Conversation with the Exercise Bike - Part 2

Bike: Psssst....

Julie: WHAT????

Bike: C'mere honey.

Julie: Do NOT talk to me like that.

Bike: I've got a little sumpin sumpin for ya...

Julie: No you don't! You don't fool me! I know what you want me to do!

Bike: Yeah I do, baby. C'mere...come to Daddy.

Julie: OMG. You did not just say that.

Bike: Sit on Daddy's lap.

Julie: OMG! Leave me alone! Pervert!!!!!

Bike: You know you want to. You've been looking at me all night with that look in your eyes.

Julie: Oh, for the love of...Schwinn. Stop with the come on's already! I'm NOT interested!

Bike: You want some of this hard steel, you know you do.

Julie: Hard steel? How hard?

Bike: We'll take it slow, I promise.

Julie: Are you sure? Because I'm inexperienced...I haven't really done this much.

Bike: It's okay...you just let me take care of everything.

Julie: Mmmmm....I'm on top, right? Gee, I was never good at this position. Don't look up, ok?

Bike: Come on baby...ride me hard. Hard and fast. You can do it...

.........20 minutes later...........

Julie: Wow, that was really fantastic. I had no idea I was so good at it!

Bike: Way to burn rubber, baby. Look at my smokin tires. You da bomb.

Julie: Yeah, I'll bet you say that to all the girls.

Bike: Same time tomorrow?

Julie: Uh hey, this was fun but let's not rush anything. I've got a date with Wii Fit tomorrow. He's really got a lot more to offer....more positions, more ways to keep me interested. And I get bonus points for endurance.

Bike: You'll be back. He can't give you what I can. I have a built in fan!

********************************************

Cheri just sent me the following email with the subject "You're scaring me":

OK this un-natural conversation that you have with your exercise bike.. is freaky... I think you need laid!! I tell mine to shut up or I'll dismantle it.. I have a wrench and I know how to use it.. it keeps it quiet for the most part!

Funny girl.

Finally Friday.

It's been a long week. Probably because for the past two, I only worked four days one week and three the next. This five day thing sucks! I haven't really taken much vacation this summer either. But I'm going to Washington DC/Virginia the first weekend in October (Nestie girls trying to get pregnant...start your engines!) and then back to Vegas the first week of November.

Doing good on the healthy eating thing. I'm feeling better too. Just a subtle shift in energy levels, etc, but I definitely notice it. I haven't had anything but natural sugar (ie: fruit) all week, and it's funny how you stop craving sweets and sugar when you don't eat it. It's like Penny has told me for years, you crave what you put into your body, so if you aren't putting sugar in, you aren't jonesing for it! I've had 2 Reeses Cups at my house for a week now, and have not touched them. This, for a chocoholic like myself, is unheard of.

Not having a glass of wine or my beloved Vodka & Diet Pepsi in the evening has been a little hard. It's not that I *can't* have it, I just choose not to right now. I have to get myself under control first.

My plan this weekend is to make some soup to freeze and eat for lunches next week. Going to get my grocery list in order and shop for more good stuff.

Oh, and exercise.

(Why do I hate even saying the word???)

I've got to learn to tolerate love exercising. Any suggestions on how?

Why Women Should Vote

This is an email I just received, and I felt that it needed to be turned into a blog post.

This is the story of our Grandmothers and Great-grandmothers; they lived only 90 years ago.

Remember, it was not until 1920 that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote.

The women were innocent and defenseless, but they were jailed nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote.

And by the end of the night, they were barely alive.

Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.' They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.

They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.

Thus unfolded the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote.

For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.

When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.

So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year because- -why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?

Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am a shamed to say I needed the reminder.

All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote. Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes it was inconvenient.

My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk about it, she looked angry. She was--with herself. 'One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,' she said. 'What would those women think of the way I use, or don't use, my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn.' The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her 'all over again.'

HBO released the movie on video and DVD. I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum I want it shown on Bunco night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order.

It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy.

The doctor admonished the men: 'Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.'

Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know.

We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democratic, republican or independent party -remember to vote.

History is being made.

To my readers...our country needs each and every one of YOUR votes. Please, register now if you aren't already registered, and please make sure you get out to the polls this year....it's probably onen of the most important elections of our lifetimes.

A sad day in our history.

Like everyone else today, I want to acknowledge the day that changed our lives forever.

