And my work here continues....

Last night I made a list of all the things I want to do to my house, as part of this "decluttering" stage I'm in. The list was pretty lengthy too! Some easy things, some hard things, and all of which require work.

Work is good for me. It keeps me from getting myself into trouble in other areas, such as doing stupid shit like letting the past interfere with my present. Thing is, and this may sound weird to those who don't know me well, but I've spent 7 years of my life totally focused on my ex. It was all about him...making sure he was happy, doing whatever he needed done, being whoever he expected me to be, and then after our divorce I was just plain out of my mind. Three years ago at this time, I was just finding out that he was having an affair and my marriage was over. THREE YEARS! So why in the hell am I just putting this behind me now???????

Because I'm a wing nut. Come on, show of hands...who's surprised by this?

Anyway...life for me right now is all about refocusing. Refocusing my time and my energy and my thoughts and my feelings towards other things. It's funny because it's like your brain has these ruts that develop over time, and for me my thoughts just go down the road of those ruts as they have for 7 years now. So my challenge is to create new ruts to travel on!

And you know what my biggest challenge is? PUTTING MYSELF FIRST. Thinking about what I want, and what I need. It makes me feel selfish, and it's a hard thing to get used to. I haven't put me first in years. Not since I had a child. And certainly not since I met my ex. I guess I will eventually find that balance between doing the things I want to do for me, and not feeling guilty about it.

It's kind of sad to think it's taken me 47 years to become an active participant in my own life. But hey, better late than never, right?

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OMG...LOL. I just read my horoscope for today!

Well, that's it then. Decision made. Process complete. Vital, life-changing conclusions reached. New financial, emotional and spiritual regime begun. You are not aware that such momentous forces have been called into play? It may be because, so far, the changes have been private, personal and psychological, rather than physical. There may even have been no discussion, let alone demonstration. But that's coming along soon enough. What matters is the intention, and that, now, is clear.

Well then! I guess that's that!