I'll get to the handcuffs issue here in a minute...
A year ago I began writing a blog. No idea why! Just sat down and started typing. Here's what I wrote on Day One...
Why is it that I feel 37 mentally and 57 physically? Gee, maybe because I'm overweight, out of shape, still smoking on occasion, and refusing to set foot anywhere near a gym? Let's face it, if I'm going to be sweating and breathing hard, there better be nudity involved. I'm just sayin.
So I decided to start blogging. Jump on the wagon, so to speak. (Hey, that would qualify as exercise, right?) I was told today that I should start recording everything I eat..."if you bite it, write it". That way you are more cognizant of your food behaviors.
Food behaviors? I eat anything that doesn't move. How's that for a food behavior?
OK so back to the purpose of this blog. I just turned 47 a few weeks ago. Clearly, I'm not getting any younger. So if I plan on taking one last run at being "all that" (ok so I've never actually been "all that", but I'd like to, at least once before I die, hear someone say "You're too skinny!" without any sort of medical intervention being involved!)...anyway, I need to get that last run started.
The thing is, I *know* better. My best friend is a naturopathic doctor, for heaven's sake! She has tried for years to get me on the right track (not to mention, to save my life) and I've fought her every step of the way. Whining at the top of my lungs..."It's too "hard" to eat healthy and organic and natural. I don't "like" to exercise. Yes, I "know" I have no business eating meat or any other animal products with my history of colitis, and family history of colon cancer." I can lecture other people until the cows come home about the bad effects of dairy on your body! (pun intended) So it's not like I'm stupid, or clueless, and have gotten to this point in life by accident. My body is what it is because of my own negligence. Period. I got nobody to blame but me.
So I figured accountability is a good place to start. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, so I'm not sure who I'm being accountable to or what I'm really even accounting for. Am I going to post what I eat every day? Maybe. That should be good for a laugh. Am I going to post how lazy I am and how much time I log being hortizontal rather than vertical? Possibly.
I'm just starting slowly at the exercise thing. If I type enough, I should have really skinny fingers, right?
So, check it out. Nothing here has changed in the past year! Clearly I suck at the accountability thing.
But what I've gained this last 365 days is a newfound love for writing, a way to entertain myself while indulging in my favorite past time, (which is talking about myself, evidently!) and most importantly, I've made lifelong friendships.
Those are things I had no idea I would get when I set out on this journey.
So I thank all of you who have brought your stories into my life, and allowed me to share mine with you. Your kindnesses have been as important as your kicks in my ass when I needed them. Your high fives and words of encouragement have brought me to laughter and tears.
Some of you have sent alcohol. That too has been very much appreciated. LOL
I hope each of you reading this right now has at some point, taken something away from this blog that affects you as well. If I have ever helped anyone through experiences or stories from my own life, then I consider my blog a success. You have no idea how many of you have changed my life with yours.
Thank you for coming along on this ride with me. I'll try not to drive us off into the ditch, I promise!!
NOW...on to the handcuffs.
I need a pair. You know, the real thing. A good pair of steel handcuffs, or whatever cops use. Preferably not brand new, more a pair that's been used a few times.
I'll give 'em back, I swear. I just need to borrow them for three weeks.
I work for an interior designer, and we do something called Decorator's Showhouse every other year, it's a fundraising type event here. This year, our room is The Vault...it's a wine cellar in the basement. And my boss always puts something unexpected in his rooms.
This year he wants handcuffs.
And I *know* one of you kinkmeisters out there has a pair you'll loan me. I'll pay for postage if you have to ship them to me but I need them by April 17th.
C'mon...confess. Who's got 'em, and who's gonna let me borrow them? (Fine, email me in private if you're too embarrassed to admit it publicly!)
Anyway...thanks for the 100+ comments you guys are leaving me today. I have total confidence in my readers!!!!