My good friend Linda Lou (who as you know, is my sister separated at birth, and my role model for how to be divorced and loving it. Oh, and one of the funniest women on the planet, currently starring in her own Vegas one-woman show and now acclaimed author!) has thrown down a challenge to me to step out of my comfort zone and blog about it.
I'm giving it some thought.
She suggested I do something like go to a bar by myself, which I do NOT see me doing. (But, never say never!) Hell I don't like to go to bars that much anymore with a group, let alone just me.
I am not good at doing things solo.
For heaven's sake, it took me 47 years to go to a MOVIE by myself! (And it was "He's Just Not That Into You"....oh, the irony!) And even then, I felt self concious the entire time, like people in the rows behind me were shaking their heads in pity thinking I didn't have one friend I could call to go to a movie with!
(Hey, I never said I was sane. You people just assume, because I can carry on a decent conversation, that I am.)
So I am thinking about what I am willing to do to step out of my comfort zone.
It could be something as simple as dinner alone, or as crazy as jumping out of an airplane.
Give me some suggestions. What would getting out of YOUR comfort zone mean?
32 comments:
I started becoming MORE comfortable (not completely comfortable mind you) by traveling alone (for business.) I'd often sit in the airport bar and strike up conversations or I'd talk to the person sitting next to me. During solo travel I ate dinner alone, etc., but it's never been really comfy for me. Not sure you can learn to love it, but you can probably learn to be a little more comfy.
There are too many things to list. But, up near the top is something like actually wearing a bathing suit. In public.
Going out to see a band is the easiest thing to do by yourself--my trick is to pretend I know one of the performers. Okay, I pretend the best looking guy in the band is my boyfriend.
Here's a suggestion: Next time you're meeting your girlfriends for dinner, choose a place that has a bar. Get there a half hour early and have a drink at the bar while you wait for them. That way, you know that the time you're alone will be limited, and your friends will soon come to your rescue.
Other ideas: Check out the Meet-Up groups in your area. Find a group you're interested in and attend one of their meetings by yourself. Go to the library or Borders and strike up a conversation with someone in an aisle of books you're interested in. Also--this is a long shot-- go to church (!) by yourself. I'm not religious, but when I first came to Vegas, I found some new-age churches that were pretty cool.
Whatever you do, just get out of the house. Trust me, you'll be glad you did!
There are many things that I would like to do too, like taking a library book back past it's due date!
Little things mean a lot.
I'm definitely a comfort zone kinda girl. So I'd probably suggest something like dinner alone. How about this. Go away for a couple of days by yourself. I've used points and done this - just driving a few hours away, stay in a hotel, go shopping, dinner alone and come back to watch a movie. Heck, that sounds pretty heavenly to me! :)
You can go to a coffee shop with live music. Then you can sit at one of the tables for two and see who joins you.
I'm also with Linda Lou on the band thing. Get there a little early to a performance and sit at the bar and see who will sit next to you.
Or, go wine tasting by yourself. There are plenty of people who go just to meet others.
You can do it!
plan a trip, somewhere you've always wanted to go. it might be to the zoo, a museum, hell what about ikea? go somewhere you WANT to be and you might just care less about the fact that you're by yourself. what about a trip to a national park? i think road trips are FUN alone...but i've never been accused of being normal. best of luck and let us know! (from a long-time lurker who really enjoys your blog!)
If you had a daughter what would you tell her about being at peace enough to go to a bar alone? Honestly it's a bit uncomfortable at best at first but you'll be fine. I bet you are doing a lot of things you never thought you'd do.
and you survived. Take it from a sista who's been there - i survived and then I THRIVED. The other side is so much better.
As for out my comfort zone - going to this friggin' baby shower on Saturday. Damn I really really don't want to have to go - it makes me want to hurl. Does that count?
You could sign up for a class in something you are interest in. Like cooking, photography, etc.
Hell mine would be going to a movie alone! I've walked into a bar by myself, but it was always to meet a friend there or something! I can't wait to see what you decide to do!
I love going places alone. At least twice a month I take a book and go for a long lunch alone. Movies? No problem. Museums, too. Alone.
I love doing things alone. I go to restaurants, to concerts, opera, you name it. When I'm alone, I meet people. When I am with a friend, I don't. Simple as that! (Now, I am married, but have been both single and married and follow the same patterns!) Good luck and it'll be fine!
Plus, 47 is the prime of life!
Ugh, as a creature of habit, your leaving your comfort zone makes ME break into a sweat! I haven't left mine in a while...you could go to a concert?
Well first of all getting out of my comfort zone would be asking you to follow my blog (even though it might be boring to you)
I have never been to the movies by myself let alone a bar. I think it would be good for you to do that. You don't have to stay for a long time. What about resturants that have bars inside them? Sometimes I think men are afraid to go over to a group of ladies. Just read Linda's suggestions and I agree...also a book store with a coffe shop..that way you could get some books and take them to the table with you.
