As you probably know, she's 85 and in a nursing home. She's been failing for a couple of months now. Physically and mentally. Her formerly sharp as a tack mind is becoming noticeably forgetful.
Yesterday she became quite unresponsive. Not waking, not talking, not eating, not moving.
We do know now that she has a bad kidney infection, and they have started her on antibiotics.
Infection is hard on anyone's body, especially an elderly person. This could explain why she is so out of it. She wakes up for maybe 30 seconds, says something that usually doesn't make a lot of sense, and falls back asleep.
Well, twice she woke up to say to me she's lived a good life...and then she was out again. Tell me that doesn't make you feel a little scared that she knows something I don't.....
I hope it's just the infection and that in about 24 hours after the antibiotics kick in, she'll be back to her old self.
Right now, the silence is deafening. I watched my Dad shut down in this same manner. We lost him five years ago today.
I'm not ready for her to go too.
But if she is ready...then I will accept it. I don't have a choice really.
Do me a favor. Say a prayer for her that she gets what she wants. Whether it's to stay here with us awhile longer, or go be with Dad and Linda. Whatever she wants, I want it for her.
We shall see what today brings.
43 comments:
You and your mother will be in my thoughts today.
Keeping you and your mom in my thoughts...
I am so sorry.
I do know that in older folks, kidney infections can cause a myriad of other symptoms from confusion on. I am betting the antibiotics will clear her up again.
Thinking about you.
Hugs and prayers.
You and you Mama are in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm so sorry. I'm sending as many hugs and prayers as I can. Love you!
I'll keep you both in my prayers. Love your blog, by the way. Just found it a couple of weeks ago. I'm 50 and divorced - haven't done the online dating thing yet but can relate in so many ways to what you write.
Oh Jules... :( I hope this isn't it and I hope the meds put her back on track. I'll be thinking of you and your awesome sisters!
I will be praying for her and you. Hang in there.
My thoughts & prayers are with you and your mom. It is difficult to lose loved ones.
you will get throught this.....if her words were she has led a good life.......then you must have been a part of that!!!
I'll be thinking of you today, hopefully she'll be a-OK tomorrow!
I will be thinking of both you today.
Hang in there Julie, I bet this has to be very hard. I hope it clears up quickly for her and she feels well.
I can't even imagine what you are going through. Lossing my mom would just be so heart breaking.
Be with her when you can and always remind her that you love her.
Hugs and prayers...
I think you need to go to your mom and tell her what you're feeling.
Peace and good thoughts to both of you. I lost my Mom 2 months ago and it is heartwrenching to go through or even think about going through.
Just said a little prayer for you and your mom. ((hugs))
Prayers and hugs....
Prayers for you and your family ((()))
Lots of good thoughts directed your way. I hope your mom is feeling better real soon.
I will be thinking of you both today and praying for you.
Honey, in the best of worlds, one can only hope they've had a good life and it seems like your mom feels that she did. In the best of worlds, our bodies shut down peacefully and slowly and we ease our way out. And yes, I believe that once we're "there" our basic instincts allow us to KNOW.
I had to unhook my mom, and it was unexpectedly SUDDEN from an accident. There were NO words.
You have ME mentally there. Not much, but I'm telling you, it HURTS, but it's nature. Nature seems to be treating mom kindly in this process, as much as it's hurting YOU..
You and your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers..(HUGZ)
God bless you. I'll be thinking of you both.
This is a beautiful post. I feel so sad for your pain but I SO ADMIRE your last lines to pray for your MOMS wants. OMG, that's incredibly touching. Very beautiful.
I'll be thinking of you and your mom and your family. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in quick. I can tell you that I was in the hospital w/a kidney infection last year and it really does suck. Took me atleast 2 weeks to bounce back.
Oh Julie,How well I know that fear. My prayers are with you both. I will be hoping that tomorrow will be a better day for you both.
oh my....I feel for you!! I hope she is at least comfortable. Hang in there!!
I lost my mom when I was 22....she never met my son....never saw me get married, never met my husband (even though he is a scumbag now)....just hold her hand and tell her you love her!!
email me if you need to talk...maybe it is my turn to lend a shoulder to cry on..
jillybean@hvc.rr.com
Love
Jill from NY
I hope things are improving!
Hoping that things are better today. Must be hard on you! Try and take care of yourself.
I'm so sorry to hear this. You and your family will be in my thoughts. What a terrible thing to be going through. ((((HUGS))))
Prayers on the way. I know you hate it, but you are taking a good healthy approach to what ever comes.
I'm sending hugs to you, Julie, and healing energy to your mom. XOXO
Dropped by to check on things and noticed your facebook status. I'm so happy to hear your Mom is doing better tonight.
Wow, Julie. Thinking of you.
Prayers with you and family.
I do know that in older folks, kidney infections can cause a myriad of other symptoms from confusion on. I am betting the antibiotics will clear her up again.
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Praying for your mom ...hugs
I hope everything is ok, thinking of you. It is so hard to watch your parents in this state. You try to remember them when they were our age. My Dad'd dimentia is really kicking in. All I can do is laugh at it, because what else can I do?
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julie...I am way behind in my blog reading...life can be so strange... we are dealing with a newborn who has jaundice and you have a mom with liver issues...wheels keep on turning round (belive it or not those are lyrics to a Cake song)
I'm lifting prayers in your direction.
~AM
Julie I follow but rarely comment, this one touched my heart in so many ways. My mom just turned 80 and is good now but the last three years have been a rough ride for many health reasons. I know in my heart she just wants to join my dad (he left us 8 years ago) but like you "I am not ready for this"
Thinking of you and hope your mom finds her peace whether its here with us (dying is easy - living is what is hard) or with your beloved family members that no longer live with us physically.
I agree with Scandalous housewife, sweetie...go and tell your mama what you're feeling...I got to hold my daddy's face in my hands as he left this world, and to let him know that while it was the most difficult thing I'd ever done, I wanted him to do what was best for him. I told him I would be ok, and that he could let go. I think you'll feel it and you will instinctively just...know...Prayers for you and your mama.
Much Love,
Deborah
And I must say what an amazing person you are to consider your mother's wishes...what she wants. It takes a lot to put ourselves on the bottom rung when we stand to lose so much.
Deborah
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