I will never forget where I was when it happened. I was in my office working, and my receptionist (who comes into work at 9am) walked in and said she'd just heard on the radio that a small plane had hit the World Trade Center. I happened to have a little TV in my office so we turned it on, and a few minutes later watched the 2nd plane hit. We quickly realized what was happening, and never took our eyes off the TV for hours afterwards.

I ended up with everyone coming in and out of my office all day as we watched the news reports, and I was emailing my sister nonstop because they had no information at work (no radios or TV's). I remember one of my bosses, who was in the National Guard at the time, saying "This is Bin Laden's work" and I was like "Who the hell is Bin Laden?" I had never heard his name until that time.

To this day, it breaks my heart into pieces to see those planes flying into the buildings. I watched it live and couldn't believe my eyes then. I still can't.

God bless everyone who lost their lives that day, and the families who were left behind. You will never, ever be forgotten.

Day 4 of Eating Better

Doing great so far. Haven't had a bunch any junk food! Haven't had alcohol! Been drinking water! Eating fresh fruit! Obsessing over my new favorite food item which is jalapeno stuffed green olives. They are like a little party in my mouth.

I'm down 3.6 lbs so far this week. Yes, we all know that's water, not fat...but I'm good with that. It's telling me that my body is getting rid of the bloat, and adapting to my new healthier way of eating!

Last night I didn't get any exercise in. Funny how I can come up with every excuse in the world for not doing something, isn't it? Last night's excuse was that I had to go visit my mother, and she's in a nursing home 20 miles away. And by the time I got home, grabbed some dinner, did a load of laundry...it was time to sit my fat ass on the couch and watch TV.

TV time was interupted by my exercise bicycle, sitting in the corner of the living room. Let me walk you through it.

Bike: Psssst....

Julie: (looks around to see who's Psss'ing her)

Bike: Hey, lard ass...

Julie: (looks at bike) Oh hey, dust bunny. What's up?

Bike: Clearly not you.

Julie: Wow, pretty smart for something that just sits there spinning it's freaking wheels and going nowhere.

Bike: Get over here and get on me.

Julie: (wishing for once, something that wasn't mechanical would say this to her)

Bike: Mount me. I want you now!

Julie: (hearing that infamous "boom chicka wow wow" porn music)

Bike: I'm serious. Come here, sit on top of me. Move your legs and hips, and start breathing hard.

Julie: (sigh....if only....)

Bike: Hello? Is anyone there? Julie? Why are your eyes glazed over? Get back here! You do not need a cigarette now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So tonight, I'll do better. In fact, I've given myself mini-goals during the day as well, and today my goal is to make 2 trips up and down the 2 flights of steps in the building.

I'm off to do my first one. I'll be gasping for breath (sad, but true) but in a few weeks when I'm doing a bunch of those a day and not breathing hard at all, I'll look back on today and think "Wow, you've come a long way!"

Back on the wagon

Well, I know you've heard it all before....but I'm motivated again to lose weight and get healthy.

Yeah, I realize you can look at the labels on the side of this blog, see all the ones for diet and motivation and say "Gee Julie, you were motivated 5 months ago? Oh, and 3 months ago? How's that working out for you???"

It's not. I suck at this.

However, after seeing pictures of myself at the wedding and realizing just how huge I am, it makes me sick. I have lied to myself long enough, with "Oh, it's the camera angle" or "This shirt makes me look fat". No sweetie, it isn't the camera or the shirt. It's YOU.

I did one of those weight calculators based on my height and age and frame size and hair color and whatever other stupid factors they considered, and according to it, I am 80 lbs out of range. EIGHTY POUNDS. And that's out of the high end of the range! I'm 100 lbs out of the low end!

I need to lose an Olsen. That's fucking depressing.

Funny thing is, I'm no heavier weight-wise than I was 3 years ago. But for some reason, it's all gone soft and squishy. I have rolls now where they don't belong! I'm talking in areas of my body that is NOT MEANT TO HAVE AN OVERHANG. I look at myself naked and seriously, I cannot stand the view. How on earth do I think I could ever share it with some poor unsuspecting man??????????

Ugh. I never had good self esteem anyway and what little I did have got snatched away during my marriage divorce. And now I look at myself and think, why? Why, knowing my family history of diabetes, cancer, heart attacks, Alzheimer's, strokes, high blood pressure, etc...why am I still smoking, eating crappy food and not exercising?

Didn't it have any impact on me, watching my sister struggle for 8 weeks after having a massive stroke that should have killed her right off the bat, and ultimately took her life anyway? Do I honestly think that can't happen to me?? She smoked, she drank, she didn't exercise either. And guess what, the shape of my body now rivals hers exactly. I used to always notice how she was very thick between her waist and her chest, and now I am too.

