It's time for more....

Texts from Last Night!!!! Enjoy!!

(937): i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus

(360): Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.

(586): yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

(305): gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
(970): did you ask her what wine to pair it with?

(909): so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes

(334): I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out

(216): I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

(954): a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube

(709): so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?

(510): Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.

(812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

(915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
(1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

(763): I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
(612): I want my thong back.
(763): I hate you tequila.

(717): I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"

(248): Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?

(204): My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash

(706): I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.

(678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
(404): You mean bread?