Merry Christmas, my friends.

I wish for you a joyous, delightful Christmas holiday. Thank you for being part of my world and making my life a whole lot brighter.

And now, I give you my favorite Christmas song, O Holy Night, as sung by Il Divo. I have a complete crush on the voice of Carlos Marin (who's the Spanish, Ricky Ricardo looking singer in this group!)....his baritone moves me in ways I cannot even tell you. He puts the other singers to shame. So listen carefully, and you will hear his remarkable voice (especially around the 3:46 second mark of this video, he hits a high note that makes my eyes glaze over!!!).

Merry Christmas, everyone.

The Tattoo Heard Round The World

If you want to see Jordan's newest tattoo, click here to check out his blog.

I'm not allowed to say on Facebook what I think of the newest tattoo, without getting my comments deleted.

But I sure as hell can say it here. Freely. And without censor.

So here you go....

I think that D did a great job on it, as usual. He's done three out of four of Jordan's tats, and one and a half out of three of mine. (And I'm ready for another one!)

I think that the wording itself is great and very meaningful. No complaints whatsoever about that.

I think the font is nice. LOL

I'm just not a fan of tattoos across the front of the chest. Especially a chest I happened to give birth to.

It's just my opinion, and as his mother I am entitled to it.

I'd have loved this tattoo if it had gone across his back/shoulders. Just not a fan of where it's located. I think he'll regret that one day. I could be wrong, but time will tell.

The thing is, he's an adult and he can do whatever he wants. I don't have to like it! I wasn't a fan of his tongue piercing when he got it (and thankfully that lasted a few months and then he took it out). So whether I like or don't like this newest tat isn't really an issue, is it? I love my kid no matter what.

But I don't like getting my opinion deleted off Facebook. One does not want to piss Santa Claus his mother off two days before Christmas.

As one might end up with a lump of coal in his stocking instead of other things that were on his list.

Speaking of new tats, I'm considering two more. One will go on my back, on my right shoulder, and be the same tattoo Jordan has in memory of my sister "Viva La Vida" with Linda's years of birth and death and her initials. I will just change the font to something really pretty/script'y and add a very bright colored dragonfly.

Then I'm considering one on the inside of my left wrist. But not sure what I want! I considered HO HO HO because then depending on how I held my arm it would say that or OH OH OH! But that probably wouldn't be as funny in July as it is in December. So I'm not sure what I will get on my wrist, but I am definitely feeling the urge for something.....

Any suggestions? I don't want anything big, no more than probably 2" long and an inch or less wide. Thoughts? Ideas? Draw me a picture! LOL

Still Oh Oh Oh'ing

Last year my friend Crystal found this picture for me and of course, after telling you guys the story about my sister, it makes for a great follow up post.

Linda would have loved those!

In other news....

Did you notice I changed pictures in my blog header? Yeah, I'm that creative. LOL I was afraid to mess with the rest of the blog layout so that's pretty much it for my Christmas decorating here.

Three days until Christmas. And I've actually been done with my shopping for a couple of weeks now. That *never* happens. I'm usually the one at Speedway on Christmas Eve buying cardboard air fresheners and a bag of chips as stocking stuffers.

For the first time in about three years, Jordan doesn't have to work Christmas Eve or Christmas Day! I actually get to spend an entire holiday with my son.

The same son who is getting a tattoo today that I'm not really fond of. But, he'll be nineteen in 5 days....nothing I can do about it! I don't mind the wording, just not wild about the location.

Looking forward to having some time off work. We're closing down at noon on Christmas Eve and I'm off until January 4th. Yay! No big plans, just enjoying a little "staycation".

Tell me your plans for the holiday!

A Christmas Story I Want You To Know

I posted this last year, and will do so every year at Christmas. It's about my sister, and this is our 5th Christmas without her. So this is my way of remembering her, and introducing her to all of my new readers. You'd have loved her....she was the best.

I have a special Christmas story I want to share with you guys.

First, a little background...

This time six years ago, my sister Linda was in the hospital fighting for her life. She had a massive stroke on December 15th and needless to say, our holiday that year was spent basically living at the hospital. In fact, my Dad had a minor stroke three days after Linda's so for awhile we had them both in the same hospital, on different floors. Yes, it was awful.

