Friday, August 21, 2009

Cash for Clunkers?

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst part.

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

CASH FOR CLUNKERS...........I QUALIFY

How about You?

25 comments:

Roxie said...

Funny stuff. Not so funny is that I have one of those leaky radiators, too!

Gaia said...

Darn good post! exact description of moi except for the leaky radiators.

Bagman and Butler said...

My actual car just turned 100,000 and still flies off the line and corners on a dime. As for me -- well, my windshield is definitely askew, I've got too much useless heavy junk in the trunk, the battery doesn't want to crank on most mornings, the steering wheel has a hard time turning around when I'm on the wrong road, the brakes are faulty when I'm speeding toward social faux pas, and the gear shift won't go higher than second gear. But the radio works good.

Unknown said...

LOL! Another leaky radiator here.

Anonymous said...

Oh my!!! You made me laugh this morning.

LW's car has 217,000+ miles on it. Think he should trade that puppy in?

me said...

hello? triple A?...yes...my car just died......

The Peach Tart said...

I can so relate.

Helen said...

Snap!

You forgot one more thing, though. What about your shock absorbers not being able to take any more surprises?

And the hooter? It just doesn't hoot anymore...

xx

Vegas Linda Lou said...

You're hysterical. And you're not a clunker--you're a classic.

Philly said...

You better hurry up !! My hub works at a dealer and the clunkers program is ending soon, like real soon.

#1

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

So funny.
And true. And we're only at middle age...
What's gonna go in the next 20???

Mr. Glob said...

HAHA. Thats great.

sheila said...

I qualify, lol. Too bad it wasn't that simple ha ha ha

tracy said...

This is very funny...or is it???
It's my radiator that is constantly over heating;)
Gracie

Kim said...

This is hilarious!

Gertrude Groggins - said...

This is great! I'm still trying to figure out "my headlights are out of focus" though, because I know what headlights are in my house... I guess, by our definition, mine are out of focus too because they don't point forward anymore!

The Retired One said...

I got this in an email about a month ago. It made me laugh!

Becky said...

I think my 'clunker' would operate much better with regular lube jobs.

Julie D said...

Oh, Amen to that, Becky!!!!!

Anonymous said...

My oil dried up. Joe keeps trying to give me a lube job, but after it rusts, nothing will get it greased up again.

Anonymous said...

Well my horn don't blow.. but then mine never did!~ But I'm such a clunker that even the Govt would take this deal.. even they have standards!


Cheri

Stephanie said...

LOL so so true for most of us:)

Entrepreneur Chick said...

Three words for ya, baby.
PUSH UP BRA.
Great post!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

Oh, how funny! If you can still laugh about it, it can't be all that bad!

Me said...

Julie you are so NOT a clunker. You just need a little tune up. Couldn't you be VINTAGE instead of a clunker? LOL