Dont feel bad, I didnt go to the movies alone until I was 48 (this past year!) and that was very uncomfortable but then I made myself go again and I was fine (I saw "Up in the Air" with George Clooney so it was soooo worth it!!
Anyway, pick a bar that plays music you like and just stop in long enough to get a drink (DONT DRINK AND DRIVE!) even if it is virgin drink and slowly get to know the bartenders whether they are male or female and each time you go back you will become a "regular" and feel at home.
I go the bookstore alone all the time, but I LOVE books and just perrusing the aisles makes me happy and I could do that for hours!!
I have plenty of female friends that I have reconnected with so I dont have to worry about being alone anymore!! In fact, last Saturday, we went out for coffee and dessert and laughed our asses off...
Jill from NY
Doing things alone, especially eating, would be out of my comfort zone too. I had to eat alone while traveling for business a few times and it royally sucked.
However, my suggestion for you is a dance class. It would provide multiple opportunities for you. It would be good exercise, something we've discussed. It would be an opportunity to meet people, maybe even a guy. And it would be out of your comfort zone because you'd have to join alone, and socialize with people you don't know.
I've always dreamed of being able to dance. I'm fascinated by it and so wish I could do it. They all seem so beautiful to me, and it looks like so much fun! I'm talking typical ballroom type stuff, you know... dancing with the stars kind of dancing.
Oh I'm the same way. I HATE going anywhere by myself. In fact I won't even go grocery shopping by myself. I make hubby go with me. But ONE time I went to the show by myself. Only because it was Twilight and my 3rd time seeing it and all my friends had already gone with me. LOL Oh and I went and got my tattoo done all by myself. I was proud I did that. But other than that, I suck.
I'm a homebody. I like being home and DREAD when I have to do my banking, errands, etc.
So, getting out of my comfort zone would be accepting the very few invitations that do come my way....
On another note, hubby and I were to meet at a restaurant a year ago for a group work thing. He was going straight from work and I from home.
I got there before he did and -- gulp! -- sat at the bar in the restaurant by myself and ordered a glass of wine while waiting for his arrival.
Like you, I have NEVER EVER done that. But...I have to tell you, I ended up having a lovely conversation with a young female patron and the female bartender.
Stepping out of my comfort zone proved to be a not so bad experience.
So, perhaps go to a restaurant bar, as opposed to the corner bar, and see if that works for you.
Will be back to check in and read your thoughts.
This is exciting! I love it -- great idea!
Peace and serenity,
~Jo
'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'
When I was single I found it hard to shop and go to dinner by myself. So I took a book and sat at Panera for dinner one night. Amazing feeling.
I'm going skydiving. Come with me!!!!
Julie - I joined a local dinner club that puts 3 men and 3 women together - it has been great just getting to know new people especially men - and I have met someone special that I've been dating for 2 months. I'm sure they have something similiar in your area!
Julie - I joined a local dinner club that puts 3 men and 3 women together - it has been great just getting to know new people especially men - and I have met someone special that I've been dating for 2 months. I'm sure they have something similiar in your area!
Think about it, of all the fun memories you have, were you ever ALONE? Hell no. But to get to the "not alone" place, step out in increments like Linda Lou suggests. Try this: get on a plane alone, meet some great guy, join the mile high club (just not in the last hour of the flight when you can't move in your seat, let alone go to the bathroom!), and come spend some time with Eddie and I. Oh, I guess the first part wasn't exactly an increment, but hey, I am still living in the 80's! And, PS, the church thing didn't work for me -- I have horrid stories to tell you about that idea. But, as I have always told you, you can't create something new if you're tied up with the same ole, same ole. Go, go, go -- be fearless and step over the edge to really live life.
I hate to ask in your comments but your email link didn't work! Can you tell me how to move my followers link to the right sisde of the screen instead of the bottom? I didn't realize it was at the bottom!
Going to a movie alone or dining alone...the thought of doing those things feels uncomfortable to me, but I bet it would be nice to be able to eat a hot meal and sit through an entire movie for a change!
Hey I am finally working on your button tonight! I will email you once I get it done!
Your one step ahead of me because I don't think I could go to a movie by myself.
There's a whole slew of shit that's out of my comfort zone.
I like being alone sometimes, but not doing social activitities alone. So I'm not much help there...sorry.
Traveling on business has helped me a little with this problem. But I hate it when the matre'd says "table for ONE!? I want to say "I'm here on business dick-head!, What'd ya' want from me!"
Bah.
I'll be interested to see what you do. Or I'll just stop in Columbus on my next drive through and we'll go do something alone...together!
:-)
ROFL. My first movie I ever saw alone was same as yours, He's Just Not That Into You. I loved it. Even took myself out to dinner at a cool Chinese joint. I didn't even have to worry about whether I should kiss me goodnight or try to get to first base.
But going to a bar by myself (which I have done) is not something I would do again. Don't get me wrong. I had a GREAT time and made LOTS of new, um, friends. But these days, I'm just not that into it.
Good for you! I've seen a movie and gone to Denny's by myself... I don't know if I could go to a bar alone. It just depends on the situation for me, I guess :)
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