For your viewing pleasure....

Some scenes from Saturday.

First, I whacked my hair off. Rumor has it I look younger with shorter hair. So 6" gone should equal at least 6 years right? I'm 42 now.



Then it was Prom Night.

Here's my boy and his girl. Aren't they the Cutest Couple Ever? Her dress was so gorgeous, pictures don't do it justice.






Awwwww. I think they like each other.



Me, Steph, Jordan and Greg (Jordan's Dad)



Everybody thinks Jordan looks just like his Dad. I think there is a definite resemblence but come on, he's got at least a little of me in him too right?



Jordan and his brother Wes. Wes looks more like his mom now, I think.



Oh wait, there's the family resemblence. Guess they all do look alike!



Last night was the opening of Decorator's Showhouse. It's a museum fundraising event that the Women's Board puts on every two years and interior designers in our city each do a room. My boss, unconventional as he is, chooses to take raw space and transform it, rather than work with the confines of an existing room. So this was the mechanical room in the basement. It's now called The Vault and it's a wine cellar!





And just so you know I really did need the handcuffs for this, here's pictures to prove it! So no, I do not have some poor man cuffed to my bed. (I wish!) Thank you again to my friend Lt. B. and his lovely wife for letting me borrow their sex toy his work tools.




By the way, I've been asked *why* handcuffs in a wine cellar? This room is called The Vault, and the idea for it came when my boss, and his two friends who are an architect and a builder, sat down drinking a bottle of wine aptly named The Prisoner. So the handcuffs are a nod to the wine that started the whole concept for the wine cellar.

The Showhouse preview party was last night, and after drinking a lot of wine (hey, we made the wine room, you gotta work it!) we ventured out for a late dinner, and I didn't get home until 2am. Late night for this 48 42 year old.

I feel a laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy Sunday coming on.

Coming tomorrow....The Sexy Blogger Award

That's right. Look what I got....find out from whom, and who gets it next...tomorrow.

Oooh goodie, a new Bachelor for your viewing pleasure!

(Yes, his picture was sideways in his email)

My butiful Julie

I have ben hurt in the past but I am ready to love like I've never been hurt before...To tell you more about myself...I am very intelligent, energetic, loyal, respectful, positive, optimistic, romantical, caring, sensitive, compassionate, easy going, appreciative, monogamous, friendly, sincere, understanding, monogamous, straightforward, flexible, adaptable, hardworking, monogamous and easy to please...Friends have told me that I am extremely loyal, approachable, honest, and laid back. I don't take myself too seriously since life is too short....Importantly, I have a good sense of humor and like to hard laugh. On rainy days I like watching old movie with some popcorns with that someone special.I like watching romantic films,reading ,walking on the beach, Intellectual conversations,Holding hands with a woman and having a nice day.am ready to relocate to rigth woman.

love Babatunde Williams

How can I pass up a guy who thinks I'm BUTiful? And who is willing to relocate from God knows where just to be with me? And he's clearly monogamous and romantical?

Unfortunately, I think he's too pretty for me, and I'm going to have to pass.

I just don't get it. And I'm pretty sure I don't want to.

I will never understand men.

I haven't in the past 48 years. And I don't expect to in the next 48.

I don't think it's genetically possible.

I truly believe that when they separate us in 5th grade and take the boys in one room and put the girls in the other to teach us about periods and stuff, they tell the boys how to drive women insane. And NOT in a sexual way.

One of the things that annoys the living shit right out of me bothers me about men is their lack of communication skills, especially when they use it as a way to play games with women.

Grow up, fellas. This isn't junior high.

It is not that difficult to carry on a conversation. It definitely should not be that tough to answer polite questions from somebody you are either intimate with, or wanting to be intimate with.

Guys, listen up. Conversation is like a tennis game. I hit the ball to you, you hit it back to me. Occasionally the ball drops and somebody has to pick it up and lob it over the net again. But for the most part, it's back and forth. Give and take. I talk, you talk.

This is what conversation is NOT: I ask, you answer the question and that's it. Then dead air. I lob another one your way. You answer again. I get nothing in return. No further action on the court.

I'm not fucking playing proverbial tennis with myself here, pal.

