It's not often that I'm speechless, or have nothing to voice my opinion on, so this might be a banner day for me!
But I've got nothing to say.
I started writing this blog as therapy after my divorce, and used it as an outlet to vent my frustrations and channel some energy in a more productive way than sitting around smoking and drinking and whining.
Now, 14 months later, life has improved dramatically. I don't spend time with my ex like I used to, therefore the roller coaster has become a merry go round...everything just goes along calmly, steadily. I expended so much energy on him all the time that now I am trying to figure out what excites ME. What I feel passionate about. What are the things I want to do with my life now?
Frankly, I'm a little bored!
I've got my eating under control and am no longer using food for comfort. I'm losing weight and feeling good, so I can't complain.
I still haven't learned to like exercise, let alone LOVE it. It's a struggle all the time for me to go to the gym. It's definitely not something I am passionate about doing.
I've pierced my nose, gotten a new tattoo, and grown some fierce tomato plants. I've been to Vegas, I've thrown a graduation party, I've planted a lot of flowers and I've maintained my clean house.
And yet...still bored.
However, I think I tend to relate that to being lonely.
I don't mind being alone. My son rarely spends a night at home anymore and I've learned to sleep ok at night with him gone. I feel like I live alone and he just drops by on occasion when he's not at work. I'm okay with being on my own, and having the freedom to watch what I want to on TV, to eat cereal for dinner, and come and go as I please without having to be a full time parent.
But I am so lonely it's palpable.
I miss dating. I miss intimacy. I miss flirting. I miss hand holding, and making out like teenagers. I miss sweet text messages and phone calls and surprise flowers. I miss...well, you know what I miss the most. *That* goes without saying!
The bottom line is, I miss being in love.
And unfortunately, that's what I am passionate about.
As we all know, I haven't had very good luck meeting guys on the Internet. (However I am great at meetng women on here!!!) My friends are all married, their friends are all married, and I don't do the bar scene.
(You know, for someone with writer's block, this is turning into an awfully long post!)
For the record, I really am happier than I've been in a long time. I finally feel good about myself again, and am happy with where I am in life.
I just want to share that with someone.
I'm ready. I really, really am.
So collectively I want you all to send a few prayers out in to the Universe for me, that I find Mr. Right. I know he's out there and he's making his way to me.
Could you just pray that he drives a fast car so he gets here soon?
19 comments:
Julie...things always happen as they are meant to be. I know you know this in your head, it's the heart which needs convincing.
It sounds to me, as though you are doing a good job of getting to know yourself, as yourself...not as a partner in a relationship. In the long-run, you will have so much more to offer "Mr. Right" when he finally is fortunate enough to happen upon you. Who knows, you may know him right now...he may be disguised as a good friend.
Let it play out. Keep taking care of building Julie into the best that Julie can be. Not for someone else, but for yourself...you have learned that you are worth only the best of everything!
Make it a good day!
~AM
Big hugs and prayers from Atlanta. Love can happen and will for you again.
One day at a time. Good things come to those who wait!
I'll send my prayers... just send some my way, as well, for the same!! And, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - so "that guy" will come along just at the time that he's supposed to come, so you can't always rely on that fast car. :)
I guarantee you he is on his way. But, you know, the minute I stopped looking and just started living, he walked right in my front door. Literally. Easier said than done, I know.
Prayers for you and prayers for me. Delete the weight loss and food issues part and I could have written this post...except I've been single for six years. Six. Years.
I long for sweet, quiet domestic bliss. I am slowly coming to accept that God's time is soooo different from my time and if I wait for Him, it will be everything I want and more. But patience is HARD.
Love will come to us - we just have to live our lives the best we can until it does.
Best writers block post ever. Hoped typing it out helped.
Sending out that prayer to the Universe for you:)
Honey, I haven't even gone on a date in the last 8 years! 8 years and nothing! I have been so messed up in the past that I couldn't even think about someone else. I decided a long time ago that I would never be with another man. Lonely? Yes. Resigned? You bet.
Then...3 weeks ago, I met a guy and we're getting to know each other and liking what we're finding out.
Yep... Just when I'm about to move 4 hours away. So, NOW we'll see what is going to happen! :-)
You have come so far just in the short time that I've been reading here. I am proud of you! I hope you find what you're looking for soon, but it really does happen when you least expect it. You keep concentrating on YOU! You are the most important person you have around you right now...
