Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Husband Store - Anyone got a coupon?

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose her life partner. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store...

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer...

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Gee, no wonder my marriage only lasted 2 years. I got off on the first floor.

24 comments:

Unknown said...

live and learn!
Happy Tuesday!
~AM

Unknown said...

ROFLMAO! Totally cool post! Maybe we women should not demand perfection!

Anonymous said...

HA! Same with my first two marriages.

Stephanie said...

Ha HA Ha. I think we all hold out for the perfect man. He only exists in the movies!

Debz said...

And I should have kept going to the 6th. And then possibly jumped. Just a thought.

Tuesday Taylor said...

Obv written by a man!

Strongblkwmn said...

Great post!

~Thought's By Dena~/ JDs Gift Shack said...

and THAT my dear is why after two BAD marriages Im staying the hell away from stores like that!!!! hehehe

Leesa said...

I like this story.

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha to damn funny!

Dr. Penny said...

I got off at the 5th floor -- after the other 2 marriages, I knew it didn't get any better than that!!!!

chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com said...

Obviously I got off on the wrong floor with my first marriage!

That was cute.

travel girl said...

Funny!

travel girl said...

BTW, I got off on th efirst floor too.

I just wanted to make that clear;)

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

That is funny! Apparently I needed to go up a few more floors LOL

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

Loved it! My first time...I got off on the second floor. I should have chanced the elevator ride up a little higher. I have always been a settler....it got me in trouble the first time. I chanced it again....love this one...but won't go up the elevator again. Some of us just do really well single. I am one of those.

Keeper Of All Things said...

LOL..........
I got off on the first floor once...

Anonymous said...

First off, men are soooo overrated don't ya think? Don't get me wrong I love my Lt B to pieces but man, they all drive us crazy. ,Secondly add nascar to the women floor and the men would never move rofl!
BTW we women are perfect, men just haven't admitted it yet

jaded said...

yes, i have certainly been guilty of looking up when the perfect man for me has been right in front of me...hmmmf

Brenda Pruitt said...

I've decided that, after having been married three times and still being married to the third one, that I need to "love the one you're with." Why? Because, after having married three husbands, they're often, in retrospect, hard to tell apart. And I'm afraid if I go to the next floor, I will regret it. As my friend says, they've all got issues and things wrong. Keep going and it may get even worse.
Brenda

Megryansmom said...

Right now I'd settle for Floor 1 if that job had benefits.

Sandi said...

Where on earth do you find this shit? You crack me up constantly. I love your blog!

Bagman and Butler said...

You will find Bagman in the basement, of course.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

Hard to tell which floor I got off the first time...or was it that the elevator was broken?? Great blog..just found it!