comparison To Hillary"

The more I thought about this last night, the more scared I got. I'm scared for the women of this country, and pray that they will follow their heads, and not vote for McCain/Palin JUST because one of the candidates has ovaries.

Especially when I read this morning that Mrs. Palin had a child in April who has Down's Syndrome and she's being hailed as brilliant and hardcore for not aborting when she knew the baby would be born with health issues.

Good God, I would not abort my child for that reason either, but that does not qualify me to be the leader of the free world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is so completely unqualified to be President....what on earth was John McCain thinking? His choice to choose someone who is so unprepared is shockingly irresponsible. To me, it calls into question his judgement, and makes his age and health even more central issues in this election!

I read a quote today that summed it up beautifully:

For months, the McCainiacs have said they will run on his judgment and experience. In his first presidential decision, John McCain has shown that he is willing to endanger his country, potentially leaving it in the hands of someone who simply has no business being a heartbeat away from the most powerful, complicated, difficult job in human history.

So I'm addressing my blog post today to all the women who read it, and I implore you to vote with your HEAD, not your uterus.

I want to see a woman President in my lifetime just like you do....but this is not the way to go about it. Sarah Palin is not Hillary Clinton. Not even close. Please, please do not confuse the two.

So McCain picked himself a new mistress... running mate

Ooops, did I say that outloud? Damn this "Infidelity Tourette's" problem I have now!!

I will give him credit....his advisors are leading him in the right direction.

Why not try to pick up the Hillary supporters who wanted a woman president, by getting a female VP and hoping to swing those votes his way? Because she will be a heartbeat away from the Presidency if he happened to get elected...and let's face it, dude isn't getting any younger!

If I was even remotely on the fence about who I would vote for, (and let's be honest, I was democratically feeling 80/20 but I was trying to keep an open mind) my decision has just been made for me. I was almost certain I could not bear another Republican in the White House and at least four more years of Bushstyle politics...now I have no doubt which way I'm leaning.

Funny, all Mr. McCain can do is harp on Mr. Obama's inexperience. Yet he selects a running mate with less than 2 years experience as a Governor, and previous experience as Mayor of a town of 9,000 people. Oh, and she's "just your average soccer mom from Alaska".

With all due respect to Mrs. Palin, as much as I'd love to see a woman President in my life time, she is not who I consider to be a good choice to lead this country. And being a heartbeat away from the Presidency, there's a damn good chance she could at some point. Frankly, I am not willing to take that chance.

Are you?

A relaxing day off....sorta.

Took today off to get some drunkfest wedding shower details taken care of. Which means I'm spending a good part of the day looking for sex toys and penis decorations. It sucks to be me. LOL

Getting my hair colored though! I'm excited. Going dark again. I've decided as much as I love being red, it doesn't really love me anymore. I was born with mousy brown hair. No highlights or tones in it, just flat brown. My oldest sister, who was a hairdresser at the time, frosted (yes, frosted! remember what that is?) my hair when I was 14. That pretty much started the coloring trend for me. At the ripe old age of 23, I met the woman who would turn out to be one of my closest friends and soulmates...Penny. She was this vivacious redhead, and I fell in love with her! Wanted to be her! She had this fabulous life, everybody loved her, and you couldn't help but be drawn to her. Thank God she has some sorta soulmatey thing with me too because we've been closerthanthis for a quarter of a century now.

So...because of her, I became a redhead as well. (Yep, I'm that co-dependent!) That was 25 years ago, and I've been some version of red ever since. It suited me. It works with my fair and freckled skin. I remember when I had Jordan, afterwards the nurse made a comment about how "natural redheads tend to bleed more after delivery" and I was like "Dude, you people were down there...you KNOW I'm not a natural redhead!" (Which explains the Ronald McDonald T-shirt that made me laugh so hard in an earlier post!)

Anyway...last winter my hairdresser steered me towards a darker color, almost coffee'ish, and I really liked it. It was that way for a couple of months and then I missed my red, so we went back towards an auburn'ish shade. But frankly, I don't feel it looks as good. I've seen pictures recently that make me go "Ugh". So I'm going dark again. Maybe put some dark red highlights in it....best of both worlds then right?

Thanks everyone for your prayers yesterday for my sister and her dog. Annabelle is in heaven now, and we are all sure she's hanging out with my Dad and my sister Linda, just having a good old time. (And if it's true that one is restored to health and vitality in heaven, then Anna is running in circles and barking alot, and has probably annoyed the crap out of Linda by now! haha)

Oh, and by the way, I thought Obama's speech was fabulous.

This will be a sad day for my sister.

My sister Patty has to put her dog Annabelle down today. Anna is 13, and she's not been in the best of health for a couple of years now (arthritis, hard for her to move, breathes like she's gasping and ready to keel over, etc.). But this week Patty found out Anna has some sort of tumor thing growing in her mouth and throat, and the vet said it was time to take her home, love on her for a few days, and let her go.

So today Patty is taking her back to the vet at 4pm to do that.

It's breaking her heart, Annabelle has pretty much been her 4th child, and she has spoiled that dog rotten. She even calls her from vacation so that Anna can hear her voice! I know how hard this will be for her, and I am asking all my blog friends to say a little prayer for my sister, and give her strength today.

Here is a picture I took of them Tuesday night, so that she'd have one more picture with Anna before she goes...



I'd like to end this with something that I think is really beautiful...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

My favorite new "T-Shirt Hell" shirts..

Some of my new favorites shirts...I never said I was politically correct so keep that in mind!!!







Especially for my good friend, Dr. S...



And for the babies....





Hmmmm...my favoritest baby, Jesse James...is having a birthday soon...coincidence? I think not!!!

Just out of curiosity....

Do .gifs work on here?


Sweet! They do!

Oh, you people are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E now.

Trying to get my act together for this weekend

So next Saturday is Elizabeth's wedding, which means this Saturday is her lingerie sex toy drunken bash girls gone wild party wedding shower, and I do NOT have my shit together.

I haven't ordered a cake yet. I was going to make something phallic and disgusting pretty, but I don't have time.

I haven't shopped for vibrators, cock rings and nipple clamps a nice gift yet.

I haven't gotten any penis shaped suckers decorations yet.

I guess it's a good thing I took Friday off to get these things done, eh? Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Of course I already have half my day booked, with getting my hair colored, my new back tire and front end alignment, and a massage!

It's just all about me, isn't it? I suck as a friend.

******************************

My dear friend, Sue, maker of my own beautiful wedding cake (THE best part of that day! haha) suggested I make this cake for the drunkfest shower:



And I laughed so damn hard I had no choice but to post it here. I simply could not let something that good pass my blog by.

OMG! It gets even better! Check out the website for the rest of this lady's cakes!!!! DISCLAIMER: Be careful opening this link at work!

You like me! You really like me!!!!

Check this out. Commence with being jealous and green with envy. I'll wait.



I have received my first Blog Award!!!! Thanks to that bat-shit-crazy Deb over at Postcards from the Edge, I am now an award winning blogga. A legend in my own mind....

So here's the deal. I get to nominate my own peeps for an award of their own. I'm gonna get so much love for this....

Danica - who is my dear friend and "accidentally single" no more.

Meaghan - who has two of the cutest little guys ever, and I've felt blessed to watch them grow.

Vinnie - new friend who already understands the wrath of Julie is dealt with love!

Trisha - if I had anything to do with her being pregnant, I can assure you, it was my pleasure!

Rita - a long time friend who's blog usually makes me hungry!

Nate - his story, his wife and beautiful baby, have reaffirmed my faith, and shown me that miracles do happen.

and last but not least...

Matt - I read his blog daily, sometimes I check it 10 times a day for updates. I've cried, laughed, and had every emotion in between, and I'm grateful every day that he shares his life with us.

Ok so here are the rules for Hearting another blogger....

1. The winner can put the logo on her/his blog.
2. Link the person you received your award from.
3. Nominate 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of those you’ve nominated

Thanks to all of you for making my work day a little shorter...I read so damn many blogs I get about half a day's work done!!!!!

