Damn that cold and flu bug

My new tattoo had to be postponed last night due to my artist feeling like crap. He said he'd be happy to do it if I didn't mind being sneezed and coughed on, and potentially having to prod him awake occasionally (um, no thanks, D!) to which I replied....

Dude, when you are permanently marking my body, I want you on your game!

So he rescheduled for Thursday.

The tattoo as you know is a memorial to my sister, and I think it's no coincidence that Thursday is the sixth anniversary of her passing.

I'm glad he had to reschedule, I think it's more than appropriate to get it on that day.

Ridiculous day but fun after work!

This is the view outside my front door. Snow that comes up to my knees.

Ridiculous.

Yes, I live in Ohio and not Florida. Or California. Or the Caribbean.

Yes, I realize we get snow in the winter.

Doesn't mean I have to like it! A week or two of it, great. I'm over it though now.

In other news, I'm getting a new tattoo after work! Yay!

So you know Jordan has this memorial tattoo to my sister, right?

 

So I'm getting a version of this on my right shoulder/upper back, across from this one, but it will be a more feminine, girly font. (I felt the need to balance out the tattoos on my back since I have one on the left shoulder, and a tramp stamp across my lower back.)

Then I'm adding a colorful dragonfly based off this picture to it.

Not sure where the dragonfly will go in relation to the words, but I'm sure D will figure that out since he's the artist.

Will post a picture of it later tonight or tomorrow!

Oh, and check this out! I found a cool puzzle piece tattoo that I like, might end up with on my inner wrist! Not exactly like this, but some version of it.

Wouldn't that be fun? Significant not only of my blog (and would be a great reminder of it 30 years from now!) but also signifies that "missing piece" in my life that I plan to find!

I love tattoos.  They make me feel better about all this ridiculous snow. 

I hope you have a raging heart on today

To those of you 

coupled up and in loooooooooooooove....

Happy Valentine's Day.

I'm taking the day off from blogging but it's not like I have special plans so check out Rachel's blog over at Single Mom Seeking. 

She was nice enough to ask me for a contribution quote for her annual Valentine's Day post, 

and she's got such a great blog that you really should be reading it 

every day of the year, not just today.

(I hope next year I have a Valentine to share this day with.)

Comfort Zones and A Love Story

OK so you guys know I am always offering up my blog to guest bloggers. I figure you guys would love a break from my mundane posting so today I am thrilled to introduce my long time, dear friend Lee Ann as my guest blogger!!!!

Lee Ann and I have known each other for most of our lives. We met when I was about nine and moved to Logan, Ohio. She was one of my first friends, and we were inseparable. After graduation we lost touch with each other and last summer we were lucky enough to find each other again. You might remember this post describing our reunion.

Anyway, I twisted her arm and convinced her to write a blog post for me, so here it is. And when you get done reading, go to her blog and become a follower. She's someone you need to get to know.

Without further ado, please welcome Lee Ann to the 47 Stage!!!!

Comfort Zones and a Love Story

Julie has asked me to guest blog quite a few times. I have never been able to find the right topic. I have trouble coming up with topics for my own blog and I really didn't want to come over here and bore y'all to death! But, Julie's CZ challenge is intriguing to me. The goal is for her to be comfortable and happy being single and doing things by herself. While she is out there enjoying herself, she could very well run across Mr. Right. We know he sometimes (usually) comes along when we're not looking.

I have been married and divorced twice. Not really something I am proud of, but it is what it is. I can assure you that the fault of the failed marriages is not mine! Ok maybe some, in that I made really bad choices. After that last adventure, I thought if that was the kind of men that were out there in the dating pool perhaps I should just sit it out or go play elsewhere. Inspite of the 20 years married (in total), I have had lots of experience being single too. I have always been attracted to a guy who was taller than me (I'm 5'10") and older than me (I'm 50). There was other criteria, but I wouldn't even take a second look if they didn't pass those first two items.

I've always been big into AOL (a charter member for 19 years now) I had chatted online, for a few years, with a really nice guy. My 2nd marriage finally got put out of its misery in '06. A few months later my friend mentioned that we should meet for real sometime - how fun would that be!? I agreed. We made arrangements to meet for dinner. So we set up the time and place. When the agreed time came he called me (I'd never heard his voice until that moment) and we chatted all the way to the restaurant. He had a nice voice. I got there first and I parked with my car aimed out. I think that was so I could see him coming and make a fast get away if I needed to. (We had chatted for a few years, but it had been so long since we had done the what's your name/what do you look like thing I had forgotten all of that about him. After all this time I was too embarrassed to ask him again. So yup - I was meeting someone whose first name I didn't even know). He pulled up beside me in the parking lot. He got out of his truck. Holy shit! He didn’t have any gray hair and he must be all of 5'3"!!! I thought - this isn't good – too young & too short - I gotta find a way to get out of here!!! But something else was nagging at me - he had always been SO nice online. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings and just run off. Besides it was just dinner as friends. So I stayed.

The next day he sent me a really nice email about what a good time he had a dinner - he signed his name to it, so that mystery was cleared up (whew!). He wound up being 5 years younger than me. And though he is shorter than me he is actually 5'7". AND I found out that he was lived 3 (THREE) blocks from me (Fate stopped just short {haha} of placing him directly on my doorstep for me). It turns out that staying that night for dinner , learning more and stepping outside of my comfort zone was one of the BEST decisions I had made in a very long time. We have been pretty much inseparable since then. In '08 we bought a house together and are living happily ever after. We treat each other with love and respect (something I almost forgot how to do) and we truly enjoy being together. Who knew?

I write this because I wish the very best for my dear friend, Julie. In previous posts of hers I have read that she isn't much into men shorter than her. The point to all of this is - Jules, while you are wandering outside of your comfort zone anyway, don't disregard those guys who might be a bit outside of that zone either.

C was right there under my nose for a long time and I might have missed him I hadn't stepped outside of my comfort zone just a little. I never really think about our differences anymore because we have so much else in common.

Most men are just gonna stare at your boobs anyway, so why have them get a crick in their neck doing it? Ya never know!

My friends rock, don't they?

And no, you cannot ask her for dirt on me. She's contractually bound to say nothing but nice things, even if she has to lie.

Tonight's the night!

You may not know this about me, but I am a HUGE Survivor fan.

I have not missed an episode in what, 19 seasons now?

And tonight is the Grand Poobah of Survivor.

Yes folks, it's Heroes versus Villians, and it's an All Star Cast.

OMG, I cannot wait.

Seriously, I have chick wood over this.

It will undoubtedly be a Survivor Lovers dream.

I'm the person who refuses to watch live TV. God bless the invention of DVR's because I never sit through a commercial now.

But I will be tonight.

Because I can't wait to watch this damn show.

So think of me at 8pm EST when me and my Vodka/Diet Pepsi are parked in front of the TV watching my favorite Survivors battle it out.

Just don't call me. I won't be answering.

A picture is worth a thousand "Owwwww's"

 

I believe she has his attention.

Well that didn't quite work out the way I'd planned.

So the Inaugural Comfort Zone Challenge was a bust!

It snowed here Friday and by evening we had somewhere between 8" and 10". Needless to say, I didn't venture out of my house comfort zone all evening.

And then Saturday I got the brilliant idea to shovel my driveway, as the weather forecasters insisted I should because the temp was going to drop into single digits last night and freeze it all.

So I did it.

And within two hours was flat on my back on the couch. There was no comfort zone to be had!

Yeah, people with three herniated disks really should not shovel snow.  Guess I should have waited on Jordan to get home from work.

I know better, I really do. But I'd been feeling all empowered with the whole CZ Challenge idea and my motivation carried over into feeling like Superwoman with a Shovel. 

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

It got substantially worse when I realized my supply of pain meds was empty.

Sigh.

Several frantic phone calls to friends and family later, I got hooked up with some pharmaceuticals, and spent the rest of the day horizontal on my couch.

Today was better, I could at least walk upright, without crying like a girl too much pain.

So here I sit (yes, I can sit up now instead of laying down!) getting ready to watch the Super Bowl (Go Saints!), having an adult beverage (it's all good, I'm Vicodin free) and plotting my CZ Challenge event for the week.

I'll probably attempt the bar thing again Friday night.

I'll keep you posted.

Mother Nature and the CZ Challenge are not friends.

OK first things first....look to your right!

Check out my new blog button!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many thanks to my buddy T at Mad Boastings of a Cheapskate Mom for creating it for me!

Isn't it great???? I'm so damned happy with it! If you're looking for one, be sure to work with her. She's great, she's cheap (and I don't mean in a floozy kind of way!) and does fantastic work! Thanks again, T!

So grab one and take it with you, ok?

And by the way, if you have a button on your site and I've missed it, let me know and I'll add it to mine.

On to the subject at hand....

So my first venture out of my comfort zone is probably going to be postponed. We're getting 4 to 8" of snow today, and I don't see me going to a bar in it tonight.

We'll see how Saturday night's weather is, maybe it can happen then.

If not there's always next Friday. What better time to embrace my singleness than on Valentine's weekend?????

Welcome to Julie's Comfort Zone Challenge

I have to admit, I was shocked by how many of you responded to my previous post about doing things out of my comfort zone.

Seems like I'm not the only one who stays safely in the confines of her quiet little life!

So I'm going to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and as Nike would say...JUST DO IT.

I've decided to challenge myself to do something that takes me out of my comfy little boring world and makes me slightly, if not massively, uncomfortable.

(And no, OHN, it will not start with wearing a bathing suit in public!)

There are plenty of things I'm fine with doing alone. I can go to the bookstore, the coffee shop, shopping, anything like that by myself. I could go to a museum alone (although I never do).

I think f8hasit said it best..."I like being alone sometimes, but not doing social activities alone".

That's my problem.

I have an aversion to doing things solo that most people tend to do coupled up.

Like dinner out. A movie. Going to a bar and listening to a band. See a Broadway play. Go to a concert.

But the thing is, there are a lot of movies I want to see! There are a lot of places I'd love to go for dinner! And there is many a Friday night (most of them actually) that I really want to get out of the house and do something, but because I don't have a date, I stay home and watch TV.

So I've decided, that in light of my 49th birthday being right around the corner (March 22nd, in case anyone wants to send presents), this year I'm going to stop missing out on things just because I'm single.

This year, I'm going to live the life I love.

This year, I'm going to love the life I live!

Tomorrow night, I am going out to a local bar, one that I go to with friends every few months, and I'm going to pull up a bar stool, have a couple of drinks, and listen to some live music.

BY MYSELF.

Next week I'm going to go to this great Mediterranean restaurant that I've been dying to try.

BY MYSELF.

The week after, I'm not sure what exactly I will do yet, but something. Whatever it ends up being, it will be...

BY MYSELF.

I'll be blogging about my solo adventures, so I hope you will continue giving me your feedback, and ideas on things to do!

Wish me luck tomorrow. I'm gonna be pissed if someone slips a Rufie in my drink while I'm in the bathroom though.

Well, unless he's hot, of course.

Out of my comfort zone....

My good friend Linda Lou (who as you know, is my sister separated at birth, and my role model for how to be divorced and loving it. Oh, and one of the funniest women on the planet, currently starring in her own Vegas one-woman show and now acclaimed author!) has thrown down a challenge to me to step out of my comfort zone and blog about it.

I'm giving it some thought.

She suggested I do something like go to a bar by myself, which I do NOT see me doing. (But, never say never!) Hell I don't like to go to bars that much anymore with a group, let alone just me.

I am not good at doing things solo.

For heaven's sake, it took me 47 years to go to a MOVIE by myself! (And it was "He's Just Not That Into You"....oh, the irony!) And even then, I felt self concious the entire time, like people in the rows behind me were shaking their heads in pity thinking I didn't have one friend I could call to go to a movie with!

