Dear Wii Fit....

I'd like to have a little discussion about our date on Sunday.

As we are both aware, I have not be very attentive to you. I know that, and I'm sorry.

Really, it's not you, it's me.

I've just been really busy with work, and by the time I get home in the evening, make dinner, etc., I really just want to flop on the couch for a couple of hours, unwind and then go to bed.

Besides, Jordan has had you all to himself in his bedroom for the past couple of months, so even if I wanted to spend time with you, I couldn't.

(That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

I digress...

So on Sunday morning, there I was...in my living room, in my nightshirt (see, I didn't even take time to put shorts and a t-shirt on...I wanted you right then and now!) ready to work out. I was there, I was present, I was in the moment with you. It was "our" time, and I was feeling really emotional towards you. I'd missed you...

And then you had the audacity to tell me I have gained 4.9 lbs since our last date.

Oh and the "Haven't quite made your weight loss goal, have you, Julie?" comment was really uncalled for. Being a smart ass is sooooooooooo unbecoming to you.

And here's a newsflash...telling me my Wii Fit age is 49? Not cool.

But what really hurt me the most was that I spent the next 40 minutes working out with you. Stepping on and off the Wii Fit board, doing aerobics and strength training and balance exercises....

And every time I stepped on the board...you groaned.

GROANED.

Like the massive weight was about to break you!

I am offended. And before you say it was my imagination...it wasn't. I had the sound on, I could hear you. The screen actually made a funny picture as if it were getting lightheaded or something.

Seriously. I know I'm overweight. (Or as I prefer to think of it, I'm undertall. If I were 6'9" I'd be proportionate.) I see it in the mirror. I feel it in the waist of my jeans.

I don't need Mr. "Oooh, look at me, I'm Wii Fit and you're not" physically groaning and making me feel worse than I already do.

So I am writing to let you know....IT'S ON NOW.

You threw down with me, right in my own home...and I'm here to tell you, you don't want to piss a menopausal redhead like me off in that manner.

I'm gonna be all over you, pal, wearing your ass out like a whore thrown into a prison yard. You don't get to make derogatory noises at me like that and get away with it.

I unlocked new activities on Sunday thanks to the duration of my workout. That's right. I have Super Hula Hoop now. And Snowboard Slalom.

You, my friend, are gonna see more of me that you ever wanted to.

And you're going to be nice to me. Look, I realize that after my 40 minutes of exercising, you tried to make up for what you said earlier, and you told me I'd lost 1 lb and my new Wii Fit age was 36. You bet your ass it is.

And this time next week, it's gonna be 29.

By the end of the month, I'll be young enough to get carded.

And then, I'm dropping your sorry ass for Dance Dance Revolution.

Oh yeah, it's on.

Love,