Love you guys!

Funniest line on TV....

Just watched last night's episode of Weeds. Dude is trying to bang some hot Mexican chick and she wants nothing to do with him.

"I think it's time she got some cockamole all over her faceadilla".



Fucking funny shit.

******************************************************

Funniest line on TV - Part 2

"I'd like to thank...the sisterhood of the travelling pantsuits" ~ Hillary Clinton

This is my son...right?

First he shaved the beard off. Now his hair is even shorter, if that's possible.



My baby isn't a baby anymore, is he?

This should make My Peeps happy.

Will this make everyone drop it feel better now?



PS...If a car runs over him tonight, I swear I am at home in front of my computer and about to go to bed. Alone. (Which could make a girl crazy enough to run some fool's ass over but honestly, it wasn't me, Officer!)

Happy Birthday, Alison!!!

This little bit of sunshine, my great niece Ali, is 6 today. She's our little spitfire, perpetual motion bundle of joy. Here are some of my favorite recent pictures of her, from her dance recital and school:







Now, I think all the August birthdays are over...Maggie and Dad, Mom, Patty and Ali have all turned another year older....and we should be good until Taylor's birthday in October now!

Happy Birthday, Patty!

Today is my sister's 56th birthday. She's thrilled that I'm putting her age on the Internet for the world to see! Had a party for her tonight, margaritas flowed, and interesting questions were posed. I will address one of them tomorrow.

Meanwhile...my son came home from work looking like this:



Um, at least I *think* this is my child. He's had a beard for so long that I'm not sure this babyface really is him?

Evidently he decided to "trim" his beard before work today. Nothing like going all in, is there?

The Ass Bra

Seriously? There is actually a company making this??



According to their website, the purpose is:

A creative solution for those who want the illusion of slim and trim thighs, a tummy-tuck and a butt-lift without the use of padding.

Now, a few things come to mind right off the bat when looking at this...

First of all, if your ass looks this good, you don't need a bra for it. If my ass looked like this, I would not be covering it up. I'd be bare assed naked running down the frozen food aisle of Giant Eagle. Hell, mine didn't look like that back in the days when it looked good!

Second, if your ass looks anything like mine (and I hope for your sake, it doesn't), then the effect is basically going to be equivalent of seeing a huge amount of oatmeal cookie dough squeezed through a couple of straws.

Third, there is no amount of "high compression latex" that is going to smooth the tummies and thighs of us big girls in a way that doesn't look like we're enclosed in sausage casing.

Honestly...imagine how pretty this is going to look on. When you were a kid and played with water balloons, did you ever squeeze one in the middle and then you had two separate balloons of jiggly water? That's what I see going on when you wear this (except the balloons are lumpy and pasty white).

And the big old circles left on your ass cheeks when you take it off? Bulls Eyes. Lovely. Like I need to draw attention to that area of my body.

No thanks, I think I'll stick with what I have. It may not be pretty, but at least it's not getting into the room 5 minutes after the rest of me.

Working on my Blog layout

I'm working on updating/changing/decorating my blog. (Thanks, Georgie! Now I've got something to do this weekend!) (Maybe I can work on reading your sign....does it come in braille? Clearly I'm good with my hands....)

Bear with me while Blogga goes through the ugly teenager gawky-with-braces stage. By Monday, She will be fabulous.

Meanwhile I'll leave you with my favorite new sign:



Happy Friday!!!!

I have a girl crush.

I swear to you I am not a closet lesbian, but if I were a dude, I'd be all over this woman.

My current crush is Tabatha. She was on Shear Genius last season, and I love, love, love her. And now, she has her own show on Bravo...Tabatha's Salon Takeover! Woohoo! I, as usual, DVR'd it last night and then stayed up til midnight watching. LOVES IT!!!!! (as screeched in my best gay man voice)


I don't know, there's just something about a royal bitch who wears nothing but black, speaks with an Australian accent that makes even her meanest comments acceptable, bossing people around and basically just taking zero shit from anyone or anything in the world...that I find attractive!

I'm surprised she doesn't have a whip.

