It's Graduation Day

I have two hours before people start to arrive at my house so here's an update of today so far:

Jordan and Steph....



Jordan, Steph and Ead....



Jordan and his mama...



My sister Sue Ellen, Jordan, his dad Greg and his stepmom Denise....



The graduates table...



The patio where we'll eat, drink and be merry....






I'll add party pictures tomorrow. When I sober up. LOL

This time tomorrow....

I will be at the Schottenstein Center preparing to watch my baby graduate from high school.

What a bittersweet moment in a parent's life.

When your child is born, you can't wait for them to walk and talk. And then suddenly they are 5 years old and heading off to kindergarten, and you think that graduation is sooooooooo far away.

Yet somehow that next twelve years flies by in the blink of an eye.

I still remember what my son wore on his first day of school. And how I put him on the bus, and cried, and then followed along behind it in my car so I could walk him to class. I remember handing him off to the teacher and telling her to take good care of my little guy. And I walked out of there with tears rolling down my face because I knew he was growing up.

We had lots of arguments over the years about how much better one's grades are when they actually turn their homework in. My sister Linda was a teacher at the time, and she would sit Jordan down and write out math problems on napkins at her kitchen table and make him show her he could do the work...."not understanding" wasn't the problem....turning the work in to the teacher was! He could not fool her, or anyone else with that excuse.

When he was ending his sophmore year, my best friend Elizabeth's daughter was graduating, and E told me that I would be amazed at how quickly the next two years would fly by.

She wasn't kidding. It feels like we had that conversation two months ago, not two years ago.

And now here we are. I walked into the room to write this post today, and the first thing I saw was this...



His cap and gown, just hanging around, waiting to do it's job tomorrow. I took a deep breath and sighed when I saw it, knowing that 24 hours from now, the major part of my job as a parent is done. My son will be an 18 year old adult with a high school diploma, and ready to start college in the fall.

I feel pretty good about the job I've done. I've made parenting mistakes (who hasn't?) but either because of me, or in spite of me, he has become an amazing young man. I had a lot of help along the way. Jordan's Dad and Stepmom are a very important part of his life, as well as my family and friends. I thank you all for everything you've done for Jordan, and for me.

I've been very teary the past couple of days, as I've been frantically cleaning house to prepare for his grad party. I keep the thoughts of the actual graduation ceremony at bay, because when I think about it I do start to cry. Not sad tears, really. Just emotional ones. It breaks my heart that my sister Linda won't be there with us. She and her husband Jan were, for the most part, Jordan's surrogate parents. They couldn't have children of their own, so they treated their nieces and nephews like they'd given birth to them. I know that as Jordan receives his diploma, somewhere Linda will be clapping and saying "Go Gordo!" and beaming with pride just like I am. Her husband and his new wife will be there in person, it makes me happy that Jan will be "representing" for Linda.

I doubt that I will post tomorrow, it will be a crazy day, but I'll be back on Sunday with a recap and pictures.

I'll end this very simply....

Tomorrow my son takes that last big step from childhood to adult. Take care of him, world. Love him as much as I do, and I promise you that you will get great things in return.

He is a wonderful man, and I could not be any prouder.

I love you, bug. Happy Graduation!

Dear Doctor....

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer....that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...No Pain!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Important Disclaimer from Julie....Just FYI, this is NOT to be confused with medical advice from Dr. Penny!!!!!! Rather, it's my conversation with Dr. Feelgood. LOL

Semi-Wordless Wednesday

Sometimes...there's just nothing left to say.

Yeah, I'll go there. **UPDATED***

I'm a bad friend. Please go to Danica's blog and wish her a happy birthday!!! She's 36 today. Jesus, I have shoes older than her.

OK on to the original post subject:

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD


Here's the thing.

Can't stand the girl. She annoys the crap out of me and is NOT who I imagine Bella to be. Seriously, she has the personality of bread...on and off screen. Personally I think she's the dead one....

Edward is about 80% hot in my book. Why does he have to look like he has white powder all over his face when none of the other vampires in his family do? He'd be 95% hot in my book if he didn't look like he'd been dipped in baking soda.

