Welcome to the neighborhood.

My guest blogger today is none other than my buddy Jen Suarez. She's funny as hell and I read her blog every day, so be sure to leave her lots of comments here, and do yourself a favor and start following her blog. You'll thank me later.

Oh hey there readers of Julie's blog! How the heck are ya? Julie is off vacationing in Vegas so she needed a few people to fill in for her while she's gone. Just so you all know, when I say "vacationing" what I really mean is getting piss drunk, passing out, and ending up married, with a tattoo that says "BUBBA" on her ass.

Sure, go ahead and laugh, but when she forces us all to look at pictures of her new ass tattoo, you won't be laughing anymore! Actually that's a total lie, cuz if that really happens I'll be laughing so hard milk will shoot out my tits. I mean nose.

So you are probably wondering "who the heck is this guest blogger?" Well my name's Jen and I blog daily over at www.JenniferSuarez.com I'm five foot five, I have brown eyes and brown hair. I enjoy quiet walks on the beach, a glass (or five) of wine, and I also... Oh WAIT, this is 47AndStartingOver not Match.com... and besides I'm married so WTF?!

Well none of that really matters because I'm here to keep you all entertained while Julie is gone. So in the spirit of that I'm going to tell you all a little story. Grab your glass of wine and your bottle of vicodin, cuz this one is a doozy.

My husband and I were very excited. We had just purchased our first home together. We were so happy to have our own place. My parents had offered to take our daughter for the evening so we could finish unpacking and settling in.

As you can imagine, having our own place, and a child free night, we decided we needed a little "Mommy Daddy Time". For those of you a little slow on the uptake, I'm talking about sex. Wild, crazy, the kids are gone and we no longer have neighbors living below us, kind of sex.

Let me tell you, it was fantastic. By the time we were done we had busted a support beam on our bed and our newly painted bedroom wall had a big chunk out of it. Before your imaginations go too crazy, I'd like to explain that I did NOT bite a hole into the wall, nor did my husband impale it with his manhood. What actually happened was the support beam had a lose nail that broke free, and when it did, part of the bed smashed against the wall... um a few thousand times. The bed hitting the wall was pretty loud, but it's important to note that it wasn't the only loud thing in the room that night.

Afterwards I was exhausted. I laid down and closed my eyes and started to listen to the crickets chirping outside. As I listened a sudden, horrible thought struck me...

OH-MY-GOD. The window is OPEN!!?!

I shot up in bed and immediately starting quizzing my husband. "How long has it been open? Did you just open it or... oh God, please say no, was it open this WHOLE TIME?"

Oh yea... you guessed it. The window was indeed open, WIDE OPEN, in the heat of summer, THE ENTIRE TIME! So of course I start freaking out:

Me: OMG what if someone heard us? Do you think someone could have heard us?
Rudy: Will you calm down! Who cares?
Me: Who cares?! WHO CARES?!! I CARE!!! It's the middle of summer! It's beautiful out. Look outside! Almost EVERYONE has their windows open!! OMG, I can't believe THIS! *buries my head in my hands*
Rudy: *smirking*
Me: How can you sit there and smirk? I haven't even had a chance to meet the neighbors!
Rudy: Well, I have a feeling we left them with a pretty strong first impression!

I'll tell ya one thing, he was right. We've lived in our house for almost 3 years now. We've become friends with most of our neighbors... and guess what? 3 years later... they are all STILL talking about *that* night.

FML

Thanks, Jen!