I'm crying. I cried kissing him goodbye. I cried watching him go through security. I cried on the way to the car. I cried on the way home. And here I sit....still crying.
Nobody tells you, when you bring that bouncing little baby home from the hospital, that 18 years later letting them go out on their own is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
I have always known where he was, and what he was doing. I've always had some false sense of security in thinking I had control over things...that as long as I knew he was travelling from Point A to Point B, he would be safe because I *knew* where he was.
He's now boarding a flight to Chicago, and I'm not in control of this. So I have a message to someone else...
Mr. Pilot of United Flight #331, you have my life in your hands. Take care of him. He means everything in the world to me.
As for everyone else, just please keep my baby in your thoughts, that he's safe in his travels, that he has a great time, and he comes home, happy and healthy (and probably tired!) to his Mom.
And keep me in mind too. Remind me that you guys have been through this with your kids and it didn't kill you to let them grow up and go out on their own. Because right now, I feel a little sick inside. And a whole lot empty.
20 comments:
Letting my step son go off on his own two years ago was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Harder than my divorce, harder than losing my father to heart disease. But take heart in the idea that the simple fact of his being ready to go off on his own means you have done your job well. You prepared him. Parenthood is the one job where your whole purpose is to work hard to make your job unnecessary. hang in there. He will be just fine I'm sure.
julie...oh girl, I totally understand! Let those MomTears roll! I've shed millions in the nine years that my oldest son left for the AirForce. To this day, each time I take him to the airport...I'm still a mess. I cry at the airport, I cry the drive home, I cry when I get home. When my youngest son enlisted...I went to his room and layed on his bed crying....then the smell got me. You know, that 'boy" smell. I got up, stripped the sheets off the bed, dusted, 409'd, ran the sweeper, then dropped and cried again! Our hearts simply hurt. It's ok.
I'm here when you need to chat. And don't be surprised if you laugh and cry at the same time, that is what our boys do to us!
~AM
aw, it sounds like a very hard thing to do. i'm sure he'll be safe and be home before you know it :hug
He got there okay. I had a driver pick them up at the airport as a surprise to them (plus a comfort level to me, not having to worry about them navigating trains and everything else!) so they are on the way to the condo. I can relax a little knowing he arrived safely.
Even with thirteen more at home, the first one off and away from home is no less upsetting, rattling, and stressful. I cry every time I put him on a plane!
BIG hugs!! I get tears just thinking about dd turning 1, I can't imagine what I'll do when she goes off on a plane! Glad to hear he made it safely. :)
I haven't reached that stage yet, but I know I'll be a mess. Hugs to you.
I'm starting to freak out because my son starts kindergarten in the fall. OMG if he cries that first day I will lose it! Gee thanks for making me think of THAT Julie. Geez!!! Now my whole day is ruined.
P.S. I'm sure your son will be fine. It's not like he's starting KINDERGARTEN or anything *cries*
awwww Julie...Huggers to you he will come back home to you safe N sound and with lots of stories!!!
Awwww. I have a 9-year-old little girl I can loan you 'til he gets back. I could use the vacation ;)
Man, I wish I could tell you that it gets easier as they get older. But.... my daughter is 24 and I worry about her more now than when she was younger. They are off on their own, living their life. It's hard, but you gotta let them go. That's why we work so hard to raise them when they are little to be independent, resilient and to take care of themselves. Feel confident that you did a good job. And.... you pray a lot!
I sooooo feel your pain. Mine is 18 now and is graduating from high school in June. He is planning on going away to college, which I do want for him. He is my one and only too and I just don't know what I'm going to do. It was brave of you to let him go though!! He will be fine and you will get through it and hopefully each time it will get easier and easier!!
I do the same with my ten yr.old when he goes on a field trip!
I know it gets worse!
I will pray for him and for you!
Take care!
Oh Julie! I know that feeling. When the divorce was finalized, my youngest, 18 was tossed with decisions to live with her dad and the mistress or to move to TX to live with her boyfriend's family. She could've moved with me but she wanted to try to see what it was like to be on her own. She chose TX.
Christmas day, I cried and cried. What made it worse is that for Christmas, she made me two cds that were songs that she listened to and that would remind me of her. I would cry while driving. Cry while eating. Cry after talking to her.
One night in June, I opened the door to the greatest surprise of my life, she had driven home for good, to surprise me.
She is now 19 and lives with me and you know what? She's still my baby and I still miss her and worry about her all the time.
Don't you feel bad for crying about your baby boy. He loves you very much and I'm sure, misses you the same.
Is he going to college in the area or out of state?
Congratulations to him on his early graduation.
You are a gorgeous woman you know that? Yep, I cry when I pick up my Jordan from the airport, I cry the day she is leaving, all the way to the airport, at the airort and all the way home. And she is all grown up and independent. It is hard to describe that relationshp isnt it? Maybe worse when there is only one as well. I just know that she is the best thing I ever did in my life and she brings countless joy to other people too. I had a conversation with one of my friends in Scotland last night and she was struggling because her son had just started school and she was upset because she finally realised that we lose our kids just a little bit when they start school and are out of our sight and that just keeps happening until they leave home. It's how its meant to be. I will guarantee that your Jordan will do good things in his life and make his Mom cry lots of tears of joy for a lot of years to come. There is lots to look forward to. Great post.
i have no kids (that I know of), but I can't imagine sending my 18 year old nephew off like that! Personally, almost 3 decades ago (holy shit) my mom put me on a plane, by myself, when I was "almost" 18 to spend 6 weeks in Europe...and Type 1 diabetes was a lot harder to manager back then...I hafta wonder what she was thinking, or if she was an incredibly brilliant mom?!?!
Awwwww. You made me cry. And know, if you ever need him, I have one you can borrow any time :)
Do you want me to go find him and make sure that he is ok?
I cry like a baby when babygirl1 leaves and she has been married a year and a half.
I doubt it will ever get better. My kids are part of my core and somehow, when they are not here, I feel a little empty.
Oh lord I'm gonna have to plan an extended visit there when he moves out. Just gimme a couple days notice at least.
It gets better Jules. Maybe not this time and maybe not the next, but you do learn how to fill the hours. You just need some time.
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