Scenes from a shower.

Yesterday was Elizabeth's drunken bash with sex toys party wedding shower, and I do believe a good time was had by all.

Believe it or not, I remained sober throughout. WTF??

I was the designated Captain of the pontoon boat, seeing how I was the only one who could drive it...so I had to maintain decorum and keep my wits about me. What few I have left...

It was a lot of fun....

Here comes the bride with her first drink in hand:



Everybody needs to suck on something:



The Bachelorette Barge (yeah, we realized the flag was backwards right about the time this picture was taken):



One bride after 4 shots of tequila, with her peeps (what's with Nancy copping a feel there??)



Later in the evening, the neighbor boys came over to toast the bride with shots of Tuaca. No idea what Tuaca is, but it tasted pretty damn good!



Anyone up for a game?



I know she doesn't wear thongs normally, clearly we are going to have to explain the concept of them going *under* her shorts, not over.



Every marriage needs handcuffs and body paint. I'm just sayin.



Happy last single weekend, sweetie. This time next week, you'll be on your way to Aruba and I'll be singing "Another One Bites the Dust". Love you!

Wow, check out the email I got last night

This is a direct quote....and the funny thing is that I have no idea who sent this. They emailed me through my blog.

I have been reading your blog for awhile now, and most of the time I find you to be funny and entertaining. However, your post about John McCain and his "mistress" was completely uncalled for.

You are not a political analyst, or a politician yourself, and you have no business turning your blog into a personal platform to bash Republicans, or to make up lies about Senator McCain having affairs. Shame on you. His personal life has no reflection on his ability to lead our nation.

If you want to be an Obama supporter, do it quietly. The rest of the world could care less about your opinion.

Well...let me just respond in a very public manner.

Dear Reader: (I considered putting the actual email address here, but I wasn't sure if I could get in trouble for that or not!)

Thank you for reading, it makes me happy to know that people find me entertaining and fun. I enjoy writing it, and while I obviously do not know everyone who reads my blog, I am glad that so many do.

The key words in that previous sentence are...MY BLOG. And being my blog, I can write anything I damn well please in it. You, as my reader, have the choice to walk on by. If you see a post with a title that offends you, it is my suggestion that you simply do not read it.

Everyone who knows me in real life, knows that I am quite opinionated and I have no desire to hide it. Everyone has their personal feelings about the upcoming election, and I have chosen to share mine with my readers. You do not have to agree, you do not have to read it. But make no mistake, it is my 1st Amendment right to say it.

And I will.

So I will happily turn my blog into whatever political platform I choose. Deal with it.

And as for Senator McCain, it is well documented that he cheated on his first wife (who was paralyzed fron an accident at the time, no less) with current wife Cindy, and that he has had two affairs with staffers since he's been married to her. I'm not making this stuff up just to show him in a poor light. He has done just fine without my help in that regard. And based on his track record of having relationships with staff members, who's to say that he doesn't have his wandering eye on Mrs. Palin?

I have said before, and I will say again, if a man cannot be trusted to uphold his commitment and promises to one person, how on earth can he be trusted to do so to an entire nation???? So yes, dear Reader, his personal life DOES have bearing on his ability to lead our nation, in my opinion.

So...here's what I can tell you for sure today. As we get closer to this election, my blog will have political viewpoints on it. I welcome comments from everyone who reads it...good or bad...and I will gladly publish viewpoints other than my own. (Such as my friend Penny, who is probably reading these entries about McCain/Palin and screaming at her computer "Julie!!! Have I taught you nothing in 25 years of friendship???", because she supports the Republican platform and I clearly don't).

As for the rest of the world not caring about my opinion...clearly YOU do, or you would not have emailed me in the first place.

Sincerely,

Julie

Sarah "Palin Comparison To Hillary"

The more I thought about this last night, the more scared I got. I'm scared for the women of this country, and pray that they will follow their heads, and not vote for McCain/Palin JUST because one of the candidates has ovaries.

Especially when I read this morning that Mrs. Palin had a child in April who has Down's Syndrome and she's being hailed as brilliant and hardcore for not aborting when she knew the baby would be born with health issues.

Good God, I would not abort my child for that reason either, but that does not qualify me to be the leader of the free world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is so completely unqualified to be President....what on earth was John McCain thinking? His choice to choose someone who is so unprepared is shockingly irresponsible. To me, it calls into question his judgement, and makes his age and health even more central issues in this election!

