Finding Our New Normal

Thanks everyone, for your kind words of sympathy in the loss of my Mom.

You know, I can't be sad. Mom had a long and lovely, happy life, and she is with Dad and Linda (my sister) and that makes me happy, if one can feel that emotion at a time like this.

I have a little story to share with you though....

Mom's favorite song was "At Last", by Etta James, she said it always reminded her of Dad. So about 10 minutes before she passed, I played it for her, because I knew wherever she was, she was on her way to dance with Dad again. The last line of the song "....and here we are, in heaven....for you are mine at last" was especially poignant to me.

So, Friday night after the memorial we had a family gathering out at my sister's house, and later that night when I was leaving, as I got in my car and started it, immediately "At Last" came on the radio (not something you hear a lot on XM!), followed by "Haven't Got Time for the Pain" by Carly Simon, who was my sister Linda's all time favorite artist! She was all Carly, all the time.

I just laughed, and took it as them telling me Mom made it okay, they were there together, and it's okay for me to go on and not hurt over it.

Funny how those things happen when you need them the most.

This one's for you, Mom. I hope you and Dad are still dancing.

She's dancing in heaven with Daddy now.

I lost my beautiful Mom yesterday.

She is finally with my Dad again, and my sister, and her parents and sister and friends who went before her, and I cannot be sad for that.

But not ever seeing her sweet little smile, or hearing her call me her baby....well that makes my heart hurt.

I love you Mom. You were an amazing mother to me, and I learned all I know about being a mom from you. Thank you for loving me like you did.

I will miss you every day of my life.

My favorite quote today

Frankly, this week sucks on so many levels.



I need a drink. Or 5.

Letting Go

As some of you know, Mom has been steadily declining the past couple of days. We have been with her and will continue to be until the end, whether that is today, or tomorrow, or whenever God is ready for her. My family hasn't posted anything on FB about her yet, so not everyone was aware of this.

A dear friend sent me a beautiful email earlier today that I wanted to share with you. Please keep my Mom in your thoughts and prayers for a peaceful passing. We love her dearly, but we know Dad and Linda are anxiously waiting for her.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”

“Gone Where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!”

And that is dying.

If you follow my buddy Dana at Life Is Good....

STOP right now.

She's no longer there.

(No, she didn't kick the bucket, for God's sake. She's just not blogging on her own blog anymore. LOL)

She was hacked, hijacked, whatever you want to call it, but her blog and email and all kinds of things were taken over by family fucktards people who had no business in her business.

She has a new blog now, so even if you see posts on Life Is Good, it's not her. So don't comment because she won't see them.

In an effort to protect my buddy, I will not post her new blog here. However if you are a follower and want to follow the new one, if you leave me a comment with your email address, I will make sure she gets a hold of you to hook you up.

Nobody deserves the crap she has been going through with "family", but like the Dana we all know and love, she's handling it with class, dignity, and a loaded .22 semiautomatic.

I kid, I kid.

It's a frickin shotgun. Don't mess with her, people.

Have a great weekend, all!

Mars versus Venus....there's no talking to either one!

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.

The professor told his class one day, "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.

You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle BEAM FLASHED out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it's pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her Newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she wondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic WHOSE attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA???! Oh no, WHAT AM I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

A**hole

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ ......... I really liked this one.

Turtle Power 4th of July Style

....and a great weekend was had by all.

Way to damn near scare me to death, kid.

So, I had one of the worst times of my life yesterday.

Jordan and I were outside our house, and he was leaving to go run some errands, and I was picking up the trash cans from the end of the driveway to bring back to the house (yesterday was trash day, obviously). Literally, it was like 30 seconds after he pulled out of the driveway, and I had just walked up to my house when I heard the loudest, most horrific crash sound that I have ever heard in my life. I swear it almost shook the ground, the impact was so loud.

I knew immediately it was him. Just a mother's instinct I guess. I remember saying out loud "Oh God, no."

I turned and started running and thinking "OK has he had time to get through the light?" and then "OMG, what if someone broadsided him?. It was like slow motion, as I ran the block to the end of my street.

Then suddenly the neighbor boy is in front of me yelling "Miss Julie! Your son is in a wreck!" and pointing, and I starting panicking, because I had no idea how bad it was or if he was hurt. My 50 year old body has never ran so fast, and I have never prayed so hard, because I *heard* that crash, and I knew it wasn't a fender bender.

