Monday, July 28, 2008

Sunday = Nascar Nation

OMG.

Here are the words that come to mind in describing my first Nascar race. And no offense to my friends who love Nascar...aka Cheri and Kathy...as none of the following apply to you, except maybe the part about the driver's shirts.

1. Redneck hell
2. Mullet mania
3. Lots of tattoos
4. Not a lot of teeth
5. Rabid fans. And I mean rabid. Some actually foamed at the mouth.
6. EVERYONE has a shirt with a driver's name or number on it. Everyone but us, that is. I was feeling pressured to draw a #20 on mine just to fit in.
7. Tube tops on women who have entirely too much to tube.
8. The Deliverance music playing in my head
9. Long lines at the beer stand...at 8am.

It was a definite experience! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad...it was just different. I'm used to going to CART/Indy car races and people are not, shall I say, as "supportive" of their favorite drivers. LOL

My ex had gotten free tickets from his Sprint rep, and they were supposed to be the really good ones...suite and pit passes, box seats, etc., so we figured...what the hell. We left Columbus at 5am to drive over to Indy, got to the track at 8:30, and basically had 6 hours til kill until race time! Turns out, we did not get the good tickets, we just had seats in the North Vista which is the middle of turns three and four. Ugh. Probably would not have gone if we'd known that in advance!

There was a pre-race concert with the Charlie Daniels band and Craig Morgan, and that was interesting. Walked a lot, I'd say we logged about 10 miles on our tennis shoes. My legs feel it today, trust me. It was the one weekend day that I wished for clouds (usually I want it nice and sunny for the pool!) but alas...not a freaking cloud in sight, which meant it was VERY HOT all day. At least there was an occasional breeze. But it was a long and hot day and I was never so happy to get home and into a shower and bed.

All in all, I can say that I would never pay to go to another race like this, but if we got free tickets again that that were the good ones we were expecting, I would consider it. But sitting out in the masses, in the hot sun, and trying to find any place shady to cool off...not really my idea of a good time. But, if nothing else, it was great people watching!



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Oh wait! I forgot the best story of them all! One of my Nesties just reminded me of it when she asked if I saw the girls flashing for beer.

Yes, I saw flashing.

There was this "hot mama" in her Daisy Dukes and teeny tiny tube top (if there is such a thing on a 300 lb woman) who attempted to bend over and kiss the bricks. Well, she bent over from the waist (bless her heart, I think she believed she could actually reach the bricks that way) and the view from the rear was scary enough for those of us who happened to be behind her, and I did not think it could get worse until the moment when her massive chesticles flew out of the tube top and hit the bricks before the rest of her did. Now, THAT was a sight.

Imagine that view....Bahama Mama is bent over, legs spread, Daisy Dukes riding up the crack of her 300 lb ass, and suddenly two massive boobs hit the ground between her legs.

Collectively about 300 people spewed beer all at once.

She, of course, stood upright and swung those bad boys around, since her top had rolled down around her waist anyway! I'm not sure if she was cooling them off from the brick burn or what.

Yeah, I can't make this shit up.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think I just spewed water all over my monitor!

Anonymous said...

Laughing out loud at my desk....sad but true, I (we) are Nascar fans...it's a family thing, and I would like to think that WE are different than "those folks"...which by the way you have nailed to a tee.. If the race is boring, more than likely the fans are not.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Chesticles. You are officially a funny favorite.

Say it three times fast (my sweetie will be thrilled)The word just gets better, especially when accompanie by the description of the brick-kissin' momma. Too bad that scene wasn't televised.

BBB said...

I ALWAYS miss the good stuff...