This is not rocket science. You ask, I answer with witty repartee and a question of my own. Then you laugh, respond accordingly, show some interest by asking something about me, and then it's my turn again.

It's a conversation between two people who are getting acquainted. Not a goddamn job interview. Nothing annoys me more than to have to drag conversation out of somebody. Yes I'm interested in getting to know you. But part of this process is you getting to know me too.

Once in awhile you get lucky, and you meet someone who can carry on a conversation. It's refreshing, and kind of a turn on to actually have someone engaging me in witty banter. Asking questions about me, telling me about himself, having a good time getting to know each other.

Until he becomes Mr. One Word.

Let the record show, Your Honor, that I divorced Mr. One Word.

I HAVE ZERO DESIRE TO DATE ANOTHER ONE LIKE HIM.

My ex was not the best communicator in the world in general. (I'm being nice here) In fact, he sucked at it. He knows this about himself so it's not like I'm telling family secrets here. But what was really annoying about him, especially this past three years since our divorce, was the one word response shit, which was his way of punishing me, usually for busting him out on bad behaviors. So for weeks, he would respond this way, knowing he was technically answering the question yet not really giving me the information I was asking for, thus causing me to probe further...only so he could then accuse me of interrogating him!

Julie: Hey, whatcha doin?

Ex: Nothing.

Julie: Oh...are you at home?

Ex: No.

Julie: Oh. Where are you?

Ex: Driving.

Julie: Yeah? Where are you going?

Ex: Easton

Julie: Oh, what are you going to Easton for?

Ex: Nothing

Julie: Ok, so you are driving to the biggest shopping mecca in Columbus to do nothing?

Ex: Why are you interrogating me? See this is why I'm single.

(No, you are single for many reasons other than this, pal)

Why can't this be a normal conversation, you know, like I'd have with a woman....

Julie: Hey! Whatcha doin?

Friend: I'm on my way to Easton. Just felt like walking around since it's so nice out. What are you doing?"

Seriously, WHY is this so difficult?

So anyway, I thought it was case specific....that being just my ex and his "I'm punishing you by speaking in one word responses because I know how much it pisses you off".

So what happens today?

I discover that it's not just HIM. Evidently, another guy that I was enjoying getting to know, has officially enrolled in the VP School of Answering Questions with One Word Only.

Do I just attract this species or what? Is there a sign on a bathroom wall somewhere that says "The fastest way to piss Julie off is to give a one word response to her when you both know she deserves a better answer than that".

No no no no no. I'm not playing this bullshit game with yet another man. Sorry.

But, just so you know that two can play...here's my one word response to him:

Ciao.

Thursday Weigh In *Updated*

According to Wii Fit....

Drumroll please.....

I have lost 4.9 lbs this week! Woohoooooooooo!

I'm off to find myself a little tracker thingy to put on my blog.

*******************************

Found a tracker to use temporarily. It's at the very bottom of my blog. Damn thing is too wide to fit on the side, so I'll keep looking.

Also, I just got an email from the Universe. LOL I get one every day, and they are good reminders of how I need to focus on the positive, not the negative, to ask for what I want and live as though I already have it. This one I got a kick out of because just the other day I posted that I got a "do over" via divorce court....

Oh yeah, Julie, I forgot to tell you...

You get as many "do-overs" as you like. Of course, you never know you're living a "do-over" until it's over.

There are lots of reasons for wanting a "do-over." Most of all, people want another chance to do things they were afraid to do the first time, and to say things they were afraid to say. Oddly enough, it's not their mistakes they want to rework, but their "unused" minutes.

Yeah, pretty nifty, but you should know that it isn't any easier the next time, and because no two ever go exactly the same, the gifts, opportunities, and loves of one, never appear the same way again. Never.

So all in all, it's better to live as if there are no "do-overs," so that you won't need one. But I thought I'd share this with you anyway, to work in the bits about fear, mistakes, and how precious today's opportunities really and truly are.

Crafty as a fox,
The Universe

Wordless Wednesday....wait, does that mean I can't talk?

I feel compelled to explain these....but I won't.

Oh crap, it's me in two years.