Jacob. There should be a law against how hot that young man looks shirtless now. I feel icky looking at him like that seeing how he is YOUNGER than my own son. Oy vey! But oh my...those arms...that chest....crap, he's 17. Ugh. I hate this devil/angel on my shoulder thing. LOL

I admit to being excited for the next movie to come out. I want them to continue filming them back to back so I don't have to wait long in between movies.

And it's it about time for Stephenie Meyer to write another book?

OK, my Twilight post is over now. You may return to your regularly scheduled blog reading.

Hey baby let's go to Vegas....

Come on...I'll take you on a tour.

First of all, here's Three Bitchin Babes right after they first met. We go straight from airport to casino bar. Best threesome I've ever had. LOL



Then we headed back to Linda's place, after a quick stop at Whole Foods, and had more drinks and girl talk. And salad.



Saturday we got up and went to breakfast at this place called the Original Pancake House. It was fabulous. I had chocolate crepes. Weight Watchers Points Value = Eleventy Billion.



(Actually they weren't *that* bad, and I really only ate like one of the three.)

Here's the Lovely Ladies at breakfast. Or, as I lovingly refer to us, the number 110. Skinny bitches.



We shopped for awhile afterwards, and then went back to Linda's place so Darlene could pack. We only had a brief 19 hours with her as she had to get back to CA to work, but we sure made the best of it.

I love this woman. She's so damn cute I just wanted to squeeze her. In fact, I might have.



After she left, Linda and I both took naps! We'd been up late the night before and of course I was dealing with a three hour time difference, plus Linda's boyfriend was taking out to dinner and to see a band that night.

We went to the Elephant Bar for dinner, here is Linda and her mister at dinner:



Later we went to Boulder Station to hear this amazing classic cover rock band called Yellow Brick Road. Hands down best band ever. Every damn song they did sounded exactly like the original. They channelled Journey, Boston, Foreigner, Led Zeppelin, Queen, David Bowie, you name it. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Eventually I went out to the bathroom and got sidetracked by a video poker machine. (It was right outside the bar and I could hear the band perfectly!) Turns out I won $45! I was all excited. So never one to allow money to burn a hole in my pocket, I ventured over to the Blackjack table and proceeded to play on that same $45, and still leave with it as well! Might not have won anymore, but I didn't lose either.

The next day Linda and I got up and went to the pool to float around for a couple of hours and burn off the alcohol seeping from our pores. Linda's mister had left his cell phone at her place the night before and as we were floating around the pool this man walks up to the gate and says hi to us. Linda smiles really big and says "Hey you!!!!!" very enthusiastically and VERY flirtatiously....because without her contacts in, she thought it was her man!!! It was hilarious. The guy was looking for his lost dog...however had Linda not been floating around on a raft he may have gotten a welcome he hadn't bargained for!

Later Sunday afternoon we went to this great biker bar at the top of a mountain.



Very cool place. Nice bikes...



And cute boys.



I'd have taken one for the team if necessary. I'm just sayin.

Then we went to a place called Cactus Joe's, where I met my future husband.



Dammit, I could have been Mrs. Cactus Joe, because he took a liking to me. But, seeing how he just wasn't my type, I had to pass.

Cactus Joe had weird plants. I think he was smoking them.



Then we went to Red Rock Casino and had dinner, and went back to Linda's to put our comfy clothes on and settle in on the patio for an evening of girl talk. I had my first and last Double Chocolate Stout beer. Damn, I don't know how that girl drinks this stuff. Sorry, Linda...but chocolate and dark beer do not go well together in MY book!

Monday, we took a drive out to Lake Mead. We stopped at a casino for a bit, and snapped some pictures.

This is looking at the lake through some mountain'y kinds of rock thingys.



Here's Linda in front of the rocks.



And me. Same location.



Notice how tiny SHE looks in front of the rocks. I look *like* a rock. Skinny bitch. I really don't like her.

We left there and went to The.Only.Place.To.Eat.In.Vegas.

In N Out.

If you've never been there before, put this on your Bucket List. It's the best place ever.