I turned the corner and all I saw was the back end of Jordan's car, and a car in front of him turned over and totaled. As I ran that block praying, all I could think was "Just let him be okay, God. Please just let him be okay". I swear it was the oddest sense of slow motion, I felt like I was running in place, like in a dream or something, and I couldn't seem to get to him fast enough.

Finally I saw my son standing off to the side and he was clearly okay. He had been at the red light, and some idiot across from him ran the light, and T-boned some poor 16 year old kid. That boy's car flipped over and hit Jordan's car, but by the grace of God it didn't roll again, or my son would be dead right now. Or gravely injured at the least.

I stopped running before I had a heart attack (LOL), and right then the cops and the paramedics showed up (we literally are two blocks from the police and fire stations in Gahanna), and thankfully everyone involved was okay. I am not sure how that young man crawled out of that overturned car with no injuries other than two scratches on his leg but he did.

Jordan was very upset, of course, that his car had been damaged, but as I tried to make him understand, it could have been SO much worse, and the car damage can be fixed. It's just a car, for heaven's sake. He could have lost his life or been permanently injured had he pulled 2' closer to the light or had been 2' further back because the rolling car would have crushed him either during the first roll, or would have rolled a second time, but thankfully his car was in the exact right spot to stop it from rolling again.

Here's a picture from the scene, Jordan's car is the red Mustang. You can't see the damage to the front end from this picture, but compared to the other two vehicles, it's not that bad.

I had a tough time last night, I just kept hearing the sound of that crash, and that boy saying "Your son's in a wreck". It was every parents worse nightmare and I keep reliving it over and over in my head. I am so thankful that he is okay, and that nobody was injured.

But I can tell you, that 60 seconds it took me to run two blocks was the worst minute of my life. I had no idea what I was going to see when I turned the corner and I have never prayed like I did in that moment.

Then, later I had half a bottle of wine and a Xanax. LOL Sometimes Mama's gotta do what she's gotta do to cope.

Vegas bound...and this time with someone I love!

So, Honey and I are headed off to Vegas, baby!

He got two free nights at M Casino & Hotel that have to be used by the end of September, and my boss was sweet enough to give us two of his Southwest Reward tickets so our flights are free too!

AND...I get to stay at LindaLand for two nights as well as hang with Vegas Linda Lou and her hottie man.

AND THEN....turns out Dr. Penny will be there that weekend too. We've talked about going to Vegas together for 30 years and it's finally happening. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

AND ONE MORE THING....you may or may not recall from THIS POST that two years ago I went to Vegas to meet Linda Lou and our other blogging buddy Darlene (aka Travel Girl). Well guess the hell what? Darlene (and I assume her honey too!) is going to come to Vegas while we're there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you say....OMIGOD THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING????????

I am so damn excited I can't stand it! Three of my favorite women on the planet, all of whom I love like sisters, are going to be with me at the same time.

That is almost as good as a multiple...well, you know. Ooooooooooooooooo.

I'm excited for Linda and Darlene to meet Michael. I'm excited to see Penny, she's been gone like 9 months now and it will be a year by the time I see her out there. I'm excited to show Michael Vegas, as he's never been. And yeah we all know it's been a loooooooooooong time since I was out there with someone I love!!!!

So the countdown is on. 103 days. Can't wait!

Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day?



My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat..

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

(Boy, this card would have come in handy back when I got married!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ...

I've changed my mind.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that *is* awkward.

I do love me a funny man.

So you may not know this, but my guy does stand up comedy sometimes. It's just a hobby, not a career, but I love watching him.

Last night we went to Cincinnati so he could be a part of the Funniest Person in Cincinnati contest. Unfortunately, he didn't move on to the next round (sonsabitches, it's a popularity contest, and Jordan and I could only scream and clap so loud!) but he did a great job as always.

Check him out. Keep in mind I videoed this with my iPhone so it's not the best quality....



Great job, babe. I'll always be your number one fan.

But stay away from my mother. :)

Yet another reason why I don't like birds.

Happy Tuesday!

The happiest Mother's Day of all....

I got to spend one more Mother's Day with my Mom.

Mom and three of her daughters. We miss you, Linda...there is always an empty place in every picture where you should be.

