(512): They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
(541): I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
(248): so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
(262): I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
(715): Worst stoner tragedy.
(347): Leave Me Alone
(573): At least least me cry on your voice mail
(541): I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
(210): I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling..
(864): u downloaded tardy 4 the party
(864): then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
(859): Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
(828): As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
(608): imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
(949): Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
(315): I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
(508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
(937): We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
(623): listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
(202): Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
(865): is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
(864): After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
(859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
(515): I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
(504): I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
(914): Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
9 comments:
Just shows there are some very interesting people out there.
My favorite is the one asking if it's mean to send the condoms back. My answer? a resounding YES!! It's mean but send them anyway!
Joanie M, I would send the cundoms back...used.
These are hilarious.
It's nice to know that thousands of stoners are out there playing Farmville.
The Jesus license plate made me snort coffee everywhere.
Thanks!
where the heck do you get those?? they are funny as hell
Thank you... they made me laugh out loud too and I needed that today!
I loved the tuxedo shirt under overalls. I could just picture that one.
Ahhh Thanks. I needed that:)
shows there are some very interesting people out there.
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