Where's my damn blog motivation?

I haven't blogged in almost two weeks.

That is completely unlike me. I try to post something at least weekly.

Remember the good old days when there was a new blog post every day? Yeah, me too.

I just don't have time anymore. Or frankly, the desire.

I love my life these days, I love being happier than ever, I love my guy and the life we are creating.

You'd think I'd wanna share that, wouldn't you?

I do, but yet I don't make time to.

Clearly, this is a pretty lame ass post as far as blogs go, and that's about all I have to offer these days.

I need to get blog-motivated again.

We Did It!

And we love them!

His is bigger than mine, obviously. He had far more real estate on his leg to work from than I did on my ankle.

We are both happy as little clams with our new tattoos.

And bonded forever. LOL

As he said...you can take a ring off but a tattoo is a lifetime commitment! Hahahahahahaha

That's right, big boy, you're branded stuck with me now.

Oh, and he's already planning his NEXT tattoo....something on the other leg. Geesh, I've created a monster.

It's Official! My honey and I are....

....getting tattoos together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we were on the cruise, we got henna tattoos on our wrists of a sea turtle.

(OK yes, for the last time....he hadn't had time to take his shoes/socks off when I snapped the picture of our wrists! Good God, this was a huge issue on Facebook that he had socks on at beach. I can assure you, he was taking them off. See his bare right foot between our arms!)

Back to the tattoo...

OK so we have a running joke between us about turtles. It started 14 years ago and has to do with "Turtle Power", and you can let your imagination wander about what it means. LOL I wanted a henna tattoo while we were in Honduras, but didn't get one, but at the next port which was Cozumel, I got one, and so did he. The guy freehanded the turtle and we both loved the design. Mine was on my left wrist, his was on his right, so when we held hands they touched.

Gag. LOL I know, I know.

Anyway, this is his. It was a little clearer design than mine, and you can see that the top is the head of the turtle and it's going up his arm....

I loved having mine on my wrist, I've been wanting a tattoo there for years and figured the best way to try it was a temp one like this. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

SOOOOOOO....Honey says "Let's make them permanent!"

And I agreed immediately.

Problem is, he can't have it on his wrist for professional reasons. We had a tough time agreeing where to put them, we kind of wanted them in the same places on our bodies but that's not gonna happen. Where he wants to put his, I either already have one, or don't want one there.

So we compromised, mine is going inside my left ankle, his is going outside of his right lower leg.

We get them on Saturday.

I'll post pictures on Sunday!

You gotta love a man who wants to get a tattoo with you. I reminded him this is *really permanent*, and that he will think of me every day for the rest of his life when he sees it, and he said...

"What makes you think I don't already? I'm the one who remembers everything about us from 14 years ago....you put it all out of your mind!"

The man has a point. In my defense, I truly believed I blacked it all out because it was too painful to remember how happy I was back then, when we had broken up and both gone on to other not-as-happy relationships.

Yeah, nothing says commitment like a tattoo, kids. You can take a ring off, but a tattoo is forever.

So you might notice something different about me....

Well, about my blog...

Look up at the header.

That's right, things have changed. I am no longer 47 And Starting Over.

I'm now FIFTY AND FABULOUS!

Here's the thing. I started this blog at a really difficult time in my life, when I found myself suddenly single again, and trying to rebuild my world after a bad marriage to a cheating husband.

Flash forward three years, and I am happier than I've ever been in my life.

My son is in college, and doing well. I am madly in love with the Best Boyfriend Ever. And I have started a new decade, where as my sister separated at birth blogging buddy Linda Lou puts it, it's time to live life balls to the wall.

Not just existing. Not just living.

Balls to the wall, people.

So first things first, time for a little house cleaning. And that means getting rid of the 47 And Starting Over label. Because I started over, and I succeeded BEAUTIFULLY.

Now I'm living the life of my dreams, and it's amazing. Fab-u-loso.

I'm not going to officially change the blog name, I don't want to lose all my followers and friends who check in daily, so you'll still find me at the same link.

We'll all just know the truth. I'm Fifty. And I'm Fucking Fabulous. Woohoo!

Get yourself to a damn bookstore today!

Look what I just read....

I know a lot of you follow Matt Logelin's blog as I do, and have for three years now.  If you don't, you should.  Get over there and become a follower.  You won't regret it.

Matt's book is being released next week, but some places are already carrying it.  I got mine Tuesday night, and I could not be more excited.  As it is in the blogging world, total strangers become "family" and in Matt's case, he and Maddy are like relatives I just haven't seen for awhile, but I get to follow their lives online.

For those of you who don't know, Matt's daughter was born three years ago, and the next day his wife died suddenly without ever getting to hold their baby, leaving him a grieving new father.  Heartbreaking, but he's truly an amazing guy, and has rocked fatherhood like you wouldn't believe.

Get to a damn bookstore and buy it, or order it somewhere. (You can click on the Amazon link upper right on my blog and purchase it!)

IT'S AMAZING.

Warning, do not bother with mascara while reading this. It will be all over your face.

Trust me.

And we're back.

