Sunday Rewind - Bachelor #10

It's hard to believe it's been a year since I was doing my Bachelor series on my adventures in internet dating. This guy was so dysfunctional that he deserves a Rewind all his own. Happy Sunday!

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Friday, November 21, 2008

Bachelor #10 - Shoot me now.

Well, you asked for it...a Bachelor update. So here is it. Don your crash helmets.

I proudly present Bachelor #10.

Here's his profile:

MY HEADLINER IS A TITLE TO A SONG, IT IS ALSO PART OF THE ONLY LYRICS IN THE SONG, IF YOU ARE ABLE TO FINISH IT YOU SHOULD KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN, WHERE I AM, AND WHERE I'M GOING. AND IF NOT TRY GETTING A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE EDGE,AND MAYBE U WILL SLIP AND FALL INTO GRAND CHESTER MEADOWS, WHERE WE CAN SIT WITH SEVERAL SPIECES OF SMALL FURY ANIMALS AND GROOVE ON A PICT,AND AFTER WE CAN GAZE INTO ASTROMONY DOMAIN AND TRY AND SEE THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON SO WE CAN'T BREATH AND TIME IS OF NO IMPORTANCE, AND A TRIP DOWN TO ST. TROPAZ IS JUST WHAT FLOYD ORDERED. IT WOULD BE A SLEEPY TIME IN OUR LIVES AND WE COULD LISTEN TO SHAMUS SING A FEW NOTES AND THEN JUST SIT BACK AND GROOVE ON ECHOES. WOW IF U CAN GET THIS MAYBE YOU WILL WANT TO FIND OUT WHATS BEHIND THESE BLUE EYES, BUT U WILL STILL HAVE TO CLAW YOUR WAY THROUGH THE DISGUISE. IF U READ THROUGH ALL THIS WELCOME TO THE MACHINE,AND MY OPEN ARMS. THANK YOU IF U DON'T GET ANY OF THIS AT ALL I MAY NOT BE FOR U, IF U GET SOME WE CAN AT LEAST TALK, IF YOU GET MOST OR ALL WE MUST HAVE A DATE.


I don't really understand this because his headline is "One Of These Days". No clue what song that is...nor do I plan on investigating it!

The best part (or worst!) is his response to what his ideal first date is.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Ready?

HAVE DINNER AND JUST TALK, AND THEN GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND BALL{JUST JOKING BUT IF U REMEMBER WHAT THAT MENT THEN}OUR TALK WILL BE VERY MEMERABLE


Ugh. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Even funnier, under "Do You Drink?" where your options are no, socially, or often (more than 3x a week), he marked Often! Ya think???? I'm pretty sure he had a few under his belt when he wrote this profile!

So of course I have a few comments and questions:

WHERE WE CAN SIT WITH SEVERAL SPIECES OF SMALL FURY ANIMALS - OK wait, is this supposed to be "pieces of small furry animals" (ewwww!!!) or "species" or does he really mean fury as in the poor little things are pissed off to be there? I'm confused.

GROOVE ON A PICT,AND AFTER WE CAN GAZE INTO ASTROMONY DOMAIN - how does one groove on a pict...what exactly IS a pict? And astromony? Is he dyslexic?

SO WE CAN'T BREATH AND TIME IS OF NO IMPORTANCE - I really hate to point out the obvious, but if I can't breathe (not breath!) time is very important!

ST. TROPAZ - Is that a goldish brown island? Oh wait, that's Topaz, not Tropaz. I assume he means St. Tropez? Wanna take bets he pronounces it "Saint Tropezzzzz"?

WE COULD LISTEN TO SHAMUS SING A FEW NOTES - Is Shamus a person? Or are we listening to Free Willy serenade us from the ocean?

FIND OUT WHATS BEHIND THESE BLUE EYES - I'm betting they are a nice shade of bloodshot red. Seriously, dude. Drop the bong before you start posting profiles.

THANK YOU IF U DON'T GET ANY OF THIS AT ALL I MAY NOT BE FOR U Have I mentioned how much it annoys me that someone not only types in all caps but is too lazy to type "you" instead of U? I am not a University.

THEN GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND BALL - I have no words for this. Honestly. Who puts this in a profile where they are really trying to meet nice women? Not that so much of his profile isn't already wrong on SOOOO many levels, but this is just the kicker.

OK single ladies out there...I'm gonna pass on this one so he's up for grabs! Who wants him?????