The symptoms are as follows:
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank.
It will drink all your beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table when company comes over.
It will put a dead aardvark in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
Friday 13th Virus will make you fall in love with a penguin.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.
It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice!
It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Friday 13th Virus will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up.
It will leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
Friday 13th Virus will cause your cakes to fall and your blood pressure to rise.
It will increase the ability of your radio to pick up reactionary talk stations at the expense of others.
It prevents scurvy, but it gives you mega garlic breath as it does so, which makes the net results negative.
It cheats at Scrabble.
It can forge your signature.
It plays the bagpipes in your basement.
It shaves over your bathroom sink and then leaves the hair to clog your drain.
It does bad celebrity impersonations in front of your friends.
If you experience any of these symptoms today, immediately pour yourself something "on the rocks", and curl up on the couch with the TV remote. That always works for me...
17 comments:
Thanks for the heads up. I'll just pour myself that drink NOW and avoid any problems.
And this is different from any other day because...????
I HAD to snag that video cause it fit my topic today. I sent an invite as I have closed it down publicly, so do please accept and visit. I plugged ya.
Oh man I HOPE it doesn't give my ex-girlfriend my new number. That would suck.
Where the hell do you come up with this shit??
Oops, 2 cuss words. sorry....
Thank God I am already drunk...
If I have more than one symptom, can I have more than one of "anything on the rocks"? If so, I think I have ALL those symptoms.
I'm struggling with the toilet seat issue! NOOOOO!
Happy Friday!
~AM
You know, I'm kind of afraid of the sound of bagpipes. If I hear those, I may run straight north to your house!
Thanks a whole frickin' lot for reminding me it was Friday the
13th.
I had not realized it till I bopped over here.
Do you think I should call and reschedule the only job interview I have been able to snag in three months...that happens to be this afternoon???
Oh, I also forgot to say that you have your blog set up just lovely. I love the design. I am a big fall person so very attractive to the colors.
Too Funny!!!! Thanks
My ex-hubby and I got married on a Friday the 13th 23 years ago.
Maybe it was the virus that caused us to split up 8 years ago.
Ah-choo! I think I have the virus!
Oh No! I think the virus drank al of my wine last night!!!
Very funny. Thanks for sharing.
I think the virus managed to pass me by (for now anyway....the day is still young!!)
I found your blog through BSU!!
Well, after my boss finds my libidinous message in her voicemail box, I may be fired, so I guess you're right. I will go get that drink now and get on the couch. . .
Just found a dead aardvark in my closet. I was wondering where that stank was from. I thought it was from the 24 loads of laundry. Now the car keys? And I was already late for work. Thanks.
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