Anyway, several years before this, Linda was out Christmas shopping, and she encountered what she deemed The Cutest Paper Towels Ever. They were Bounty's holiday ones that said "HO HO HO" on them. She, like any good Christmas decorating woman would do, grabbed herself a roll.

So she gets home, and excitedly starts telling her husband Jan how she found these darling "HO HO HO" paper towels, and proceeds to take them out of the bag to show him.

A puzzled look comes over her face as she showed them to him because lo and behold, the paper towels said...

OH OH OH

She looked at them, looked at her husband, looked back at them and said "I swear, in the store these said "HO HO HO" on them!".

She was completely mystified as to how she ended up with a roll that clearly had a misprint on them.

Meanwhile, Jan is looking at her like she's lost her mind. You have to understand, my sister was a teacher, and one of the smartest people I know. Her husband was a teacher as well, so here we have two brainiacs looking at each other...one completely baffled and the other thinking the baffled one has some serious blonde roots showing!

Linda says..."I'm driving right back over to that store and exchanging these for the ones that say "HO HO HO".

Finally, Jan quietly says....

"Linda....turn them over".

It was the funniest thing ever.

So of course that story got out, and from that day forward, everyone bought Linda Christmas things that had HO HO HO on them...and then would proceed to go around her house turning them all upside down. There was never an item in their home that didn't say OH OH OH by the time Christmas came.

Just days before her stroke, Jan had found a lighted HO HO HO to put outside on the front of their house. He was always big on decorating outside...lots of lights and stuff, so this was a perfect addition to his Christmas reportoire. He hung it up the right way, and Linda dared anyone to turn it upside down, including her husband.

So, there we were, in the hospital on Christmas Day, gathered around her bed, and she was finally awake for basically the first time in the ten days since she'd had her stroke. She was, of course, on a ventilator so she couldn't speak, but she could hear us, and understand what we were saying.

I stood there talking with her, and as a joke I said "Hey Lin, guess what? I was over at your house last night, and somebody turned the new HO HO HO that is outside on the house, upside down!"

Let me tell you something, that woman may not have been able to speak, but the dirty look she shot her husband at that moment spoke volumes. We all laughed for the first time in ten days.

We lost her on February 18, 2004, two months after she suffered that devastating stroke. She had just finally gotten off the vent and was able to talk to us, and the next day something happened that we don't know what it was, whether it was another stroke or a clot from where the vent had been dislodged and travelled to her brain, but suddenly she was gone. We were, and still are, devastated.

I have some of her HO HO HO things at home, and every year I try to carry on her tradition and buy something new to add to her collection. And every year, my son walks around my house and turns them all upside down. And we smile, and laugh, and remember the look on Linda's face when she would tell the paper towel story, and laugh at herself for her "blonde moment".

So this one's for you, sis. I love and miss you every day, all year...but at Christmas I miss your beautiful smile and laugh the most.

Keep away from my chimney, Santa.

Ever wonder what Santa looks like in the summer months?

I do not want that man coming once a year anywhere near me.

Ho Ho Hell No.

It's official.

I'm about halfway into Christmas.

Like my new hair color? Out with the dark, in with some blonde highlights and red streaks...

Ho Ho Ho.

Now that's my idea of decorating.

Clearly, mine would be the house on the right.

Happy Winter Driving Season

It happens to all of us....

You're driving along
just minding your own business,
when all of a sudden
without any warning

Some dick in a truck
pulls out right in front of you......

Happy Winter Driving Season!!!
Please be careful out there, and stay safe.

The crazies are everywhere!

A Quick Note About Christmas

Yes, I'm still rewinding blogs from last year. Things are just crazy busy for me right now and I don't have the brain cells required to think up new things to amaze and awe you. If you were with me last year, sorry for the repeat, but if you're one of my 300 new readers this year....enjoy!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My dear friends and family,

It's somewhat embarrassing to admit but Christmas will be tight this year.. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

My Secret Santa Rocks My World

So yesterday I came home to a lovely surprise in the mail from my Secret Santa.

It looked like this:

Look at all those packages! I was so excited! Talk about feeling like a kid on Christmas!!!

The first one was this:

Yum. Then came two of these....

