Everyone's a comedian

Today's laugh is brought to you by my buddy Won. She graciously offered to take over my blog for the day while I was gone, so please make sure you check hers out as well and leave her some love.

Top 4 Crazy/Funny/Insane Stories of My Life (so far) that always make me chuckle:

- I was 16 and in Atlantic City with a couple friends. I don’t recall what we did that had the cops chasing us (my lack of coherent memory makes me believe it had to be a drug related offense, but who knows?!). I remember the driver trying to out-drive the police officer. Pedal-to-the-medal, just like you see in the movies kind of thing! And just like you see in the movies, when my friend pushed that brake pedal down as hard as he could for the last time in that horrible fleeing attempt, the car came to rest right at the edge of the road, where it meets the wall below it just before the steep descent into the Atlantic Ocean. I’ll never forget seeing how I was inches away from a swift death. We got out and outran the cops. Seriously.

-When my daughter was 7 and my son was 3, she learned that when you are young, your bones haven’t yet fused together. In essence, youngsters thus have more bones than adults. They were in the back seat of the car when I heard her say to him “Noah, did you know you have more bones in your body than Mommy and I do?” With an exasperated tone of “what is the matter with you?” I heard him respond: “Of course!!! That is because I have a penis!!!!”

-When my daughter was a newborn, there was a company meeting that my boss asked me to attend even though I was on maternity leave. She said I could bring my daughter. In the meeting, I pulled out the old kind of Playtex bottle with the drop in liner and began to push up on the liner to remove the air from the bottle. I was not paying attention when the milk began to shoot out. Splat… right in the President of the companies face! Bad enough, right? Nah.

Someone asked “Hey, was that formula or breast milk?”

Yep, my breast milk in the big boss’ face!
　
-And lastly, a Vegas story but not really. We were on our way to Vegas for business when the airport got shut down due to bad weather. We went to a colleague’s house, spent the night and returned in the morning. People looked so pissed, having slept on the dirty floors of Detroit Metro Airport overnight. We were in line for the ticket agent. The man in front of us in line was really giving it to the poor ticket agent. The customer was so loud and irate and I felt badly for the agent. She had to put up with so much abuse that day from tired, angry travelers. My colleague, standing behind the irate man so that he was unaware of what she was doing, decided to make funny faces at the ticket agent! I do not know how the agent managed to not react. I only know that she is likely alive today only as a result of her being able to not react!

Oh…and Julie….no worries about the flight or the plane’s safety darling. Just remember one thing: that is that each and every part on the plane was manufactured by the lowest bidder.

Gee, thanks for reminding me of that, pal.