HOWEVER....my burger and fries was a whopping 20 points on Weight Watchers! That's right, between my coffee with creamer for breakfast, and In N Out at 11:30, I'd had 24 of my 27 daily allotted points. Eh, fuck 'em. I love me some In N Out. I'll drink water the rest of the day. LOL



I did a little more gambling that day, won another $25 on Blackjack, and then we drove around for awhile, looked at a condo Linda was interested in, and did a little shopping.

Early evening, we headed to Mandalay Bay and had dinner at the House of Blues. I discovered a beer I finally like:



Yes, it does taste...well...weak. But I love any beer that doesn't taste like beer! So this is officially my new beer of choice.

Here's Skinny Bitch Linda Lou after dinner:



Then as it was getting dark, we headed down Las Vegas Boulevard.

Day Four...she finally takes me to The Strip. (This is a running joke between us, don't think I'm busting her chops about it!)






My last day there, Tuesday, Linda had to go to work, so I spent the morning reading her soon-to-be-published book 'Bastard Husband: A Love Story'. IT IS FABULOUS. I could not put it down. It confirmed what I suspected that we married the same man, and she showed me that there is wonderful life after such a disappointing disaster. When this book comes out, every damn one of you better buy one. For $5 I'll get her to autograph it for you.

After reading, I decided to relax on the patio, getting the last rays of desert sun before I had to get ready to go home. This was my view:



Linda's mister was gracious enough to pick me up and drive me to the airport, so at 1:30 I bade farewell to her place and headed to McCarran for my 3:30 flight. I love Vegas, and I love these most of all....



I always know when I see these, that I'm someplace that makes me very happy.

On the way home, I snapped a couple of pictures of clouds, just because I could. This was, of course, after we finally took off an hour late after waiting on Obama and Air Force One to land! Saw his plane, but couldn't get a picture fast enough.

Anyway...clouds.





I had an amazing vacation. Meeting these two ladies was like seeing old friends I just hadn't seen for awhile. There was no weirdness or awkwardness, just three women screaming and hugging in the airport like fools. They are both such wonderful women, I cannot say enough good things about either of them. I just don't have the right words to convey to the rest of you who haven't had the privilege to meet them like I have.

Dar, I wish you could have stayed with us longer. I missed you terribly the minute you left! Even though we didn't have a lot of time then, I know without a doubt we will have plenty of time together in the future. I will happily be your new travel buddy! I love you, and I am always wishing the best for you and Mr. J. Everything will work out the way it's meant to...

Linda, I cried when we said goodbye, and I tear up even thinking about it now. You are an amazing woman, and I want to be you when I grow up! Thank you again for opening your home...and your heart...to this stranger friend from Ohio. I know for certain that we will be lifelong friends. Give your mister a big hug from "Jules". I love you, sister.

And readers, I hope you enjoyed my trip as much as I did! Oh, and by the "weigh", I lost .7 of a lb while in Vegas according to my weigh in when I got back. I'll take it. I thought I'd gain at least 5 lbs while I was gone!

Dammit, could have had another In N Out...

Saturday ROCKED!

No Sunday Rewind today, kids! Gotta tell you about my day yesterday.

OK so first of all, there was a tattoo convention in town called Hell City. Tattoo artists from all over the country come here for it. My tattoo rock star is Hannah Aitchison. If you don't know her, she's on LA Ink and I adore her work. She's amazing. On my Bucket List is getting a tattoo from Hannah at some point in my life! She works out of LA and Chicago, and I tried to get an appointnment in Chicago but she's not accepting new clients right now.

So Jordan and Steph go to Hell City, and I knew Hannah was going to be there so I told Jordan to get as close as he could and snap a picture.

This is what he sent me:



Hello! He couldn't have gotten much closer, could he???? I literally screamed in the middle of Dollar General when I opened my email and saw that. (Note: I'm no longer allowed in Dollar General as evidently I scare customers.)

Needless to say I was green with envy, but it's all good....I have a picture of my baby and my tattoo goddess together. It will be framed. LOL

Then he comes home with this:



I. Am. Not. Worthy.

And the best part...he told her what a huge fan I am and that I wanted her to tattoo me in Chicago but that she wasn't taking new clients....and she said to call and make and appointment and tell them she said she'd do it!!!