Double yummo. And they are delish, trust me.

Next I opened this:

(Thank you, SS, for assuming I dust! haha) But what made me laugh out loud was the note taped to it:

Cracks me up every time I read it.

Then, the coup d'tat was...drumroll please...

They. Are. Gorgeous. In fact, I wore them to a Christmas party last night and they looked fabulous on me! My ears were HOT! Here's a picture from the party of Danica, Santa and me. You can sorta see my earrings. (Click on the picture to make it bigger.)

So, thank you my dear Secret Santa! You must read me a lot because you could not have made better choices! I only hope my SS partner loves what I send them half as much!!!!!

I can't wait to find out who you are and thank you personally, but until then just know that you have rocked my Christmas!!!!! ::::smooch::::

And of course, thanks and love to Georgie and Amy for putting this together again this year. You two are the best elves ever....

I'd like to marry my Secret Santa.

Male or female. I don't care. You "get" me.

Just a quick shout out to say that....

MY SECRET SANTA ROCKS MY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Full report coming tomorrow.

Just know that I am wearing one of my gifts to a Christmas party tonight and they look FABULOUS on me!!!! What timing!!!

This is why we don't let men design gift wrap

Can you imagine explaining this to your mother-in-law?

 

 

Ahahahahahaha....good times.

Is that the Christmas Spirit or did my wine kick in?

We all need a Bastard Husband.

Granted, more than a few of us had one, have one, or will never marry another one.

But we all need a copy of Linda Lou's book "Bastard Husband: A Love Story".

If you haven't already bought your copy, I have to ask...what the hell are you waiting for???? This is THE BOOK to buy, whether you are male or female, married or single, gay or straight, sober or smashed, sane or a whackjob. There is something in it for everyone....lessons we can all learn from Linda's first year alone in Vegas following a midlife divorce.

I'm so lucky to be able to call this lady my dear friend and sister separated at birth. Linda is an amazing woman in so many ways, but her sense of humor kills me. She says what I think. And now she's a famous author. I wanna be her when I grow up.

See that Amazon link to the right at the top of my blog? CLICK ON IT NOW and go buy yourself a copy. And then several more for your friends. For the record, Linda Lou is also on Amazon.ca and Amazon UK, so wherever you live, you can get her book.

You know your Christmas shopping isn't done yet, so I'm making it easy for you. Click and buy one for everyone on your Christmas list. They will love you for it.

Trust me, everybody needs a Bastard Husband like this.

A Christmas Wish....again

Since Santa didn't exactly grant my wish last Christmas, I'm trying again this year.

Dear Santa,

I know I haven't written for awhile, but I thought this was a good year for us to reconnect. We've had a bit of a tumultuous past, you and I, but as I've grown up and matured, I have come to realize that I shouldn't expect to find happiness with a guy who travels with reindeer and plays with elves. I won't state the obvious about a guy who comes once a year either.

So, I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I forgive you for that whole Barbie Dream House debacle of 1969. Even though I was very specific about what I was looking for....the beautiful pink 4' tall model, 12 rooms, a master bath jacuzzi big enough for Ken and Barbie, three car garage for the Barbie Dream Car, Ken's Jeep, and a guest spot...I know it was too big to fit under the tree but if you recall I asked that you please put it on the left side of the tree so that as I ran into the room on Christmas morning, it's the last thing I saw.

Santa, you sat right there in the mall, looked me in the eyes and said "Julie, your Christmas will be dreamy...ho ho ho". Dreamy = Dream House in my 8 year old eyes.

Imagine my surprise when, in lieu of a beautiful Barbie Dream House on Christmas morning, I woke to find some horrible Barbie head with hair that you pulled out of her skull so it "grew"! Oh, and then you applied neon blue eye shadow to her eyes and this sticky gross "lipstick" in a God awful shade of pink to her clearly collagened lips. Seriously? This was your idea of my Barbie dream????? For years I refused to wear my hair in a ponytail for fear somebody was going to pull on it and I'd end up with yellow plastic hair down to my ass.

I digress. The reason for this letter is that I'd like us to make amends with each other. Let's call a truce, shall we? Obviously I haven't asked for a lot this past 40 years. But this year, there is something I really, really want, and I think you and I can work together to make it happen.