Actually, I really do don't want to know if she does. I might like her too much then!

Scenes from a party

Here's some pictures from Mom's birthday. She was very surprised to see us all.

The birthday girl:



Mom and Me:



My sisters Patty and Sue Ellen, me and Mom:



Sue Ellen's husband Chuck, son Jason, his wife and kids and Mom:



Brother-in-law Jan (he was married to my sister Linda when she was alive) and his new wife Jan (yes, they are The Jan's) and Mom:



Gosh, I look at these pictures and realize how frail my Mom is getting. Of course, 4 years ago after we lost Linda and Dad seven months apart, I didn't expect Mom to live this long. I thought the grief would kill her. I'm thankful every day that she's still here, and hanging in there.

I love you Mom, I hope it was a great birthday....

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!!!!

My little mama is 84 years young today. Bless her heart. Her body is frail but her mind is sharp as a tack.

We're going to surprise her with a cake and party tonight, so I'll post pictures tomorrow.

But here she was last year at the "Hawaiian Luau" at the nursing home.




And here she is last summer riding on the 4 wheeler with my sister!



I love you, Mommy! Happy, happy birthday!!!!

Something old...nothing new....

I've got nothing newsworthy to report.

Because that's how exciting my life is. It's all glamour. Commence to being jealous. I'll wait....

Don't get me wrong! I'm grateful for "no drama", I have had more than my fair share with you-know-who the past three years. It's nice that things in that particular area are calm. I think one of us is medicated. LOL

But I'd like a little excitement of some sort! Because when I get bored...I usually get in trouble. I do stupid crap like cut my hair all off, or color it some strange shade that is not found in nature, you know...that instant gratification type of things that one does for a cheap thrill.

(Which, if you've ever been to my hairdresser, you know it's not cheap!!!)

Part of my problem is that I have spent 47 years waiting for life to happen. Just kind of sitting back, with a very lazy "come what may" outlook. What I need to do is grab life by the balls and take control of the situation! Get out there and make my own fun! Make my own excitement! Find something to be passionate about, and throw myself into it!

Damn that sounds good, doesn't it?

I wonder at what point I will start taking my own advice? Maya Angelou says "When you know better, you do better". Well, I've known better for years! When does the "do better" start?

Boating at the lake

Went boating at Buckeye Lake on Saturday. The Ex finally got a new truck as I mentioned before, so we had something to haul the boat with for the first time this summer.

I really love the boat. But damn, it makes me hurt! We were out for about 4 hours, and my body felt every second of it the next day, from the boat bouncing off the water and across waves...and me bouncing right along with it! It's not really a good thing for a person with 3 herniated disks to do, but screw it. It's one of the few pleasures I have these days!

Here are a couple of pictures....

This is the view from about halfway back in the boat:



This is the Yacht Club where Elizabeth is getting married in less than 3 weeks!





And this is just a fun house I like, on it's own little island in the lake:




That's it, your tour is over. Thanks for cruising with us and watch your step as you depart!

Could I be any more of a dork??

Who sits around crying over their kids baby pictures on a sunny and beautiful Sunday afternoon???

Hi, I'm Julie, and I'm a loser. LOL

Seriously! I went on a cleaning rampage earlier today (yes, me! I know, I'm shocked too!) and found a box of pictures in my bedroom closet and started looking through them.

Big mistake.

Next thing you know, I'm sitting on the bed, tearing up at Jordan's baby pictures! Jordan at King's Island, Jordan at Christmas, Jordan's first birthday, Jordan's first day of school, Jordan at the Power Rangers show, Jordan in the swimming pool, Jordan _________ (fill in the blank with one of the thousands of things parents take pictures of to cry over later).

I looked at those pictures and I can't believe my baby...that little blonde haired ball of fire...is going to be 18 in 4 months, and is going to graduate from high school a month later.

Where did the time go?

More on the condo....

I just went over to put a For Sale sign in the yard, and a lockbox/key on the door, and went inside to look around. It looks really good, and I'm really happy about that! After my last tenant trashed the place and abandoned it, I went $15,000 in debt in repairs and paying the mortgage myself for a year while I tried to sell it, so I am VERY HAPPY (Thank You!) that I will have little to do other than probably clean the carpets.