I read a quote today that summed it up beautifully:

For months, the McCainiacs have said they will run on his judgment and experience. In his first presidential decision, John McCain has shown that he is willing to endanger his country, potentially leaving it in the hands of someone who simply has no business being a heartbeat away from the most powerful, complicated, difficult job in human history.

So I'm addressing my blog post today to all the women who read it, and I implore you to vote with your HEAD, not your uterus.

I want to see a woman President in my lifetime just like you do....but this is not the way to go about it. Sarah Palin is not Hillary Clinton. Not even close. Please, please do not confuse the two.

So McCain picked himself a new mistress... running mate

Ooops, did I say that outloud? Damn this "Infidelity Tourette's" problem I have now!!

I will give him credit....his advisors are leading him in the right direction.

Why not try to pick up the Hillary supporters who wanted a woman president, by getting a female VP and hoping to swing those votes his way? Because she will be a heartbeat away from the Presidency if he happened to get elected...and let's face it, dude isn't getting any younger!

If I was even remotely on the fence about who I would vote for, (and let's be honest, I was democratically feeling 80/20 but I was trying to keep an open mind) my decision has just been made for me. I was almost certain I could not bear another Republican in the White House and at least four more years of Bushstyle politics...now I have no doubt which way I'm leaning.

Funny, all Mr. McCain can do is harp on Mr. Obama's inexperience. Yet he selects a running mate with less than 2 years experience as a Governor, and previous experience as Mayor of a town of 9,000 people. Oh, and she's "just your average soccer mom from Alaska".

With all due respect to Mrs. Palin, as much as I'd love to see a woman President in my life time, she is not who I consider to be a good choice to lead this country. And being a heartbeat away from the Presidency, there's a damn good chance she could at some point. Frankly, I am not willing to take that chance.

Are you?

A relaxing day off....sorta.

Took today off to get some drunkfest wedding shower details taken care of. Which means I'm spending a good part of the day looking for sex toys and penis decorations. It sucks to be me. LOL

Getting my hair colored though! I'm excited. Going dark again. I've decided as much as I love being red, it doesn't really love me anymore. I was born with mousy brown hair. No highlights or tones in it, just flat brown. My oldest sister, who was a hairdresser at the time, frosted (yes, frosted! remember what that is?) my hair when I was 14. That pretty much started the coloring trend for me. At the ripe old age of 23, I met the woman who would turn out to be one of my closest friends and soulmates...Penny. She was this vivacious redhead, and I fell in love with her! Wanted to be her! She had this fabulous life, everybody loved her, and you couldn't help but be drawn to her. Thank God she has some sorta soulmatey thing with me too because we've been closerthanthis for a quarter of a century now.

So...because of her, I became a redhead as well. (Yep, I'm that co-dependent!) That was 25 years ago, and I've been some version of red ever since. It suited me. It works with my fair and freckled skin. I remember when I had Jordan, afterwards the nurse made a comment about how "natural redheads tend to bleed more after delivery" and I was like "Dude, you people were down there...you KNOW I'm not a natural redhead!" (Which explains the Ronald McDonald T-shirt that made me laugh so hard in an earlier post!)

Anyway...last winter my hairdresser steered me towards a darker color, almost coffee'ish, and I really liked it. It was that way for a couple of months and then I missed my red, so we went back towards an auburn'ish shade. But frankly, I don't feel it looks as good. I've seen pictures recently that make me go "Ugh". So I'm going dark again. Maybe put some dark red highlights in it....best of both worlds then right?

Thanks everyone for your prayers yesterday for my sister and her dog. Annabelle is in heaven now, and we are all sure she's hanging out with my Dad and my sister Linda, just having a good old time. (And if it's true that one is restored to health and vitality in heaven, then Anna is running in circles and barking alot, and has probably annoyed the crap out of Linda by now! haha)

Oh, and by the way, I thought Obama's speech was fabulous.

This will be a sad day for my sister.

My sister Patty has to put her dog Annabelle down today. Anna is 13, and she's not been in the best of health for a couple of years now (arthritis, hard for her to move, breathes like she's gasping and ready to keel over, etc.). But this week Patty found out Anna has some sort of tumor thing growing in her mouth and throat, and the vet said it was time to take her home, love on her for a few days, and let her go.

