Sunday Rewind - Friday Funnies (Confused yet?)

There are way too many days of the week in that title.

Anyway...it's my day off. Enjoy a rewind from last October.

First though, a caveat...if you recall I was recently accused of being "malicious and mean spirited" by One Date Dude ODD, because he observed that:

"You have a lot of women reading your missives, for this is an epidemic in this country . . . Man Bashing . . with a more virulent strain of it, White Man Bashing. I believe you've committed the former but not the latter. There are a lot of lonely, angry women out there and your blog probably suits many of them very well."

(I believe you can all figure out why there was no second date!)

So allow me to go on record and say...

The following is indeed man-bashing. Sue me.

Happy Sunday!!!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008
Friday Funnies

No disrespect to my male readers but there's a little man bashing going on here this morning. It's all just for fun and you know I love you guys so don't be throwing curses out on me!

Here we go, ladies. Find one you like!!!


The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)


And the personal favorite:


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)



One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma '
And they say blondes are dumb...
------------------------------ -----------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
------------------------------ -----------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the s hower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

----------------------------- ------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
----------------------------- ------------------
* Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN (Note from Julie...this used to be my mantra when married.)
----------------------------- ------------------
-
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
------------------------------ ----------------- --
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough