A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer....that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...No Pain!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Important Disclaimer from Julie....Just FYI, this is NOT to be confused with medical advice from Dr. Penny!!!!!! Rather, it's my conversation with Dr. Feelgood. LOL
17 comments:
Julie, simply hilarious. Hahaha, and it tells me I shouldnt try to improve me English language skills. Thanks for making my day.
This is too funny! I look forward to reading Dr. Penny's comment on this post ;)
Happy thursday!
~AM
Damn good thing I failed English class in high school.
I should live to be 100.
If only that were true! HA
Que? No hablo Englese.
Where is this doctor? I wanna go to him.
LOL Can I get a referral to this Doc?
Peed my pants reading this.
Brilliant funny stuff.
This is hilarious. It is so funny partly because there is a grain of truth in it.
And I just started my career as an English teacher.
I should re-think this, shouldn't I? I wonder if there are openings for Shop classes instead?
This is advice I can follow to a T.
A cocoa bean is a vegetable!?!?! OMG I'm so glad I read your post today. Life is GOOD! Woo-hoo. Thank you!
I'll toast to this!
The entire time I was reading this, I was thinking. Julie's BFF is a Dr. This is great STUFF! I love Julie's friend.
Way to ruin it for me at the end.
This is advice well given. I think I may learn to speak a few other languages before long, just in case.
LOVE this post!!!! This advice is priceless. My husband's a doc - I'll give him the good news. It must be the stress-free life we live here in the states that keeps, I mean kills us young.
wow i just LOVED THIS! especially this one:
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
and as for the conclusion - thank goodness i speak a lot of Spanish at work!
Tweet: Dr. Feelgood says "do what the hell you want": link
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