I'm easily entertained.

More "Texts From Last Night". Humor me.

(801): You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.

(917): i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!

(423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

(502): you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...

(425): Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.

(978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

(740): at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!

(614): this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

(559): my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding

(248): I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time

(781): i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.

(402): her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed

(828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
(402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
(402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

(718): Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

(412): i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes

(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

(484): Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
(215): Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks

(972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

(757): 6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.

(707): OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
(1-707): Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.

(978): my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night

(520): The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.