So today Patty is taking her back to the vet at 4pm to do that.

It's breaking her heart, Annabelle has pretty much been her 4th child, and she has spoiled that dog rotten. She even calls her from vacation so that Anna can hear her voice! I know how hard this will be for her, and I am asking all my blog friends to say a little prayer for my sister, and give her strength today.

Here is a picture I took of them Tuesday night, so that she'd have one more picture with Anna before she goes...



I'd like to end this with something that I think is really beautiful...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

My favorite new "T-Shirt Hell" shirts..

Some of my new favorites shirts...I never said I was politically correct so keep that in mind!!!







Especially for my good friend, Dr. S...



And for the babies....





Hmmmm...my favoritest baby, Jesse James...is having a birthday soon...coincidence? I think not!!!

Just out of curiosity....

Do .gifs work on here?


Sweet! They do!

Oh, you people are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E now.

Trying to get my act together for this weekend

So next Saturday is Elizabeth's wedding, which means this Saturday is her lingerie sex toy drunken bash girls gone wild party wedding shower, and I do NOT have my shit together.

I haven't ordered a cake yet. I was going to make something phallic and disgusting pretty, but I don't have time.

I haven't shopped for vibrators, cock rings and nipple clamps a nice gift yet.

I haven't gotten any penis shaped suckers decorations yet.

I guess it's a good thing I took Friday off to get these things done, eh? Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Of course I already have half my day booked, with getting my hair colored, my new back tire and front end alignment, and a massage!

It's just all about me, isn't it? I suck as a friend.

******************************

My dear friend, Sue, maker of my own beautiful wedding cake (THE best part of that day! haha) suggested I make this cake for the drunkfest shower:



And I laughed so damn hard I had no choice but to post it here. I simply could not let something that good pass my blog by.

OMG! It gets even better! Check out the website for the rest of this lady's cakes!!!! DISCLAIMER: Be careful opening this link at work!

You like me! You really like me!!!!

Check this out. Commence with being jealous and green with envy. I'll wait.



I have received my first Blog Award!!!! Thanks to that bat-shit-crazy Deb over at Postcards from the Edge, I am now an award winning blogga. A legend in my own mind....

So here's the deal. I get to nominate my own peeps for an award of their own. I'm gonna get so much love for this....

Danica - who is my dear friend and "accidentally single" no more.

Meaghan - who has two of the cutest little guys ever, and I've felt blessed to watch them grow.

Vinnie - new friend who already understands the wrath of Julie is dealt with love!

Trisha - if I had anything to do with her being pregnant, I can assure you, it was my pleasure!

Rita - a long time friend who's blog usually makes me hungry!

Nate - his story, his wife and beautiful baby, have reaffirmed my faith, and shown me that miracles do happen.

and last but not least...

Matt - I read his blog daily, sometimes I check it 10 times a day for updates. I've cried, laughed, and had every emotion in between, and I'm grateful every day that he shares his life with us.

Ok so here are the rules for Hearting another blogger....

1. The winner can put the logo on her/his blog.
2. Link the person you received your award from.
3. Nominate 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of those you’ve nominated

Thanks to all of you for making my work day a little shorter...I read so damn many blogs I get about half a day's work done!!!!!

Love you guys!

Funniest line on TV....

Just watched last night's episode of Weeds. Dude is trying to bang some hot Mexican chick and she wants nothing to do with him.

"I think it's time she got some cockamole all over her faceadilla".



Fucking funny shit.

******************************************************

Funniest line on TV - Part 2

"I'd like to thank...the sisterhood of the travelling pantsuits" ~ Hillary Clinton

This is my son...right?

First he shaved the beard off. Now his hair is even shorter, if that's possible.



My baby isn't a baby anymore, is he?

This should make My Peeps happy.

Will this make everyone drop it feel better now?



PS...If a car runs over him tonight, I swear I am at home in front of my computer and about to go to bed. Alone. (Which could make a girl crazy enough to run some fool's ass over but honestly, it wasn't me, Officer!)

Happy Birthday, Alison!!!

