Sigh. Yeah, let's UPDATE this one too.

OK, I know I know...it's not a big deal and weight fluctuates daily. The facts are this month I've lost 4.4 lbs, an average of .9 a week. I want the weight to come off faster than this, and I'm pissed that it's not.

BUT....

According to WW, I have lost 4" in my waist, 4" in my hips, 4" of boobs and back fat chest, and 1 1/2" of flabby bat wings upper arms.

So, 25.2 lbs (as of today) and 13.5" overall. That's a lot less of me than who was writing this blog on April 9th.

I'm happy with what I've accomplished. I really am. The last time I lost 25 lbs I was going through a divorce and believe me, I was a mess. I simply wasn't eating from the stress, and the weight fell off. It also jumped right back on within 6 months of the divorce being final.

I'm doing it the healthy way this time, and I've always heard that when you take it off slow, you are more likely to keep it off. Sigh. OK fine.

Crawling back off the ledge now.

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Not a good weigh in day.

Up .7 of a lb.

Sigh.

Guess my losing streak is over again.

:::I will not turn into the Incredible Bulk and trash casual wear today::::
:::I will not turn into the Incredible Bulk and trash casual wear today::::
:::I will not turn into the Incredible Bulk and trash casual wear today::::
:::I will not turn into the Incredible Bulk and trash casual wear today::::
:::I will not turn into the Incredible Bulk and trash casual wear today::::
:::I will not turn into the Incredible Bulk and trash casual wear today::::

Things my mind screams but my mouth doesn't. **UPDATED**

First things first...get thee to my buddy Gertrude Groggin's Blog and leave her a comment telling her I sent you. Then become a follower. I want to win these damn candles of hers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, the subject at hand...things my mind screams but my mouth doesn't!

Tuesdays in the blog with Julie

Yea real original with the title there, Jules. Clearly my creativity is at an all time high.

Not.

I've been so damn busy! It's good busy...and it's making me money busy...so I am not complaining!

But it's keeping me from having the motivation to blog, and God knows I don't have the time to read all of yours. Usually I manage to get caught up on my blog reading over the weekend, but didn't even have time for that this weekend. My Google Reader has like 800 unread blog entries!!!!

So thank you to all of you who continue to make time to read me and comment. I really do appreciate it.

So I now have two buyers in contract. Yay! No offer on the condo yet but I am keeping the faith that it's coming.

Still not dating. Sigh. I miss that a lot.

This was a bad WW weekend. I ate this week's worth of points in pepperoni pizza on Friday night and next week's points in Fiesta Ranch dip and potato chips yesterday at Maggie's party.

I'm afraid of the scale on Wednesday. I should probably just skip it and protect my wardrobe...

I'm easily entertained.

More "Texts From Last Night". Humor me.

(801): You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.

(917): i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!

(423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

(502): you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...

(425): Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.

(978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

(740): at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!

(614): this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

(559): my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding

(248): I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time

(781): i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.

(402): her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed

(828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
(402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
(402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

(718): Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

(412): i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes

(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

(484): Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
(215): Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks

(972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

(757): 6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.

(707): OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
(1-707): Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.

(978): my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night

(520): The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

Happy Birthday Dad & Maggie

My niece Maggie was born on my Dad's birthday 28 years ago. Dad used to get the biggest kick out of the fact that from then on, he had the cutest birthday cakes...My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, Barbie...because he'd share one with Maggie. He loved that his pink, girly birthday cakes would say "Happy Birthday, Maggie and Pappy" (my sister always put Pappy since that was what Maggie called him).

Maggie didn't get her own cakes until five years ago, when my Dad died. I'm pretty sure even now, she misses having two names on her cake.

My dad would have been 86 today. I know he and Linda are in heaven, having a drink and a smoke, and enjoying a beautiful day....Daddy, go find Cheri's Mom...I'm sure she baked you a cake. And make sure Danica's Mom is there too...that way I know you are surrounded by beautiful women on your birthday!

While I can't write on this one, it still says "Happy Birthday, Maggie and Pappy" in my heart.



I love and miss you, Daddy. And Mags, I hope this is a wonderful birthday for you. I love you dearly, and I am so proud of the woman you've become. I know Linda watches over you every day, and she is beaming with pride too.

