Welcome to sunny, warm and lovely Ohio....

Dear Diary

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Ohio is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.


Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ohio. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here.


Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!


Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. Do you know how hard it is to shovel snow that is up to your knees??? I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.


Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap?? And can somebody plow my patio so the dogs have a place to pee?


Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??


Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a damn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the chance.


May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow shit.


May 10 - Sold the car, the house and moved to California. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Ohio.

A mid-life career change.

OK..not mine. Although after the month I've had at work, I'm about ready to. I need my real estate side to kick in and generate some income so I can pay off bills and then if I decided somewhere down the road to change jobs (or move to a warmer state!) I could afford to take a paycut to do something I love.

Anyway...that's not the point of the blog. Here's the point:

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

"You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

Thanks, Sandi. I don't know how in the hell you even find time to read this stuff, let alone forward it to me, but I appreciate the laughs!!!!

I promise, I will get back to more personalized blogs, and less joke'y ones, as soon as I get the year closed and stuff to the accountants. Right now I'm too busy at work to be creative or funny.

Wait, I am actually creative and funny when I'm not busy, right?

Oh, by the way, my son got home from Chicago safely yesterday. His flight was delayed two hours but he managed to get home after all. I was surprised, with all the ice and snow I figured he'd be stranded another day. I'm sure he'd have *hated* that. LOL

Joining the Interview Bandwagon....

Yep, I've been interviewed and I know you are all just dying to read it. So thanks to my bloggirlfriend (that's my new word I just made up, like it?) Binks , I submit her burning questions and my direct yet witty answers.

1) My friend Shelle says that it is bad manners to talk on your phone in the bathroom. You recently wrote that you are never without your iPhone, even in the bathroom. What exactly are you doing on the iPhone in there? What is the last application that you added?

Well, it's true that I never go anywhere without my iPhone. My sister gives me shit about this constantly. "Why do you have to have that thing with you every second of the day?" The short answer is...because I can! Usually in the bathroom, I check mail, or I may be in the midst of a text conversation with someone and frankly, they can't hear you peeing via text so it's not really "rude" to engage in the two activities at once. Although I have been known to actually pee while talking on the phone to my BFF Elizabeth, but she does the same to me so we're both fine with it! Just pretend I'm standing near a waterfall if it bothers you. Oh, and the last application I added was "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". I love trivia anything. And, I want to be a millionaire.

2) My sister is 49 and divorced. She is looking to start dating too. Do you have any pointers for her and where the hell do you meet men?

Oh honey, I am NOT the person to take dating advice from! The last time I went out on more than one date with someone, I married the guy and we all know how well that worked out for me. And you've seen the kind of men I attract on dating sites, so trust me, this question is better posed to my friend VegasLindaLou. She's doing much better being divorced and dating than I am! I want to be her when I grow up.

3) Jill seemed to think that people would be interested in shoe sizes. What size shoe do you wear? How many pairs of shoes do you have and approximately how old is the oldest pair of shoes in your closet?

Hahaha...I don't have shoes, I have foot yachts. My feet are a size 11. (Hey, I'm 5'9", give me a break!) If flip flops count as shoes, I probably have 60 pair in my closet. If they don't, then I have about 30 pair of actual shoes. My oldest ones are about 10 years old, they are sandals that I can't bear to throw out!

4) As I mentioned before, my sister is single and has been divorced for 15 years. I bought her a sex toy for her birthday once. What is the strangest gift you've ever received? Did you like it and do you still have it?

Wow, I have to think about this. I've never really gotten any strange gifts. (But if anyone wants my address, email me. I'm open to accepting them!) I guess the strangest one would have been a fire extinguisher from a guy I was dating. I don't know if he was trying to tell me I was too horny, or just making me prepared in case of emergency, but he didn't last long after that.

5) Dating is hard. Dating later in life seems extremely hard. Can you tell us about your best date ever? How about the worse? How about the most embarrassing thing to happen on a date?

It's funny, I really don't have a "best date" that jumps out in my mind. I'm sitting here actually wracking my brain trying to think of one! I can tell you my worst date easily. About 6 months after my divorce, I attempted to go out on a date with some guy I met on the Internet. He seemed nice enough, so I agreed to dinner at PF Changs. The guy showed up, and clearly his profile picture had been taken about 100 lbs ago. He had on this very 70's brown cordaroy jacket, and when he took it off he was actually wearing SUSPENDERS. I'm thinking already that I'm going to eat and run. So we sit down to dinner, and the waiter takes our drink orders and he says "Well, I rarely drink...so I'll just have a double Grey Goose on the rocks". Huh? FIVE double Grey Gooses later, I'm thinking gee, I believe what he meant to say was "Well, I rarely drink...less than a bottle in one sitting". He ordered three appetizers and proceeded to eat 99% of them by himself, he ate all of his dinner and what part of mine that I didn't eat, and as I'm sitting there thinking "Thank God the meal is over and I can run", he orders coffee and desserts. Two of them. And again, eats most of them. And during the meal, I find out that he had been in prison for two years for trafficking something out of Amsterdam (it was a mistake you know, he didn't really do it, his ex-wife set him up) and he has no credit and is driving a rental car for some reason he couldn't really explain...and at this point I'm about to do the "bathroom ditch" thing! Finally the long excrutiating meal was over, and he wanted to walk me to my car (which I politely refused) and he tried to grab me and come in for a kiss, which I completely ducked and twirled out of! I shook his hand, said thanks, and ran....and I have not dated since!

So there you have it. Now I believe the rules of this game are that if you want to be interviewed by me, leave me a comment and tell me. Unfortunately, because I'm so damn busy with work right now, I do not have time to do individual interviews but I will have a general list of questions ready! So let me know if you want to be interviewed by me!!!!

Awwww...I'm famous!

