Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
and last but not least...
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
7 comments:
I have a light in my freezer. Just sayin...
Hahahaha!! testicles! Hahahaha!!!
LMAO @ the profession of politics!!
These are funny!! We're having a "deep" morning aren't we??
julie...by far my fave: Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Good morning!
~AirmanMom returning to her blog...
Seen most of them before but the new ones were great. Hump day is always a good day for a laugh.
Cute list....
And for the record, Baa-Baa Blacksheep has the same tune as the Alphabet & Twinkle Twinkle
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
-one has to question that with just about ALL of our food and beverage sources :) I mean...did they look at a cow and think "hmmm, if I put that through some sort of grinder, after taking out the bones, then squish it into a round "patty" and then put it on the fire and then bake some round bread and then put it on there with a condiment made from tomatoes, that'd be SWEET!"?
Life is sexually transmitted.
This is why I have a job;)
I must have a dog with a problem ....she likes me to blow in her face....go figure.
Love this post. Very cute.
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