Finally Friday

It's been a long week!

It's been nice because I've been busy all week, which has been a blessing because it gave me less time to obsess over worry about Jordan being in Chicago.

I know, I know. He's an adult.

He's still my baby!

The good news is that I have been working with a new buyer showing houses this week, and we put an offer in yesterday morning on one. Keep your fingers crossed that it's accepted and we go into contract!

I also had positive feedback on a condo showing of mine but no offer thus far.

Last night I had a great dinner with one of my dearest friends, Suzanne, and my boss and his partner. Sue and her husband just got back from Italy and David and Jeffrey are headed there the end of the month, so I got them together to compare notes. It was nice to hear about her trip, and they all made me jealous with their memories of their various European vacations.

I gotta get out more.

Oooh, speaking of which, I'm going back to Vegas!

My boss is taking me and my coworker Amanda to the furniture market in September. We get out there on Saturday, September 12th at like 5pm so we have all that night, and all day Sunday to play, plus Monday and Tuesday after the market closes at 5pm. Then we leave Wednesday morning to come home. We're staying at the Bellagio, and I can't wait to see Linda Lou again!!!! She's gonna come and meet up with me on Sunday.

Then two weeks after that I go to Dallas with Deb to Jill's house!

Now, if I could just go somewhere and get a stamp on my passport....

So yeah it's been a busy week, and I've got plans all weekend as well, and then Jordan gets home Sunday evening. Oh, and Sunday is my niece Maggie's birthday, and it would have been my Dad's birthday if he was still here....

What big plans do you have for the weekend?

It's Weigh In Day!

My clothes are still safe....no casual wear harmed today!

Down 2.4 lbs this week....new total 25.9 gone forever! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!




The best part is that now I only have 49.1 lbs left to get to my goal. That is totally doable. It sure sounds better than the 75 lbs I needed to lose when I started this journey April 9th!!!

I finally believe I can do this....

In other news, look at how skinny my kid is.



He looks amazing.

Pssst hey, c'mere

Check out the Daily Fred. The link is right there --------->

Fred's getting some action in Chicago.

(If you don't know who Fred is, scroll down Jordan's blog posts to find the start of the Fred Adventures)

The Missing Puzzle Piece

My horoscope for today:

Ever been on the verge of finishing a jigsaw puzzle only to discover the last piece has gone missing? And remember how frustrating it feels to not find it after hours of searching, only to discover it a day later hiding under the sofa's dust ruffle? A small but possibly life-changing piece of your own personal puzzle will fall into place, but only when you're not hunting for it. Don't try and force this; it'll happen quite nicely on its own.

Interesting.

I thought it was worth a blog post of it's own, seeing how my whole theme here is "one puzzling piece at a time".

In other news....

I had a showing on my condo last night and I have another showing tonight! PRAY PRAY PRAY that I get an offer on this thing! My renter is moving out the end of September and I am ready to let it go. So I ask all of my readers, send some good vibes my way, will you? That one of these showings results in an offer and a contract!

Also, I am working with a new buyer, and of course Crystal's house will finally close on the 17th.

Real Estate is becoming my friend!

Wonder if that's the missing piece? Eh, I don't care what it is, as long as whatever is missing is GOOD.

At what point does one enjoy exercise?

And more importantly, has anyone ever died from it?

So I'm on the exercise kick, trying to jumpstart my metabolism and keep the weight loss going.

I got the new EA Sports thing for Wii called "Active". I will say, it's fun. It comes with the resistance band thingy, and a strap that goes around your thigh to hold the numchuck when running or doing other leg stuff. You get your own personal trainer and the exercises are really fun. I'm doing the 30 Day Challenge.

It may kill me in as little as three.

The running in place is what damn near does me in. I am NOT a runner, unless it's to the bathroom after several beers. Even running for a couple of minutes (and yes, it's running in place, which for me means around the coffee table, into the kitchen and back) results in me breathing hard.

Tonight I stayed with it, even though I thought I was going to keel over from lack of breath. Not sure if it was from the cardio or my boobs smacking me in the face as I ran.