I am not going to fucking die like she did. I refuse. I will not put my family through it, I will not put my son through losing his mother. HE deserves better, and so do I.

I deserve to fall in love again and have a second chance at happily ever after.

I deserve to watch my son go off to college, to have a career, and be a happy, healthy and successful man.

I deserve to play with my grandchildren and spoil them rotten.

I deserve to live until I'm 90, and still be able to take care of myself.

And by God, I'm going to get all those things!!!!

I'm 3 days in, and I'm feeling good. I did a half hour of Wii Fit last night, and my new Wii Fit age is 42.

By the time my 30 year class reunion rolls around in May, I will be one hot mama.

OK, I'll play The Name Game

Deb's gotta new game on her blog, and since I'm co-dependent and refuse to let her outparty get one over on me, I'm putting it on mine too!

The Name Game
1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Bitsy Chevette
2.Your gangsta name (1st three letters of your real name plus izzle, favorite ice cream & Fav type of shoe): Julizzle Salty Caramel Flipflop (wow, there's one to fear isn't it?)
3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Lavender Yorkie
4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Denise Portsmouth
5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): ReeJu
6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Buttercream Tuaca
7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): Ralph Oscar
8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Hynose Dove Toffee
9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Heller Hollywood
10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Summer Lilac
11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Melon Capris
12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Kashi Strawberry Fields Cherry Blossom. (Wow, any day now a celebrity will copy that name for their kid!)
13.Movie star name (first pet's name, first street where you lived): Bitsy Seventeenth.

And that was fun - you should give it a try!

The Honeymoon is Over

OK, I had to post this YouTube link, as it made me laugh out loud yesterday when I saw it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZ42ChFJiaw

I swear, 90% of this describes my marriage to a T!

When you listen, be sure to keep the sound to a minimum if you happen to be in an office. It's not dirty but there are some 4 letter words!

The Wedding

I swear, I will get back here with pictures soon. I only have a couple right now....(thanks Danica for letting me steal them!).

So, here we go:

The Bride and me (I'm trying to forget that one of the staff asked me if I was the mother of the bride!) (In my own defense, she had not even SEEN the bride at the point, so she had no idea we are only 6 years apart in age!)



The Usual Suspects aka Elizabeth's Posse, plus two of her stepdaughters (Allyson on the left in black and white, and Alex in front in blue). Some of us were drunk in this picture. I'm not saying who. Rest assured it was neither of the teenage girls...



Danica, Julie, Jeffrey and Kathleen. Some of us were really drunk. I'm not saying who.



Kelly and her husband (go ahead, ask them about the Felter Love Mix), Judy, Kathleen and me. Some of us were....eh, you know the rest.



Back with more as I get them....

Oh, and Elizabeth just called me from Aruba. She wanted to let me know that they arrived in one piece, the place is amazing, they just left the room for the first time (LOL...due more to fatigue than anything else!) and she's all excited that she can eat whenever she is hungry!!!!!!!! (God bless those "all inclusive" resorts!)

Oh, my aching feet...and legs...and head....and back....

Well, my dear friend Elizabeth is now Mrs. Baldwin, and the happy couple are on their way to Aruba for a week of fun in the sun.

I, however, am here, and my feet hurt like a mo-fo. Seriously. I was standing yesterday from 9am to midnight. Dancing part of the time as well! Spent the first half of the day decorating, ran home and changed and went back to assume my role as wedding coordinator! It all went great, and I believe a very good time was had by all.

I will post pictures later when I get some from Jeffrey, but for now here's a picture of the wedding cake. It was all part of the beachy theme...



Now, me and my coffee are headed back to the couch. The sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard is way too loud for my head this morning, thanks to one too many shots of Tuaca last night!!!!

Ahahahhahahahahahahaha

I was just looking at my blog stats, and under the "Recent Keyword Analysis" (which basically means someone searches the Internet for certain key words that lead them to me), this is what I found:

1. Cheater Cheater
2. She needs some cockamole on her faceadilla

I love it that when anyone in the world searches those things, they come up with MY blog.

Evidently when you search "hot beautiful single woman", you don't get me, right? WTF? Who do I have to sleep with to make *that* happen?

Not much time to write today

Getting ready to start my busy day with a manicure and pedicure with The Bride (yeah, it sucks to be me!) but wanted to post something I found last night that made me laugh....