Oh. My. God.

I'm on the floor over here.

Now I just have to save upwards of $1,000 for whatever I get, cuz my girl doesn't work cheap! But she's worth every dime.

So later in the evening, Jordan and Steph go back to Hell City, and I texted him and told him to try and find me a magnet nose ring. I've been wanting to get my nose pierced FOREVER, but never had the balls to do it. And, as I've gotten older, it seemed less and less likely I ever would. Oh, and this past 8 years with my ex, I knew for sure it wouldn't have happened as he'd have never allowed it! Plus I was afraid at my age it would look ridiculous, so I thought at least the magnetic ones would be something I could try, and see if I even liked the look on me.

Anyway, here's the text conversation:

Me: Seen any magnetic nose rings down there?

Jordan: Nope. Everyone here has real piercings. Steph says "Grow some balls and go get it done".

Me: OMG...LOL! Look anyway!

Jordan: Mom, they don't. I promise.

Me: OK

Jordan: Why don't you go get it done? We will go with you. We could go tonight!

Me: Ok let's go.

Jordan: Really?!?!?!

Me. Yep. Where can we go?

Jordan: Evolved. (He and Steph got their tongues pierced there)

Me: OK, come get me when you're done.

Five minutes later I get a phone call from Steph....'We are leaving the parking garage now and coming to get you'.

Oh shit. I'm committed now! There's no backing out! And then I thought...fuck it. Let's go balls to the wall and just DO IT.

Fifteen minutes later they show up.

I and my water bottle turned beer container get in the car and drive to Evolved with them! I needed some liquid courage as I was nervous as hell. Haven't had anything pierced in 30 years!!!!!!

Twenty minutes and $60 later...voila!



You can't tell from the picture but it's a diamond stud. It's small, which is what I wanted, and I LOVE IT! I'm so excited about it! I could not believe how little it hurt!!!! I thought for sure it was going to hurt like hell, but honestly it stung just a tad and for only a few seconds.

I'm so excited! First Hannah, then a nose piercing.

It was a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where is Mr. Clean when I need him?

So exactly one week from today, my son graduates from high school (Finally! Ever noticed how 18 years flies by and yet, seems to go soooooo slow when it comes to homework and grades?) and that evening I'm throwing him a graduation party.

As I look around my house, I am wondering how expensive is a maid, really?



Wait, how did that picture from my personal ad get in here? (I'm kidding, Baggy. Someone get him a glass of water.)

Seriously, I am not proud of the condition my house is in. We won't discuss the state of my living room carpet. I have two small dogs with even smaller bladders. You figure it out.

Schedule carpet cleaners...check.

I have to address the hole in my hallway where my son put his head through the wall 3 years ago (don't ask) and my ex patched it for me....2 1/2 years ago. It remains patched to this day.

Get sanding materials and paint....check.

Getting rid of the clutter isn't a huge issue...open drawers and closets, toss in. Check.

The bathroom. Ugh. There is a condemned sign on the door. I swear I think it violates some sort of city code. My bathroom has ceramic tile on the floors and walls. I think I'm just going to turn the hose on and spray.

Shop Vac....check.

Yard mess aka last year's leaves (yes, I did do this already, but there is a big pile by the fence that is the bane of my existence) that need removed.

Jordan's job. Check.

Once all this is done, I still have to actually PLAN the damn party. I pretty much know what I'm serving, Jordan's other parents are providing the beer, wine and other beverages, and I remembered to make myself a note to call Costco and order the cake. (Yummmmm...their cakes are fabu!)

I wish it were as easy as I'm making it sound here.

Mr. Clean...if you come and help me, I will handle your mop like nobody ever has before. I promise you, I'll make it worth your effort.

Meanwhile, in the event he doesn't show up, can I get some volunteers? C'mon. I have alcohol. We'll make a drinking game out of it. Every time I say "F*ck, I hate cleaning", we take a shot.

Who's in? Get your drinking legs on and get over here.