Check this out. VegasLindaLou blogged about me today. Well, not totally about me, but at least I'm the basis for her post!

Isn't it funny, how in this bloggy world of ours, we "meet" new friends who immediately become old friends? I have a list of several of you (and you know who you are) that I feel almost as close to as my true life real best friends, and yet I've never met any of you...yet. But I feel as if we've been friends forever because I not only read about your lives on your blogs, but we email each other as well, and in some instances we instigate the Cell Phone Tree when one of us posts a scary blog and sends the rest of us into a panic so that we start calling you and each other to make sure all is well! (Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, Miss Myrtle Beach)

I cannot wait to meet every one of you. I truly can't.

Why you should always check your child's homework.

Here's what can happen if you don't check you child's homework. This is the homework paper that was submitted:



Here's the reply the teacher received the following day:


Dear Mrs. Allen,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture does not show me dancing around a pole. It is supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Jacobs

I'm good with the one liners, and in other news....

First, these made me laugh. So I'm making you laugh too.

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

In other news....

I'm on Day 21 of no smoking. Cravings are for the most part totally gone. The habit is almost broken, although I sometimes forget I'm not smoking anymore and have actually put my coat on to go outside for one!

Don't forget Penny's Blog. If I'm going to get healthy this year, so are the rest of you, dammit. I can't live to be 100 without you guys, who the hell will laugh at my dating misfortune?

Due to lack of interest, today has been cancelled.

I am in no state of mind to blog. I've been up since 4:15, and I'm just having a tough day. (Shit, it's 5:45am and a bad day already? This does NOT bode well for the prospect of a good Sunday, does it?)

Is it hormonal? Am I depressed? I don't know. I cried for an hour until I could no longer breathe in a horizontal position and had to get out of bed.

Nothing bad has happened. I think I'm just stressed from working a lot, I'm adjusting to my day to day, hands on job as a Mom being over and my baby adult child no longer needing me, and frankly, I'm really lonely. I hate being almost 48 years old and single. I need companionship, and not the kind that you get from girlfriends either. I have plenty of friends and family who love me. I just miss being in love, and having someone love me back. I don't mind being alone, but damn I am lonely.

Jordan is having a great time in Chicago. He started a blog of his own (the apple doesn't fall far from this tree, eh?) so click HERE to read it. I'm his first follower...go figure.

OK kids, I'm going to go drink some coffee, read the paper, and try to get my shit together. This day HAS to get better.

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OK you have to look at THIS. It's Jordan's MySpace page. Look at this collage of pictures of him and his girlfriend Stephanie. They've basically been best friends for several years now, so the first 4 pictures are ones of them as friends over that time period, the 5th picture is from Prom last May, when I think they started thinking maybe they were more than friends, and then a current one of them as boyfriend/girlfriend. What I love about this, is the quote underneath, which if you don't recognize it, it's from the end of When Harry Met Sally, when Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal are talking about their relationship and how they ended up married. It's one of my favorite all time movies, and I had no idea it was on Jordan's page until now. It describes him and Steph perfectly. Dammit, I'm crying again! LOL....but at least it's happy crying because it makes me happy to see my son this way.

The Empty Nest

I just got back from putting my son and his girlfriend on a plane to Chicago for a 5 day vacation.

I'm crying. I cried kissing him goodbye. I cried watching him go through security. I cried on the way to the car. I cried on the way home. And here I sit....still crying.

Nobody tells you, when you bring that bouncing little baby home from the hospital, that 18 years later letting them go out on their own is one of the hardest things you will ever do.

I have always known where he was, and what he was doing. I've always had some false sense of security in thinking I had control over things...that as long as I knew he was travelling from Point A to Point B, he would be safe because I *knew* where he was.

He's now boarding a flight to Chicago, and I'm not in control of this. So I have a message to someone else...

Mr. Pilot of United Flight #331, you have my life in your hands. Take care of him. He means everything in the world to me.

As for everyone else, just please keep my baby in your thoughts, that he's safe in his travels, that he has a great time, and he comes home, happy and healthy (and probably tired!) to his Mom.

And keep me in mind too. Remind me that you guys have been through this with your kids and it didn't kill you to let them grow up and go out on their own. Because right now, I feel a little sick inside. And a whole lot empty.

This is why you don't take men shopping.

I received this email yesterday, and it made me laugh out loud. I don't know Dana's husband Joe, but for some reason I'm convinced it's him.


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs. Smith:

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Smith are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

We respectfully request that during your future trips to Target, you ask your husband to wait at Lowe's.

Sincerely,

Steven Dixon
Manager

OMG, the visuals kill me. I am meant to marry a man like this. LOL

Coming Friday....the first Bachelor of 2009!

You know I can't give up my Bachelor Blogs. There are entirely too many dysfunctional men out there who give me great material!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You'll love *this* guy.

OK doing the picture tag thing....

OK I'm supposed to find my 5th album 5th picture and post it and explain it...

So here you go:



This is my sister taking my mother a ride on the quad runner. I think this was last summer (in 2007) so my Mom would have been 83 at the time.

Obviously it turned out okay as Mom is still alive and Sue Ellen didn't kill her by rolling the quad or something ridiculous like that.

If you read this....tag, you're it. Post your 5th album/5th picture and tell me about it.

It's not only a historical day, but a birthday as well!

It is a day, like many before us, where someday, somebody will say "Where were you the day Obama took office?" I know where I was the morning of September 11th, I know where I was the minute news broke that the Challenger had exploded, I know where I was the moment I heard John Kennedy Jr's plane went down, I know where I was when a jury made the mistake of pronouncing OJ "not guilty", and I will always know where I was and what I was doing on January 20, 2009.

I am taking the rest of the day off from blogging to listen/watch the Inauguration events today. I will either have a TV at work, or be tuned in via the Internet all day long.