Returned safe and sound (and tanned and burned, depending on which one of us you are talking to) from our cruise.

A great time was had by all...it truly was the trip of MY lifetime. So far at least!

I'll do a blog post with more details and pics later this week, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things and adapt to this damn cold weather in Ohio.

I miss 85 degrees, sun, flip flops, and cocktails on the beach.

(That's my 50th birthday margarita and it was GOOD.)

So this is what FIFTY feels like?

Greetings from Costa Maya, Mexico!

That's where I am today, turning FIFTY. Woohoo!

I'll post pictures later when I sober up. LOL But so far, so good. I'm fifty and fabulous, baby. And having the time of my life.

And....we're off!

Caribbean here we come!

Flying to New Orleans tomorrow, and the cruise leaves from there Sunday.

You have no idea how excited I am! I have total work ADD....I can't concentrate on anything! Tonight we're celebrating my birthday early with friends at a local bar, but I'm hoping to maintain some sense of sobriety so that I don't have to fly hungover tomorrow!

I'll try and post once next week from one of the ports we're in (Costa Maya on my birthday Tuesday, then Belize, then Honduras, then Cozumel and back to New Orleans Sunday).

Until then, just imagine me with a tropical drink in one hand, being fanned with big palm fronds by my boyfriend a hot cabana boy, eating seafood and celebrating turning the BIG FIVE OHHHHHH.

Love you all, see you in a week!

I had a little Irish in me this weekend....

OK I admit it, I was over served this weekend.

It was my friend Danica's annual St. Patrick's Day party. This was us when we left the house:

Yeah, we had on matching shirts. So? (insert gag factor here)

At the party, there were these amazing Gummy Bears soaked in vodka. Who knew you could make the equivalent of Jello Shots in that cute little format?

Yeah, you soak them in vodka for a week, and they kinda swell up and have the consistency of Jello.  So fun!

You can eat A LOT of these and have no idea they're affecting you until suddenly you're drunk.

I was about 20 Gummy Bears in at this point:

I was verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry happy. LOL

Here's Danica and Elizabeth and me:

This one was a bottle of wine, 6 Jello Shots, and a thousand Gummy Bears later.  I stopped letting people take my photo after that. Hopefully Danica doesn't have any incriminating ones of me that I'm not aware of.

This week is going to be crazy busy, trying to get everything done at work that I need to do, plus pack for the cruise.

Six More Days. OMG.

Ten Days...Ten Days!!!!!!

So frickin excited.

We leave on the cruise in ten days.

I can't believe it's here already! It seems like just yesterday I posted the countdown clock, and there were 170 days or something! And now...ten.

NO excursions booked yet. Sigh. We can't seem to get our act together to do so.

But we upgraded to a cabin with a balcony (the cruise came with an inside cabin, and I'm way too claustrophobic for that!) so that will be nice.

Still tanning - not a lot of color change yet. I am still bitter that everyone in my family tans a golden bronze color (including my own child) but not me. Fair and freckled. It takes WORK to get a tan on this body. And we all know tanned fat is so much more attractive. LOL

Omigosh. Ten days. I haven't been this excited since....well...I don't know when!

All We Are Is Ducks In The Wind

Funniest. Video. Ever.

Bless their little windswept hearts!

Now that's some Passion Fruit

Try to eat that one like you do a banana. I dare you.

Ooooh the countdown is officially ON!

It's March, people! You know that means...

19 days til our cruise. Yay!

21 days til I turn fifty forty ten! Yay!

(WTF am I yaying that for?)

We're going to sit down tonight and pick out excursions to do on the cruise. Got any suggestions? Other than swimming with the dolphins. While I'd love to do that, he's already done it with his last girlfriend (he's been on this ship before...sigh....I'm trying to forget that I know that) and so I'm all about making NEW memories, not reliving the old ones.

I want to do a zip line thing through the rainforest/jungle/whatever the hell all that crap is called in Belize and Honduras. He's a little iffy on that because he's afraid of heights. So am I, but I've decided that if I'm going to be fifty forty ten, I should start this new decade overcoming fears right?

In other news...I've started my pre-cruise tanning. Yeah yeah yeah, I know it's bad for me. So is getting fried by the Caribbean sun, which I will be out in for seven days. With all the other shit I've done to my body over the years, and crap I put into it, I'm fairly certain a tanning bed isn't what's gonna kill me in 40 years.

Oooh, and I did some cruise clothes shopping this weekend! Got us both new bathing suits, and him new shorts and shirt, and me a slinky sex long halter dress for my 50th birthday dinner (damn, there's that F word again!) It makes me look like my boobs are ginormous as you can see, and yes I have on a shrug thingy with it....I'll brave the halter part when the bat wings under my upper arms are tanned. LOL

Let's see, I think that's all the news for now. I'll be back later with updates on what excursions we picked!

This will NEVER be acceptable in my world.

I can tolerate a lot of things.

But this...no.

Someone needs to tell my beloved boyfriend that if he insists on wearing this type of thing on his feet, he will be doing so as a single man.

(NO, this is not a picture of him. I just found one online as an example of the horror.)