(Hey, I never said I was sane. You people just assume, because I can carry on a decent conversation, that I am.)

So I am thinking about what I am willing to do to step out of my comfort zone.

It could be something as simple as dinner alone, or as crazy as jumping out of an airplane.

Give me some suggestions. What would getting out of YOUR comfort zone mean?

It's not you, it's me.

It seems I have lost my blogging mojo.

I used to blog every day, because I enjoyed doing it.

Recently it's been every few days, because I just don't have anything interesting to say.

To be totally honest, I'm hardly ever reading other blogs on my daily reading list either. I seem to be in total Blog Rejection Mode.

Not sure why I'm in such a slump.

But it's not you, it's me.

I appreciate all of you who continue to read and comment, and hopefully my passion for writing this blog will kick back in soon.

Hang in there with me.

I'll be back.

This is why I'm single.

Yes folks, this is what's swimming around in the dating pool out there.

If these are my options ::::shudder:::: then I am very happy remaining a single woman.

What I Want In A Man

Original List:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially hung
4. Good conversationalist
5. Funny
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too unattractive
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too over and over and over and over
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing.
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

The End Of An Error

Bye bye, 2006 Chrysler 300 SRT.

Yesterday I turned my leased vehicle in. Finally.

After 39 months, I am free.

Don't get me wrong, I loved this car.

It was sweet.

It had everything you could ever want in a vehicle and then some.

But it came with a hefty price tag....and not just financially.

It's a long story and one that I don't see any reason to recite the gory details here, but suffice it to say that the decision to lease this car three years ago wasn't the best decision I ever made.

At the time I let emotion cloud my judgment. And I put trust where trust had already been irreparably broken, thinking that I would not get burned again.

Boy was I wrong.

Oh well, the end result was good. The Chrysler people completely overlooked the scratches by the door handle, the spot on the back bumper where somebody hit my car with a shopping cart, the completely bald rear tire (at $350 each I was not going to replace it, just to turn it in), and the chip in the windshield where a rock hit it....three weeks after I'd had the entire windshield replaced after a rock hit that one.

They marked the car as completely unblemished, so all I will owe now is about $200 in over-mileage fees.

Yay!

It was weird to get a little misty, driving the car for the last time to the dealership. That car has been a blessing and a curse from day one. It was the true bane of my existence for the last 15 months that I've been paying that $702 lease payment by myself. I endured plenty of fights and drama over that car the last three years, but I also really, really loved driving it.

And now it's gone, and all that remains is my license plate.

Nice, eh?

Bye Bye, Chrysler 300 SRT. You were a great car, but I'm glad we have reached the end of an error.

PS: In case you forgot what I bought to replace this car, click HERE.

Help a sister out here, will ya?

OK, Friday confession...I'm not as technology savvy as you'd think.

No, seriously.

(But I'm getting much better at handling a gun!)

Granted, I designed my blog layout all by myself.  But it was a lot of cut and paste, I didn't reinvent the wheel or anything.  

So I need some help.

Many of my fellow bloggers have cute little badges or buttons with their blog names and crap on them, and other bloggers can "grab one" and add it to their pages.

I don't have one.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I want one.

:::stomps foot::::

Can somebody help me out? Which one of you creative people out there will make one for me?

You...in the back! I see you. I know you have one. Where'd you get it?

Listen, if I have to promise sexual favors, so be it. I want a damn badge of my own, and I'll do almost anything whatever it takes to get one.

Just deliver the goods and then we'll negotiate payment.

Happy Friday! What's your plan for the weekend?

Is this thing loaded?

Watch out folks, I'm armed and dangerous.

That's right, I'm packing heat.

OK not really, at least not *yet*. But last night was the first of four NRA gun classes I'm taking to get my conceal carry license.

Why, you might ask, do I feel the need to carry a gun?

I don't. LOL

My boss wanted to take the class and didn't want to take it by himself so he paid for me to go as well.

I love shooting though, and I'm not bad at it.

Monday night is our class at the gun range, and I'm so excited!