I'll be back tomorrow when President Obama begins his first full day in office!

Oh, and by the way...it's my BFF Elizabeth's birthday today. She doesn't have a blog of her own for me to send you to for birthday comments, but she does manage to read my blog so feel free to leave them for her on mine. Just to let you know more about her, you can read about her HERE and HERE TOO.

How special is she that she gets a new President for her birthday?????? She *always* gets the good men. LOL Happy birthday, babe! Love you!

OK, I'll play the ABC Game...and you should too!

Yeah, I'm this hard up for blogging material. So I give you...The ABC Game.

A. Attached or single? Can't "divorced" be an option to check? I hate "single". I'm 47 years old, for God's sake. It makes me sound like an old maid. At least saying "divorced" tells the world at one point in my life, somebody loved me enough to marry me!

B. Best friend? Yup-3 of them. The best girl friends that I could ever ask for!

C. Cake or pie? If chocolate is involved...both. If not, probably pie.

D. Dog or cat? Dogs, two Yorkies. Gracie and Griffin.

E. Essential item? I don't go anywhere without my iPhone. Even the bathroom.

F. Favorite color? Black.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Neither. I am not a Gummy Gal.

H. Hometown? I consider Logan, Ohio to be my hometown. I was born in Portmouth but moved when I was 9 to Logan, and that's where my good memories are.

I. Favorite indulgence? Monthly massage.

J. January or July? July definitely. January is my month-from-hell because of closing year end.

K. Kids? Jordan. He's my child, but he's not a kid anymore.

L. Life isn’t complete without? My family and friends.

M. Marriage date? September 20, 2003.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? 3 sisters, no brothers.

O. Oranges or apples? I like both but right now I'm on an oranges kick.

P. Phobias? BIRDS. Alive or dead.

Q. Quote? "If I looked like Halle Berry I wouldn't need a man. All I'd need is a candle, a glass of wine and a full length mirror."

R. Reasons to smile? I get a pretty good laugh out of most of Deb & Jill's comments. They are every bit as warped as I am.

S. Season of choice? Summer.

T. Travel dreams? I love anywhere there's ocean and sand. But I want to take a cruise this year, and ultimately go the usual places like Paris, London, somewhere in Ireland, and naturally, anyplace tropical.

U. Unknown fact about me? My clothes hang in my closet all facing to the left, and by color. Oh, and by style. Shirts, then sweat shirts, then jeans, then other pants, then within those styles they are grouped by color. I know, I know. Don't even say how weird this is.

V. Vegetable? Other than the "normal" ones, I love artichoke hearts. And brussels sprouts.

W. Worst habit? I can be verrrrrrrrrrrrry lazy.

X. X-ray or ultrasound? Well I haven't had an ultrasound since 1990 and don't foresee ever having one again (at least not regarding a baby!) so I guess X-ray.

Y. Your favorite restaurants? Buca di Beppo, Outback, Old Bag of Nails...depends on type of food!

Z. Zodiac sign? Aries

How far will a condom stretch?

OMG, this is hilarious. Don't worry, it's rated PG.

Seriously? Still no water?

I'm so fucking sick of this.

Still no goddamn water. Fucking pipes. Fucking cold ass weather.

I have a little cold water moving now, but no hot. So I can flush the toilet but still can't take a shower in my own home. Or do laundry. Or run the dishwasher.

I am not in a good mood today. I want a cigarette so fucking bad I could scream.

I think I need to stop blogging for today before I offend everyone.

Pay attention peeps...there is a new blog I want you all to visit.

Yes, this is my 2nd blog post today...make sure you read the first one too!

Anyway...

My BFF (or at least for the past 30 years!), and resident Naturopathic Doctor, has finally joined the blogging world.

Her name is Penny Steward, and you need to know her.

Her blog is Penny's Wellness Solutions. I want you to click on that, go visit her right now, and bookmark her site. She has valuable information that every single one of us needs to hear. Please follow her, show her some bloggy love and support as she joins us on this venture, and of course, let her know I sent you. I can't have her thinking she's my *only* friend, for heaven's sake. LOL

Seriously, you'll love her. I sure do.

Um, mine doesn't look like this....

Of course it hasn't been turned on in awhile so maybe it does and I just haven't seen it all lit up.

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Day 11 of No Smoking. I've kicked the nicotine habit, but the sugar addiction is killing me. Do you know that tobacco is treated with sugar to keep it fresh? That's the hard one to get over. I'm constantly hungry right now.

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Sorry I haven't been commented on your blogs. I've been so swamped at work that I just haven't had time to get caught up. I'll be doing lots of reading over the weekend and commenting then!!!!!!!!!!! Once I get all my year end stuff done (probably the middle of February) and things slow down, I'll be back to keeping up with ya'll.

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Don't forget the Six Degrees board. It's taking off with all our new members!

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This freaking single digit cold weather needs to go back wherever it came from, and take the freaking 6" of snow with it. It's 10 BELOW right now at 8am. My pipes have been frozen since 11pm last night. I can't shower, brush my teeth or flush the freaking toilet. I am NOT happy this morning.

This could be the funniest kid story ever....

OK so one of my best friends just calls me to tell me this story....

Evidently her friend took her 4 year old grandson to the zoo Monday, right? Everything is going great, they're walking around, having fun, boy's got his backpack with his snacks and stuff in it....life is good.

Suddenly the little boy disappears, and they can't find him. Frantic search ensues. Boy finally comes running back up to Grandma and he's like "Grandma, we have to go home". She asks why and he won't tell her, but he's adamant that they have to leave, and they have to leave now. Dragging her towards the exit adamant.

So on the ride home she's trying to get him to tell her where he disappeared to, and he won't answer, won't talk, just sits staring down at the backpack on his lap, not speaking or moving. She's really getting scared now, thinking something bad has happened to him, like someone molested him while he was gone or something.