He tried this once. Oh yes he did. Snuck one by me. I was blinded by love, I tell ya.

This fall, when he had a comedy gig, I didn't realize until we got there that he had these frickin sandals on with dark socks.

Thank God he had jeans on to basically cover up his feet, but still. Had I noticed them, he'd have never left the house like that.

I. Don't. Do. Nerd.

I'm sorry, I just don't. I was married to a total computer geek but at least he had decent taste in footwear.

(That's one of the few good things I have to say about the man.)

So please, somebody warn my guy that if he insists on wearing sandals with socks, we will not be seen in public together.

And could you please warn him BEFORE we set sail to the Caribbean in 23 days? If he's okay with this look, I'm truly fearing the rest of the Cruise Couture.

You don't wanna piss these girls off

Thanks to my buddy Coffypot for letting me steal this. OK it's not like he had a choice, I did it without asking. I can outrun him.

27 days.

I. Can't. Wait.

Seven Years.

(Our last picture together. Ignore the wedding dress...I do!)

In loving memory of my sister Linda. There hasn't been a day in the past seven years that I haven't thought of you, and missed you like crazy.

I know Jordan misses her too. From the time he was a baby, she was his "Nina" (he couldn't say Linda when he was little, so he called her Nina, and then it sorta stuck as a description of who she was to him....as in "that's my Nina". And he was Gordo....(not really my favorite nickname for Jordan!) and I was "The Jewel".

I know I tell you guys all the time how much I miss her. I can tell you with total honesty that time doesn't heal anything, it just helps you accept your new normal without someone. I think of Linda every day, and I feel her with me all the time. There is a very big hole in our family where she should be, and our lives have never been the same without her. And I miss her like nobody's business.

So today, I hope she's in heaven with a box of her favorite red wine, a pack of Merit cigarettes, and some Carly Simon blaring on the radio, and knowing without a doubt how desperately we wish she were here.

You are loved, my dear. Today, tomorrow, and forever.

Love, Jewel and Gordo

Do NOT Try This At Home. I Repeat....DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

First and foremost...Jordan, if you are reading this, exit out of it now and go to class. This is NOT for your eyes. Trust me on this one.

Okay so yesterday was Valentine's Day, right? A day for lovers. And something crazy happened to two people very close to me..... "my friends" Angelina and Brad. (No, it's not Michael and me. I would never divulge something this personal about US in a public forum. It's Brad and Angie. Go with it.)

This was Brad and Angie's first Valentine's Day together and as such, Angie thought it would be fun to spice things up a bit during their sleepover.

So she got Brad the above referenced KY Yours & Mine as a gift. Now, according to the box, here's what's supposed to happen:

His excites. Hers delights. Together feel them ignite. What is it? It takes two lubricants to make chemistry, to make magic, to make love. An invigorating warming sensation for him. A thrilling tingling sensation for her. Put the two together for a totally new, unexpected experience. It's more exciting. More satisfying. More everything.

Sounds fantastic! They decided to give it a whirl!

Cut to their bedroom, and things are heating up if you get my drift. So there they were, all primed and ready to rock, so Angie puts Brad's stuff on him, which is supposed to generate the "warming" effect, and he applies hers, which is the anticipated "tingling" effect and off they go.

Fairly quickly Angie remembers thinking "OK, I don't really feel tingling. It's more cold than anything else." But she carries on, and waits for the tingling to start, assuming Brad is feeling the "warmth" that his was supposed to deliver. Meanwhile, she's getting colder and colder down there, like somebody is rubbing an ice cube all over her.

After about 5 minutes, Brad stops and says "Baby, I don't feel anything" and Angie was like "I know! I don't feel tingling or anything either" and he says "No, I mean I don't feel *anything*. I'm numb". LOLOLOLOL

Angelina started laughing and said "OMG, so am I! I thought it was just me! It's so cold down there, yet it's like a burning cold if that makes sense!!", to which Brad responds "Tell me about it, I feel like I'm fucking Peppermint Patty" and they officially lost it. At this point they were laughing so hard they were crying, and lamenting how their "special first Valentine's night" hadn't quite turned out the way they planned.

So after about 15 minutes, Brad says "OK let's see if it's worn off an we can make something happen now" and attempts to head south, thinking he will rev Angie up with a little foreplay, at which time she starts screaming "No, don't do that! You'll end up with your entire mouth numb like you've just had a root canal!" The visual in both of their heads of him coming up for air with a face full of Novacaine sends them into convulsions of laughter and promptly puts an end to Geezer's Gone Wild Night.

Eventually they give up on the idea of their sexy Valentine's romp, and decide that at this age, it's best to stick with the tried and true stuff and leave the experimenting to the younger crowd.

Consider this a public service announcement. You're welcome.

You give me a raging heart on.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby! You color my world with love....

(OMG, seriously....I've become "that girl", who is cheesy and sickening on Valentine's Day? Egads. For those of you hurling on my blog right now, I feel you. I'd do the same if it wasn't me who's all smushy and lovey dovey and crazy mad for this man!)

Ain't love grand?

More fun for your typographical pleasure

Happy Friday!