Thing is, I've always been a little afraid of guns. My ex always had them at the house and he took me shooting several times, but I've always worried about it going off accidentally and hurting or killing me someone, so I feel better learning the best way to handle them, clean them, and de-cock it if I need to (I just love saying de-cock. It sounds so....funny. LOL).

They say knowledge is power, so knowing what to do with that thing is good.

I'm gonna feel pretty powerful with a .38 in my hands next week.

How many of you like to shoot? Tell me your stories....

The one where Julie pays homage.

I stole this from somebody's blog. But I forgot who's. 

I'm sorry.

If you remind me, I'll gladly give you credit!!!!!!!!!!

In a related story....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELIZABETH!!!!

It's my bestie's birthday!

She has indeed brought sexy back.  LOL

And one other thing....
Please keep Danica in your thoughts and prayers today. 
She's having surgery and will be away from blogging for awhile. 
This is a hard day for her in a lot of ways
So I ask you all to send her your prayers for a speedy recovery. 
Thanks!!!

Here's The Situation,, Snooki.....

I gotta tell ya, I love me some Jersey Shore. That show has been a trainwreck and I've had so much fun watching it!

So when I saw this clip, I laughed out loud.

Too damn precious for words....

Answers to the burning questions you asked last week!

So last week I did a rerun of my interview post, and told you I'd answer any questions you had.

Here's what was asked:

Liz wrote:

How do you raise a child to be a respectful, loving, caring adult? You did an awesome job raising Jordan and I'd love to have the kind of relationship the two of you have with my daughter some day!

Hell, Liz...I don't know! (But thank you for saying that!) My son turned out great, either because of me or in spite of me, I'm not sure which! I think a lot of it had to do with me being a single mom for the majority of his life. Other than the few years I was with my ex-husband (who is not Jordan's father, and who I married when Jordan was 12), we were on our own, and I think that certainly cemented the close bond we have. I raised him to be independent (he's been doing his own laundry since he was 10, he had his first job at 14, bought his own car with 100% his money at 15 1/2, and has always paid for his gas and car insurance himself) and while I tried to be the "cool Mom", I also made sure he respected me, and my rules. I didn't make idle threats. He knew "If A, then B" meaning if he did a particular action (A), there was a guaranteed consequence if he got caught (B). I'm not going to say he didn't try more than a few teenage tricks, but he did them with full knowledge that if he broke a rule, he would face serious repercussions. And I never let him down in that aspect! We fought over the usual kid things...homework, grades, length of hair, etc. (back when he had hair, of course! LOL) but for the most part, I was just damn lucky in the kid department. I had a lot of family who helped me, and Jordan also has a great Dad & Stepmom and the three of us were always on the same parenting page. The best advice I could give you is throw away the freaking parenting books that so many new parents can't seem to function without, and just listen to your child. Pay attention...their words and actions will tell you everything you need to know. Be their safe place to fall. Kick them in the ass when they need it, but love them unconditionally. You are a great Mom to Lexi, and to #2 who I plan to knock you up with later this year. (This is an inside joke, folks...but Liz gets it!) Your relationship with your kids will be every bit as amazing as you are, my friend.

Soxy Deb asked:

Where is the most unusual place you've had sex. What? You knew it would be a sex question coming from me. That or alcohol.

Of course you would ask a sex question. I'd have been SHOCKED if you hadn't!!!! Unfortunately, I really don't have any fun or exciting answers for this! I considered just making something totally wild up but then realized my family does read this blog. Sadly, I have not been very blessed with adventurous romantic partners. So I guess I'll just go with some place out of the house, and that would have to be either a swimming pool, or on a pool table in a bar (in my defense, the bar was NOT open at the time!), both of which occurred in my younger and wilder days back in the 80's. Wow, I just bored myself with that answer. I know you must be appalled to think I haven't got anything more exciting than that to answer this question with, but trust me, nobody is more saddened by my unimaginative response than I am! Clearly, I need to redefine my idea of a "creative" man when it comes to dating again, don't I?!