As I mentioned yesterday, I do have a showing at 4pm today, so everybody put your collective good thoughts together that I get an offer on it!!!!!

Thank you.

Thank You for just letting my A/C issue be a bad capacitator, and only costing me $185. I really appreciate it.

And thank You for getting me a showing on the condo tomorrow. I really appreciate that as well.

And thank You for letting my renter be interested in Elizabeth's condo. If I can work that deal, it would be a huge help if I have to support a second mortgage for awhile (which, I won't...because I have faith that my showing tomorrow is going to go great and I will sell the condo!)

Now...if You would please not let Jordan's car have that "won't start" issue anymore, at least until he can afford a new one, I'd really, really, really appreciate that.

Thank You.

Really, God?

Really?

I go home last night to find it 86 degrees in my house, and my A/C blowing hot air out of the vents.

Really?

I don't have enough to worry about with my condo and potentially having to pay that mortgage, so You think I should deal with this too?

Really?

Ok. You're the boss. Everyone keeps telling me You have a plan. You know what You are doing. You take care of us all.

Really, God?

I sure hope so.

I need suggestions....

My best bud Elizabeth (see picture at side entitled "The Future Mr & Mrs Baldwin") is getting married September 6th, so we're in the downhill swing of planning things.

We're having a "Stock The Closet" (with lingerie and sex toys!) shower for her in two weeks, which is really just an excuse to get the girls together out at Kathleen's Buckeye Lake house, drink alot, laugh, and ride wave runners!

I need some good ideas for A) a theme for the shower, or B) something good to get her besides the usual crotchless undies and flavored nipple creams.

Any ideas?

Mom's new digs.

As you know, my Mom has been in a nursing home for about three years now, full time. She lived there in assisted living while my Dad was in the Alzheimer's unit, and after he died she came back out and lived with me until my divorce, and then went back.

So the place she was at, Yorkland, sucked. It really did. I would walk in Mom's room and my flip flops would stick to the floor. They wouldn't change her pants (she wears Depends things) for days, and she would smell. (I know that's awful to say, but it's the truth) We'd have to make her change them when we'd go over. The care had steadily gone downhill for several years now, but Mom didn't want to leave because she knew everybody there. Every patient, every employee. I can understand that she had a comfort level there...it was her "home". But recently, her roommate died, and I truly believe my mother watched the "slow response" Maxine got while having a massive heart attack, after my mother had turned the nursing light on to alert the staff. A few weeks later, her new roommate had to go to the bathroom in the evening, and it took 2 1/2 hours...yes, 2 1/2 hours...for someone to respond to the light. I believe that's when my mother realized that she would die in that place and those people would just let her.

We moved her out to Pataskala, which is a five minute drive for both of my other sisters. The new place is wonderful. It's clean, it smells good, the nursing staff all have longevity there, the aides are people who enjoy working with the elderly and are not just there to collect a paycheck. You don't see lazy ass employees standing around passing time talking while people's lights are on. My mom is getting HOT food, HOT coffee, and gets served breakfast in bed whatever time she feels like getting up and eating! They help her to the bathroom, clean her up every single time, and change her pants if they need to be. She eats her meals at a table with three other women, all who have the same sharp mind my Mom does, even though one of the ladies is 95! Mom's starting to participate in activities (she went to Bingo yesterday) and she really seems to be quickly recognizing the vast difference in care that she's getting.

We are three days in, and she only has one complaint. She thinks the sugar is not as sweet here as it was at the other place. LOL

That's my mom!

I'm so thankful she wanted to move. As a child, you feel such a measure of guilt associated with having a parent in this situation. You feel as though you should be able to take care of her. But my sisters and I can't do it. We could...and did...at one point. Mom has lived with all of us at some time during the past 7 years. But she now needs full time care, and we can't provide that when we work all day. So in lieu of being able to do it yourself, you want your parent to be in a place that they are well taken care of.

Finally, I think we've found it.