They get home, she calls his Mom to tell her what's going on, meanwhile the little boy is like "Grandma I have to take a bath. Now. Hurry please". So she's really concerned now, that he is feeling "dirty" and he seems to be almost panicking in his need to get into the bathtub. So she runs the bath, he gets in, and she goes back downstairs to call his Mom back and say "Get over here, something is really wrong".

Grandma walks back upstairs to check on him, hears him just giggling to beat the band in the bathtub! Walks in...and finds that he had stolen a baby penguin from the zoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't that the funniest thing you have ever heard?????

They have no idea how he got the baby penguin, and he won't tell them, but he knew it needed to be in water and that's why he was so intent to get home and in the bathtub so fast! I guess they had to call the Zoo and say "Uh yeah, we have something that belongs to you!"

Guess he saw Happy Feet and took it a bit too seriously!

Questions for the games of life and love....

Since I'm so short on blogging time these days, I'm going to take some extreme short cuts and do blogs based on questions that I find interesting.

So you'd better leave me comments with responses, or I will track you down. You know I can do it. No, I really can...don't tempt me.

Here we go...I want answers, peeps.

1. If you could have chosen your own first name, other than your current one, what would it be?

2. If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one would you give up?

3. If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?

4. If you could have avoided living one year from your past, what year would it be and why?

5. If you could "unknow" one thing you know, what would it be?

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Here's my answers:

1. Actually I don't mind my first name however, if I had to change it I'd probably be Jillian. Or Julia. Or Julianne. Something that makes me sound cute. LOL

2. Geesh. I guess smell. Taste would be my 2nd choice.

3. Ooh, I'd want to be invisible!

4. Hands down....2005. The entire year sucked from the first day to the last. My marriage blew up and took every one of my hopes and dreams for the future with it. 2004 was really bad because I lost my sister and my dad, but at least there were some good times in between. 2005 was just fucked up all year long.

5. I wish I didn't know how much being cheated on hurts. I will never, ever do that to anyone. I'd never done it before, and was pretty sure I never would, but now I know for sure. I will never hurt another human being that way, either by cheating on someone I love, or putting myself into someone else's relationship and hurting an innocent person.

How many of you belong to (and post on) a Message Board?

OK kids, listen up.

How many of you belong to a message board of some sort, and actively post on it? Boards like that are a great way to meet and get to know other people, especially if they have a common theme or interest. For example, I belong to The Nest, which is the board all us married women went to after our weddings (we all met on The Knot). There are a few of us who have since divorced but still remain active on the board.

So here's the thing. I own a message board called Six Degrees. Basically, it's just the premise that we're all related somehow right? Friends of friends, family, you name it. My board was an offshoot of one that dealt with the Sweet Potato Queens a few years ago, but when I started my own I didn't focus it on the SPQ's, and just opened it up to women who wanted to talk to other women about the same things we all deal with...husbands, kids, in-laws, weight, exercise, lack of sex (nobody ever bitches about having too much sex, trust me!), and everything else you can imagine.

Since I started my blog, I've been really lax about my own damn board, and today I was thinking about disbanding it. Then I realized...

I have tons of female readers, we all have the aforementioned crap in common, so why not have a place we can all talk at once? Or whenever we want to? It's sure a heck of a lot easier than trying to communicate back and forth between comments on each other's blogs!!!!!!!!!!!!

So...let me invite you to the Six Degrees Board. Click on that link, register and come in and post. Let's see if we can't get a really fun place created for all of us women to talk! I'll approve you as soon as I get your request to join....so c'mon, let's get started! No topic is off limits, and it's private except for members so your husband's ex-wife's cousin can't stalk you there!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and guys, I'm not trying to discriminate here...you're welcome to join the board as well. I just don't envision a lot of discussions you'd be interested in but you never know!!!

Well, this sure gives me motivation to date!

I have been there, done this. Oh, and don't give me that look like it's never happened to you! I know better!!!!!!

The Eight Phases of Dating (brought to you by Mingle2)










Oh yeah. Been there, done that.

Got got got got no time....

Wish I had time to blog today. I don't. I'm swamped at work.

I hate it when reality interferes with my fun time.

Back when I can. Might be tonight. Or tomorrow.

Why I can't I blog with my mind? That would be so much easier....

Sunday Rewind and a Question of the Day

From April 2008, with a few additives from today...

My taste buds, they are a changin'

Funny how when you stop eating a whole lotta junk...you stop craving a whole lotta junk. And when you stop smoking, you really don't crave cigarettes all that much. And, you smell better.

And funny how good simple things taste. Mandarin oranges, for example. Mmmmm. That was like a little party in my mouth a few minutes ago.

I can't wait to hit my first 10 lb. mark. I'm thinking about buying myself something for every 10 I lose, but I don't know what that would be, because that would turn into a collection of sorts and I don't collect anything but damaged men evidently. LOL! Or maybe I should just do something nice for myself. Maybe a pedicure every time. Or a massage. Any ideas?

Day 6 - No cigs. Thought the weekend might be tough but it hasn't been bad. Friday night I'd have sacrificed a limb at one point for one, but I white knuckled through it. The rest of the weekend has been okay. It really is more breaking a habit than anything else...

Now, for my question of the day....

If you were to select a moment when you were convinced an angel was watching over you, when would it have been?

Husband Down!

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

TGIF....aka Thank God I'm Functioning

I don't have much time to post today so this will be fast....

1. Was out of the office all day yesterday being The Grinch Who Uninstalled Christmas. (We do Xmas decorating at client's houses and I ended up having to take one down yesterday) It was the biggest freaking tree, like 14', with at least 200 ornaments on it. Undecorating was literally an 8 hour job. A job which my back did NOT appreciate. Needless to say, I went right home, had a Vicodin/Muscle Relaxer cocktail and spend the evening on the couch with the heating pad.