Coffeypot writes:

Question? Next to me, what four guys (or girls), living or dead, you would like to have sex with?

Well, after you, I'm sure I would be too exhausted to consider anyone else! LOL However, the other four objects of my affection would be (in no particular order):

1. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who I think is incredibly sexy and hot. Great body, beautiful smile, entertaining personality. Yum, I could just dip him up on a chip.

2. Tabatha Coffey (and John, if she is related to you, you need to hook a sister up!), star of "Tabatha Takes Over" on Bravo. I'm not into women but if I were, she'd be who I'd go after. It's a well known fact she gives me chick wood.

3. The Marquis de Sade. Enough said.

4. Denis Leary. Specifically if he was playing the role of his Rescue Me alter ego, Tommy Gavin. Yeah it's a stretch to wonder how my attraction to a man can swing from Dwayne Johnson to Denis Leary, but it does.

Annie asked:

My question: I'm a late follower, and curious if you were married to your sons father? Also, about the man you have recently divorced what happened there? I read you refer to him, and I wish I knew the background! :)

Oh, Annie. This response could take hours to write. LOL I'll try to be brief.

No, I was not married to my son's father. However we have always had a good relationship, and I have an equally good one with his wife as well (who he married when Jordan was about 4 or 5). They are great parents to our son and Jordan is lucky because at my house he's an only child, and at his Dad's he's one of four kids (he has a half brother, and a step brother and step sister) so he has the best of both worlds.

I have only been married once, and that was in September of 2003 when I was 42. I was divorced two years and 8 days later. I don't really say much about my ex here anymore....while starting over via divorce was my reason for writing this blog in the first place, I've tried very hard to not let my life be defined by how my marriage ended. This blog is about me and my journey now. I loved being married, and the way it ended sucked and it was awful and all I will say is that I hope someday to get another chance at Happily Ever After. Except next time should Prince Charming decide to stray, I will take his balls with me when I leave.

Homesick Cajun asked:

My question is this, what is your "get it girl" song? You know...the song you love to turn the radio up and just sing and/or dance to?

Ooooh, I have lots of those! If my car, I will crank things like Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Meatloaf), or I Hate Myself For Loving You (Joan Jett), or various other 80's songs that remind me of days gone by like It's Raining Men (The Weather Girls). I love anything by the Eagles, and of course there are the standard fuck you, you sorry asshole break up songs such as Survivor (Destiny's Child) or You Oughta Know (Alanis Morrissette, and my divorce theme song! LOL) but lately, I've become a big Lady Gaga fan, and Bad Romance is my current favorite crank it up and sing song!

Gayle asked me:

Honestly what age is to old to wear Uggs? My daughters say I shouldn't get a pair but they look so comfortable..I would probably only wear them around the house anyway.

Well, I'm going to be 49 in March, and I just got my first pair of Uggs for Christmas, and I wear them proudly! They are incredibly comfortable and I plan on wearing them for many, many, MANY years to come! Go get yourself a pair, sister!

Sooooo, there you have it. I love questions, they are so fun! Feel free to keep 'em coming...it gives me something to blog about!

Shhhhhhhh

Could everyone keep their voices down today? I have an evil headache.

I was drastically over-served last night while out with friends.

Thank you.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Finally Friday

It's finally Friday
I'm free again
I got my motor
running for a wild weekend
It's finally Friday
I'm outa' control
Forget the workin' blues
And let the good times roll.

Who's got big plans for the weekend?

Ask me anything, you know I'll tell you the truth.

Last year I was interviewed by a reader, and I know you are all just dying to reread it. again. So I respectfully resubmit the burning questions and my direct yet witty answers.

1) My friend says that it is bad manners to talk on your phone in the bathroom. You recently wrote that you are never without your iPhone, even in the bathroom. What exactly are you doing on the iPhone in there? What is the last application that you added?


