Sunday Rewind - My Un-niversary

It's my blogging day off, so here's my post from this same date a year ago. It's been six years now since that fateful wedding day....not five. But this morning, I didn't cry. I really don't feel much about it at all...it's *almost* just another day. I'm in a much better place this year than I was last year. I guess blogging really has been good therapy! That, and time really does help heal our emotional wounds. So for my buddies Jill and Caroline who are going through their own private hells right now....hang in there, babes. It will get better. I promise.


Saturday, September 20, 2008

Happy Un-niversary to me.

So, five years ago today, at 11:30am on a sunny, beautiful September morning much like today, I walked down the aisle into what I thought was forever. Turns out, forever lasted 2 years and 8 days.

I have not been looking forward to this day. It's the first time that it's fallen on a Saturday since we got married. Most years since our divorce, I can go to work and keep myself busy and not think about it.

Today, I woke up at 6am, after having a dream that my ex was back with the woman he let break up our marriage. Funny, five years ago when I woke up alone on this Saturday morning, I was filled with so much hope and anticipation and excitement, and today I woke up by myself, sad and angry and lonely.

As I sat down to write this, the emotion overtook me, and I found myself with my hands covering my face, sobbing in that way that demonstrates grief at it's quietest and loudest. I lost so much when my marriage ended. I lost not only the material things like my house and my car, I lost my job, I lost my financial security, I lost the dreams I had for my future, I lost the life we'd planned out, and most importantly, I lost my faith in love, in marriage, and in commitment. So yes, I am still grieving. It's been three years since our divorce, and it hurts just as much today as it did the day I found out about my husband's affair. The day my forever fell apart.

I had so many things I wanted to write today, I knew if I sat down here at the computer and started typing, this would turn into a rambling post that would probably bore the shit out of most of you. But hey, it's my therapy, dammit.

But ironically, just now, an email popped up in the corner of my computer screen from The Secret. And I have decided that maybe it was sent to me this morning for a reason.

What is the answer to every difficult circumstance in life?

Take the positive path.

Choosing the positive path can be easy at some times in our life and more difficult at other times. When everything is going along well, when we are on a roll, choosing the positive path just flows through us as an easy, natural choice. When something negative comes along it can be far more challenging for us to choose the positive path. But choose it we must! No matter how challenging the negativity may be, there is simply no other way to bring our lives back into positivity.

If negative situations appear, you must use your will and refuse to lower yourself to negative thoughts, words, actions, and emotions. Use your will and decide that not only will you focus on the positive, but you will ramp up the positive in every thought, word, and action of your day.

It takes determination, strength, faith, and the power of your will to focus on the positive when intense negativity descends, but remember that the Universe and the law of attraction are with you. As you focus on the positive, focus more on the positive, think of the positive, speak of the positive, and take positive and good actions, the law of attraction will give your life wings. Suddenly you will look around you and you will find that the negativity has gone, and that your life has been filled with goodness and joy.

So, in light of this, I've decided to start this post over today....and here goes.

Hi everyone, I got married 5 years ago today. It was a really nice day.