If I were 50 and Barbie looking, that is. Where's Fat Midge when you need her?

Getting Naked Again

A couple of months ago, I was approached by a publishing house with an offer to review a new book called 'Getting Naked Again', Dating, Romance, Sex and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped or Distracted, by Judith Sills, PhD.

The book has, frankly, been sitting by my computer for awhile now. It's not that I'm uninterested in the topic, but more that I haven't had any reason to wonder about the procedure!

Things have changed.

Now that I've taken that dive back into the dating pool, and actually gone out on a date (with the possibility of more to come), I realize that at some point, I'm going to get naked again.

So now might be a good time to read the How To manual!

One of the first paragraphs I read said:

All of us who are single - whether widowed or divorced, dumped or thankfully detached, or just newly resurfaced after the distractions of motherhood, career, or both - stand at the same anxious precipice. Must I, will I get back into the game of courtship? Would I want to? Can I bear its rigors? Is it worth it? Am I still a contender? Can I do it any better this time? Or at all? And since it definitely requires two to play, where do I go to find someone with whom to get up a game?

This is really a scary place to be at 48 years old. Dating was hard in my 20's. I was madly in love with a Marine from Iowa who I fully intended to spend the rest of my life with (Hey Dean, are you still reading my blog? See, you said I never mention you, so I did!) but that didn't work out the way it was supposed to. I dated after that, but nobody came along that really rocked my world.

My 30's were spent mostly concentrating on raising my son, and I didn't date a lot. I had a man in my life and he kept me busy with T-ball, soccer, the Power Rangers, and a whole host of pre-teen boy activities. Being a single mom, I knew that it was going to take somebody really special to integrate into our lives, and I wasn't sure if that person would ever come along.

When my son was 12, I did get married, thinking I had found that person, and it was going to be a good thing for both of us. In theory I was right. In practice...not so much.

When he was 15, I requested a do over via divorce court.

Now he's 18, and is building a life of his own. And I'm finally starting to rebuild mine.

So yeah, getting naked again. The thought scares the living shit out of me.

I haven't been with somebody new in that manner in eight years, since I started dating my ex. Good heavens, it's hard enough to just go out on a date, and start that whole "getting to know you" process. I can't imagine the sheer terror involved in exposing myself (literally) to a new man! I'm already thinking of what needs to happen before then....

~ I need to go tanning. A lot. If you can't hide chubby puffy cellulite, at least turn it brown and hope it fades in the dark.

~ I need to lose 50 lbs. In the next month or so. I mean, let's face it...I'm not in any hurry to jump in the sack but I'm not gonna wait months either! Life is short! Weight Watchers and the gym...here I come.

~ I have to go back to shaving my legs regularly, and not just weed whack them as the seasons change. Sigh. You married women know exactly what I'm talking about. Add razors to the shopping list.

~ Botox. Something has to stop this face from either puddling behind me when I'm laying on my back, or falling forward from the top position. In lieu of injecting crap into my face, a really tight ponytail will work I guess.

~ Lingerie. Does Lane Giant make this stuff? Are thongs still in? Are those cute little numbers with the garters still popular? Does anybody have a French Maid costume in a size 18?

Look at that list. And you wonder why I haven't dated since my divorce. It's too damn expensive and time consuming, and it makes women crazy! I know I should be more accepting of my body and stop worrying about what a new man will think. Chances are he's probably not going to look like Dwayne Johnson either right? (Dammit, you all know I love me some Rock!)

OK I'm off to read this book. I need to find out exactly how to get naked again without turning some poor guy to stone.

Sunday Rewind - Sunday Morning Sex

Taking the day off to do the Bunny Hop. Hope you all have a wonderful Easter!!!!

Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied: "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny: "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued:

"He'd still be alive today if that damn ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Welcome to a warm, sunny Saturday....finally!

Morning, all....

It's going to be fairly nice in Ohio today and I'm looking forward to it! I have plenty of yard work that needs done....

Nothing newsworthy to report. Hung out at home last night, catching up on DVR'd stuff, since my date wasn't feeling well and cancelled on me. The week was fairly uneventful, although things are work are looking up and it makes for much less stressful days at the office that way.