2. Thanks for the support on my nonsmoking kick. I haven't had a cigarette since Monday night, when I smoked my last one during the final minute of the Buckeye game. I couldn't help it, the stress got to me! But it was the last one in the hidden pack in the freezer, so there are no cigs left in my house nor will I buy any more. I've quit smoking before, so I know I can do it again. I smoked from age 15 to 25, quit for 6 years and then started up again after Jordan was born. I quit again when he was about 8 and started learning about cigarettes in school and came home one day and told me I was doing drugs and needed to stop! So I did...for another 7 years. Then I started going through my divorce and picked up the smoking habit again, when I'd be awake at 4am, sitting on the front porch rocking and drinking coffee and wondering what hotel room my husband was shacked up in at the time. So, now that all that trauma is finally behind me, it's time to quit again.

3. That being said, I'm not going to swear I will never smoke again. I can guarantee you that some day, when I'm out with the girls and we've got our drink on, I'm going to want a cigarette. And I'm okay with that. One or two on the rare occasion I go out partying is acceptable. Daily smoking is not.

4. I laughed at the comments about cutting a straw to cigarette size. We used to do that to my Dad when he first went into the nursing home with Alzheimer's. He had smoked for something like 60 years at that point, and he was constantly asking for a cigarette, so we would cut straws that size and give him one, and he's smoke it just like it was the real thing. And bless his heart, he never realized it wasn't a cigarette.

5. I'm sorry I'm not keeping up with everyone's blog posts right now, this has been a crazy week for me. But I will catch up and comment this weekend, so bear with me!!!!

Gotta run, have a great Friday and for those of us in Ohio expecting 5-8" of snow tonight...be safe!!!!!!!!!

OK kids, I need your help. I mean it this time. No, really.

I'm gonna need you to keep me from going postal.

That's right...because I'm quitting smoking. and working on my health.

I figured if I put this out there for the whole freaking world to see, I'm less likely to fall back into the old habit because too many of you will catch me. I have family and friends who read this blog every day, and they'll be ratting my smoky ass out if they smell it on me, or see me sucking on a Camel Menthol Light. (sob...I'll miss you, old friend).

Thing is, I don't smoke that much. Hell, I don't smoke 2 packs a week. Do the math, that's about 5 cigarettes a day. During the week, I never have one until around 11am when Amanda and I go outside at work and have one, and then we usually do it again sometime after lunch, say 2'ish. Then I'll have one before I head home, say 6pm or so, and then maybe one or two in the evening. On weekends, it's virtually the same thing. The only time I smoke more is if I'm drinking. You know the two go hand in hand.

But 5 cigarettes a day is doing just as much damage as a pack a day.

Dammit, I watched my sister die, a painful, slow, horrible death brought on by a massive stroke. She was overweight (me too...check), smoked (check), drank (check, although I don't drink nearly to the extreme that she did), didn't exercise (check), had elevated cholesterol (check), and the only difference between us is that she had high blood pressure and I don't. Although mine is higher than it used to be, but "high" for me is 120/80 which is most people's norm. Hell, I was 9 months pregnant and had gained 70 lbs and my BP was still only 98/52. I've always had low BP.

Anyway...

I have a goal. Just one. And it's very simple.

I want to be alive, and healthy, for a very long time to come.

I want to see my son become a successful director. I want to love his wife and spoil my grandkids. I want to still be active and strong when I'm 80, not bedridden and in a nursing home.

My immediate family tree has people dying of cancer, heart disease, heart attacks, strokes, Alzheimer's, colon cancer, etc. With my lifestyle, I'm a prime candidate for every single one of these things.

And I don't wanna die like they have. I want to live.

So here's the deal. I won't bore you with this every day, I promise, but I ask that if you notice I'm not mentioning anything about how I'm doing with not smoking, eating better and exercising...CALL ME OUT ON IT.

Because trust me, I have the ability to dodge and evade down to a science! You would be amazed at what kinds of bad behaviors I can hide. I'm a regular Criss Angel with my sleight of hand techniques. (I suck at levitating though.)

It's actually kind of sad...I just read over this and thought to myself...do I really want to put this out there, and let all of my readers and blogging buddies watch me fail? Isn't that sad to think that I just automatically tell myself I won't be successful??? Boy, this girl needs work not only on her health, but her mental health as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, I've come up with my first plan to combat cigarette cravings! When I'm at home, and I find myself dying (literally) for a cigarette, I'm going to jump on the exercise bike and pedal until the craving goes away. I figure that's a win win situation...I'm NOT smoking, and I'm exercising all at once! Good idea, right? And to take that a step further, at work when I crave one, I'm going to take the stairs to the basement and back up here to the 2nd floor. Again...getting exercise instead of lung cancer.

I can do this. I know I can. And at the end of this year, when I have lost an Olsen a nice chunk of weight, and am exercising regularly and feeling pretty damn full of myself for looking hot at 48 years old...

I will pull a Kirstie Alley and post a picture of me in a bathing suit on here.

I'm not shitting you.

In fact, I'll go as far as saying I will post it REGARDLESS, so either we are all going to be high fiving me for how fucking fabulous I look at the end of the year...or we'll all be mortified and laughing hysterically at my bovine body in a bathing suit.

Only I would have the balls required to make a threat promise like this.

It's too late, I have gone insane. Especially since I just hit "Publish Post". I can't take this shit back now. Oy vey!

Welcome to Julie's Month-From-Hell

So yeah, January sucks for me. It's my job to get the prior year closed out and prepare everything for the accountants.

Which means I basically move into the office for about 30 days or until I get it all done.