Oh, and good morning Jess! Thanks for your email!!!!!! You're my new best friend! haha (Pay attention, Readers....see what telling me you love my blog will do? Gets you a special mention! That's worth like....well nothing....but it's special to me!)

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road:

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Well...I tried.

I gave it a shot.

Just so my confused and mislead Republican friends can't say that I'm too liberal...

I turned on the TV and attempted to listen to McCain's speech.

After five felt like days minutes, I found my eyes glazing over, and my mind drifting to really interesting things, like the idea that there actually is such a thing as belly button lint.

My gosh, that man has the personality of a loaf of bread, doesn't he? I have never heard a speech given in such a monotone! The only time I saw him get excited was when he realized he was at the end of it! "Woohooo, I'm almost done boring myself!!!"

And is it just me, or does his wife look like she's 2 martinis and an Oxy away from rehab?

Yeah, I gotta post this.

I just have to.

Looks like the lipstick wearing pit bull proved herself to be just like the typical politico types she slammed!

She's a liar and exaggerator!

The Associated Press closely watched Governor Sarah Palin, the GOP's VP pick, at last night's RNC convention and has outlined the many ways she exaggerated and lied.

Right or Left, a lie is a lie. It doesn't matter where on the political spectrum you are, right?

These are not 'personal' digs, mind you.

She's lying on the 'professional' stage, y'all.

Check out Pinocchio Palin's claims and the truth:

PALIN: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending … and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress 'thanks but no thanks' for that Bridge to Nowhere."

THE FACTS: As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, that opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

PALIN: "There is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform — not even in the state senate."

THE FACTS: Compared to McCain and his two decades in the Senate, Obama does have a more meager record. But he has worked with Republicans to pass legislation that expanded efforts to intercept illegal shipments of weapons of mass destruction and to help destroy conventional weapons stockpiles. The legislation became law last year. To demean that accomplishment would be to also demean the work of Republican Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana, a respected foreign policy voice in the Senate. In Illinois, he was the leader on two big, contentious measures in Illinois: studying racial profiling by police and requiring recordings of interrogations in potential death penalty cases. He also successfully co-sponsored major ethics reform legislation.

PALIN: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes, raise payroll taxes, raise investment income taxes, raise the death tax, raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars."

THE FACTS: The Tax Policy Center, a think tank run jointly by the Brookings Institution and the Urban Institute, concluded that Obama's plan would increase after-tax income for middle-income taxpayers by about 5 percent by 2012, or nearly $2,200 annually. McCain's plan, which cuts taxes across all income levels, would raise after tax-income for middle-income taxpayers by 3 percent, the center concluded.

Obama would provide $80 billion in tax breaks, mainly for poor workers and the elderly, including tripling the Earned Income Tax Credit for minimum-wage workers and higher credits for larger families.

He also would raise income taxes, capital gains and dividend taxes on the wealthiest. He would raise payroll taxes on taxpayers with incomes above $250,000, and he would raise corporate taxes. Small businesses that make more than $250,000 a year would see taxes rise.

The AP report also showed how Palin's champions have exaggerated the Alaskan governor's 'acheivements':

MCCAIN: "She's been governor of our largest state, in charge of 20 percent of America's energy supply … She's responsible for 20 percent of the nation's energy supply. I'm entertained by the comparison and I hope we can keep making that comparison that running a political campaign is somehow comparable to being the executive of the largest state in America," he said in an interview with ABC News' Charles Gibson.

THE FACTS: McCain's phrasing exaggerates both claims. Palin is governor of a state that ranks second nationally in crude oil production, but she's no more "responsible" for that resource than President Bush was when he was governor of Texas, another oil-producing state. In fact, her primary power is the ability to tax oil, which she did in concert with the Alaska Legislature. And where Alaska is the largest state in America, McCain could as easily have called it the 47th largest state — by population.

MCCAIN: "She's the commander of the Alaska National Guard. … She has been in charge, and she has had national security as one of her primary responsibilities," he said on ABC.

THE FACTS: While governors are in charge of their state guard units, that authority ends whenever those units are called to actual military service. When guard units are deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, for example, they assume those duties under "federal status," which means they report to the Defense Department, not their governors. Alaska's national guard units have a total of about 4,200 personnel, among the smallest of state guard organizations.

FORMER ARKANSAS GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE: Palin "got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States."

THE FACTS: A whopper. Palin got 616 votes in the 1996 mayor's election, and got 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1,525. Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but he still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia where he was on the ballot during the 2008 presidential primaries.