Started tanning yesterday. Gotta get my pasty white body some other shade before Vegas! It's bad enough I'm gonna hang out with those two gorgeous skinny bitches (no, there will be no photos of me standing between them....we will look like the number 101!) so I figure if I can't hide it, might as well decorate it with color!

Wii Fit tells me I'm 41 today and have lost 2.4 lbs since Thursday. Have I mentioned that I love Wii Fit?

Sorry this is short, but I work up with motivation to exercise this morning and I don't want to blow it by getting too comfortable in this chair!

Tomorrow will be my Sunday Rewind post, so I will wish you all a Happy Easter now! Hope the bunny makes you smile...

Important Women's Health Issue

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.



Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

*Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration

*Loss of motor control

*Loss of clothing

*Loss of money

*Headache

*Dehydration

*Dry mouth

*Desire to sing Karaoke


WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may make you
think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to
tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to
think you can sing.

WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may make your
clothes fall off.

WARNING:

If you are my sister, the consumption of Margaritas can make you do headstands, belly flops, and pull your top down in the swimming pool, in addition to giving you the "flu" the next day. You know who you are.

This public service announcement was brought to you by Don Patron.

Tattoos R Us - Well, it's him.

My son got his first tattoo yesterday. I say "first" because he's already planning the next one(s). I guess the apple didn't fall far from this tree, eh?

So here's a picture of it close up....



And here's where it is on his arm....



Now, in case you are wondering what this means, Viva la Vida means Live the Life (or it can also be interpreted as Long Live Life)and the rest is a memorial to my sister...her year of birth, initials, and year of death. He was very close to her, and like the rest of us, brokenhearted when she died. When he told me he wanted to do this, I got very teary over it, as you can imagine. I think it's wonderful that he would pay tribute to her in this way, even though I'm sure she's looking down from heaven right now saying "Oh Gordo!", and rolling her eyes at the idea of him getting a tattoo!

Funny story about their relationship, Jordan always called Linda "Nina". When he was little, he just started calling her Nina, I think he could not say Linda and it was the next easiest thing, and then over the years "Nina" kind of became his word for Aunt....he would tell his friends "That's my Nina". He called her that til the day she died. And she always called him Gordo instead of Jordan.

I think his Nina would be pleased.

You know, this really makes a lot of sense....

So why didn't I think of it?

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.'
--Author Unknown

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: 'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'
--Author Unknown

'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'
--Drew Carey

'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'
--Dave Barry

'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.'
--Bob Ettinger

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''
--Paula Poundstone

'A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'
--Conan O'Brien

'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner.'
--Lynda Montgomery

'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.''
--Richard Jeni

'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.'
--Johnny Carson

'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'
--Paul Rodriguez

'My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.'
--Jerry Seinfeld

'Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?'
--Warren Hutcherson

'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.'
--Oscar Wilde

'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'
--Mark Twain

'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan .'
--A. Whitney Brown

'You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!''
--Dave Barry

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.
-- Unknown, presumed deceased

'Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.'
--W. C. Fields

And lastly:

Why in the hell should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'
--Every American

OK so check this out, and be jealous.

Well, maybe not all of you will be jealous, only those who love ink!

As I mentioned in this post, I begged my friend Penny to design a tattoo for me. My criteria was....

1. It has to be sexy.

2. It has to be pretty.

3. It has to be colorful.

4. I like cherry blossoms.

So, I got my drawing in the mail the other day. And I LOVE IT. And I can't wait to get it! It's going on my left shoulder/upper back.

What do you think? Gorgeous, eh? Now the burning question of the day is...how big do I want to go? I'm thinking the whole upper left quadrant, on my shoulder blade/scapula area. You know what I mean? The drawing is about 9" tall, and I'm not inclined to reduce it much! It's too beautiful to make too much smaller, and besides I'm a big girl....there is nothing petite on me! I'm a firm believer in "Go big or go home." Have you seen my hair? LOL

The best part is that Penny is going with me to get it done when she gets back in town in June, so she can actually direct the tattoo artist on the color and shading as he's doing it. Sweet!!!!

I. Can't. Wait.

I want a new drug....

And here are my options:

D A M N I T O L
Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ...Can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

And my personal favorite...

