I can do this.

My son left for Chicago this morning. He and his best friend Ead are spending at week at my boss' condo and enjoying some "guy time" before summer is over and Ead takes off to college.

You might remember This Post from January when Jordan and his ex-girfriend went to Chicago as well. At least I didn't put him on a plane this time, now I just have to worry about him driving 6 hours and navigating the crazy ass drivers and even stupider pedestrians intense traffic in downtown Chicago. Remember, I was just there. Those people are nuts.

I gotta tell ya, this empty nest thing is not all it's cracked up to be. Jordan has hardly been home this summer. I know he still lives here because food disappears and somebody is taking showers here. But for the most part, we communicate via text message or phone call. The few nights he has slept at home (which is maybe twice a week if I'm lucky), he gets in at 3am and of course I am sleeping, waking long enough to hear him stick his head in my room, say he's home, and shut my door. Then I get up and go to work and he's in bed, and by the time I get home he's at work, and the cycle starts over.

For the most part I'm getting used to "living alone". I can eat cereal for dinner and not have to worry about cooking. I can have the TV to myself. I don't have to be quiet most mornings for fear of waking him up. Pretty much any mess in the house is mine. I am learning to sleep okay being alone in the house at night. (Thank God I have security system!)

But I miss parenting. And more importantly, I miss my son.

He doesn't need me anymore, and that is so hard to take. I feel like I got fired from a job I thought I was doing really well, and for no reason! And the worst part, is that my fears, my worries about his safety and wellbeing didn't go away with the job loss...if anything they have intensified.

I worry about him all the time. And I realize I am worrying about things that are out of my control and it's a waste of time to obsess over it.

But I do anyway.

I try not to let it show. I try to act like I'm all fine and good with him being an adult and for the most part, supporting himself. I try to remember that I have done a great job with him, that he has always been very mature for his age, and I raised him with values and principals, and taught him right from wrong.

I try to remember that he is an adult.

He can get married if he wants.

He can serve and protect our country, and carry a gun.

He can vote.

He can legally buy cigarettes. LOL

He is responsible for his own future, and if God forbid he were to get in trouble with the law or whatever, I can't fix it.

But he's my baby. And it's hard for me to see him as a man. A grown up. Ready to go off and live his life without me.

Sigh.

So here's the deal, I am going to try really hard to leave him alone this week, and let him enjoy his vacation without Mom checking in with him ten times a day. I'm going to trust him to be safe, be careful, be smart and pay attention to his surroundings. I know he's going to go to clubs and be out late, and I just have to relax and know that many of you parents who read my blog have been through the same thing, and your child(ren) survived and so did you.

I may have to sedate myself to get through the week though...send booze and Xanax will ya?

But I'm really going to try to let go, and let him stand on his own two feet.

The good news is that his sister lives like a mile away from where he will be staying so I know she can get to him if he needs something. And at least two of my blogging buddies live in Chicago, so Rita and Kathy....stay by your computers. Haha

On a brighter note, you might want to check his blog link every day (it's the one on the right about getting your Daily Fred) as I'm sure he'll be updating it with pictures and stuff like he did last trip, and of course Fred went with him. I'm guessing we'll get lots of interesting Fred pictures this trip!