(Somebody asked me yesterday if I am Sue Ellen's daughter. (She's my oldest sister, in the pink shirt) Bwwwwwhahahahahahahaha. I'm the baby of the family. AND, for the first time ever, the most tanned. Booyah!)

There was a brunch at the nursing home, so we spent time with her in the morning. Mom isn't really very responsive these days. She's pretty quiet. She has a hard time having any sort of conversation. But she was here, and last year at this time we were in the hospital with her, and 100% sure it was our last Mother's Day together. "How" she is still here, I don't know. But I'm thankful for having her for one more.

I spent the rest of the day with the reason I am celebrated on Mother's Day. Being this kid's Mom is the greatest thing I ever did.

And getting to share a beautiful Sunday with the loves of my life fills me with unimaginable joy.

I hope your Mother's Day was just as nice.

Get in here and sing for me.

My friend Dana over at Life Is Good had a great post today about a song that reminds of her a big life changing relationship event.

And I realized that we all have "that song", don't we? Not necessarily even one song, but many that remind of us of life events.

I have always connected music to things in my life. There are tons of songs that remind me of moments that I will never forget. Some good, some bad. Most are related to past and present men in my life (haha) but some are just other things that when I hear them, take me back to feelings I haven't felt for a long time.

Here's a few of mine....

'Everybody Wants You' by Billy Squier. An old boyfriend from back in the early 80's always told me this song reminded him of me. Mine for him is "Still The Same" by Bob Seger. I found out recently that he passed away about 5 years ago, and it really made me sad to think he's gone, but when I hear either of these songs, I smile at his memory.

'Leaving On A Jet Plane' by Peter, Paul & Mary. This song was playing in my sister's hospital room the very minute that we had to disconnect life support. I know this probably seems morbid to you that I think about it, but it was a really beautiful moment, because she LOVED to travel, and it was such an appropriate song. It is guaranteed to this day to make me cry when it comes on the radio, but if you look closely at me you will also see me grasping her hand just as I did that day in 2004 as we let her go. I swear I think she's reaching out and holding mine at that moment just to say hi.

'Push It' by Salt n Pepa. This one is an easy one, back in 1988 when my BFF Cheri was in labor with her son Alex, I kept singing this song to her. She tried to hurt me several times in between contractions. LOL

'At Last' by Etta James. This is my Mom's favorite song. She used to ask me to play it for her all the time. When I get married again, we will dance to it for her.

'You'll Think of Me' by Keith Urban. This song was popular the summer I was going through divorce hell. It was 100% appropriate for my situation. It still hurts when I hear it.

'Before He Cheats' by Carrie Underwood. I think this is self explanatory! Fortunately it was released in 2006, about 6 months after my divorce, so I had calmed down by then. Had it come out during that mess, I'd have definitely needed bailed out of jail because without a doubt I'd have dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive, and carved my name into his leather seats....

'Paradise By The Dashboard Light' by Meat Loaf. This song used to remind me of high school as it was released when I was a junior, however in the past year it's become the song that my BFF Elizabeth and my BBE (Best Boyfriend Ever) Michael sing during karaoke. Now, I can't hear it without seeing the two of them performing it and it makes me laugh out loud.

'Wicked Game' by Chris Issac. Oh, this song. When Michael and I first dated 14 years ago, we had an immediate connection that caught fire and blazed out of control. It was crazy. And after we broke up (ok after HE broke up with me) I would hear this song and it would drive me nuts...

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

(He says our song back then was 'Truly, Madly, Deeply', but I don't remember that. At best I'll give him 'All My Life' by K-Ci and JoJo. Whatev.)

So flash forward to last August, and we had gotten back together and were dating again, but hadn't taken "that next step", right? We were both trying to take it slow and keep our wits about us knowing that once it got to that level, it was gonna be game on. (Hey, I'm just being honest. We have an AMAZING physical connection!) So the weekend that we charged full speed ahead with our relationship, we were laying in bed talking and naturally this song comes on! (OK we weren't actually talking now that I think about it!) And I remember thinking that I hope this isn't a sign that I'm gonna get hurt again now that I've just gotten fully invested in this relationship, because I'm gonna be really pissed off if he breaks up with me AGAIN.