I'm probably not going to be blogging every day unless I manage to do one at night, and I may be recycling a few from earlier last year when nobody knew me. Hey, they'll be new to you guys then, right?

Oh hey, guess what? My realtor boss has been forgetting for oh, a year now, to send me bills he's gotten on my behalf for dues from the various Realtor boards. Yesterday I finally got a bill for $1,500 that's due right away or I lose my license!!! AND, I forgot to mention that some stupid shield piece broke off of my car last week (underneath it) that I have to fix to the tune of $300. Oh and that followed having to replace my garage door opener for $275 and fix the garbage disposal at my rental property for $170 both two weeks before Christmas.

So my month-from hell started early this year.

I'm thinking that in order to raise money to pay off these bills, I'm going to sell my body. I only need $2,300 to cover these. I can do that, right? Granted, I may not get the $2,300 all in one shot for an hour with a babe like me, but I'm thinking I can get $1 twenty three hundred times right???????????????

Who said "wrong!"????????? I heard that!

Oh well...

By the way, today is, or would have been, my sister Linda's 59th birthday. Her husband would have gotten her yellow roses, so I want to make sure she gets them today...



And Happy Birthday as well to Captain Jimmy Buffet. (That's buffet as in food, not Buffet as in Jimmy the singer) I hope the disco ball on the boat is swirling madly, and you get plenty of food-as-fuel in yourself today!!!!! Make Phyl-Lease do something nice for you tonight. And by nice, I mean naked.

Best Wedding Dance Video Ever

Make sure you have your sound turned on. This is hysterical and when I get married again, I'm so doing it.

Thanks for yesterday....and an update as well.

I set an all time record in comments! Woohoo!!!!

I'm not sure if Vinnie is still speaking to me, but hopefully some of what all of us said will sink in to him. I really, really pray it does. Not only for him, but for his children as well.

I received an email last night from Vinnie's love interest. She was probably far more gracious than I'd have been if I'd read the things that were said about her on my blog! I'd have been a real bitch to me! haha

I will not detail what her email said other than to say I don't necessarily feel she and her husband are running a con on Vinnie. I'm not going to say for sure that they aren't, because frankly I have no way to confirm it one way or the other. But I do think it's probably just a really messed up emotional situation, and not a criminal one. However, I can tell you in all honesty that I didn't get any warm fuzzies from her either. No declarations of love, no explanation of her positive intentions towards him, no real indications of anything other than she was upset that he told details of her private life to a bunch of strangers. Basically all she really said about him is that he's a wonderful man and she's the last person who wants to see him get hurt. So, as far as I'm concerned, the jury is still out on her.

As you can imagine, I didn't hold back in my response to her, and told her in no uncertain terms that she and I have very different definitions of "cheating", and what acting in the best interests of our children is, and that she needs to clean up the mess she's in before somebody really gets hurt.

And the last thing I said to her is this:

I have made the decision to stay out of any conversations going forward about you, with Vinnie. He isn't going to listen anyway. 78 people commented today that he needs to walk away from this situation and the ONLY comment he grabbed on to was the one person who's affair ended in marriage. So he's a big boy, and he's on his own with this one. I wish you both luck, and hope that you find your way out of your marriage if that's really what you want, and I hope that he gets the love that he deserves. I just frankly don't believe it will be with you.

With that being said, after this post I will not be discussing Vinnie's love life any further. We gave him the advice he asked for. What he chooses to do with it from this point on is his business, and if he wants us to know, he'll write a post on his own blog about it. In fact, I hope he does, and I hope it's a happy ending to this story, because I will (for once!) be thrilled to say "I was wrong".

Now, let's go back to talking about my favorite subject....me. LOL

Please welcome to the Julie Show, today's special guest....

Vinnie!

Now, for a little back story. Vinnie has a situation in his life that I've been aware of for several months.

We do not see eye to eye on it, for reasons that will be verrrrrrrrrry obvious after you read his story!

Every time I offer my unsolicited advice in a really loud, in-your-face or as I call it, passionate manner discuss this situation with him, he always says to me "I know, I know, you're right".

Of course I'm right. Have you met me? LOL

So one day I said to him...you know, maybe you should do a guest blog and ask my readers and see if the majority agrees with me on this subject!

He foolishly bravely said yes.

Today, I am happy to finally present you with his writing. And I ask that you don't hold back in your comments on this post, as at the end of his part of this blog post, I will have my own flaming diatribe comments to make!

Without further ado...I give you Vinnie. Take it away, pal.

Julie has been asking me to do this for a while. I started a draft a month or so ago but it never was completed. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to write at least 30 minutes everyday. Julie used that to her benefit and suggested I use that resolution for this guest piece. So here I finally am.

I’m in a situation that I will just call unusual…

The end of June last summer I met a couple online (yes exactly for what you’re thinking). I chatted with the wife, we all met and then…

The following week I was invited to an overnight trip with their family to Vegas. The three us went to see a band and danced. On the dance floor she asked me what I was thinking. I said I was thinking how it easy it would be to fall for her but that it was a really bad idea. She agreed and asked if I could handle it and I said I could.

On the ride home I sat in the back with her cuddled up against me the whole time. That was the end of handling it. After that we were seeing each other as much as possible and two weeks later we said those words.

That’s the short story on how it happened.

I thought her husband and she were doing ok but it wasn’t quite what it seemed and in early October she asked for a divorce. Just after that happened her son and her daughter got into some stupid juvenile trouble. Because of that, a judge ordered that no major changes could take place in the kids lives until their probation is over.

Things slowed way down and it got much harder but none of the feelings changed. She’s trying not to rock the boat for the kids sake and at the same time I’m helping with the kids and some financially.

Julie thinks I should be running for the hills.