Well, it's true that I never go anywhere without my iPhone. My sister gives me shit about this constantly. "Why do you have to have that thing with you every second of the day?" The short answer is...because I can! Usually in the bathroom, I check mail, or I may be in the midst of a text conversation with someone and frankly, they can't hear you peeing via text so it's not really "rude" to engage in the two activities at once. Although I have been known to actually pee while talking on the phone to my BFF Elizabeth, but she does the same to me so we're both fine with it! Just pretend I'm standing near a waterfall if it bothers you. Oh, and the last application I added was Unblock Me. It's this ridiculous game that you move little pieces right or left and up or down to free the red one. I hate it, it makes my brain hurt, and yet I can't stop playing it.

2) My sister is 49 and divorced. She is looking to start dating too. Do you have any pointers for her and where the hell do you meet men?


Oh honey, I am NOT the person to take dating advice from! The last time I went out on more than one date with someone, I married the guy and we all know how well that worked out for me. And you've seen the kind of men I attract on dating sites, so trust me, this question is better posed to my friend VegasLindaLou. She's doing much better being divorced and dating than I am! I want to be her when I grow up.

3) What size shoe do you wear? How many pairs of shoes do you have and approximately how old is the oldest pair of shoes in your closet?

Hahaha...I don't have shoes, I have yachts. My feet are a size 11. (Hey, I'm 5'9", give me a break!) If flip flops count as shoes, I probably have 60 pair in my closet. If they don't, then I have about 30 pair of actual shoes. My oldest ones are about 10 years old, they are sandals that I can't bear to throw out! My current favorites my Uggs that I got for Christmas. I have worn them every day since December 26th! They rock. 

4) As I mentioned before, my sister is single and has been divorced for 15 years. I bought her a sex toy for her birthday once. What is the strangest gift you've ever received? Did you like it and do you still have it?


Wow, I have to think about this. I've never really gotten any strange gifts. (But if anyone wants my address, email me. I'm open to accepting them!) I guess the strangest one would have been a fire extinguisher from a guy I was dating. I don't know if he was trying to tell me I was really hot, or he was afraid I might spontaneously combust, or just making me prepared in case of emergency, but he didn't last long after that.

5) Dating is hard. Dating later in life seems extremely hard. Can you tell us about your best date ever? How about the worse? How about the most embarrassing thing to happen on a date?


It's funny, I really don't have a "best date" that jumps out in my mind. I'm sitting here actually wracking my brain trying to think of one! I can tell you my worst date easily. About 6 months after my divorce, I attempted to go out on a date with some guy I met on the Internet. He seemed nice enough, so I agreed to dinner at PF Changs. The guy showed up, and clearly his profile picture had been taken about 100 lbs ago. He had on this very 70's brown cordaroy jacket, and when he took it off he was actually wearing SUSPENDERS.   I had to fight back the urge to refer to him as "Pa".  So we sit down to dinner, and the waiter takes our drink orders and he says "Well, I rarely drink...so I'll just have a double Grey Goose on the rocks". Huh? FIVE double Grey Gooses later, I'm thinking gee, I believe what he meant to say was "Well, I rarely drink...less than a bottle in one sitting". He ordered three appetizers and proceeded to eat 99% of them by himself, he ate all of his dinner and what part of mine that I didn't eat, and as I'm sitting there thinking "Thank God the meal is over and I can run", he orders coffee and desserts. Two of them. And again, eats most of them. And during the meal, I find out that he had been in prison for two years for trafficking something out of Amsterdam (it was a mistake you know, he didn't really do it, his ex-wife set him up) and he has no credit and is driving a rental car for some reason he couldn't really explain...and at this point I'm about to do the "bathroom ditch" thing! Finally the long excrutiating meal was over, and he wanted to walk me to my car (which I politely refused) and he tried to grab me and come in for a kiss, which I completely ducked and twirled out of! I shook his hand, said thanks, and ran.  It was enough to make me not want to dip my carefully pedicured toes back into the dating pool anytime soon.

So there you have it.

I've decided to do another Q &  A post in the next couple of weeks, so feel free to submit your questions either via the comment section here, or send me an email and tell me what you'd like to know.

I'm an open book, I'll answer just about anything! Except how much I weigh. Don't even ask.