We'll see how the next 28 days go. Wish me luck.

I dare the Wii Fit lady to tell me one more time that I've gained weight. I will wrestle that bitch into submission yet.

I can do this.

My son left for Chicago this morning. He and his best friend Ead are spending at week at my boss' condo and enjoying some "guy time" before summer is over and Ead takes off to college.

You might remember This Post from January when Jordan and his ex-girfriend went to Chicago as well. At least I didn't put him on a plane this time, now I just have to worry about him driving 6 hours and navigating the crazy ass drivers and even stupider pedestrians intense traffic in downtown Chicago. Remember, I was just there. Those people are nuts.

I gotta tell ya, this empty nest thing is not all it's cracked up to be. Jordan has hardly been home this summer. I know he still lives here because food disappears and somebody is taking showers here. But for the most part, we communicate via text message or phone call. The few nights he has slept at home (which is maybe twice a week if I'm lucky), he gets in at 3am and of course I am sleeping, waking long enough to hear him stick his head in my room, say he's home, and shut my door. Then I get up and go to work and he's in bed, and by the time I get home he's at work, and the cycle starts over.

For the most part I'm getting used to "living alone". I can eat cereal for dinner and not have to worry about cooking. I can have the TV to myself. I don't have to be quiet most mornings for fear of waking him up. Pretty much any mess in the house is mine. I am learning to sleep okay being alone in the house at night. (Thank God I have security system!)

But I miss parenting. And more importantly, I miss my son.

He doesn't need me anymore, and that is so hard to take. I feel like I got fired from a job I thought I was doing really well, and for no reason! And the worst part, is that my fears, my worries about his safety and wellbeing didn't go away with the job loss...if anything they have intensified.

I worry about him all the time. And I realize I am worrying about things that are out of my control and it's a waste of time to obsess over it.

But I do anyway.

I try not to let it show. I try to act like I'm all fine and good with him being an adult and for the most part, supporting himself. I try to remember that I have done a great job with him, that he has always been very mature for his age, and I raised him with values and principals, and taught him right from wrong.

I try to remember that he is an adult.

He can get married if he wants.

He can serve and protect our country, and carry a gun.

He can vote.

He can legally buy cigarettes. LOL

He is responsible for his own future, and if God forbid he were to get in trouble with the law or whatever, I can't fix it.

But he's my baby. And it's hard for me to see him as a man. A grown up. Ready to go off and live his life without me.

Sigh.

So here's the deal, I am going to try really hard to leave him alone this week, and let him enjoy his vacation without Mom checking in with him ten times a day. I'm going to trust him to be safe, be careful, be smart and pay attention to his surroundings. I know he's going to go to clubs and be out late, and I just have to relax and know that many of you parents who read my blog have been through the same thing, and your child(ren) survived and so did you.

I may have to sedate myself to get through the week though...send booze and Xanax will ya?

But I'm really going to try to let go, and let him stand on his own two feet.

The good news is that his sister lives like a mile away from where he will be staying so I know she can get to him if he needs something. And at least two of my blogging buddies live in Chicago, so Rita and Kathy....stay by your computers. Haha

On a brighter note, you might want to check his blog link every day (it's the one on the right about getting your Daily Fred) as I'm sure he'll be updating it with pictures and stuff like he did last trip, and of course Fred went with him. I'm guessing we'll get lots of interesting Fred pictures this trip!

Sorry, I prematurely posted!

If you see a post called "I can do this" in your reader and it disappeared, come back tomorrow. It will post again in the morning!

href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank">

Sunday Rewind - Friday Funnies

Welcome to Sunday Rewind, or as I like to call it, the day I'm too lazy to blog. Enjoy these jokes from October and have a great day!!!

***************************************************

No disrespect to my male readers but there's a little man bashing going on here this morning. It's all just for fun and you know I love you guys so don't be throwing curses out on me!

Here we go, ladies. Find one you like!!!


The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)


And the personal favorite:


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)



One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma '

And they say blondes are dumb...
------------------------------ -----------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
------------------------------ -----------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

----------------------------- ------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
----------------------------- ------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(Note from Julie...this used to be my mantra when married.)
----------------------------- ------------------
-
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
------------------------------ ----------------- --
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Attention must be paid.