There’s a part of me that feels that way as well. I’ve been in love several times but I’ve never experienced anything like how I feel now. I could never walk away because of that and because I could never leave her in the state her life is in now. One thing I am is loyal and it just isn’t in me to leave and just let her go down in flames. Besides the fact that I don’t want to leave.

It would be easy to think she’s using me just by hearing what I’ve said but you can’t know that without knowing her. I know in her touch, I see in her eyes the pain that this situation is keeping us apart.

The connection we share is enormously strong. When we’re together it’s like there is nobody else. Nothing else matters at all. And when we’re “together” it has absolutely nothing to do about the sex, it’s being one… I know that sounds like a cheap romance novel but it’s true. I feel like I couldn’t breathe with out her.

Now I’m not a stupid person and I know love can make you do all kinds of crazy things. I’ve been there before. This is different. I’ve gone from cock eyed optimist to over the top pessimist and back to somewhere in between over the last 25 years. But no matter how I feel about life and the world around me at any given moment inside, sometimes buried much too deep, I still want that fairy tale.

I’m a realist but I also believe that the fairy tale is real and out there and I believe I have it right now. This is just the bad part of the story happening before the happy ending. The idea floats into my mind sometimes that I’m the biggest idiot on earth for believing this but if I don’t have faith in this then why bother with everything else?

Is it better to wait for what could be the utmost of happiness or let it go to move on? And I do wonder if by waiting I may be missing out on something else wonderful. And I’ll really put myself out there, by that something else I mean Julie…

I feel like there’s more to say and this may be just one big rambling, insane piece of gobbledygook but I’m going to leave it at this and whatever comments Julie adds. So let’s hear what you have to say. Be honest but at the same time keep your dreams in mind too.

OK...my turn. Don your crash helmets because we're in for a bumpy ride!

The essence of what I have said to Vinnie on numerous occasions is...

Are you fucking kidding me with this??????????

Are you crazy?

Do you honestly think a relationship that starts out as a THREESOME with some strange woman and her husband that you met on the Internet is going to turn into your Last Great Love?????????????? Sure, but ONLY if her husband freaking kills your ass! Then she might have indeed been the last love of your life!

(OK, I never said I was tactful.)

Everyone one of you who knows me, knows that my marriage ended because my husband cheated on me. So you know that this topic is one that I am very passionate about, and I cannot...and will not...EVER have sympathy for anybody who cheats on their spouse. There is no reason for it. If you are so unhappy in your marriage that you have to look outside it for happiness...THEN GET OUT OF IT FIRST.

I don't know this woman, nor do I ever want to. But if my husband had ever come to me and said "Hey, let's go find a guy on the Internet and have a threesome", I'd have recognized right away that our marriage was in deep shit trouble, and said "Hell to the NO" so fast his head would have spun around on his shoulders like a freaking top.

So don't tell me he "made" her do it, or this was the "first time". I don't buy it. And I have to ask a question here...you said "The following week I was invited to an overnight trip with their family to Vegas." Define "family" for me? If you are telling me that she and her husband took their boy toy (you!) AND THEIR KIDS to Vegas, I am going to flip the fuck out. Because how on earth you would explain to kids that the THREE of you are staying in one room together...and more importantly why any of you adults would subject kids to that situation...is more than my brain can handle. I pray you don't say her kids were involved, because I will fly to Arizona and kick some ass like you would not believe. Starting with yours.

The fact remains that you need to get out of their marriage now. You are in interloper into a place you do not belong. I don't care if you were invited in, you need to get the hell out. Whatever is happening between them, whether it's a divorce or not, is THEIR business, and you have no right to be in the middle of it. Come on, Vinnie...you have more respect for the institute of marriage than that. Would you want somebody insinuating himself into yours?

As for a judge telling her...no...ordering her to make no changes until probation is over...are you kidding me with this? Unless I saw the court order forbidding her from taking herself and her children out of what you tell me is a bad home situation, then I don't buy that AT ALL.

"Hey Judge, my kids are acting out and turning into juvenile delinquents because my husband is a jerk and makes our life at home a living hell and they can't stand being around him".

Aw, too bad, lady. You need to suck it up and keep yourself and those kids in that ugly home life and suffer it out. No getting a divorce and putting your kids in a more stable environment to keep them out of trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, I just don't buy that at all.

So meanwhile, what we have here is a woman who tells you she wants to get a divorce, yet stays with her husband because a judge says she has to. Meanwhile, she continually dumps her kids on you to babysit, and you pay her bills and contribute financially to her household...yeah, the one that includes HER HUSBAND. And you tell me it's because she can't pay her bills and she needs your help. Which bears the question, who paid her bills before you came along?

Listen, I understand believing in the fairy tale. After all I've been through, I still believe that there is more than one chance to live happily ever after. But Vinnie, I don't think this is it. And I hate to see you wasting your life (and your time AND your finances) on this woman, waiting for her to leave her husband and do what, come and ride off into the sunset with you?

Why would you want to spend forever with a woman who cheats on her husband????????? Who has no respect for marriage, and no integrity when it comes to keeping her vows?

You said "When we’re together it’s like there is nobody else.". Well, I hate to tell you,pal, but there is somebody else, and he's showing no intention of getting a divorce and handing his wife over to you. He has no idea his marriage is in trouble, at least not to the extent she leads you to believe it is. Trust me on this one...my husband made a big show of telling his affair how we weren't compatible, he'd been wanting to divorce me for months, we never had sex, I was this horrible bitch who made his life a living hell...you know the drill. The same thing every person who is cheating tells the person they are cheating with. Because they will never be honest and say "Actually, (s)he is a great person, I'm just being a lowlife scum by cheating on someone I vowed to love for the rest of my life, and destroying everything we have".

Wow, I've rambled on longer than Vinnie's post, haven't I? Before you guys start thinking I could have toned this down a little, just know that I have said nothing here that I haven't already said to Vinnie on many occasions. He's known me long enough now to know that I don't sugarcoat anything, especially when it comes to this particular topic!!!!!