What I'm looking for this year is a great guy. I have a list of the specific qualities I'm looking for in a romantic partner which I will forward to you later, however to summarize I'm just really asking for the important things...passion, honesty, integrity, a sense of humor, financial stability, romance, etc. He can be a good solid 5 in the looks department, because frankly I consider myself about a 6 on most days, and you know that women always want to be the pretty one in a relationship.

Please note...I have a 4' tree. Please, please, please...do not attempt to put him under it. I'm not looking to date a midget.

If you can find it in your heart to grant my Christmas wish this year, I promise I will forget all about the Barbie Dream House.

Love,
Julie

P.S. If you could make him well endowed, that would really sweeten the deal. Thanks.

Bad Santa

Ho Ho Hopeless

I give up on dating. 

Seriously.

It's just too damn hard.

When you think about the sheer amount of people in this world, it shouldn't be that tough to find someone to go out with, right?

I see hundreds, if not thousands, of single men on dating sites. How can it be that there are so few that interest me?

Today, I was checking emails on a dating site and had three from...wait for it...a 28 year old guy.

I am 48. Damn close to 49.

I could be his mother older sister.

So while I'm reading his "Hi babe, you are gorgeous!" emails, an instant message pops up from him.

Needless to say I was pretty uninterested in talking to him. I have nothing in common with someone ten years older than my son.

But I was polite, and responded, and here's how the conversation went:

Him: Hi gorgeous!

Me: Hello

Him: Are you you?????

Me: Good, thanks and you?

Him: I am great!!!!!!

....long pause....

Him: So what are you up to?

Me: I'm working

Him: Really? Where?

....as if I'm going to tell him the location of my job.....

Me: I'm self employed.

Him: Wow, cool. I was last summer.

Me: (blink blink....doing what, mowing grass?)

Him: What do you do?

Me: I'm a realtor.

Him. So that means you won't be sleeping for the next month, right?

Me: Um...why wouldn't I?

Him: Retail...busiest time of the year.

Me: (OMG. Sweetie, did they teach reading at your high school?)

At this point I was ready to just ignore him, but I responded and said...

Me: No..."realtor".

Him: Ohhhhhhhhhh. RealTOR. Got it. Awesome.

Me: Yeah, awesome.

Him: Does anybody buy houses?

Me: No, nobody does. We give them away instead.

Him: Hahahahaha you're funny for realz.

Me: (I can't do this anymore or I will slit my own throat)

Him: So do you want to go to a club or something tonight when you get off work?

Me: (Still trying to figure out how I could be in retail and self employed? Does he think people work for Macys as subcontractors?)

Me: No, thank you. But I do need to go, lots of houses to give away today. Take care.

Him: Can we talk again?

Me: ::::disconnect::::

Being single isn't all that bad, right? I've got a great kid, nice house, good job, I don't mind taking out the trash or mowing the grass, and I've got a steady supply of AA batteries.

Maybe I should find myself a girlfriend instead.

Hell, who am I kidding? That would only work for me until it was my turn.

My romantic life is just ho ho hopeless this holiday season.

Sons of Anarchy Rocks My World

Seriously.

If you don't watch this show, you're nuts. Just read about it here so I don't have to write a four page blog about it.

It is the best fucking show on TV. It's on FX, which brings you my other favorite show, Rescue Me, and I just watched the Season Two Finale last night.

Oh. My. God.

Halfway through the show I kept putting the DVR on pause because I didn't want to get to the end and the season be over (you know how hard breaking up is for me!), plus I was half afraid of how it was going to end anyway and leave me hanging for another 10 months.

Sure enough, at the last scene I was on my couch screaming "Noooooooooooo!"

Thank God it's been renewed for a third season. It just can't start soon enough for me.

I don't know if they will start this season over in reruns now or what (I assume so but what do I know?), but for sure you can rent the first season on DVD and at least get started on it.

I highly recommend you do so. You have no idea what you're missing.

Kurt Sutter and his crew rock my world, baby.

What happens in Vegas....

Really should stay there.

His chest says "Man Whore For Tips".

This was taken on the Strip yesterday afternoon. Scary. You can click on it and get the bigger picture if you dare.