Lucky for him, 10 months later we're still going strong. But I still can't hear 'Wicked Game' without thinking of him and us. It's such a hot song. LOL

Here, now you can think about it to:



So tell me, what songs remind you of events in your life?

Trumped!!!!!

Ahahahahahahahahaha. Good times.

Where's my damn blog motivation?

I haven't blogged in almost two weeks.

That is completely unlike me. I try to post something at least weekly.

Remember the good old days when there was a new blog post every day? Yeah, me too.

I just don't have time anymore. Or frankly, the desire.

I love my life these days, I love being happier than ever, I love my guy and the life we are creating.

You'd think I'd wanna share that, wouldn't you?

I do, but yet I don't make time to.

Clearly, this is a pretty lame ass post as far as blogs go, and that's about all I have to offer these days.

I need to get blog-motivated again.

We Did It!

And we love them!

His is bigger than mine, obviously. He had far more real estate on his leg to work from than I did on my ankle.

We are both happy as little clams with our new tattoos.

And bonded forever. LOL

As he said...you can take a ring off but a tattoo is a lifetime commitment! Hahahahahahaha

That's right, big boy, you're branded stuck with me now.

Oh, and he's already planning his NEXT tattoo....something on the other leg. Geesh, I've created a monster.

It's Official! My honey and I are....

....getting tattoos together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we were on the cruise, we got henna tattoos on our wrists of a sea turtle.

(OK yes, for the last time....he hadn't had time to take his shoes/socks off when I snapped the picture of our wrists! Good God, this was a huge issue on Facebook that he had socks on at beach. I can assure you, he was taking them off. See his bare right foot between our arms!)

Back to the tattoo...

OK so we have a running joke between us about turtles. It started 14 years ago and has to do with "Turtle Power", and you can let your imagination wander about what it means. LOL I wanted a henna tattoo while we were in Honduras, but didn't get one, but at the next port which was Cozumel, I got one, and so did he. The guy freehanded the turtle and we both loved the design. Mine was on my left wrist, his was on his right, so when we held hands they touched.

Gag. LOL I know, I know.

Anyway, this is his. It was a little clearer design than mine, and you can see that the top is the head of the turtle and it's going up his arm....

I loved having mine on my wrist, I've been wanting a tattoo there for years and figured the best way to try it was a temp one like this. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

SOOOOOOO....Honey says "Let's make them permanent!"

And I agreed immediately.

Problem is, he can't have it on his wrist for professional reasons. We had a tough time agreeing where to put them, we kind of wanted them in the same places on our bodies but that's not gonna happen. Where he wants to put his, I either already have one, or don't want one there.

So we compromised, mine is going inside my left ankle, his is going outside of his right lower leg.

We get them on Saturday.

I'll post pictures on Sunday!

You gotta love a man who wants to get a tattoo with you. I reminded him this is *really permanent*, and that he will think of me every day for the rest of his life when he sees it, and he said...

"What makes you think I don't already? I'm the one who remembers everything about us from 14 years ago....you put it all out of your mind!"

The man has a point. In my defense, I truly believed I blacked it all out because it was too painful to remember how happy I was back then, when we had broken up and both gone on to other not-as-happy relationships.

Yeah, nothing says commitment like a tattoo, kids. You can take a ring off, but a tattoo is forever.

So you might notice something different about me....

Well, about my blog...

Look up at the header.

That's right, things have changed. I am no longer 47 And Starting Over.

I'm now FIFTY AND FABULOUS!

Here's the thing. I started this blog at a really difficult time in my life, when I found myself suddenly single again, and trying to rebuild my world after a bad marriage to a cheating husband.

Flash forward three years, and I am happier than I've ever been in my life.

My son is in college, and doing well. I am madly in love with the Best Boyfriend Ever. And I have started a new decade, where as my sister separated at birth blogging buddy Linda Lou puts it, it's time to live life balls to the wall.

Not just existing. Not just living.

Balls to the wall, people.

So first things first, time for a little house cleaning. And that means getting rid of the 47 And Starting Over label. Because I started over, and I succeeded BEAUTIFULLY.

Now I'm living the life of my dreams, and it's amazing. Fab-u-loso.

I'm not going to officially change the blog name, I don't want to lose all my followers and friends who check in daily, so you'll still find me at the same link.

We'll all just know the truth. I'm Fifty. And I'm Fucking Fabulous. Woohoo!