Julie...I love how you write. You make me feel everything YOU are feeling. I'm pretty sure I would love to read a book that you might write in the future. A book about...Julie and your life! It would be real easy to do on a computer...think about it. You do have the talent, you know.
I can see that you ARE happy with yourself now and that, in itself, leaves the door wide open for someone to share your life with to walk right in. He will...I know he will. Just keep up the good work of loving yourself and IT WILL HAPPEN.
love, bj
I know I would never marry again if Bill and I ever divorced or if he passed...I just wouldn't do it again...
My Mama is on her 3rd marriage... she has really bad radar...
I am so proud of you for being single and finding yourself before jumping into another relationship... my Mama went from marriage to marriage days after each divorce.... NOT a good idea.
What you are doing is HEALTHY and NEEDED... Good for you!
Your next choice won't be a rash one, because you took your time!
I have noticed a huge change in you over the last few months. And I am so proud of you!!! You have made tremendous changes in your life. You have become someone I love and trust and admire. You are beautiful, inside and out.
But I do understand what you mean about finding love again. Now that you love yourself again, it's about time to share your happiness with someone special. You know I got my eyes out for ya.
Praying real real hard for you!
You have a lot to offer to a man. You are smart, funny, generous and pretty. Sooner or later a special person will take notice. In the meantime, you are doing fabulously on your own.
(((((hugs)))) being lonely is hard. I am loved and in love but my man is half the world away. So being lonely is one thing but missing someone too makes it even harder. So I send you hugs that when you do find your "Mr. Right" he isn't too terribly far away. xoxo Just keep takin' care of yourself like you have been :-) Your love will show up when you least expect it <3
Oh Julie,Been there done that. I have been alone for 8 years,I'm now at peace with my freedom. Life is sometimes hard alone but my life was harder before,I will spend the rest of my life(I hope)calling my own shots. I wasn't the best judge of men(loved those bad boys)so I find other things to interest me.....like my job and blogging for instants. I'm not looking for love anymore but you are and I truly believe we always find what we are looking for,so keep believing,cause it's just around the corner.Prayers are sent out.
I am in exactly the same place you are. I'm ready. Really ready. (Right after my rhizotomy and a bladder sling that is.) I don't mind being by myself either; I just think it's time and I'm emotionally ready to share my life with somebody special -- hopefully till I take my last breath via a well-thought cuss word. Yup, I'm ready.
You sound like I did for a lot of years. Trying to tell myself that I had so much to be thankful for; telling myself that I was content when I was absolutely eaten up with loneliness. It eats from the inside out til you can feel yourself vaporizing. You've gotten the piercings. You've gotten the tattoos. You've lost weight and are exercising, and yet, the emptiness is mind boggling.
I think that, maybe, you're forcing yourself to find the answer with a lot of "activity". People with the "answers" would say to find God, go to church, do volunteer work, etc. But it's like putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound.
If you think a MAN can heal you, you'll just end up with another problem until it's the RIGHT man. And honey, it's not a MAN so much as companionship and shared interests and right now, I bet you don't even HAVE anything that interests you.
Loneliness can be a BIG drain in a little bathtub. Hard to fill.
Julie, tons of hugs across the pond. I am sure you are doing fab by yourself but I can imagine only to well that there is something missing.
P.S. I will be glad when I manage that muhc within two years time after separation. Still sometimes feel numb, however today a year ago he came to Munich to propose and I do feel miserable tonight. Shows even more how much progress you have made.
I keep you in my thoughts
Looks like you're ready but he is not. I have seen that so often in that one person finally gets everything together, but the person that they are destined for is not ready yet. I'm sure he is out there, you just need to trust yourself and be able to be open to them coming into your life. Have patience and still work to improve yourself. Don't let loneliness defeat you, but rather motivate you.
Good luck in all your endeavors,
I can guarantee things will be changing for you soon, dear friend! You're doing everything right; the universe is aligning everything you need at this very moment. I was a click away from taking a giant step backwards in life by booking a flight to New Zealand to be with my ex, and when I decided not to... voila! The universe presented me with the man of my dreams. Keep moving forward--it will happen soon!
I love you and your full frontal honesty, and can't wait for your next trip to Vegas. XOXO
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