F U C K I T O L
For when life just blows...fuckitol.

As a single gal, I think I need a round of Menicillin. For you married ones, take two Jackasspirin and call me in the morning.

Sunday Rewind

It's my blogging day off...so please enjoy this post from August of last year discussing my girl crush!!! It's about time for the new season of her show to start and I'm all kinds of excited!!!

I have a girl crush.

I swear to you I am not a closet lesbian, but if I were a dude, I'd be all over this woman.

My current crush is Tabatha. She was on Shear Genius last season, and I love, love, love her. And now, she has her own show on Bravo...Tabatha's Salon Takeover! Woohoo! I, as usual, DVR'd it last night and then stayed up til midnight watching. LOVES IT!!!!! (as screeched in my best gay man voice)



I don't know, there's just something about a royal bitch who wears nothing but black, speaks with an Australian accent that makes even her meanest comments acceptable, bossing people around and basically just taking zero shit from anyone or anything in the world...that I find attractive!

I'm surprised she doesn't have a whip.

Actually, I really do don't want to know if she does. I might like her too much then!

Ah, who am I kidding? I could only be a lesbian...until it was my turn.

Happy Sunday!!!!

Thanks for indulging my inner Attention Whore.

Thank you all for your comments yesterday on my blogiversary! I made it over 100! Wooohooo! I have officially *arrived* in BlogWorld now!

I picked up about 10 new followers, which is great...except now I have to spend the next year convincing *them* I really am funny and entertaining and worth the stalking effort! Oh well, somehow I've gotten the rest of you to believe it so far! It can't be that hard to do, right?

Regardless, I will be around to visit each and everyone of you to stalk you mercilessly repay your kind words and thoughts....

Many thanks to Missy for volunteering to send me her handcuffs. Her husband is still trying to figure *this* out.

And for the other 80 of you who batted your eyes all innocently and said "Why, I don't have any handcuffs, Julie....", all I have to say is:

Bitch, please. LOL

You've either had them at one time, currently have them, or are out buying some right this minute. I know who you are, you are not fooling me in the least! But I'll keep your little Pollyanna secrets. For now.

Meanwhile, let me just say thanks again for all the comment love slipping you a big one...



You're welcome.

Anniversaries and handcuffs. Today is my day for both.

One Whole Year. 415 Blog Posts. Look what the hell I've started!

I'll get to the handcuffs issue here in a minute...

A year ago I began writing a blog. No idea why! Just sat down and started typing. Here's what I wrote on Day One...

Wow.

Why is it that I feel 37 mentally and 57 physically? Gee, maybe because I'm overweight, out of shape, still smoking on occasion, and refusing to set foot anywhere near a gym? Let's face it, if I'm going to be sweating and breathing hard, there better be nudity involved. I'm just sayin.

So I decided to start blogging. Jump on the wagon, so to speak. (Hey, that would qualify as exercise, right?) I was told today that I should start recording everything I eat..."if you bite it, write it". That way you are more cognizant of your food behaviors.

Food behaviors? I eat anything that doesn't move. How's that for a food behavior?

OK so back to the purpose of this blog. I just turned 47 a few weeks ago. Clearly, I'm not getting any younger. So if I plan on taking one last run at being "all that" (ok so I've never actually been "all that", but I'd like to, at least once before I die, hear someone say "You're too skinny!" without any sort of medical intervention being involved!)...anyway, I need to get that last run started.

The thing is, I *know* better. My best friend is a naturopathic doctor, for heaven's sake! She has tried for years to get me on the right track (not to mention, to save my life) and I've fought her every step of the way. Whining at the top of my lungs..."It's too "hard" to eat healthy and organic and natural. I don't "like" to exercise. Yes, I "know" I have no business eating meat or any other animal products with my history of colitis, and family history of colon cancer." I can lecture other people until the cows come home about the bad effects of dairy on your body! (pun intended) So it's not like I'm stupid, or clueless, and have gotten to this point in life by accident. My body is what it is because of my own negligence. Period. I got nobody to blame but me.