FORMER MASSACHUSETTS GOV. MITT ROMNEY: "We need change, all right — change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington — throw out the big-government liberals, and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin."

THE FACTS: A Back-to-the-Future moment. George W. Bush, a conservative Republican, has been president for nearly eight years. And until last year, Republicans controlled Congress. Only since January 2007 have Democrats have been in charge of the House and Senate.

We say if the 'means' are shady then it must mean the 'end' is shady.

No more shade!

Bruise Watch - Day 3

Yeah, this one isn't going to be gone by Saturday. Hello, coverstick.



I'm probably going to be out of pocket for a few days. I've got a full day preparing for the wedding tomorrow, and then of course Saturday I'll be busy all day. So I may not be updating the blog until Sunday.

I know all 112 readers are sad. LOL....

I'll leave you with some sheet music to read. Look closely...

Bruise watch

Since so many of you asked...here is today's colors!



I can't get a good picture of it because my iPhone lightens it too much. It's really black and blue and deep purple but today there's some pretty yellow as well! Hopefully by Saturday it will fade enough that I can put some make up on it and it won't show in pictures taken at the wedding.

Funny, my parking lot guy didn't see me yesterday, so this morning he says "What the hell happened to your arm??? Did your ex do this? Do I have to go kick some motherfucking ass???? Because you know I will!"

No dude calm down. It's a pizza injury.

I've heard this song 4 times in three days

Why? It's a freaking song from what, the late 80's? Early 90's? What the hell is up with Sirius playing it every five minutes??

I guess maybe the Universe read my thread about September and decided to remind me that I'm in a better place now than I was 3 years ago...

For the first time, in such a long time
I've been feeling there's some reason
To hold on through the night
And for the first time
Since you broke this heart of mine
I find myself believing
It's really gonna be alright

Now you're asking me to let
You walk back into my life
Something I can't bring myself to do

'Cause it's been hard enough getting over you
You kept me holding on till the end
Oh, it's been hard enough getting over you
I don't think that I could say goodbye again

I could trust you, but it's out of my hands
I once believed your promises
Believed in every word you said
I still love you, but my heart won't take the chance
That all the pain I've left behind me
Might be waiting for me up ahead

Just remember it was you
Who walked right out of my life
No, you don't know what I've been through

'Cause it's been hard enough getting over you
You kept me holding on till the end
Oh, it's been hard enough getting over you
I don't think that I could say goodbye again

I made a promise to myself
And this one I'm not gonna break
I've made it without you
And I'm not about to
Turn around and make the same mistake

'Cause it's been hard enough getting over you
You kept me holding on till the end
Oh, it's been hard enough getting over you
I don't think that I could say goodbye
I don't think I could say goodbye
I know that I can't say goodbye again

I'd rather hear that than that fucking Rascal Flatts song. (Most of you don't know what this means, but my sisters and niece do, as they got to hear/see my wrath when it played the other day while we were in the pool.)

Clearly, I have song issues. LOL

Wake me up when September ends.

Once upon a time, 5 years ago, September was a damn good month for me. I got married then. I really liked September 20, 2003...it was a happy time.

Now...September sucks.

My father died September 18, 2004, two days before my first wedding anniversary. In retrospect it probably didn't bode well for my marriage that I celebrated that anniversary in a funeral home.

The next year, on my second anniversary, September 20, 2005, I was separated from my husband and in the worst pain of my life.

And 8 days later, on September 28th, my divorce was final.

That year, Green Day came out with "Wake Me Up When September Ends". Needless to say, I identified completely.

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends

Isn't this pretty?

I got attacked by a pizza box last night. Pizza Hut can be viscious!






We ordered pizza last night and as I was walking into the house with it, I turned a corner and hit part of the box on the wall, and jammed the sharp corner of the box straight into the inside of my upper arm. It hurt like a mo-fo and immediately started turning purple. I put some ice on it in hopes of it not getting too bad. It's black and blue, literally. And the exact length that a pizza box is high. LOL You can't tell just how ugly from the picture but trust me, it looks like the remnants of a violent crime.

Clearly fast food IS hazardous to your health.

Between that and my horrifically red sunburned face from the pool yesterday, which is ALL my sister's fault because she bullied me into staying out for two hours when I was ready to call it a day after 45 minutes....I am one attractive woman today.

I'm beating the boys off with a stick.

Ewwww....that didn't come out right.

Please join me in saying a prayer

For the people of Louisiana, as Gustav approaches today. Those people have been through too much with Katrina, and they should not have to endure another devastating hurricane.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone in the path of this storm. God bless.