It's a big day in Bloggerville, people.


Happy 60th Birthday, Dana!


That's right.

My fake aunt and pseudo sister buddy Dana is officially The Big Six Oh.

Or as I prefer to call it...Fifty Ten.

So anyway...she's whining about followers and comments. "All I want before I die..." You know, that crap.

Cranky old woman.

So do me a favor and go to her blog, Life Is Good and become a follower. And while you're there, leave her a damn comment so she stops pulling out the "Poor little me, living in Florida with my wonderful husband Joe" card.

Just look how 'miserable' she is:



She's down there in sunny Florida, all tanned and blonde and looking far younger than her 60 years. I really wish I could give her a much harder time about turning 60 but the truth is, she is like a fine wine....getting better with age. And I really am crazy about her, as she has become very dear to me this past year. (Just don't tell her, for heaven's sake! I will never hear the frickin end of it! She'll start thinking "bitch" is my pet name for her!)

So Happy Birthday, darlin. I hope you have a wonderful day, and if you steal all my followers after this, I will kick your scrawny old ass. Love you!!!

Weigh In Day....

No casual wear met its untimely demise this morning!!!!!!!

Down 3.1 lbs. this week. Yay me!




Let's see...what did I do different....

Well, I started walking more.

Ate more fresh foods (ie: vegetables and fruits).

Limited my frozen meals to lunches during the week.

Cut my hair and took off my nails (ok maybe that had nothing to do with the weight loss!).

So what did we learn this week, class?

When one moves her ass and eats better, the scale will move south, and the weight will come off.

Go figure!

I'm cautiously optimistic that my plateau is over and I will continue going downhill from here.

I mean, down the scale.

For once I'm happy being a LOSER!

It ain't pretty, people.

You are witnesses to history.

For the first time in at least 20 years, probably closer to 25...I have no fake nails.

OK technically this might be the 2nd time, I seem to recall a year ago taking them all off one night but I was back at the nail salon the next day.

This time, I'm going to try and keep them off for awhile. I cut them all down last night, and then went and had the rest of the nails ripped soaked off this evening.

Do you realize that I have spent about at least $9,500 in twenty years on nails??? And that's probably a conservative cost estimate, based on one balance a month for 240 months. That's insane!

The biggest problem I have is that I can't type worth shit now. I am so used to long nails, that my keystroke reach is shorter than normal. Now, with no nails...I have no speed or accuracy!

I probably should have thought of this before now.

Head in the game, Julie!

And yes, I corrected all the spelling errors in this post...and it took me twice as long to type it!

This is going to take a lot of getting used to.

My nails are paper thin. Any ideas how long it takes them to grow out and become strong again?

Note to self: Sally Hansen's Hard As Nails...isn't.

I guess it's a good thing nobody is holding my hand these days.

It's just not pretty.

You like me, you really like me!

I have received a MAJOR award. No, really...look.



Given to me by one of the funniest women on the planet, The Peach Tart, it is an award that is for anyone who likes to smile and/or laugh, and just generally spreads that along in this blogging world we all travel in.

Boy, do I have HER fooled.

Regardless...I am grateful to be considered funny and/or entertaining in any capacity, so thank you, my peachy friend!

I gladly bestow this award on some of my newest and equally warped funny ladies:

Sunshiemeg
Shoulda been a stripper
Vodkamom
Ma Vie Folle

And of course, it also goes to the usual suspects....you know who you are...my posse of women bloggers friends. Come and get it.

This makes me want to get married again.

This made me laugh out loud. I would totally do this!

Sunday Rewind - PSA For Men

It's my blogging day off, so let's rewind back to November and post one for the guys. Happy Sunday!


PSA for men (I'm looking out for the guys these days!)

Guys, I gave you words you should memorize that women say, and now I want to make it clear what PMS really stands for. Take note.


1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my personal favorite

13. Potential Murder Suspect

You've been warned. If you choose to piss a woman off during this time, do not expect me to visit you in the hospital or identify your body at the morgue.

Ah, yes, I do remember what it's like to be married.

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f *** ing blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.