So I figured accountability is a good place to start. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, so I'm not sure who I'm being accountable to or what I'm really even accounting for. Am I going to post what I eat every day? Maybe. That should be good for a laugh. Am I going to post how lazy I am and how much time I log being hortizontal rather than vertical? Possibly.

I'm just starting slowly at the exercise thing. If I type enough, I should have really skinny fingers, right?

So, check it out. Nothing here has changed in the past year! Clearly I suck at the accountability thing.

But what I've gained this last 365 days is a newfound love for writing, a way to entertain myself while indulging in my favorite past time, (which is talking about myself, evidently!) and most importantly, I've made lifelong friendships.

Those are things I had no idea I would get when I set out on this journey.

So I thank all of you who have brought your stories into my life, and allowed me to share mine with you. Your kindnesses have been as important as your kicks in my ass when I needed them. Your high fives and words of encouragement have brought me to laughter and tears.

Some of you have sent alcohol. That too has been very much appreciated. LOL

I hope each of you reading this right now has at some point, taken something away from this blog that affects you as well. If I have ever helped anyone through experiences or stories from my own life, then I consider my blog a success. You have no idea how many of you have changed my life with yours.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me. I'll try not to drive us off into the ditch, I promise!!

NOW...on to the handcuffs.

I need a pair. You know, the real thing. A good pair of steel handcuffs, or whatever cops use. Preferably not brand new, more a pair that's been used a few times.

I'll give 'em back, I swear. I just need to borrow them for three weeks.

I work for an interior designer, and we do something called Decorator's Showhouse every other year, it's a fundraising type event here. This year, our room is The Vault...it's a wine cellar in the basement. And my boss always puts something unexpected in his rooms.

This year he wants handcuffs.

And I *know* one of you kinkmeisters out there has a pair you'll loan me. I'll pay for postage if you have to ship them to me but I need them by April 17th.

C'mon...confess. Who's got 'em, and who's gonna let me borrow them? (Fine, email me in private if you're too embarrassed to admit it publicly!)

Anyway...thanks for the 100+ comments you guys are leaving me today. I have total confidence in my readers!!!!

I need a HUGE favor from all of you!

First things first...what do you think of the new blog layout? I'm still playing around with what I want, but this will do for now...give me your feedback, ok? After all, you guys are the ones foolish enough voluntarily reading this every day!

Second, mosey over to Dana's blog today. She wrote an entire post about me! LOVE her!!! (And I've totally got her fooled into thinking I'm nice and sweet and helpful and all that. She doesn't realize I just need a place to vacation in Florida for free!)

So, onto the real reason for this post!

Tomorrow is my one year blog anniversary!

How exciting, right? It's been an entire year that I've been boring the shit out of you while deluding myself that I'm interesting entertaining you with my charming personality!

Now, I have a lot of readers every day, but I get an average of 25 comments at any given time.

I want you guys to break the bank for me.

My biggest record for comments in one day was around 80 back in January when we had the Vinnie Fiasco unfortunate discussion about relationships, so I want to kick that comment day's ass.

Are you with me?

So tomorrow, Friday, April 3rd, will all of you faithful readers leave me comments, and ask YOUR blog readers to do so as well?

Come on. I don't ask for much. I just want a 100 comment day.

Fine, I'll promise sexual favors if I have to. Whatever it takes.

Tomorrow is the Big Day. Don't forget me. It's my anniversary, for God's sake. I've never had a good anniversary...my first wedding anniversary my Dad died, and my second was eight days before the divorce was final. I deserve a good anniversary, dammit. (I am sooooo not above going for sympathy comments here!)

Put it on your To Do list. "Friday, April 3rd...leave Julie a comment to shut her up".

There, that was easy.

Thanks!!!

Excuse my mess...

For my impending blogoversary, I am undergoing a minor facelift.

Yes, I'm getting Blogtox.

Bear with me while I figure out what I'm doing....things will probably change on and off over the next few days so if you see something that you like, tell me!

I should not be entertaining myself in this self indulgent manner.

But I am.

And frankly, how self absorbed can one person be than to do an entire blog post devoted to pictures of herself?

Hey, the experts say you gotta love yourself before anybody else can love you. Clearly I have NO issues with that!!!! ROFLMAO!