This little bit of sunshine, my great niece Ali, is 6 today. She's our little spitfire, perpetual motion bundle of joy. Here are some of my favorite recent pictures of her, from her dance recital and school:







Now, I think all the August birthdays are over...Maggie and Dad, Mom, Patty and Ali have all turned another year older....and we should be good until Taylor's birthday in October now!

Happy Birthday, Patty!

Today is my sister's 56th birthday. She's thrilled that I'm putting her age on the Internet for the world to see! Had a party for her tonight, margaritas flowed, and interesting questions were posed. I will address one of them tomorrow.

Meanwhile...my son came home from work looking like this:



Um, at least I *think* this is my child. He's had a beard for so long that I'm not sure this babyface really is him?

Evidently he decided to "trim" his beard before work today. Nothing like going all in, is there?

The Ass Bra

Seriously? There is actually a company making this??



According to their website, the purpose is:

A creative solution for those who want the illusion of slim and trim thighs, a tummy-tuck and a butt-lift without the use of padding.

Now, a few things come to mind right off the bat when looking at this...

First of all, if your ass looks this good, you don't need a bra for it. If my ass looked like this, I would not be covering it up. I'd be bare assed naked running down the frozen food aisle of Giant Eagle. Hell, mine didn't look like that back in the days when it looked good!

Second, if your ass looks anything like mine (and I hope for your sake, it doesn't), then the effect is basically going to be equivalent of seeing a huge amount of oatmeal cookie dough squeezed through a couple of straws.

Third, there is no amount of "high compression latex" that is going to smooth the tummies and thighs of us big girls in a way that doesn't look like we're enclosed in sausage casing.

Honestly...imagine how pretty this is going to look on. When you were a kid and played with water balloons, did you ever squeeze one in the middle and then you had two separate balloons of jiggly water? That's what I see going on when you wear this (except the balloons are lumpy and pasty white).

And the big old circles left on your ass cheeks when you take it off? Bulls Eyes. Lovely. Like I need to draw attention to that area of my body.

No thanks, I think I'll stick with what I have. It may not be pretty, but at least it's not getting into the room 5 minutes after the rest of me.

Working on my Blog layout

I'm working on updating/changing/decorating my blog. (Thanks, Georgie! Now I've got something to do this weekend!) (Maybe I can work on reading your sign....does it come in braille? Clearly I'm good with my hands....)

Bear with me while Blogga goes through the ugly teenager gawky-with-braces stage. By Monday, She will be fabulous.

Meanwhile I'll leave you with my favorite new sign:



Happy Friday!!!!

I have a girl crush.

I swear to you I am not a closet lesbian, but if I were a dude, I'd be all over this woman.

My current crush is Tabatha. She was on Shear Genius last season, and I love, love, love her. And now, she has her own show on Bravo...Tabatha's Salon Takeover! Woohoo! I, as usual, DVR'd it last night and then stayed up til midnight watching. LOVES IT!!!!! (as screeched in my best gay man voice)


I don't know, there's just something about a royal bitch who wears nothing but black, speaks with an Australian accent that makes even her meanest comments acceptable, bossing people around and basically just taking zero shit from anyone or anything in the world...that I find attractive!

I'm surprised she doesn't have a whip.

Actually, I really do don't want to know if she does. I might like her too much then!

Scenes from a party

Here's some pictures from Mom's birthday. She was very surprised to see us all.

The birthday girl:



Mom and Me:



My sisters Patty and Sue Ellen, me and Mom:



Sue Ellen's husband Chuck, son Jason, his wife and kids and Mom:



Brother-in-law Jan (he was married to my sister Linda when she was alive) and his new wife Jan (yes, they are The Jan's) and Mom:



Gosh, I look at these pictures and realize how frail my Mom is getting. Of course, 4 years ago after we lost Linda and Dad seven months apart, I didn't expect Mom to live this long. I thought the grief would kill her. I'm thankful every day that she's still here, and hanging in there.

I love you Mom, I hope it was a great birthday....

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!!!!

My little mama is 84 years young today. Bless her heart. Her body is frail but her mind is sharp as a tack.

We're going to surprise her with a cake and party tonight, so I'll post pictures tomorrow.

But here she was last year at the "Hawaiian Luau" at the nursing home.




And here she is last summer riding on the 4 wheeler with my sister!



I love you, Mommy! Happy, happy birthday!!!!