One last thing I have to address is this:

Is it better to wait for what could be the utmost of happiness or let it go to move on? And I do wonder if by waiting I may be missing out on something else wonderful. And I’ll really put myself out there, by that something else I mean Julie…

The short answer is...yes, it's better to move on. IF she really is this great love for you, then give her the room she needs to stand on her own two feet and walk out of her marriage because her marriage is over, and not because you want her to. If she's your last great love then you have (God willing) a lifetime to love her. But she has unfinished business to attend to, and at this juncture she doesn't seem to be highly motivated to finish it. If she really wanted out of her marriage, she'd get out of it. Period. She has you to fall back on, to help her take care of her kids and to support her financially and emotionally. She can petition the court to allow the judge to lift the "order" (yeah, I'm being very sarcastic with that!) to allow her to make positive changes in her children's lives. She could file for divorce on the grounds of extreme cruelty if she had to.

But she has to make those moves, and until then you should not be sitting back, miserable and in pain and watching life pass you by, waiting for her to do it. You may be waiting a very long time.

Lastly, I would be remiss if I did not say this to you....

Vinnie, you know that I think you are a wonderful man. You've become very dear to me this last few months. I count you among my blogging friends who I hope to meet this year! Yes, I believe that by waiting on her, you may be missing out on many wonderful things...but I'm not one of them. I am not a factor in this decision, nor do I want to be. (And should I be offended that I'm second choice behind somebody's cheating wife????) You and I have no idea if we'd even like each other in person...and I live 2,000 miles or more away from you. But most importantly, I don't want to be your consolation prize. If we ever had a relationship, it would be solely because we wanted to...not because somebody else didn't want to be with you.

On that note, I'm going to open this up to my readers. Don't let my diatribe sway your thoughts and feelings on the subject at hand. I'll post all comments, as I always do. Vinnie is aware that some may not be nice, and of course I don't expect you all to agree with my point of view either...

And please, don't be afraid to be a guest blogger for me in the future. I really won't rip everyone's head off like I did Vinnie's here! :::smooch::: Sorry, hon.

OK let's open up the phone lines and see what you all have to say. Go ahead, caller...

You don't want to miss Monday's post....

I have a guest blogger on Monday...Vinnie has *finally* written the blog I've been bugging the shit out of him to do asking for!

Now, whether he and I will still be friends after this remains to be seen...

But he is looking for your opinions on a situation in his life...so everybody get your asses here tomorrow and tell him what you think.

Because you *KNOW* I will.

Saturday Rewind

Since my blog tends to be pretty quiet on the weekends, I'm going to recycle my very first blog post from last April...enjoy!

So here I am....47.

Wow.

Why is it that I feel 37 mentally and 57 physically? Gee, maybe because I'm overweight, out of shape, still smoking on occasion, and refusing to set foot anywhere near a gym? Let's face it, if I'm going to be sweating and breathing hard, there better be nudity involved. I'm just sayin.

So I decided to start blogging. Jump on the wagon, so to speak. (Hey, that would qualify as exercise, right?) I was told today that I should start recording everything I eat..."if you bite it, write it". That way you are more cognizant of your food behaviors.

Food behaviors? I eat anything that doesn't move. How's that for a food behavior?

OK so back to the purpose of this blog. I just turned 47 a few weeks ago. Clearly, I'm not getting any younger. So if I plan on taking one last run at being "all that" (ok so I've never actually been "all that", but I'd like to, at least once before I die, hear someone say "You're too skinny!" without any sort of medical intervention being involved!)...anyway, I need to get that last run started.

The thing is, I *know* better. My best friend is a naturopathic doctor, for heaven's sake! She has tried for years to get me on the right track (not to mention, to save my life) and I've fought her every step of the way. Whining at the top of my lungs..."It's too "hard" to eat healthy and organic and natural. I don't "like" to exercise. Yes, I "know" I have no business eating meat or any other animal products with my history of colitis, and family history of colon cancer." I can lecture other people until the cows come home about the bad effects of dairy on your body! (pun intended) So it's not like I'm stupid, or clueless, and have gotten to this point in life by accident. My body is what it is because of my own negligence. Period. I got nobody to blame but me.

So I figured accountability is a good place to start. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, so I'm not sure who I'm being accountable to or what I'm really even accounting for. Am I going to post what I eat every day? Maybe. That should be good for a laugh. Am I going to post how lazy I am and how much time I log being hortizontal rather than vertical? Possibly.

I'm just starting slowly at the exercise thing. If I type enough, I should have really skinny fingers, right?

Well Hell

I had a good post to share and then it wouldn't show up right. Gotta work on my blog knowledge for 2009 so that I can figure out how to fix these kinds of issues!

Back at work today, I've been off since Christmas Eve and it's been nice. I'll get caught up on everyone's blogs today, and eventually get back here with a creative one of my own.

Or, I'll steal someone else's. That always works too.

Happy 2009!!!!

Where were you when the ball dropped?

And now for the first important announcement of 2009...I'm not going to stop doing Bachelor posts. Due to popular demand, I will continue blogging about the freaks who continue to attract themselves to me nice men I'm meeting online.

This is a short post today, so I will leave you with this thought as we start a brand new year....

"Resolve to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years, you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution of the general fund enjoyment."

I wish you Health...
So you may enjoy each day in comfort.
I wish you the Love of friends and family...
And Peace within your heart.
I wish you the Beauty of nature...
That you may enjoy the work of God.
I wish you Wisdom to choose priorities...
For those things that matter really in life.
I wish you Generosity so you may share...
All good things that come to you.
I wish you Happiness and Joy...
And Blessings for the New year.
I wish you the best of everything...
That you do well deserve.
HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!